As President of the Tree Octopus Protection Society I am appalled that people are questioning the existance of this species which is so critical to the planet’s ecosystem. It is well known that the noble Tree Octopus plays a crucial role in controlling the numbers of the dreaded tree mollusk which, if unchecked, would decimate the deciduous forests of the US. The deforestation that would result from the extinction of the Tree Octopus would cause uncontrolled global warming and the deaths of probably six or seven people.
Wait a minute, I smell something wrong. Everybody knows that the Tree Octopus is found in the coniferous forests of the Pacific Northwest, not in the deciduous forests. What gives?