Skip to comments.Parenting dilemma: where should children of divorce spend Christmas?
Posted on 12/10/2012 10:20:39 PM PST by WilliamIII
Separated parents squabbling over who gets to spend time with their children over the Christmas period will have to resolve their disputes themselves this year, as many courts are already fully booked before the festive break, a group of family lawyers said this week. Applications to courts from parents trying to make arrangements for contact with their children now need the couple to show evidence that they have tried to resolve their issues themselves through mediation, except in very urgent cases or those involving harm. Christmas can be a very difficult time for families that are separated or divorced and this can take a huge toll on the children involved, said Alison Hawes, a family lawyer at Irwin Mitchell, which has a network of specialists across the country. We advise the parents we support to consider practical compromises, to make sure children arent caught in the cross-fire and to try to remember that the festive period is mainly for children to enjoy, rather than for parents to try to score points.
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
Where should the kids spend Xmas?
With their lesbian nanny of course....
Good idea..I know someone who was raised by a mooslum transvestite in Indonesia and he turned out to be one of the dumbest, big-eared imbecile liars in history.
Since Christmas is about friends, food, family, and faith, this is a no brainer.
The parent who broke their vows is the one left behind and the one who is abandoned to pick up and put together the pieces of a family has the kids, the respect of friends who respect family and who add to the childrens’ image of healthy happy life that they will one day attain.
The innocent children who deserve, by natural law and right, to have parents who love each other, In the absence of which, due to whatever fault, certainly not the childrens’, have the benefit of staying with stable, mature, spiritually healthy, parent and friends and the other parent gives in for the sake of the children. It’s the least they can do, and they rearely give a fight. And the healthy parent says nary a negative word about the other. Never.
Now, the in-laws, the parents of the silfish immature one, they’re a force. Ignore them at all costs, especially material. The children will repay dearly, the nurturing safe parent and will respect the other one.
Grandparents, the parents of the sillly parent, they rearely come out unscathed. Children are so honest and wise.
It’s a lot like “A Christmas Carol”, where the poor are really the rich, and like George Bailey’s brother, Harry says, “No man is poor who has friends”.
Most children are the product of divorce, so this is something that should be addressed.
My husband’s parents seemed to work it out for the best. Year one, Thanksgiving holiday with mom, Christmas with dad. Year two, they switched and so on.
They parents worked around this schedule, so there were no conflicts.
Both kids were happy.
The parent who broke their vows is the one left behind
But what if that’s the parent who has primary custody? In California, women get primary custody.
The courts decide this question during the custody phase.... at least in the US. My child unfortunately had to go through this dance. The only good news was that my family (mom and auntie) were more than willing to wait a day or have it ear;y so we could all spend the holiday time together. When things got less acrimonious, my mom had the good sense to invite the ex over so it could still have a large gathering.
“The parent who broke their vows is the one left behind and the one who is abandoned to pick up and put together the pieces...”
And what if that person left to spare themselves and the children abuse?
I’m sorry, but the point here is to put the kids’ first. Period. Not to involve them in a finger-pointing ‘who’s to blame’ game.
Every other TG holiday weekend and every other Christmas holiday.
In every instance where I’ve seen these term HONORED, things work out well. If one parent wants to infringe on the other parent’s time for a ‘special occasion’ that’s when things break down.
Children of divorce shouldn’t have to worry about these things and it’s up to the parents to hold the agreement together.
to spare themselves and the children abuse?
“Abuse” is such a loosely used word these days, used to justify breaking up families and denying kids a stable home with both parents. “Abuse” can mean whatever the party who wants to break up the marriage, says it means.
Trannies tend to be beheaded in Muslim nations.
Oh, I know. Just being way idealistic.
The one who broke the vow in this case IS the abusive one. The one getting themselves and the children the heck away, even and really even if they are the one filing for and petitioning for the divorce, is the one holding the family together and providing the example for the children that prison life is not for the innocent.
the less fighting the better, allowing the courts to decide.
The abusive one - do they ever really want ot see the kids or do they fight this battle to get theri moms off their backs?
The abusive one sometimes responds to not being needed nor wanted (when everyone stops paying attention to the in ln-law parent who is often the root of the problem?) and to being left alone and lets the gang do what the responsible parent thinks is best, realizing it’s best all around. Especially when the responsible parent os always respectful, proper, and doesn’t say anything bad about the other ever. No?
So you’re saying all or even most of divorce is from one of the spouses “breaking their vows” and the other is the “good” parent? What society do you live in? A female could have a heroin needle sticking out of her arm in court and still get the children.
Not worth the trouble. Just skip it.
Fantasy land where one parent is a pillar of virtue and the other the polar opposite. Like attracts like. More kids out there with two unqualified parents than kids with only one. You need a grown up perspective.
I know it. Those kids are so screwed. I see the grandparents being the worst offenders in that mix
The White Hut.
It will be empty on Christmas since the Muslim Family who lives there will be on a Taxpayer funded Vacation in Hawaii...
In the new (2012) Obama Crimson Kiddie Kare Centers, of course.
My point is that the holidays is probably not a good time to drag the kids into the parents’ mess.
As the product of divorce myself, sometimes I wish my parents would just let it go. As it was, I had to listen for years of never ending bashing.
Heck, I’m in my 40’s and my mom STILL angrily brings it up.
With dad and his 20 year younger girlfriend at the beach in Key West.
Stanne, Your comments are very interesting to me. Apparently your experiences in this area are very similar to mine and I am agreeing with your viewpoint. It is nice to be validated.
“The parent who broke their vows is the one left behind and the one who is abandoned to pick up and put together the pieces of a family has the kids”
Who gets to decide who is at fault? The man who is forced out of the home or the woman who almost automatically gets custody, leaving the children to hear only her side of the story?
By the way, I’m happily married and have 4 adult children, on their own and 2 minor children still at home but I have seen too much of it over the years. It’s basically the man has to pay and pay and pay and has very little contact or influence in the lives of their children - not by choice but by court order.
If your circumstances are different, in my experience, you are the exception, not the rule.
It's that way everywhere, as I stated in my previous post, I am not in that situation. The judicial system is slanted, there's no other answer.
My point is that the parent who is at fault, if either one has some maturity, knows by the maturity and sincerity of the other, who, as I have already stated, NEVER ( I said it quite a few times, never) talks bad about the other.
THe one at fault can see that the kids are fine and they don’t need to interfere not even to please the busy body parent (grandmother). The one at fault has to let go, when the other acts no vindictive and mature, and all end up doing what’s best for the children. A prent never talks bad about another parent to the child. It does lasting damage to and hurts only the child.
In this situation, holidays are easy. the one at fault stays out of it and goes on their selfish way. The keds move on, as they will eventually do anyway. 18 yo comes quick
At IKEA with the other little monkeys??? :)
Stanne, as a grandparent who is about to go through seeing their daughter get a divorce with two adorable kids, what do you mean about the grandparents being the worst offenders, how does that work. It’s their decision we haven’t said a word and don’t plan on it.
That’s the idea. Eventually the kids will grow up and respect you for not meddling.
what do you mean about the grandparents being the worst offenders?”
Well, look at my quote:
“. . . in-law parent who is often the root of the problem”
Often is an important word here, the one you left out, so I will comment on what I said.
Often the parent who wants out, whether they manipulate their way out of the marriage, grabbing everyone as they go, children spouses, inlaws or not, knows they are the ones who wanted to get out of the marriage.
When everyone just accepts it and backs away and lets them go on their selfish way, this person eventually must face themselves, sooner if the enablers stop enabling and go back to their lives. fthe sooner the better for the unfortunate children, the victims.
Often the parent of this person gets enmeshed and start up with the custody stuff, when, if they would stay out of it, the selfish parent/divorcee would eventually realize they don’t care about the kids, otherwise they would do everything they could do to give the child(ren) what they need - parents who are devoted to each other.
Often the parents of this person get their own feelings in the mix and manipulate the situation, applying more guilt and bad decisions, when they would do a lot better to realize the kids will grow up and eventually come visit and connect, after they are adults.
But the sooner the person who wanted out of the commitment leaves everyone to pick up the pieces, the better. Often, the Parent of this one does not want to face the situation, so they get involved and abuse their influence to their own end, not at all conidering what is truly best for the children - It is never hating one parent or the other, nor hating grandparents.
A female could have a heroin needle sticking out of her arm in court and still get the children.
Sounds like you’re familiar with California. Feminism rules.
. . . in-law parent who is often the root of the problem
In-law of who? Of the person who broke up the marriage? If that’s what you’re referring to, then the root of the problem isn’t the inlaw, it’s the parent who destroyed the marriage.
Parent of the one who opted out
Iowa. But I’ll bet most states are that way.
well, “the root of the problem” are the married couple who broke up, especially the one who walked out or cheated . They’re the ones who broke up a home and family, and ultimately are the cause of all the succeeding grief, at holidays and any other time. Don’t blame their parents or inlaws or anybody else. That’s shielding the divorcees from accountability for their own destructive action.
most states are that way.
the breakdown of the family and the denigrating of fathers is a bigger threat to our society, our future, our economy, the safety of our streets, the health of future generations, than terrorism, Iran, Iraq, Syria, China, you name it. Lincoln: “If destruction be our lot, we’ll bring it on ourselves, it can’t come from abroad”