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Vet Hats and Morons..........love those "old retirees"

Posted on 12/30/2012 9:33:04 PM PST by NKP_Vet

A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a 'Vietnam Veteran' hat. I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend Ronn was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, enough of my psychological fixes.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"

"No" I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that hat?"

"Because I couldn't find one for the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.

"The War of 1812, huh." the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"

God forgive but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"

"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun.

"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat..


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: blackops; vanity; wallyworld; walmart; walmartians
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1 posted on 12/30/2012 9:33:09 PM PST by NKP_Vet
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To: NKP_Vet

LOL!

Thanks for it.


2 posted on 12/30/2012 9:36:32 PM PST by Jet Jaguar
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To: NKP_Vet

Thanks for a good laugh. Walmartians? I will remember that one.


3 posted on 12/30/2012 9:36:47 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: NKP_Vet
This has to be a ruse. I hope anyway.
4 posted on 12/30/2012 9:39:21 PM PST by Nuc 1.1 (Nuc 1 Liberals aren't Patriots. Remember 1789!)
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To: NKP_Vet

Reminds me of this ad:

State Farm® - State of Disbelief (French Model)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmx4twCK3_I


5 posted on 12/30/2012 9:43:06 PM PST by donna (Pray for revival.)
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To: Nuc 1.1

You don’t get over to Walmart often do you?


6 posted on 12/30/2012 9:44:23 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: Nuc 1.1

You don’t get over to Walmart often do you?


7 posted on 12/30/2012 9:44:32 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: NKP_Vet

“When was the War of 1812?” is right up there with “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?” Classic!


8 posted on 12/30/2012 9:48:36 PM PST by TrueKnightGalahad
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To: NKP_Vet
My dad's favorite cap was this one:

It started more good conversations than he could count.

We ened up burying him with it. He wanted to be buried in his Dress Blues, but we still have not found them.

I hope being buried in a blue dress was close enough...

9 posted on 12/30/2012 9:54:48 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: notpoliticallycorewrecked

It is my favorite grocery store but I haven’t heard all of the left’s insults against it yet, they aren’t union, so the left goes after it’s customers as though the number one store has different people buying their Campbell’s soup there than are in other stores, although of course we are all pretty much in and out of all stores, since no American only shops at a single store.

Notice that they never go after the democrat supporting Costco for instance, or the union stores.


10 posted on 12/30/2012 9:55:49 PM PST by ansel12
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To: NKP_Vet

Thanks for the belly laugh!


11 posted on 12/30/2012 9:56:42 PM PST by TEXOKIE (We must surrender only to our Holy God and never to the evil that has befallen us.)
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To: NKP_Vet

I don’t care if this is true or not, it is funny.

When I used to wear my one dollar (400 piaster) off the street Vietnam bush hat (LeLoi and Nguyen Hue street market),I used to get lots of looks.

I think someone one asked me how many babies I had killed and I said, “Not enough”. That left them stunned and possibly shitting in their pants.

I didn’t kill anyone in Vietnam or Cambodia (I was a journalist) because the Communists had just gotten their asses handed to them in the Cambodian operation and they weren’t doing much besides licking their wounds.

You always have to have a series of retorts for the dumbos who ask you stupid or nasty questions.

The one about “Not enough” is good for shock value.

Another one, is “I stopped counting after 25”.

“Do you want me count the old folks too?”

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It’s crispy critter time.”

“Prisoners? What prisoners?” (PS: My son and his unit captured scores if not hundreds of Iraqi regulars in 2003 and those guys were extremely happy to surrender to an American soldier).

If you are in a crowd, the smart ones know that you are playing with the lefty’s head and enjoy it. The dumbos think that you are Ghengis Khan and avoid you like the plague (which was in Vietnam while I was there. The International Symposium on the Plague was held in my hotel).

Humor and ridicule are some of our best weapons. Be prepared and let the fools have both barrels (of monkeys). It’s so nice to see them squirm like a bucket of worms.


12 posted on 12/30/2012 9:59:34 PM PST by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
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To: NKP_Vet
May seem funny but this is a stupid thing to do. Its not wise to antagonize Walmartians any more than it would be to camp out with grizzly bears.

Seriously. I knew a guy who got killed in the sporting goods department of a southern California Walmart by some guy who grabbed a baseball bat and bashed his brains out . True story . Witnesses saw no motive for the murder but they tackled him and held him under arrest until the police arrived.

13 posted on 12/30/2012 10:01:06 PM PST by KTM rider ( , you'd be lucky to get= $7....LOL !)
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To: NKP_Vet

Love this story.


14 posted on 12/30/2012 10:04:44 PM PST by freekitty (Give me back my conservative vote; then find me a real conservative to vote for)
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To: KTM rider

A completely safe life isn’t worth living.


15 posted on 12/30/2012 10:08:46 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: NKP_Vet

Inre all the ‘don’t mess with old folks’ jokes, the ‘latest’?

“I was at WALMART the other day at the check out line and went to pay and the ‘good looking cashier’ said “Facing me, strip down”.
I unbuttoned my shirt and was starting on my pants when Security stopped me.

They just have to be more specific when instructing us ‘old fartz’ on these new fangled machines...


16 posted on 12/30/2012 10:12:09 PM PST by xrmusn (6/98 "It is virtually impossible to clean the pond as long as the pigs are still crapping in it")
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To: NKP_Vet

Inre all the ‘don’t mess with old folks’ jokes, the ‘latest’?

“I was at WALMART the other day at the check out line and went to pay and the ‘good looking cashier’ said “Facing me, strip down”.
I unbuttoned my shirt and was starting on my pants when Security stopped me.

They just have to be more specific when instructing us ‘old fartz’ on these new fangled machines...


17 posted on 12/30/2012 10:12:09 PM PST by xrmusn (6/98 "It is virtually impossible to clean the pond as long as the pigs are still crapping in it")
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To: TrueKnightGalahad; no-to-illegals; SunkenCiv; blam; All

I kind of liked the one where in Gulf War I, the journalist asked where the secret landing on the Kuwait shore was going to be. This, of course, is far funnier. Busted a gut!!


18 posted on 12/30/2012 10:14:23 PM PST by gleeaikin
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To: null and void

Love that hat, Reminds me of my father. Love the “Awards & Decs”.
Third gen Air Force


19 posted on 12/30/2012 10:17:14 PM PST by ThomasPaine2000 (Peace without freedom is tyranny.)
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To: ThomasPaine2000

Yeah, the whole generation was chock full of quiet heros.


20 posted on 12/30/2012 10:20:09 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: null and void

“I hope being buried in a blue dress was close enough”

Now that is sick, funny, but sick...


21 posted on 12/30/2012 10:24:59 PM PST by ThomasPaine2000 (Peace without freedom is tyranny.)
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To: null and void
I hope being buried in a blue dress was close enough...

You are an ornery ol' cuss aren't you? LOL.

22 posted on 12/30/2012 10:25:20 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: notpoliticallycorewrecked; ThomasPaine2000

He would have appreciated the joke.

(We didn’t really, of course...)


23 posted on 12/30/2012 10:26:43 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
If they run, they're VC. If they remain still, they're well disciplined VC! From Full Metal Jacket, IIRC.

I was a "Cold Warrior" 1980-84 active and 84-94 reserve. One day while I was home on leave during my active duty stint I was working for a two star general, so I ambled onto the University of Miami ROTC to use their military watts line to call my office and I swear this little 18 yr old co-ed runs up to me in my green uniform and hands me (no kidding) a flower! She squeals "PEACE & LOVE" while wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt. She wasn't even born when that era was in vogue, not by a long shot. I couldn't help myself, I took the flower and .... ATE IT. It was a Dandelion IIRC. You should have seen her face. Changed from peaceful to vitriolic in a flash! She screamed at me: BABY BURNER! I replied thusly: "Napalm napalm, sticks like glue ... sticks to women & babies, too!" Which made it even worse. ROTC was later kicked off campus due to the army's then rather backward attitudes on gay behavior etc. Now they might return, I guess. But this was 1983. My boss, a major at the time, wasn't very pleased at my attempts at public relations and he chastised me on the phone which taught me not to call the office on leave!

My favorite line from the 'Nam era I got from the "Rogue Warrior" Dick Marcinko: DOOM ON YOU. Pronounced that way but spelled: du-ma-nhieu. This is a family forum and so I can't tell you what it means. LOL

24 posted on 12/30/2012 10:30:10 PM PST by ExSoldier (Stand up and be counted... OR LINE UP AND BE NUMBERED...)
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To: null and void

I just told this one to my hubby. He cracked up. I just threatened to do the same to him if I can’t find his dress blues.

That generation definitely had a sense of humor. They had to have one to survive what they were handed between the Great Depression and WWII.


25 posted on 12/30/2012 10:31:06 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
"(PS: My son and his unit captured scores if not hundreds of Iraqi regulars in 2003
and those guys were extremely happy to surrender to an American soldier)."

Sorta the same thing, dunno if its true or not...but I heard...
Same thing, bunchs & bunchs of Iraqi's were surrendering to us. So many it was hard to fathom.
I heard that some wise-ass was directing them to the French contingent at KKMC, who were going batsh_t because in a few hours there were hundreds.

Now, for those slow on the uptake reading this, the point being that the French were expert at surrendering, so they would know what to do with em...
26 posted on 12/30/2012 10:35:34 PM PST by 45semi (A police state is always preceded by a nanny state...)
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To: ExSoldier; Doomonyou
My favorite line from the 'Nam era I got from the "Rogue Warrior" Dick Marcinko: DOOM ON YOU. Pronounced that way but spelled: du-ma-nhieu. This is a family forum and so I can't tell you what it means. LOL

Doom? Is there something you'd like to share at this point?

27 posted on 12/30/2012 10:36:29 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: MadMax, the Grinning Reaper

I had an encounter in a bar awhile back with a lady that overheard me talking to a fellow vet...on learning I was a former crewchief/doorgunner she indignantly asked how I could kill women and children.....I replied with a stern look and a whisper in her ear.....Don’t lead them as far as the men....They’ll run right into the bullets every-time....She didn’t ask any more questions...*W*


28 posted on 12/30/2012 10:45:46 PM PST by M-cubed
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To: null and void
I hope being buried in a blue dress was close enough...

LOL! I'm so gonna show this to my youngest tomorrow. I have strict instructions that if there is a viewing (who would want to?) I'll be in my chef's jacket with the E-6 stripes on the sleeve, and just 2 ribbons on the breast. (Both me and the chef's jacket should be starched and ironed)

And then burn me. Carefully. There may be flare-ups. Methane, ethanol, ketones, radioactive asbestos radon gas... who knows.

/johnny

29 posted on 12/30/2012 10:47:07 PM PST by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: NKP_Vet
I recently got a Vietnam Veteran license plate here in Hawaii. My wife had misgivings, thinking abundant liberals here might target me. I said, great, make targeting them that much easier.

Of course, some @sshole bashed into my fender and left without any sort of note. Connected to the veteran plate? Who knows?

My plate is as far as I have gone in pushing my service in liberals faces. May be time to go a lot further.....

30 posted on 12/30/2012 10:52:02 PM PST by doorgunner69
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To: null and void

I lost my dress blues 40 years ago, and even if I had them, I couldn’t fit them..


31 posted on 12/30/2012 10:56:16 PM PST by richardtavor
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To: JRandomFreeper

Per her request, a family friend was buried with a carton of cigarettes, no matches.

She figured she wouldn’t need them where she was going...


32 posted on 12/30/2012 10:57:34 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: KTM rider
camp out with grizzly bears.

For a year and a half, I shared a 3 acre pasture with 3 bulls. Just them and me, and my little shack.

And a great big stick I carried most of the time.

I caught hell because early one morning in the spring, me, with a hangover, charged out of the shack and yelled at the two fighting bulls for being loud, shaking the ground, and being grumpy. I did get my say. They did stop pounding the earth and smashing into each other.

I woke up the landlord who was asleep on the porch of the shack (what?) as I went by, looking for the stick, or a clipboard or fergodsakesomething.

Never disturb emotionally, and hormonally upset bulls unless you have your running shoes on.

Fixed a lot of fences that spring, and cut two.

/johnny

33 posted on 12/30/2012 10:57:34 PM PST by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: MadMax, the Grinning Reaper

I got spit on a few times until I kicked the shit out of a spitter..A cop watched and never said a word (I was in uniform at the time).


34 posted on 12/30/2012 11:01:43 PM PST by richardtavor
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To: ansel12

BUMP what you said.
Yeah, I too suspect the author of this lying drivel is a scumbag rat.


35 posted on 12/30/2012 11:01:57 PM PST by Lancey Howard
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To: richardtavor

According to a dear friend who was a mortician, they customarily slit open the back, think hospital gown. They’d fit.


36 posted on 12/30/2012 11:02:56 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: null and void
Doom? Is there something you'd like to share at this point?

Uhh....

Well, I have read all his books.

and I will confess it ain't from these guys:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBRjIWRc45s&feature=player_detailpage

Other that that, I thought it was a catchy handle. :)

When I saw Ice age with the kids i damn near blew popcorn all over the folks in front of us when I saw that scene and got the stink eye from Mrs. Doomonyou.

37 posted on 12/30/2012 11:07:11 PM PST by Doomonyou (Let them eat Lead.)
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To: Doomonyou

I always thought it was from those guys...


38 posted on 12/30/2012 11:10:05 PM PST by null and void (Socialism: Equal parts dumb and evil, in a blender.)
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To: null and void
LOL!

I'll ask her for a light.

/johnny

39 posted on 12/30/2012 11:16:18 PM PST by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: NKP_Vet

Hilarious.....


40 posted on 12/30/2012 11:33:57 PM PST by Gator113 (**WHO in the hell gave the damn order to NOT rescue our men in Benghazi?**)
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To: null and void
http://www.amazon.com/Cell-Rogue-Warrior-Richard-Marcinko/dp/0671019775

scroll down to page 358....

Don't tell anybody...

41 posted on 12/30/2012 11:37:02 PM PST by Doomonyou (Let them eat Lead.)
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To: richardtavor

Love it. First time I’ve heard a story about a vet taking it to the punks (on FR).

Would love to have put that on YouTube.

Once a few of us went to a Teach-In at George Washington Un. in the late evening. Between the three of us, we had over 12 trips to Nam and 1 to Cambodia.

Each of us took terms educating the unwashed. Nobody really bothered us because of two things. My friend Dan would stand up in a dark leather outfit with sunglasses (bad eyes) and say to a speaker. “Shut the hell up. I was there. Let me tell you what really happened.” Got a lot of attention and silence.

Once when I joined in, my 6 foot long linked chain fell from around my waste (I was in combat khakis, etc). Nobody interrupted me when I spoke. I kinda liked their courtesy.

Wonder why they were so attentive?

Don’t you just love war stories, even if the war we fought was often at home?


42 posted on 12/30/2012 11:52:59 PM PST by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
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To: 45semi

#26. My son’s company, the 299th MRB(MultiRole Bridge) had finished combat operations on the Euphrates River (Objective Peach) on April 3, 2003, and were then assigned patrol duty until the could regroup and go to their new supply base at Balad AF Base north of Baghdad.

Josh said that they began to come upon Iraqi regulars (the Republican Guard divisions had been chopped up by the Air Force and a Paladin Artillery Unit). They were disorganized and had no heart for any fight.

The guys from the 299th disarmed them, searched them, and then took them to containment points. After a while, so many Iraqis were surrendering that there were no facilities to hold them so they were again disarmed, searched, and then sent home.

Meanwhile the 3rd ID armor ran over any remaining Republican Guard resistance on their drive to seize Baghdad Airport. Then they helped to seize the city proper. There was a “tank run” through Baghdad (either 3rd ID or 1st Marines) that led to the almost immediate surrender of the remaining Iraqi commanders and their forces.

I did hear the story about sending POWS to the French. Don’t know if it was true or not but it still is a good story the way you tell it.

My contacts with POWS/defectors in VN and Cambodia involved mainly VC ralliers/defectors (Chieu Hoi) and a couple senior NVA offices. In Cambodia, I interviewed NVA regulars, mainly teenagers who were drafted to fight the Americans. Boy were they surprised to find themselves being killed and captured by the Cambodians and So. Vietnamese in the Spring/summer, 1970.

Defectors are among the best sources of information you can get if you treat them decently and ask sensible questions (as I journalist I was asking things that the military weren’t too interested in, i.e. about their lives at home, political developments, etc. versus operational military intelligence). Came up with some great stuff which led to other things which are still classified.

That is why I loved being a journalist in the field. You never knew what kind of gems of information you could come up with, but if you were good, you got some.


43 posted on 12/31/2012 12:05:43 AM PST by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
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To: NKP_Vet

Ping


44 posted on 12/31/2012 1:13:02 AM PST by onona (:( I don't have my dress blues either.....)
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To: NKP_Vet

On a serious note, the nicest thing you can say to a Vietnam vet is “welcome home”. We didn’t get too much of that.


45 posted on 12/31/2012 2:27:07 AM PST by QBFimi (When gunpowder speaks, beasts listen.)
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To: NKP_Vet

Thanks for making my morning.


46 posted on 12/31/2012 3:20:51 AM PST by huldah1776
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To: NKP_Vet

Nobody ever mentions the skirmish of 1811 which prompted the war of 1812.......


47 posted on 12/31/2012 3:25:50 AM PST by Hot Tabasco (Jab her with a harpoon.....)
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To: null and void

TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!

Dads always appreciate a good joke from their kids. Be aware, paybacks are HELL from them!!!!

I heard one way to get a rise out of people is to wear an INS hat to WalMart.

Heh. That would be one way to clear out a long line.


48 posted on 12/31/2012 3:44:57 AM PST by Cowgirl of Justice
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To: NKP_Vet

Great thread. Thank you for your service.


49 posted on 12/31/2012 4:04:52 AM PST by ChowChowFace
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To: NKP_Vet

You reminded me of a gentleman who wrote about a company in his town that hired illegals. He and others formed a group. They had jackets made, with the name on the back. I don’t remember what the name was, but it had three words in it. They had the name printed on the back of the jackets with the first letter of each word very large, and the rest of the letters in the words very tiny. From a distance, you could only read the very large letters. They were ICE. The group would visit the company wearing their group’s jackets, and the illegals saw the ICE on the jackets, and would run. The boss of the company told the group that he would quit hiring illegals if they would quit coming in their jackets. They agreed.


50 posted on 12/31/2012 4:46:19 AM PST by Smorgasbord (How to get a company to quit hiring illegals)
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