Posted on 09/09/2012 3:57:04 AM PDT by Kaslin
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel took time off from the busy job standing idle while an alarming number of shootings plague his city to come and party for the week. Were he to have an R after his name, the media would’ve crucified him. But he doesn’t, so let the good times roll.
Lilly Ledbetter, self-appointed champion of equal pay for women, took to the stage to extoll the virtues of the Obama administration … which pays women in the White House significantly less than male employees. The irony went both unnoticed by the crowd and unmentioned by the media.
Nancy Keenan, President of NARAL, then spoke to remind everyone of how committed Democrats are to making taxpayers cover the cost of abortions. She loves abortions. The crowd loved abortions. I half expected Keenan to call for a law mandating women get pregnant so they could be forced to have one. But the Democrats aren’t there … yet.
There was this generation’s Tommy Chong, Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar fame. OK, fame might be a bit of a stretch, but he was on House. He came off like an idiot and left the national consciousness the second he was out of frame.
There was the obligatory tribute to dead Kennedys on the video screen. Not the punk band; that would’ve been cool … but the womanizing band of brothers from Massachusetts. For a convention celebrating women, it made sense to pay tribute to men who slept with more of them than just about anyone but Bill Clinton.
From HBO’s The Wire, Tommy Carcetti, er, I mean Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley came out to make up for admitting the Sunday before that we’re not better off than we were four years ago.
Then, in an attempt to make Tony Villar look even dumber, San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro was trotted out to give a speech praising his radical, extremist mother.
Then came the main event – First Lady Michelle Obama. She told us how much she loved Barack … as if that were justification for re-electing him. Every speaker that day – hell, every speaker every day -- regaled the crowd with “We were so poor” and “Our parents didn’t have money but they loved us” stories that you’d think there was a prize for the most absurd. Michelle’s involved a rusted car and how Barack was an amateur dumpster-diver but turned down the big bucks on the pro circuit to serve the community by writing two autobiographies before he was 40 … or something.
The second day was marred by reality. Democrats, who the week before were treating the Republican Party platform as the Gospel According to Mitt, as if he’d personally carved every word into stone tablets, had a little trouble of their own. Liberals always have disliked God and Israel, but they were never dumb enough to put it in writing – until 2012.
Once the President Obama-approved platform was read and controversy erupted over the omissions of Israel and God, the platform became the immaculate document – written by no one.
Democrats panicked like a fat kid caught with chocolate smeared around his mouth – It wasn’t me, I didn’t do it!
But they did do it, and now that the world knew the truth, they had to undo it. Enter four-time failer of the California Bar Exam, Tony Villar. On order of the president, Villar called for a voice vote on amending the platform to add a mention of God and Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. When it was clear he didn’t have anywhere near the two-thirds majority needed to pass the amendment, Villar did what every good Democrat does when they don’t get their way – he pretended he did and declared victory.
Then it was DNC Chairwoman Debbie WashHerHair Schultz’s turn to make herself look like an even bigger fool than normal. She blamed the whole thing on a “technical” mistake, declared there never had been a controversy and that those in favor of changing the platform absolutely had a two-thirds majority.
It was enough to cause CNN’s Anderson Cooper to suggest she lives in an alternate universe. She does. It’s a universe in which the Israeli ambassador told her Republican policies would be a disaster for Israel, another spectacular lie of the week. It’s one where people like her, believe her and take her seriously. I can see why she’d want to live there. It’s a nice change of pace.
There also were the usual parade of speakers accusing Republicans of racism, obstructionism and any other isms they could think of. AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka even left his luxury suite long enough to tell everyone how bad workers have it – not because a chunk of their salary goes to pay for his exorbitant lifestyle and bloated salary, but because Republicans exist. He did this in a non-union right-to-work state chosen by the man he was praising.
The longest-serving woman in the U.S. Senate, Maryland’s Barbara Mikulski, rolled her weeble-self out on stage with every Democrat Senator who uses the ladies room.
Then it was time for everyone to get royally Fluked! Sandra Fluke, champion of people too worthless to afford $9 a month for birth control and too childish to accept responsibility for this, gave a stilted speech that made the acting of Cameron Diaz look method. I half expected her to remove the podium and replace it with a cross so she could nail herself to it.
She lamented her fate as a “private citizen” being attacked by a public figure. I never would’ve expected such a full-throated criticism of President Obama for his slimy attacks on the Koch brothers … but, of course, she’s a hypocrite and cares only about people like herself – the parasite class. A group proud to have made everyone pay for their birth control should’ve chosen a champion attractive enough to have a use for it.
But the main event of the night was former President Bill “put some ice on that” Clinton, a man who would do anything for women … except remain faithful to them. If you listen closely, he’s still speaking.
He gave a good speech – if you discount reality. But it was far too long. I suspect it was a passive/aggressive swipe at a president with whom he’s still angry for playing the race card on him in 2008. Clinton kept Obama waiting backstage for nearly an hour, till long after prime time ended and people went to bed. Clinton’s narcissism can explain only some of that – animosity explains the rest. (The link on each day is to a more in-depth I wrote on it. This piece was already too long to rehash everything. Check them out.)
Predictions of overcast skies with a chance of the moon breaking through the clouds and reflecting light on thousands of empty seats caused the president’s speech to be moved from Bank of Panther Stadium to the much, much smaller Time Warner Arena. President Downgrade downgraded his own convention.
Tony Villar re-nominated Joe “Joey Plugs” Biden as vice president, and the vice president gave a speech that demonstrated his range – all the way from whispering to yelling. The factually challenged speech – what else is new? – woke up the old crowd, who had suffered hearing loss from a performance of the Foo Fighters and a bout of narcolepsy from the winner of the least-compelling-speaker-on-Earth award, Caroline Kennedy. But even Biden’s laughable gaffes couldn’t save him. He and his unnaturally white teeth mercifully left the stage.
Finally, it was time for President Obama to take the stage and lay out his vision for the future. But in what I can only assume was a teleprompter malfunction, he ended up giving a speech that could, and should, have been delivered in 2008. Aside from the occasional reference to the future, it was a backward-looking speech.
It was small, made smaller by the venue and President Clinton’s speech the night before. I had a copy of the speech a half-hour before Obama took the stage, and I can tell you he stuck to the script nearly word for word, even down to his declaration of love for his wife and kids. Why a man would need to read that, why he couldn’t just speak from his heart, is a testament to his inability to think on his feet.
Several lies, many delusions and about 40 minutes later, he was done. He proposed nothing new, offered no solutions, took no responsibility. It was just empty rhetoric and vacant words. He turned “Yes We Can” into “I Guess We Couldn’t, At Least Not In 4 Years and $5 Trillion in New Debt.” The crowd loved it, but they would’ve loved it if he’d come out and burped into the microphone. The people at home saw a man in over his head, out of ideas and desperate to hold onto power.
A small man gave a small speech in a small venue better suited to a challenger, not someone who’s been in office for a term. It was out of place for a sitting president but a perfect fit for a party’s convention full of petty jabs, anger, a sense of entitlement, jealousy, bitterness, lies and distortions. In other words, it was exactly what I expected it to be.
Later
Pretty good re-cap.
Enjoyable ... thanx, Kaslin
Rush did a side by side comparison of Obama's speech and Jimmy Carter's acceptance speech - it was like Obama lifted whole sections from the former worst president ever. One can only hope Obama loses as bad a Carter did.
-——time for everyone to get royally Fluked!——
I must ask the question to satisfy my mind. Apparently the spinster slut pronounces her name to rhyme with the verb for sexual intercourse.
There is another, very famous and far more well known company with the name Fluke. They are perhaps the best of the best when it comes to test instruments. I had always thought they were pronounced Flook, with a long u as in Duke.
Can someone help me? set me straigt?
Great summary, what a circus, if we lose to this band of evil idiots we are done for sure.
I call her Sandra Puke, she does make me ill. Her Mother must be so proud.
Very well writteng, and entertaining to boot.
I thought that it was just another puppet show. Somebody needs to take the lint off the Debbie Whatsherface Schultz sock puppet. Nancy Keenon Women hates babies. Her and her girlfriend are hoping to someday hear the buzzing of a little vibrator at their place. Gosh, the boys didn’t like her, so now babies must die as her revenge.
The DNC As I Saw It
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
"AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT."
Great post - I don’t recall seeing Derek Hunter’s byline before but I don’t get out much - he’s almost “Steynesque”.
To all: Follow the daily links for more good takes on the DNC by Hunter. ;-)
That is what I keep telling my husband too
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