Skip to comments.When You Find Out You Married Your Sister
Posted on 02/26/2013 6:15:59 AM PST by Kaslin
You knew it had to happen sometime. A husband discovers that he and his wife have the same sperm donor father. (Both of them raised by lesbian parents.) That means he married his half-sister, who is now the mother of their three children. What should they do?
Although the story has not, to my knowledge, been verified, it was the subject of a question submitted to Emily Yoffe, author of the Dear Prudence advice column. The husband explained that when he met his wife in college, the attraction was immediate, and we quickly became inseparable. We had a number of things in common, and so, he writes, everything was very natural between us.
Of course, thousands of other couples have experienced an immediate attraction that turned into a lasting relationship, but theres an added factor here. Did this couple experience GSA, genetic sexual attraction?
According to the Genetic Sexual Attraction website, Genetic Sexual Attraction or GSA occurs between two adults who have been separated during the critical years of development and bonding and are reunited years later as adults. When these strangers finally meet, the brain struggles to associate each other as family. Instead, they become captivated with one another, sharing similar physical features, likes and dislikes.
Is that what this couple experienced? And what does this do to the born that way argument commonly used by gay activists to support their case that gay rights equals black civil rights? In the case of homosexuality, there remains no reputable scientific evidence that anyone is born gay (although there are certainly genetic contributions to homosexuality, as opposed to genetic causes). In the case of GSA, there could really be deeper genetic factors at work, yet there is only one viable response when it comes to separated siblings who meet later in the life and are attracted to each other: They must resist what their genes want them to do.
But what about this couple? The wife was raised by two lesbians and had learned who her donor dad was when she turned 18. The husband, raised by one lesbian, was never interested in learning the identity of his donor dad until this year, when, for their anniversary, he decided to find out who his biological father was. To his utter shock, he learned that it was the same as his wifes donor dad. (For the common traumas experienced by children of sperm donors, in particular anonymous sperm donors, see my article, The Kids Are Not Always Alright.)
Unsurprisingly, this is not the first time such a thing has happened or, at least, was feared to have happened. A 2008 article reported that lesbian couples in South Australia were at risk due to prolific sperm donors. The article noted that, There have been reports of one man impregnating 30 lesbian women, whose children now socialise together. Unless they are aware of their shared parentage, there is concern some of them could commit incest.
Yes, this is another tragic consequence to the breakdown of the family in our generation. Not just fatherless kids, but married couples produced by the same father. Are we really so bigoted to stand for natural, organic marriage?
Returning to this particular incestuous couple, the husband wrote, On the one hand, I love my wife more than I can say, and logically, done is done, we already have children. I have had a vasectomy, so we won't be having any more, so perhaps there is no harm in continuing as we are. But, I cant help but think This is my sister every time I look at her now. I havent said anything to her yet, and I don't know if I should or not. Where do I go from here? I am tempted to burn everything I got from the sperm bank and just try to forget it all, but Im not sure if I can. Please help me figure out where to go from here.
Without a doubt, this is a difficult, painful situation, and I can understand that Prudence could be faulted for any answer she might give. (She counseled him to tell his wife, get counseling as a couple, and move on with life, never telling the kids.)
Whats shocking, though, is her overall attitude: I think there's way too much emphasis put on DNA. Yes, you two will have had a shock, but when it wears off you will be the same people you were before you found out. Shocking news has the effect of making people feels as if the waves it sends out will always rock them. But I think you two should be able to file away your genetic origins and go on.
In other words, incest might not be so bad after all. But fear not. Theres no slippery slope, and only homophobic bigots want to preserve the natural family. Right.
Never a problem here in Arkansas....assume you are marrying someone you are related to ;)
Move to the Ozarks.
Iiiii’mmm my own Grand-Pawwwwwwww!
There may need to be mandatory blood tests before marriage for a whole new reason these days.
But with so much sex before message these days, you may have been banging your sister for years before you knew it.
Increased freedom of choice often results in unexpected and unintended consequences.
I think they have to find out for sure and hello, deal with the truth.
The “marriage” is sinful and it is their parents’ faults. It is not the kids’ fault but, as always, if you don’t follow Biblical Judeo-Christian boundaries, the kids pay. So, since he fathered these children and loves them, my advice would be, find out the truth, when everyone is old enough, reveal it, meanwhile, move into a separate bedroom and keep the kids happy. Oh and be sure to tell the lesbians who caused the whole entire fiasco by their selfish and shortsighted actions and emphasis on themselves and their sex lives.
I saw that, and the guy doesn’t think its bad enough to break up. lolz
So that “soul mate” you met on match.com is your sibling....bummer.
I think it is based on God and the Bible apillar. Who gives a spit about “science” of ethics? Get real.
Move into a double wide trailer....?
Didn’t the ancient Kings and Queens in many countries engage in incestual marriages for centuries?
“Gas is higher in Europe than it is here.”
“The European leaders all have mistresses but America is so far behind the times.”
“It’s okay for siblings to marry. This used to be common practice.”
See how it goes?
‘Move into a double wide trailer....?’
Only if you want to be considered upscale...
Here in Los Angeles in breeding is the norm.
Taking the Arkansas couple Bill and Hillary to mind. This would be a prime moment to use her famous saying,”Gay,straight, multiple, related, adult/child, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?” The press reminded us during the Clinton fiasco, after he was caught, ‘it was just sex.’
He has had a vasectomy to prevent any more children.
My advice is STFU and enjoy the rest of your life.
The only thing you can do now by complaining is make things worse.
...and if the kids want a puppy, be careful NOT to tell them to “go ask your aunt”...
Wonder which states still require a blood test before marriage?
One year I drove through a town called Folkston, GA on the Florida border. Storefronts everywhere advertised “Blood Test Marriage License”. Seems in those days Florida license requirements were much stricter, & people flocked across the state line to get tested & legally married.
A girl I knew who became a Miami-based stewardess right out of high school got married at 21. Her local paper said the wedding took place in “Folktown, GA”. My pal from Macon looked at the announcement & laughed himself hoarse.
Anyway, same-sex parenting proves once again that we “have sown the wind and will reap the whirlwind”.
One reason why this artificial insemination crap is an abomination.
It must be the Lawyer gene.
Seriously, your cavalier and judgmental comment, or should I say decree, seeks to punish all for the sins of the two lesbian couples.
Somehow, these two children of deviates managed to develop normally as heterosexuals and until the hidden facts came out, were leading a normal and respectable life. This isn't like an Oedipus story, for heaven's sake! Let them live out their lives as normal folks!
I agree 100 percent and think about it, there is a reason why some people can not conceive, or the husband’s sperm is low. They can always adopt if they really want children. I realize on the other hand that adoption is not for everyone, but artificial insemination is definitely wrong
That’s just the point, bud. The truth will out. Now that dad knows he is married to his sis, the vibes will start. The kids will sense it, even if they haven’t been told. What, you suggest he continue to have intercourse with his sister? Good grief, man, who is the brute in this situation?
I think as long as you keep the dead cars on the lawn down to a manageable level, this shouldn’t be a problem.
There’s nothing in the Bible about not marrying your cousin, yet we have a taboo against that. So it’s not all from the Bible.
You arf right, it is Biblically cool to marry your cousin. So what? In this case he is married to his half sister not his cousin
Hey! Quit making fun of aunt-grandmaw, or I’ll tell brother-dad!
Hey! Quit making fun of aunt-grandmaw, or I’ll tell brother-dad!
The “so what?” is that not all of our incest taboos are based on the Bible, some are based on science, or simply cultural mores. That’s all.
Yes we're all cousins, that's what I believe,
Because we're children of Adam and Eve
Have I mentioned you look simply FABULOUS in those tight Levis Cousin? ;)
There’s anothe rhollywood example of this in a little known film called My Chauffer...It had deborah Foreman in it IIRC...
It illuded to an intimate encounter, where the two actors realized they were “bad” (brother and sister) before they actually knew they were related...
You’d have to watch it, but it just seems to me mistakes can, will and have happened in real life, and all you can do is kinda go “oh well”...Whatya gonna do???
but “Oh well, lets keep doing it”
is the wrong answer
Yes, a lot of in-breeding.
And, that is how Prince Charles came about.
Prince Charles, who wanted to be Camilla's tampon in order to be even closer to her. His cell phone was hacked or intercepted or something.
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Sure, I was implying that once the deed is done, and then afterwards you realize (in this case, find out) there is an incestual bend to the relationship...What was done in the past cannot be undone, thats what I meant by the, “Oh well, what are ya gonna do about it...”
Half sibling is about the same as first cousin, which is legal in CA, NY, and NM, among other states.
British royal families did a bunch of cousin marriages, back in the day, and although a bit funny looking, they are still around.
Hrolf Kraki, the dark ages Danish king was the son of an unwitting union between his father and his father’s daughter.
He was a legendary king for his wisdom, virtue and courage.
as if that makes any difference
He didn't even know how to spell his name! HA!
I'll have to look this fella' up!
“Wonder which states still require a blood test before marriage?”
Those early blood tests were to determine if either had syphillus....nothing more.
Genetic tests would be pretty expensive...but may become necessary someday.
“Theres nothing in the Bible about not marrying your cousin, yet we have a taboo against that. So its not all from the Bible.”
After 1,400 years of first cousin incest, Muslims have accumulated a range of genetic deficits due to inbreeding. ‘Course, they were not much to start with.
first cousin is bad enough
but sister and brother is horrific
they have the same dad, they are bro and sis
Two words: Habsburg dynasty.
Hrolf had his name spelled in a variety of ways, depending on whether you were a Dane, a Geat/Goth or one of the other traditions that mention him.
The Catholic church used to warn people not to have relations with prostitutes, because children were often adopted out or given away and so lost tract of, so you might inadvertently have relations with your near relative.
Some of that is echoed in a few of the Grimm fairy tales.