Ummmmm. YOU seem to be missing a point.
For what reason couldn't this 21 yo have taken the computer and cell phone and driven (in a car the parents bought her?) the 600 miles to their house and said, "I don't need your spying stuff. (I don't need your car.) I don't need you to pay my college bills. I don't need your spending money. I'll get a job and do it myself," in her first semester instead of suing in the last year she was going to be there?
She didn't have to accept ANY of that stuff from them if it was such an onerous life that they required of her.
It's been done before by many teenagers since the stone age and it'll be done by many more far, far into the future.
Or did they FORCE her to accept all of these things?
No, I’m not. In the slightest.
If you genuinely think it’s OK for a parent to load their adult child’s phone with spyware, and the rest,I really don’t know what to tell you other than there are places that can help you with your control issues.
But you have to WANT to change.
If she was like my wife, she didn’t know any better. It’s like being in a cult. They get brainwashed and think their weirdness is the normal.