The properly edited, more truthful version:
Four years after making history by becoming the first African-American (hes really more of a Kenyan/Indonesian/Hawaiian but that doesnt fit our narrative) president, Barack Obama will drag a beleaguered nation into four dismal more years with a scaled-back inauguration that reflects the fact that this wildly popular president cant draw flies and is in fact strongly opposed by nearly half the country.
High unemployment exacerbated by a mindless statist agenda and intentional crippling of any recovery factors, bitter political battles instigated by him, his party brethren and his advisers like Valerie Jarrett, a shadowy Iranian-born Rasputin figure and a divisive reelection campaign marked by shameless say-anything hacks like David Axelrod, Stephanie Cutter and Deborah Wasserman-Schultz have punctured the false media narratives of optimism and hope that infused Obamas 2009 inauguration after an election in which 44% (22 of 50) states voted for someone else.
This time, Obamas inauguration will be marked by smaller crowds due to his dwindling personal and political popularity and a reduced slate of inaugural balls and parties because, well, the entire First Family have been traipsing around the globe on the taxpayers nickel for four solid years so a party in dreary DC is a busmans holiday for them. That wont stop his supporters from attending, many of whom wont miss work with or without the King holiday since they dont have proper jobs.
When Obama raises his right hand to be sworn in by Supreme Coward John Roberts outside the US Capitol at 10:55 AM Chicago time, it will be his second time taking the oath in 24 hours, topped only by the oaths spoken by Michelle Obama as she berates the staff for using the wrong napkin rings and for the lint on the carpets.
He had a private swearing-in on Sunday at the White House because of a constitutional requirement that .oh who are we kidding? This man hasnt adhered to the Constitution since he set foot in the place.
Obama begins the day with another shameless, blasphemous photo op at St. Johns Episcopal Church (the same Episcopal Church that endorsed gay marriage and has seen its churches and members flee) across from the White House. He will then take the oath again strictly for showbiz purposes and subject the poor souls gathered to another two-hour stream of banality from the Capitols west front overlooking the National Mall, where his bought-and-pair-for sycophants will cheer his every cliché.
That is down significantly from the record 1.8 million people who jammed Washington in 2009 for Obamas first inauguration. Maybe it has something to do with gasoline still in excess of $3.25/gallon, lingering unemployment, economic pessimism, capitulation to and downplaying of an ongoing Islamic threat, and widespread exhaustion from listening to this overgrown student council geek bang on about how wonderful he is and how lucky we are to have him.
As Inauguration Day dawned and people streamed through the wintry cold (as opposed to summery cold) toward the Capitol ground, Washington was in security lockdown (as opposed to most normal days when doors and windows are left unlocked on government buildings), with thousands of police and National Guard troops deployed lest they be assigned to hurricane cleanup, barricades up and Humvee military vehicles blocking major intersections the same way Obamas motorcade callously blocks rush-hour traffic in major cities every time he visits.
Outside the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue, an elaborate presidential viewing stand (the Obamas dont do less-than-elaborate), encased in bullet-proof (but, sadly, not sound-proof) glass, awaited Obama and other VIBs (Very Important Bundlers).