Replies

As we move down, we see square-jawed CAPTAIN OBAMA, his
shifty-eyed lawyer, and the cold Moderator all standing
before the Judge.

OBAMA is smirking confidently as the Moderator reads from
a long page of charges.

MODERATOR

Barrack Obama - you stand here
accused of twelve counts of murder
in the first degree ... fourteen
counts of armed theft of Federation
property ...

CUT TO

THE GALLERY

The hostile humanoid and alien faces all stare at OBAMA with
hateful, accusing eyes.

MODERATOR
(V.O.)

... twenty-two counts of piracy
in high space ... eighteen counts of
fraud ...

CUT TO

OBAMA’S LAWYER

Mopping his brow, he looks nervously over to OBAMA.

MODERATOR
(V.O.)

... thirty-seven counts of rape, and
one moving violation. How do you plead?

CUT TO

CAPTAIN OBAMA

Smiling to himself, he nods, then gets serious.

OBAMA

Not guilty!

LAWYER
(whispers to Obama)

Not guilty?!? Are you nuts?!?

OBAMA
(whispers to lawyer)

It’s okay, Charlie. I got an
angle.

JUDGE
(to Moderator)

Call the first witness!

OBAMA and his lawyer move to their seats.

LAWYER
(to Obama)

But the Moderator’s gotcha cold!
Yer as guilty as a cat in a goldfish
bowl.

CUT TO

THE COURTROOM DOORS

ZEKE and EDSEL enter with ROMNEYE, and push their way to the
front.

MODERATOR

The Prosecution calls Mitt Romneye.

GUARD #1

Calling Mitt Romneye!

GUARD #2

Calling Mitt Romneye!

GUARD #3

Calling Mitt Romneye!

GUARD #4

Mitt Romneye!

ZEKE and EDSEL sit down, while MITT ROMNEYE, small and
shabby, walks up to the witness stand, nervously clutching
the small green ball in his hand. As he passes, OBAMA and
his lawyer continue to argue.

LAWYER
(pleading)

Lissen Obama ... change the plea
to guilty. Throw yerself on the
mercy of the court.

OBAMA

I told you, Charlie. I got an
angle.

MITT ROMNEYE is sworn in, as Obama’s lawyer begs.

LAWYER

But the most we can hope for is to
get ya buried in secrecy so yer grave
don’t get violated! Plead guilty!

OBAMA

Shut up, Charlie. I got an angle.

LAWYER

What angle?

OBAMA
(pointing to Romneye)

Him!

CUT TO

WITNESS STAND

MODERATOR

State your name for the record.

ROMNEYE
(fidgeting nervously with
the green ball)

I am Mitt Romneye.

CUT TO

OBAMA

OBAMA
(winking to lawyer)

I promised him thirty-five thousand
zuleks to testify on my behalf.

CUT BACK TO

WITNESS STAND

MODERATOR

You know the defendant,
(pointing)
Captain Obama?

ROMNEYE

Yes, I know Captain Obama. And
never did there live a kinder, more
generous man. He is an overflowing
cup, filled with the very cream of
human goodness ...

CUT TO

OBAMA AND HIS LAWYER

OBAMA
(to lawyer)

See?

CUT BACK TO

WITNESS STAND

ROMNEYE

... in all the time I’ve known him,
he’s never done anything immoral ...
(thinking)
unless maybe the Pre-Schooler’s
Prostitute ring ...

CUT TO

OBAMA AND HIS LAWYER

They look at each other, shocked.

OBAMA & LAWYER

Huh?!?

CUT BACK TO

WITNESS STAND

ROMNEYE
(speaking gently)

... and he’s ah, never done anything
illegal ...
(turning sharply)
... unless you count all the times
he sold dope disguised as a nun!!
(reverting to meekness)
He’s always been a good, law-abiding
citizen ...
(shouting at himself)
Awww, gimme a break!!
(gentle again)
... of the Federation, and, and ...
(going schizo)
Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!
(gentle, but starting to sweat)
... a community-concious individual, ah, ah ...
(rising in crazed anger)
OBAMA!!!
(pointing as he screams)
He’s nothin’ but a low-down, double-dealin’,
back-stabbin’, larcenous, perverted worm!!

OBAMA and his lawyer look on, horrified, as ROMNEYE’S body
starts to grow.

ROMNEYE

Hangin’s too good for him!!

New muscles tear through ROMNEYE’S shabby clothes.

ROMNEYE

Burnin’s too good for him!!

Growing larger, he starts foaming at the mouth.

OBAMA

Mitt ...

ROMNEYE

He should be torn into little bitsy
pieces and buried alive!!!

ROMNEYE rams his hands down onto the Witness Stand, shattering
it completely.

OBAMA

Mitt ...

ROMNEYE

I’ll kill him!

He hurls the Moderator aside, and moves towards OBAMA with
thundering footsteps.

ROMNEYE

KII - ILLL!!!

Still growing, he rips apart the Judge’s bench as he passes
it. Finally he stands towering in rage over the terrified
OBAMA.

OBAMA
(to Romneye)

H-h-hey, Mitt ...
n-now take it easy, Mitt,
I’m sure we can talk this ov ...

Instinctively, OBAMA leaps back as ROMNEYE’S giant hands come
smashing down in the spot where OBAMA stood. The gallery
scatters screaming as OBAMA runs for the door. Slavering,
ROMNEYE thunders after him. OBAMA runs through the exit,
bolting the door behind him. ROMNEYE follows, tearing the
door apart, and bringing the entire courtroom wall down in
the process.