There were men like Lee who thought secession was a bad idea but felt compelled to go with their state. But what of Southerners in states like Kentucky and Missouri?
I had an ancestor, born in Virginia, who was living in Missouri during the war and eventually spent 6 months in a Missouri Union unit. His brother, also living in Missouri, joined a Confederate unit. I never knew either one personally (although I did know two relatives who had personal memories of my Union ancestor, who later ran unsuccessfully for office as a Republican).
I have another ancestor, born in Virginia, living in Virginia in 1861, who fought for the Confederacy--his grave has a plaque saying "Confederate veteran."
I can't read their minds or know who was the better man.
The idea should be to honor the soldier - irrespective of the actions of the leaders. They were all Americans.