Old Soviet jokes become the new American reality

The People's Cube ^ | 11/11/2012

[Mount Athos]

At first the move to America from the former USSR made me feel as though I had made a jump in time, from the stagnant depraved past into a distant dynamic future.

There was an abundance of commonly available futuristic contraptions, machines, and appliances that made everyday existence easier and more enjoyable. Less obvious but just as exciting was the media's openness: I no longer needed to read between the lines to know what was happening.

[Mount Athos]

[martin_fierro]

First we beat the Soviets.

Then we became them.

[smoothsailing]

[Beave Meister]

1984 was suppose to be fiction....

[Revolting cat!]

In Roman Polanski’s little seen brilliant vampire comedy originally titled “Dance of the Vampires” (with Sharon Tate, by the way), a Professor Abronsius played by Jack McGowran comes to Transylvania with his faithful assistant Alfred, played by Polanski, to rid the planet of vampires. Instead, (and it’s a cynical comment on modern science, if I have to explain it) he ends up spreading the disease of vampirism throughout the world. I think of it every time I meet friends who like yourself had arrived from the Transylvania of Western Civilisation, the Soviet Bloc.

(Oh, before I forget: IBPH - In Before Polanski Haters!)

[Revolting cat!]

P.S. And some of these friends of mine say to who’ll listen, “Oh sh_t, I brought this Communist disease with me!”

[ransomnote]

Thank you for posting this. Priceless.

[GunRunner]

(Yakov Smirnoff voice) In Soviet America, government owns YOU!

[MadMax, the Grinning Reaper]

Welcome to the asylum.

Re your name “People’s Cube”. See the movie “The Cube”. It is a lot like a Soviet gulag in that if you aren’t killed in it, and manage to escape, there is no place to run to.

I like your rewriting of your Soviet era joke re today’s America. Keep sending it out to FR and other people. I will, to our Vietnam researchers group, pro-Israel journalists, and even some liberals (the tolerance of liberals is highly overrated).

Here’s an old Soviet joke which can be updated to Obamacare re the coming shortage of specialist doctors:

One day Igor was walking down the streets of Moscow when he spotted Ivan coming towards him with two rolls of toilet paper under his arms.

Igor said: “Ivan, where did you get the toilet paper? I haven’t seen any in months.”

Ivan, to Igor: “I just got back from the dry-cleaners”.

Rimshot, please! Batta-bing, batta-boom!

Another Russian joke from a friend of mine who spent time during WW2 in a Russian Jewish penal battalion (wounded three times in combat); had his father killed by Stalin; was jailed in Lubianka prison, and did ten years in the slave labor camps along the TransSiberian Railroad/Potma complex all the way to Lake Baikal.

When Avram was in a labor camp, he was with people from all over the Soviet Union, of every ethnic group and religion. It was then that it hit him - “The labor camps were the most free place in the USSR because EVERYONE WAS HERE”.

I hear that Australia and New Zealand are nice in the Spring.

[Revolting cat!]

(Yakov Smirnoff voice) In Soviet America, government owns YOU!

So what is the difference between that and the DNC video: “Government is the only thing that we all belong to”.

Chilling, isn't it?

[Nowhere Man]

I was thinking of this the other day about Yakov Smirnoff and his jokes. I did ask the question way back in 1983 when I was 17, "what if the USSR became the USA and the USA became the USSR? What if we became the Evil Empire?" I asked that just for "craps and giggles," but I remember I got silence then. Well, it was the Reagan Era, Star Wars was big, the good guys win and so on. It does scare me that I sometimes wonder if I somehow saw the future. I remember at that time my German teacher showed us the pics he took when he took the class over to Europe back in 1979. They went to East Germany and saw what it was like over there. He always impressed on us that if we are not careful, we will lose our freedoms here. Not only the Soviets would push for that but we have elements in this nation that are far worse than the Soviets who want to tear us down. He said, "we could lose it all." I believed him and still do. When he talked about this, chills went through me like a knife, I feared for our future then. I remain in contact with a few of my old teachers but unfortunately, my German teacher passed away in 1993. I wish he was still here, I'd love to hear his thoughts on what we are going through now.

I remember in debates online and elsewhere from the mid 1980's onward (first Fidonet and then the internet), I did warn people about if we were not careful, we could lose it. I now know what it felt like to be Randy Quaid in "Independence Day," where he kept saying, "I tried to warn everybody over and over again."

[Revolting cat!]

Nikita K. threatened to bury us. I believe that their 19th century ideology slightly updated has done it now without firing a single bullet.

[Marcella]

1984 was suppose to be fiction....

I think of that book and movie all the time and watch the movie every time it comes on.

We are so in that book/movie. I also think of traits the antichrist has, according to the Bible. In Daniel it says the evil one thinks to change times and law and he wears down the saints. Hussein changes/makes law by executive order and he is definitely wearing us down.

I don't know what is to come, but I am preparing for it.

[Nowhere Man]

Nikita K. threatened to bury us. I believe that their 19th century ideology slightly updated has done it now without firing a single bullet.

Like one other Freeper said in another thread, I almost expected us to go (if we lose our country) in a full nuclear exchange but instead we have a third world, muzzie usurper voted in by the moochers and dead-beats.

[Revolting cat!]

Sorry, posted prematurely.

The post-communists of Eastern Europe, who for some reason, unlike the National Socialists in Germany, are allowed to operate there under new labels as Social Democrats or something similarly innocent, are actually somewhat to the right of Obama and his gang of radical utopians in the White House, who, were the Soviet Empire still in existence today, would fit right in in a post-Gorbachev reality. Socialism with a human face, as they called it before it collapsed over there. It’s that bad, I think.

[Calpublican]

We are burying ourselves.

[Nowhere Man]

It's pretty bad when you have some of the European social democrats being to the right of Obama. I keep thinking somewhere, back in 1983 or so, someone spiked my Pepsi with LSD and I will come out of this "Bummer trip" at time point and back to the reality of 30 years ago but as time goes on, I'm doubting that. B-) As I like to put it another way, we are in some weird parallel universe.

There has to be some sort of demonic, diabolical power at work here, I mean the O-Hole came out of virtually nowhere in 2004 and became president in 2008 and kept his job in 2012. I love Alan Keyes to bits, but there is a side of me that like to say to him where by him jumping in the Illinois Senate Race in 2004, he got the O-Hole elected. He should have stayed out and let the process server do it's stuff. Maybe even then, the O-Hole would still have been elected, I don't know. Come to think of it, maybe if Jack Ryan kept it in his pants, we might not have Obama today.

I'm just frustrated and angry. They say the center of an H-Bomb is at like 100 million degrees, almost 3 times hotter than the center of the sun. My anger at seeing this is hotter than that. No matter what we do, we do the right thing but it still went wrong.

[Nowhere Man]

You’re right. The Soviets were not our worst enemy, the libtards were along with the moochers and dead-beats.

[Olog-hai]

Where do you think their support came from, for many years . . . ? There was a reason why the USSR was on the UN security council after all, and that was at the behest of our fifth column, which publicly manifested as the ACLU and original CPUSA and had too many allies in DC. Then there was the Red Chinese connection since 1971.

[Viennacon]

...ugh... I cringe every time I hear the words “Social Democrats”. It literally translates as ‘neo-communists’. The worst offenders? The Social Democrat party of Sweden. I don’t think even Obama could hold a candle to these North Korea style goons.

[Forward the Light Brigade]

There will come a time when we must take back the nation—then lots of folk may well die.

[Hardraade]

Brilliant no-budget movie, probably the first flash of Polanski’s talent.

Whatever else he is.

[Secret Agent Man]

the old soviet joke, where an old comunist is asked by a worshipping american liberal journalist, the difference between capitalism and communism. the old soviet says, in a thick , heavy accent,

“Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it’s other way ‘round.”

[kenmcg]

Recall Nikita Kruschev, ruler of the USSR in the early 60’s, coming to the UN, banging his shoe on his desk, shouting we will bury you. Americans laughed. Through the years, with Presidents Kennedy through Bush, our country kept communism in check. Now with Obama, Kruschev’s prediction has come true. How quickly, freedom can evaporate.

[gotribe]

A State powerful enough to beat the other State is a State nonetheless. Lesson learned - stay the f out of global entanglements by chaining the banksters for 1000 years.

[Flick Lives]

The Soviets were not our worst enemy, the libtards were along with the moochers and dead-beats.

"Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never!--All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years.

At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide."
-Lincoln, address Young Men's Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois January 27, 1838

[MosesKnows]

1984 was suppose to be fiction

"1984" is fiction and so is "Animal Farm". 1984 describes the long-term results of an Animal Farm form of government. All pigs are equal but some pigs are more equal than others.

America had a good thing in its Constitution until the nation’s ignorance overtook its good judgment by favoring Obama’s agenda for America in lieu of the Constitution.

Never underestimate the power of ignorant people in large groups.

[wita]

Never underestimate the power of ignorant people in large groups.

Take the US Senate, as an example, Please!

[sport]

If the time for that wasn’t yesterday, it will never come.

[TNoldman]

ussr joke

[The Great RJ]

Probably the best example of this type of grim humor is Vladamir Voinovich's satire Moscow 2042. Voinovich describes how a time traveler to Moscow in the year 2042 sees long lines of people with buckets of feces waiting to exchange the buckets for food coupons. This was to fulfill the promise that true communism would be achieved when primary matter (food) equaled secondary matter (feces). Sadly we are not far from that level of absurdity in a second Obama term.

[Travis McGee]

[Dead Corpse]

With every day we wait, it will only get harder...

[Nowhere Man]

True, the left had Soviet and Red Chinese benefactors for years so they are just as much to blame. I think the point I was trying to make is if a Soviet tried to manipulate our country, we’d see him for what he is and fight him whereas if it was one of our own people, there would be some who would not see the influence. That’s how we got into this mess. We let our guard down to the William Ayers, Bernie Dorns and O-Holes of the world.

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

Is the red-hued poster on the left real, or was it constructed in modern years?

[gaijin]

Get out your bedroom?

Get out of my nightstand drawer.
Get out of my school.
Get out of my company.
Get out of my hospital.
Get out of my military.
Get out of my church.
Get out of my airport.
Get out of my environment.

[Rome2000]

Used to be the the CPUSA and their COMINTERN buddies met in secret.

Now they are in your face, large, and in charge, from the WH to the local apparatchik at the county commission.

Any attempt to suppress domestic communism is now branded as hate speech or domestic terrorism.

The Republicans are useless, it's time to start developing a strategy to cripple the marxists, and it must be done totally outside of the electoral process through acts of civil disobedience and counter propaganda, with sympathetic State Governors and legislators assisting the process.

[Tau Food]

Solzhenitsyn told the story about the gulag prisoner who kept complaining to the guards that he was innocent. He was doing a 20 year sentence for nothing, he claimed. The guards always just laughed at his complaints.

One day they told the prisoner why his complaints were so funny. "You have a 20 year sentence and you claim you're innocent! Innocent people only get 10 years!"

[riri]

Watch the Yuri Bezemenov youtubes and you will understand how it happened.

[Revolting cat!]

Somehow after the 1950s FBI just preferred to watch the activities of Communists in the U.S. and do nothing about them. The Soviets were channeling millions of $$ here through one Gus Hall, somewhere I saw the figure, but I forgot it, which was enough for Gus’ limos and a mansion, but the rest, and it was a significant amount, he spent on what? Who financed William Ayers? Who financed the Institute for Policy Studies, and what did it finance? We’ll never know, no one besides the Birchers has been interested in exposing the infiltration of Communists, and who listens to the “crazy Birchers”?

Because what the MSM doesn’t cover, which includes things that I described above, is considered just “crazy paranoid talk” in our paradise.

[Olog-hai]

Those Social Democrats are worse compared to the original Social Democrats who came about in 1863 . . . ?

[Yaelle]

My favorite:

Another Soviet-American joke of the day:

World’s greatest conquerors meet in the afterlife and start talking about the only remaining superpower, the United States.

Attila the Hun: “If I had American guns, I could have conquered Rome.”

Mohammed: “If I had American tanks, I could have conquered all of Asia, Africa, and Europe.”

Genghis Khan: “If I had American planes, I could have conquered the entire world.”

Napoleon: “If I had American mainstream media, the world would have never learned what happened at Waterloo.”

[Olog-hai]

Seems like overt action against domestic communist activity stopped with the public neutralization of Joe McCarthy by censure (who seems to be more and more of a hero in retrospect, what with the acceleration of things these days) and the execution of the Rosenbergs. I suspect the UN’s hand in it myself, since the USSR and their allies could get to the USA more via that channel, and postwar West Germany (especially Adenauer, who liked to play footsie with the Soviets, but probably many, many others, Willy Brandt not being least among them).

[Yaelle]

Re Polanski haters. Sure I hate the guy for molesting, drugging, anally raping little girls. But he has made some amazing movies. The scariest movie I’ve ever seen is his “The Tenant.”

[tbw2]

Related reading - Obama jokes published shortly after he was elected

OH-BOY-O-BAMA - A DIORAMA OF OBAMA JOKES
http://www.amazon.com/OH-BOY-O-BAMA-DIORAMA-OBAMA-Wilhite-ebook/dp/B002HRFBU8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1354473412&sr=8-2&keywords=o+boy+obama+tamara+wilhite

OH-BOY-O-BAMA - A DIORAMA OF OBAMA(CARE) JOKES
http://www.amazon.com/OH-BOY-O-BAMA-DIORAMA-Wilhite-Political-ebook/dp/B002HRFBTY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354473412&sr=8-1&keywords=o+boy+obama+tamara+wilhite

[bt_dooftlook]

Q. Do you know the difference between a Communist and a Liberal?

A. The Communist knows what he’s doing...

[Viennacon]

If you mean the original Social Democrats of Germany, yeah, I’d say the Swedes are worse. I have yet to hear the “gender is a social construct” crap from Germany. The Swedes are on the front line of totalitarian hell. Just hearing quotes from some of these nutjobs is disturbing.

In the end though, Marxists usually have the same sick goal. Some are just more successful at achieving it than others, and the Swedish elite are masters of lies, deceit, and corruption. The only way of deposing these frauds will be through armed revolution.

[elkfersupper]

Post of the day.

Very well-put.

[Eye of Unk]

The Socialists are betting upon the “weakness of the flesh” to absorb the mass of humanity in America.

They know many are weaker when its comes to fleshly pleasures and fears.

Real people have a stronger soul and spirit and it doesn’t have to be all about religion either.

We all have a weakness, the social=Democrats know that.