Skip to comments.Why Young Men are Giving Up on Marriage
Posted on 01/18/2013 2:05:46 PM PST by NYer
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.
Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Pews findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.
Suzanne Venkers article, The War on Men, which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.
Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone? is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.
She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.
The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women, Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.
As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who say in no uncertain terms, that theyre never getting married.
When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women arent women anymore. Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women angry and defensive, though often unknowingly.
Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic women good/men bad that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.
Men are tired, Venker wrote. Tired of being told theres something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women arent happy, its mens fault.
Feminism and the sexual revolution have simply made marriage obsolete for women as a social and economic refuge, but this is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says.
Its the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature theyre forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need mens linear career goals they need men to pick up the slack at the office in order to live the balanced life they seek.
A cross section of research data from the Pew Research Center for the last months of 2012 shows the alarming trends for marriage and child-bearing in the US. One report published in mid-December said that the latest census data showed barely half of all adults in the United States are currently married, a record low. Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7. The declines in marriage are most dramatic among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years, the report said.
Moreover, the link between marriage and childrearing has become disconnected in the minds of the so-called Millennial generation, those between 18 and 29. While 52 percent of Millennials say being a good parent is one of the most important things in life, just 30 per cent say the same about having a successful marriage, an attitudinal survey found.
The gap, of 22 percentage points, between the value Millennials place on parenthood over marriage, was just 7 points in 1997. The research found that Millennials, many of whom are the children of divorce and single-parenthood themselves, are also less likely than their elders to say that a child needs both a father and mother at home, that single parenthood and unmarried couple parenthood are bad for society.
Could the fact that feminism has made a large percentage of US women insufferable witches have anything to do with it?
I’m 22 while my husband is 48. Guess there’s something to this idea.
“Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.”
A truly disturbing statistic. Might have something to do with the media’s continual barking that “young people just can’t make it on their own”...
I think you have a case of correlation means causation.
I know I’m not getting married again. Burnt once in a divorce is sufficient.
Or to use an old adage- why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
Another change brought by the leftist ‘Progressives’.
Free sex is just more Free Stuff.
No restrictions, no stigma.
Babies? No problem.
No need to take responsibility.
The government will pay to kill them or to raise them.
Leftists want Change, Change, Change - kill the old.
And the sheep follow without ever thinking about where it will lead.
Is there really any aspect of life that Progressives have made better?
What is the end game - complete destruction of civilization?
Men (covertly) have pushed "Feminism" to make satisfying their sexual needs much easier than ever. Used to be that women could "hold out", and land a husband, OR, believe that sex was an intimacy with a spouse, not THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD or half the kids in a class she teaches....
NEVER has it been so easy for men to find "willing" women, at least as I've seen in 50 years of "observation".
Yes; women were made to THINK they are "in control of their own bodies" with the Feminism, but, in fact, they're being used and don't even recognize what's happened.
We wonder why families are not nuclear families anymore, but now the "norm" is where both parents work to pay the taxes and bills, yet, women think they've "advanced" from being stay-at-home Mom's, to "career girls".
Kids are maturing and marrying later in life.
I’m more concerned about single parents, and reduced population growth of the “Constitutional” demographic.
Men should take a serious look at the high honor of being a dad, and compare the worth of that to the effectively homosexual pattern of serial sexual liaisons and the life of a sterile drone.
Women should take a serious look at what feminism has really brought them*, and a serious look at mindless consumerism.
*Hint: look at the lives and faces of old feminists, and ask if this is what you really seek.
Just my two cents that are borrowed from the PRC.
It’s not just the feminist movement, but also the homosexual “rights” movement, which has disparaged marriage by trying to incorporate their perversion into it in a few jurisdictions.
Who wants to be associated with that lifestyle?
A travesty, but true. To back it up though, I look at The Pill and the fall of churches who came to embrace it. Seems The Pill and the resulting behaviors separated women from the church, as well as men.
The Catholics had that right and predicted the obvious. Flawed, for sure, and ignored by most of their own on that subject, the old Church is the only one of all of them left standing on the truth of the matter, and against birth control.
We Anglos are paying the price particularly.
main factors IMO:
Current moral state of females in today’s society makes many of them undesirable. No matter how pretty they look on the outside, if they’re a cheater or a biotch it’s not worth investing the time. Feminism didn’t help in this regard at all.
Longevity of marriage isn’t what it used to be and the cost to benefits ratio can be horrible if you get a bad one.
Cost of wedding.
Cost of child support if the marriage dissolves.
Alternate lifestyles. Pretty bad when you’re worried about whether your spouse is secretly bisexual or not and they have even more options to cheat.
Cost of living and money issues, Having to take care of another person if they dont pull their weight.
Responsibilities. Same comments as above.
And you wonder why a guy might not want to get married?...LOL
Women have become the men they want to marry.
I was going to say Bitches but I’ll go with it.
The point is the same.
Is that moron in the upper left flipping the bird??? He’s studying to be a dentist???? I wouldn’t let him work on my dog.
Yeah... but notice how the men are SMILING.... Two girls for eeeevvv-ry BOY!
Gosh, I wish I was back in college...
I see this turning into the friday night fight thread.
Oh, a tad.
I've been married roughly 25 years, and I'm freakin' exhausted.
In my experience dealing with young men who are thinking about marriage, the number one fear is not marriage itself. It’s the fear of their spouses deciding that for one reason or another that their husbands are disposable.
And as one of them told me recently, he sees how his own father and his older brother were turned in Child-support/Alimony slaves to their ex’s. He fears that more than nearly everything else. His reaction so far is to just say “No” to the fair sex. He likes women but has a very hard time in trusting them.
“I see this turning into the friday night fight thread.”
Oh, I hope so. My evening is going to be a little dull otherwise.
True, but instead of the pendulum swinging back just enough to straighten things out, it's swinging too far the other way. Increasingly now, it's "men good/women bad." Too many men nowadays sound just like feminazis. "Men are noble victims. Women are evil. Everything is women's fault. The decks are all stacked against men, who are perfect." I don't see how this is going to do anything but make things even worse. Not enough people seem willing to admit that there is plenty of blame to go around on ALL sides, and that we should try to come together. I think people would rather be victims.
I don’t think the guys are threatened by the gal making more $$ as much as the divorce laws that let her walk at any time of her choosing, taking half his stuff. And then children.
It takes two to marry, but only one to divorce.
Sometimes the guy asks for it, like Tiger Woods.
In modern marriage, the man has no status, other than at the will of the woman.
Terms like husband, father, head of household, have no meaning today.
The woman owns the entire family unit, any man, whether first husband, or 3rd husband, are mere visitors, they may be permanent if she chooses, but he has no real footing of his own and his temporary status can be instantly removed at her whim.
I wonder how women would feel about investing their hearts and identity in becoming wives and mothers under the conditions that American men face today, to casually have her children and home taken from her at his whim, with the support of the state, while she has to pay for the privilege.
On top of all you said, may get the “opportunity” to rebuild your life from the ground up in your late 30’s or 40’s.
I know I did. I started over at 44. The financial part has been OK, but the relationship part has been a total flat line. . . in 12 years I have only run into 2 that I would remotely consider.
Men are like trucks ... they drive straighter with a weighted load. Some ‘men’ can’t handle the load. Some don’t want to drive straight. Some would rather be boys with beards.
Plus, every image of marriage from pop culture is of a sexless institution wherein some harpy bitches at you until one of you leaves or dies. The downtrodden dumbassed sex-starved husband is an archetype ... as is the cold, shrew of a wife. Men are taught to be whipped. Women are taught to be nagging. Divorce is a punchline. Vows are a throwaway. Affairs are rampant. Gay ‘marriage’ gets more conversation-time than real marraige.
Its no wonder the institution is struggling.
For most modern women, men are objects to be ridiculed and scorned. Look at how many commercials and TV shows portray the husband as the buffoon, and the wife as the smart one who condescendingly tolerates him. Now how many times do you see that situation reversed?
Recently I was at the grocery store; a polite man walked by, nodded and smiled to me and to the fat woman near me, and said, “Good afternoon, ladies.” The fat woman smirked and called after him, “I’d wish you the same, but you’re a man, so you’re not worth it!”
Feminism has ruined women. But, on the other hand, real men are harder and harder to find, too.
People used to have high standards for marriage.
Those days are so far gone, it’s not funny.
I missed that, where is that reflected in the laws?
I think it was Rush after his last div orce make the comment on marriage ....Find a woman you hate and buy her a house......at that time he probably meant it, but silly found another one.....
The missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay?!”
An old one.
hmm almost.... women are becoming the men they don’t want to marry
to find a husband; keep your legs together until the wedding night
learn how to cook and bake really well
have a desire to bear and raise his children ( stay at home when they are little) AND
allow him to be the man ( let him open doors for you, let him win arguments, and let him watch Sunday sports without being pestered)
really very simple... been married happily for 18+ years
Of course. Some men are jerks.
But the effect of making divorce “no-fault” has had a terrible effect on the concept of the Nuclear Family. And in most cases the woman has the most to gain. It’s not surprising men have gotten trap-shy.
BTW, Tiger Woods’ wife would have been justified under the old “prove-fault” rules. He cheated and rubbed her nose in it.
It's worth taking a drink in front of them just to be sure.
RC that pic does NOT represent the feminist woman at all!
Nope sorry! Not in the least.
Try something with a little more diesel in it.
It's a societal characteristic. Victims get a pass on doing anything for themselves. If a person can't actually achieve public Victimhood, he can try to pick up the vibe by feeling really, really bad for victims and supporting hugs and handouts to victims.
I like to say, "I'm not a victim: I'm a perpetrator!" which is a way of saying, "I'm the subject of my sentences, not the object."
Given today’s society ... unless both partners believe in traditional values the odds for a lasting marriage are pretty dim
The fact is, our culture promotes having fun and easy sex. I waited to get married for a lot longer than my parents did because, frankly it was fun. I have friends who are still single, they just keeping hanging out with younger girls. By late 20s, most girls are ready to settle down. It used to be early 20s or earlier.
Why would most guys be encouraged to settle down when they can live single, get girls, and have a good time? It is a cultural change, and not one that has been good for our nation.
Rush is in the running for “Maybe the common element in all your failed relationships is YOU.” Him and Taylor Swift ;-).
Then the long courtship full of hand holding and brief, discreet kisses. The thrill of praying beside her at Mass, knowing that their souls were uniting, knowing that the reined passions would be released on the wedding night, when they, like two deer maddened by love, would dance in the holy forest under skies crammed with singing stars. A great joy was hidden in their longing. He and Carol discussed it often, murmuring consolations and reminders, waiting together for the sacrament, as love deepened and deepened until it seemed there was no bottom to the reservoir. When the reservoir fountained at last, there was no holding it back; it became a river, became a flood, then spilled into the oceanic cosmos of supernatural love, natural and supernatural flowing together in potent-fertile joy. They drowned in it and were born.http://www.fightingirishthomas.com/2012/02/parable-of-prodigal-papa-michael-d.html
How poor were the tumbled metaphors with which he had sought to express something that waswas everything: the mystery of love. The dance of love. The sea of love. The kingdom of love. The night Jacob was conceived, the night Andrew came into existence. The countless tender moments.
The fire that burned but did not consume, two small flames that filled the whole realm of their covenant, uniting into a single flame that was greater than the sum of its provinces. They had no need for lands, or money, or power. Their bed was consecrated and joy filled; its four posts were the quadrants of the worlds compass, their quilted blankets a domain spreading from horizon to horizon.
Prayer was the atmosphere of their kingdom. Their children were conceived in prayer and born in prayer. Carol had died praying, held in his arms and enfolded in his prayers. Birth and death had been suffused with grace. And because that was true, Alex now reminded himself, even the darkness was enfolded, even the loss and the abandonment, and the falling through the ice of the solid world into the desolation beneath (pgs. 291, 292). --Michael D. O'Brien, The Father's Tale
> I see this turning into the friday night fight thread.
Oh, I hope so. My evening is going to be a little dull otherwise.
The feminists will probably show up later in the wee hours of the morning after they come home from their date while hubby’s was out of town...lol
Or, from MY perspective (nearly wiped out financially by my drug-addled ex):
“Why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage?”