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Colorado columnist: Assault rifle owners have ‘tiny penises’
kdvr ^ | : 11:07 am, December 28, 2012, updated on: 11:39am, December 28, 2012 | Will C. Holden

Posted on 01/04/2013 10:29:39 AM PST by Red Steel

ASPEN, Colo. — According to Todd Hartley, to enact new gun legislation in the U.S. would be to “shut the barn doors after the horse has already gotten out.”

So in his weekly “I’m With Stupid” column in the Aspen Times on Friday — a column that Hartley claims is meant to encourage aspiring and current gun owners to “seek less violent ways to make up for your shortcomings” — the Basalt resident is attempting another method of gun control.

He’s defaming the genitalia of gun owners.

“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,” Hartley writes.

In his column, subtitled “The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool,” Hartley says that with 310 million nonmilitary firearms in a country that has shown such staunch support for the Second Amendment, even the buy back programs that have seen success in countries like Australia will likely prove fruitless in the U.S.

Instead, Hartley writes, “the only feasible option” to reduce the number of firearms in the U.S. is to “change people’s attitudes toward guns.” One way to do that, in Hartley’s mind, is to question the motivation of gun owners.

As a case study, Hartley gives a synopsis of Hummer’s downfall in 2010.

“To me, those Hummer owners were a lot like gun owners,” Hartley writes. “They had an inflated sense of their own self-importance, and they thought owning a massive tank-like vehicle made them somehow more virile and masculine.”

Hartley asserts that consumers did a 180 when “the rest of us pointed out that owning a Hummer was an obvious sign of a person making up for a physical shortcoming.”

At that point, Hartley continues, “Hummer went out of business virtually overnight.”

That doesn’t mean Hartley is prepared to lump all gun owners into the same boat. He gives a pass to those who own a handgun “to protect your home and your family,” and to those who own a rifle or shot gun “for hunting or target shooting.”

It’s only the possession of a “pseudo-machine gun” that proves “you have a tiny wiener and you’re incredibly self-conscious about it,” in Hartley’s estimation.

Hartley did not excuse females who own such weapons from the same criticism.

“Women who own assault weapons have tiny penises, just like their male counterparts,” Hartley writes. “That would explain why they’re angry enough to buy a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible.”

The column is sophomoric at times. Aside from the aforementioned passages, Hartley, who is also a stand-up comedian, suggests at one point that a “Swedish-made penis-enlargement pump” could be “more effective than arming yourself to the teeth.”

But there are also moments of wit and earnest, featuring Hartley venting about elected officials who “clearly don’t have the guts” to push for stricter gun control in the U.S.

As he wraps up his column, Hartley pens a plea to anyone who has “had enough of all the shooting and killing in this country.”

“I encourage you to spread the rumor that when gun owners talk about their 9 mms, they’re actually referring to their genitalia and not the caliber of their weapons,” Hartley concludes. “With any luck, we can stigmatize gun ownership and encourage people to give up their firearms willingly.”

Click here to read Hartley’s entire column


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; US: Colorado
KEYWORDS: alinskytactics; banglist; corruption; democratcorruption; democrats; guncontrol; incitement; liberalfilth; liberallunacy; liberals; mediabias; progressives; projection; secondamendment
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This guy is a liberal eunuch.
1 posted on 01/04/2013 10:29:43 AM PST by Red Steel
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To: Red Steel

I’d like to see (actually not. lol) this jerk’s penis try to stop the shooter at the San Antonio theater just like the off-duty police officer’s gun did.


2 posted on 01/04/2013 10:33:20 AM PST by butterdezillion
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To: Red Steel

He’s just jealous because his was shot off by a woman with an assault rifle.


3 posted on 01/04/2013 10:33:54 AM PST by ImJustAnotherOkie (zerogottago)
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To: Red Steel

Classic case of projection. Pun intended.


4 posted on 01/04/2013 10:34:29 AM PST by demshateGod (The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.)
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To: Red Steel

I knew there was a reason I couldn’t bring myself to buy one. :)


5 posted on 01/04/2013 10:35:16 AM PST by Obama_Is_Sabotaging_America (IMPEACH OBAMA)
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To: Red Steel

People (men) that talk about penis size in most any context are usually sufferers of SPS (small penis syndrome).


6 posted on 01/04/2013 10:35:42 AM PST by Gaffer
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To: Red Steel

Projection ...


7 posted on 01/04/2013 10:35:50 AM PST by VRWC For Truth (Roberts has perverted the Constitution)
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To: Red Steel

Let’s start the rumor that when libs talk about 9mm they’re really talking about their brain size...


8 posted on 01/04/2013 10:35:50 AM PST by butterdezillion
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To: Red Steel

This type of rhetoric is unhelpful and inappropriate on either side of the debate. Right now trying to pick a fight is reckless in the extreme.


9 posted on 01/04/2013 10:35:50 AM PST by 556x45
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To: Red Steel

Ah yes...liberal “logic”


10 posted on 01/04/2013 10:36:26 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Red Steel

I guess this explains my love of the .50 BMG.


11 posted on 01/04/2013 10:37:45 AM PST by TurboZamboni (Looting the future to bribe the present)
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To: Red Steel

Todd’s preoccupation with penis size is troubling.


12 posted on 01/04/2013 10:40:12 AM PST by skeeter
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To: Red Steel

As I read elsewhere...”Maybe so, but just try to break into my house.”


13 posted on 01/04/2013 10:41:08 AM PST by jughandle
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To: Red Steel

That’s not what his sister said.


14 posted on 01/04/2013 10:41:10 AM PST by CodeToad (Liberals are bloodsucking ticks. We need to light the matchstick to burn them off.)
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To: Red Steel

“ASPEN, Colo.,” eh? Heh. Disgusting.


15 posted on 01/04/2013 10:41:15 AM PST by familyop (We Baby Boomers are croaking in an avalanche of rotten politics smelled around the planet.)
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To: Red Steel
'"I've heard that phallic symbol argument before, and always from ineffectual people driven to make everyone else as helpless as they are. Who's more confused, those who think weapons are sexual organs, or those who want to take everyone's sexual organs away?." Clarissa Olson, a character in "The Probability Broach", L. Neil Smith, author.
16 posted on 01/04/2013 10:41:22 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Sine ullo desiderio vive et ama.... Carpe diem.)
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To: Red Steel

Wow.

Good thing I only have defense & hunting rifles.


17 posted on 01/04/2013 10:41:22 AM PST by humblegunner
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To: Red Steel

As I read elsewhere...”Maybe so, but just try to break into my house.”


18 posted on 01/04/2013 10:41:41 AM PST by jughandle
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To: Red Steel

What kind of males are obsessed with the size of other men’s penises to the extent they can’t stop talking about it and devote their working day to writing about it?

This punk should get a real job, do something useful and spare us his speculation about the size of men’s penises.


19 posted on 01/04/2013 10:43:04 AM PST by detective
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To: Red Steel

My guess is he would know - he’s probably been face-to-face with mOre than a few of them...


20 posted on 01/04/2013 10:43:33 AM PST by broken_arrow1 (I regret that I have but one life to give for my country - Nathan Hale "Patriot")
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To: Red Steel

Why doesn’t he volunteer his wife to do some field research and test the hypothesis. True or not, she’ll experience something she isn’t getting at home.


21 posted on 01/04/2013 10:45:06 AM PST by Callahan
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To: skeeter

“Todd’s preoccupation with penis size is troubling.”

I’ll say. Makes me a bit suspicious of his “orientation”.


22 posted on 01/04/2013 10:45:45 AM PST by beelzepug ("Why bother creating wealth when you can just redistribute it?")
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To: Red Steel
Yep ... the push for gun bans and and gun theft by the government will be preceded by a huge Big Media and Big Government propaganda campaign to demonize gun owners.

This "Todd Hartley" fellow is apparently a cop-sucker with delusions of Nazi-hood. I wonder if he likes to parade in front of the mirror at night wearing his gauleiter uniform?

23 posted on 01/04/2013 10:46:10 AM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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Comment #24 Removed by Moderator

To: Dead Corpse

He could be related to Mark Morford who claims to be an expert on penises.


25 posted on 01/04/2013 10:47:28 AM PST by Red Steel
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To: Red Steel

I can’t wait to tell my beautiful daughter this. (The one who begged me to build her an A-4 varmint rifle)


26 posted on 01/04/2013 10:47:58 AM PST by CrazyIvan (Obama's birth certificate was found stapled to Soros's receipt.)
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To: Red Steel

Yes, I admit it. It is a compensation for me being less endowed to the point of having no male appendage at all. It is vompensation for my smaller stature and weaker musculature.

But my bullet stops a bad guy and fully compensates for the body’s fallings.


27 posted on 01/04/2013 10:48:16 AM PST by Jemian
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To: skeeter
“Todd’s preoccupation with penis size is troubling.”

It appears to me the author is an expert with considerable years of first hand experience in the size of the male penis.

28 posted on 01/04/2013 10:49:12 AM PST by Gabrial (The nightmare will continue as long as the nightmare is in the Whitehouse.)
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To: Red Steel

LOL - a definite case of assault penis envy.


29 posted on 01/04/2013 10:49:17 AM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Red Steel

“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,” Hartley writes.”

Hmmm....I’m a chick. All the guns here are mine.

Better get himself a NASA microscope & hope for physical abnomalities, as I don’t have a winkie, and never will.

FU, Senor Doooooshtard.....


30 posted on 01/04/2013 10:50:42 AM PST by LadyBuck (I've read so much about the evils of drinking & smoking that I've given up reading.)
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To: skeeter

“Todd’s preoccupation with penis size is troubling.”
Corrected:
Todd’ preoccupation with penis is troubling.


31 posted on 01/04/2013 10:50:56 AM PST by jughandle
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To: Red Steel

Sounds like the type of guy that if you would pop an empty potato chip bag behind him............The area would definitely need to be hosed down...........Just saying.


32 posted on 01/04/2013 10:51:31 AM PST by The Cajun (Sarah Palin, Mark Levin......Nuff said.)
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To: CrazyIvan
I'm putting one together for my Daughter as well. She's 9 now, but I was thinking for her 10th BD in August.

It's contingent on her coming shooting with me at least once to shoot one of my other AR's, maintaining good grades in school, and in helping out more with standard house chores now that she is getting older.

So far, so good.

Decisions still to be made are final caliber and color scheme. Going with a LaRue RAT stock, on order, and free float hand guards. May go with a 16" 1:8 5.56 barrel, but with a Cienar .22 conversion for it.

We'll see how taxes shake out this year.

33 posted on 01/04/2013 10:52:56 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Sine ullo desiderio vive et ama.... Carpe diem.)
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To: Red Steel
Apparently it is a subject he is very familiar with.

The "expert..."

Ran a search on his articles, LOTS of stuff in there just like this and more. He just seems obsessed.

And he has been discussed here before.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2973411/posts

Todd “Hardley”... ten bucks says he is a catcher for his own team.

.

34 posted on 01/04/2013 10:53:02 AM PST by TLI ( ITINERIS IMPENDEO VALHALLA)
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To: Red Steel
Mark Morford's 12/18/12 column (I checked, and now I must bleach my brain) is devoted to the proposition that guns are an intrinsic evil unless, apparently, in the hands of all-holy (and oh-so-yummy) cops.

So Marky the Fascist Faggot Morford is another tyrant-enabling, sexually inadequate hoplophobe.

Just like his soul-mate Hartley.

35 posted on 01/04/2013 10:53:37 AM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: All

There’s a relevant Freud quote here:

The representation of the penis as a weapon, cutting knife, dagger etc., is familiar to us from the anxiety dreams of abstinent women in particular and also lies at the root of numerous phobias in neurotic people.

Dreams in Folklore (1958), p. 33

I’m not sure if we should categorize the columnist as an abstinent woman, or as simply neurotic. I think either fits.


36 posted on 01/04/2013 10:54:07 AM PST by drbuzzard (All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others.)
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To: Red Steel
Given the premise of this silliness, I assume Todd is not a gun owner. I'd just like some clarification . . . is Todd saying he has a "big" one, or that he is a big one?
37 posted on 01/04/2013 10:55:26 AM PST by Sgt_Schultze (A half-truth is a complete lie)
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To: Red Steel

“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,”

That’s not what his wife said in her straddling position two nights ago while holding my AR..


38 posted on 01/04/2013 10:55:55 AM PST by InsidiousMongo
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To: detective

39 posted on 01/04/2013 11:00:59 AM PST by crusadersoldier
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To: Red Steel

My comment on his blog in case he deletes it:

It’s great to see liberal opinion writers abandon all logical argument and go straight for insulting fellow Americans. The reason, Todd, that we have assault weapons are because of four words in the 2nd Amendment “shall not be infringed”. This means the government cannot take away guns without due cause (insanity, felony, etc.)

I personally do not own an assault rifle, and do not know how to define one, as frequently attachments to semi-automatic rifles such as pistol grips and detachable magazines make them into those horrible inanimate objects that suddenly spring up on their own and kill children.

The thing, Todd, I would have you consider is that guns give a person the right to defend themselves and their families and not just from criminals. The greatest amount of death, through history, occurs when people surrender their weapons to the government, and the government proceeds to engineer its plans on its unarmed citizens regardless of their desires. Google gulag, holodomor, holocaust, killing fields, or concentration camp if you need more information.

Finally, Todd, worry not about the size of the penis of assault weapon users, if riots or chaos occurs on your block, you won’t be around long to use your own, regardless of size. I’m sure whatever wife or girlfriend you had will be happy to give herself to any small-penised assault rifle owner, seeing how he (or she) was way better prepared than you were.


40 posted on 01/04/2013 11:01:40 AM PST by struggle (http://killthegovernment.wordpress.com/)
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To: Red Steel

Click here to read Hartley’s entire column

Why would anyone want to?


41 posted on 01/04/2013 11:02:24 AM PST by count-your-change (You don't have to be brilliant, not being stupid is enough.)
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To: Red Steel

He is just upset that gun owners actually have penis’.


42 posted on 01/04/2013 11:02:26 AM PST by svcw (Why is one cell on another planet considered life, and in the womb it is not.)
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To: Red Steel; All

The reply should be to ask about his bestiality kiddie porn collection. The guy is a leftist & a journalist/columnist he has a predisposition for being a degenerate & pervert. This is fighting fire with fire not the GOP trying to fight fascist thugs by the Marquis of Queensbury rules


43 posted on 01/04/2013 11:03:00 AM PST by Nebr FAL owner
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To: Red Steel; All

The reply should be to ask about his bestiality kiddie porn collection. The guy is a leftist & a journalist/columnist he has a predisposition for being a degenerate & pervert. This is fighting fire with fire not the GOP trying to fight fascist thugs by the Marquis of Queensbury rules


44 posted on 01/04/2013 11:03:27 AM PST by Nebr FAL owner
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To: InsidiousMongo
His wife took one look at me and said, "Who do you think you are going to please with that?"

I smiled right back and said, "Me!"

45 posted on 01/04/2013 11:05:32 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Sine ullo desiderio vive et ama.... Carpe diem.)
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To: InsidiousMongo
Huh??? His wife was 'straddling' your AR???

Eeeeewwwwwww.

You might want to clean that thing.

You don't want to get some sort of unspeakable disease on your face from it ...

46 posted on 01/04/2013 11:06:23 AM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: TLI

Looks like a man that would meet up with Andrew Sullivan for a date in the nearest public toilet.


47 posted on 01/04/2013 11:08:10 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: Red Steel
In his column, subtitled “The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool,”

Pretty silly concept for a column, given that so-called assault weapons have SHORTER barrels than hunting guns. But liberals never let facts get in the way of making what they think are swarmy attacks on conservatives.

48 posted on 01/04/2013 11:09:18 AM PST by dirtboy
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To: Red Steel

I find it easy to believe this clown has done enough personal research on penises to form an opinion, however flawed his conclusion.


49 posted on 01/04/2013 11:12:53 AM PST by muir_redwoods (Don't fire until you see the blue of their helmets)
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To: Red Steel

Sigmund Freud:”A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.” General Introduction to Psychoanalysis. (1920)


50 posted on 01/04/2013 11:12:53 AM PST by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not a Matter of Opinion)
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