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Ahmadinejad Blames Jews For Erectile Dysfunction
Daily Currant ^

Posted on 04/11/2013 8:42:40 AM PDT by Impala64ssa

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blamed Jews today for the "global scourge of erectile dysfunction."

In a speech broadcast on state television, the Islamic firebrand claimed an international Jewish cabal is provoking male impotence though chemicals in bottled water and then making billions by treating the syndrome with pharmaceutical drugs like Viagra.

In the middle of one of his more typical rants against Israel, the United States, and global Zionism, Ahmadinejad unveiled his latest conspiracy theory.

"One of the most insidious new methods of global Zionist oppression is the effort to sap the life-forces of non-Jews around the world," he thundered.

"According to my closest advisers, almost 95 percent of Iranian men now have difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection. I have to admit that on very rare occasions, I have had such trouble myself, despite my legendary virility.

"Clearly we see the work of the Zionists in this situation. Why else would good Muslim and Christian men everywhere be suffering this embarrassing lack of manly function?"

Flaccid Argument

Ahmadinejad then detailed how he believes Jews have created this epidemic of male impotence.

"Jewish interests have taken financial control of all the bottled water companies in the world," he explained. "They have used the dominance to slip chemicals into our bloodstreams, which destroy our ability to become erect.

"Very attractive, sexually vibrant men have unwittingly become victims of this humiliating condition. But the Jew is not content to humiliate his enemies. He must bankrupt them too. And so they have created a cure for this induced disease - drugs such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.

"Hard working men all over the world are spending billions on such cures just to keep themselves sexually viable. Many are facing complete financial ruin.

"And who sells these drugs? Just look at these pharmaceutical companies: Pfizer, Merck, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Glaxo Smith Kline - these are all Jewish names!

"We must unite to fight this conspiracy, beginning with a complete ban on bottled water in our country and a lawsuit seeking compensation for all the money Iranian men have spent on these terribly expensive erection pills."

Ahmadinejad has been president of Iran since 2005. He is known for his staunchly anti-Jewish views. Political observers in Tehran expect a ban on bottled water to be enacted within weeks.


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: achmaddinijad; satire
What happens to a Jew with an erection when he walks into a wall? He breaks his nose ;) But seriously, Jews are capable of causing this level of mayhem, and NOBODY TOLD ME??!? Who knew? How I wish my ancestors were let in on the ground flor of all these Zionist conspiracies. OY VEY! I should be so lucky.
1 posted on 04/11/2013 8:42:41 AM PDT by Impala64ssa
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To: Impala64ssa

If what I’ve heard about JAP’s in the past is anywhere NEAR true .....


2 posted on 04/11/2013 8:44:09 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: Impala64ssa

The intellectual madness that pervades the world is absolutely amazing.


3 posted on 04/11/2013 8:44:20 AM PDT by Don Corleone ("Oil the gun..eat the cannoli. Take it to the Mattress.")
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To: Impala64ssa
Now this moron is sounding like our moron VP Biden..This loon gets crazier ever day..One day the fool will try and blow us all up..With him and the Fat North Korean idiot we will not have a chance..
4 posted on 04/11/2013 8:46:02 AM PDT by PLD
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To: Impala64ssa

I guess the Iranian market for Conan-age ‘dead man’s seed’ has hit an all-time low?

Maybe those sales haven’t been flagellating, lately?

Could it be that Iranian males have had to ‘come to grip’, with their real problem?

Or is it, that Iranian males come up a little, ahem, ‘short’, in this issue?


5 posted on 04/11/2013 8:47:06 AM PDT by Terry L Smith
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To: Terry L Smith

Well, that’s odd. Seems to me that because of the “Zionists” this little beady eyed “Twelver” POS has a huge (for him) hard on for them.


6 posted on 04/11/2013 8:50:28 AM PDT by rktman (BACKGROUND CHECKS? YOU FIRST MR. PRESIDENT!(not that we'd get the truth!))
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To: Impala64ssa

7 posted on 04/11/2013 8:50:50 AM PDT by Dogbert41
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To: Impala64ssa
I blame Arab women:


8 posted on 04/11/2013 8:50:52 AM PDT by Uncle Miltie (Due Process 2013: "Burn the M*****-F***er Down!")
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To: Impala64ssa

at least we finally learn what his problem really is....


9 posted on 04/11/2013 8:54:32 AM PDT by faithhopecharity (()
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To: Impala64ssa

Islam and progressivism are competing for the title of “Completely Lacking in Morals, Intellect, or Honesty”.

Right now, it’s a tie.

Stay tuned.


10 posted on 04/11/2013 8:54:56 AM PDT by Da Coyote
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To: Impala64ssa

Jewish women by nature counter this argument, refusing to wear a Habib. IbeenAnutJob only likes his women safely hidden in a bag, or it confronts his masculinity .


11 posted on 04/11/2013 8:58:47 AM PDT by American in Israel (A wise man's heart directs him to the right, but the foolish mans heart directs him toward the left.)
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To: Impala64ssa

Is he trying to tell us something personal?

No wonder he`s such a putz!


12 posted on 04/11/2013 9:00:37 AM PDT by nomad
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To: Impala64ssa

I assume this is parody, but it’s “hard” to tell.


13 posted on 04/11/2013 9:01:31 AM PDT by Jewbacca (The residents of Iroquois territory may not determine whether Jews may live in Jerusalem.)
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To: Impala64ssa

I think the primary cause of muslim ED is it’s twisted obsession with buttholes — usually male buttholes.


14 posted on 04/11/2013 9:01:55 AM PDT by JohnBrowdie (http://forum.stink-eye.net)
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To: Impala64ssa
Political observers in Tehran expect a ban on bottled water to be enacted within weeks.

First, Concord, Massachusetts, now Tehran! I see a pattern developing here!

15 posted on 04/11/2013 9:02:08 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (Doing the same thing and expecting different results is called software engineering.)
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To: Impala64ssa

Hasn’t affected Ahmanutjob - he’s still a big prick.


16 posted on 04/11/2013 9:02:09 AM PDT by beethovenfan (If Islam is the solution, the "problem" must be freedom.)
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To: Impala64ssa

Yeah. I could see it. The Israelis could scare a man into limpidity.

Isa. 19 says that when Jesus comes, the Egyptian men are going to squeal like little girls.


17 posted on 04/11/2013 9:02:31 AM PDT by lurk
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To: faithhopecharity

he has pictures of his expected 72 virgins all over his bunker.... and he has ED!

no wonder he’s so mad.......


18 posted on 04/11/2013 9:04:16 AM PDT by faithhopecharity (()
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To: knarf
If what I’ve heard about JAP’s in the past is anywhere NEAR true .....

I was once engaged to marry a young Jewish woman, but events intervened. What you heard is true. I have also heard that there is only one way to quell a Jewish woman's sexual desire: marry her.

19 posted on 04/11/2013 9:05:51 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (Doing the same thing and expecting different results is called software engineering.)
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To: Impala64ssa

A sinister geek from Iran
Was afeared for his rep as a man.
..Evading the charms
..Of feminine arms—
“Yes yes,” says he: “I must be a bottom man!”


20 posted on 04/11/2013 9:17:01 AM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: All armed conservatives.)
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To: Impala64ssa
"Jewish interests have taken financial control of all the bottled water companies in the world," he explained. "They have used the dominance to slip chemicals into our bloodstreams, which destroy our ability to become erect."

The modern day version of the "poisoning the well" anti-semistism canard.
21 posted on 04/11/2013 9:20:29 AM PDT by PA Engineer (Liberate America from the Occupation Media.)
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To: Impala64ssa

I think he’s jealous at all the attention the little kid in NK has been getting lately.


22 posted on 04/11/2013 9:22:39 AM PDT by Former Fetus (Saved by grace through faith)
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To: Impala64ssa

Mahmoud’s having problems.


23 posted on 04/11/2013 9:24:18 AM PDT by onedoug
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To: Dogbert41

I immediately thought of this dialogue from Dr. Strangelove and no doubt so did you. :-)

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen... tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?

General Jack D. Ripper: [somewhat embarassed] Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.

General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.

General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.

General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.


24 posted on 04/11/2013 9:34:25 AM PDT by wildbill (You're just jealous because the Voices talk only to me.)
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To: Impala64ssa

Ahmadinejad is just practicing excuses to try out on his goat.


25 posted on 04/11/2013 9:37:12 AM PDT by andy58-in-nh (Cogito, ergo armatum sum.)
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To: JohnBrowdie

“I think the primary cause of muslim ED is it’s twisted obsession with buttholes — usually male buttholes.”

But you need to add to that impregnating their female first cousins. These sixth century throwbacks have the IQ’s of a tree frog from their inbreeding. My apologies to the tree frogs.


26 posted on 04/11/2013 9:55:17 AM PDT by vette6387
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To: Impala64ssa

Biden making stupid comments about guns. AJ making stupid comments about ED. Has anyone seen the two together in the same room?

The NappyOne


27 posted on 04/11/2013 10:00:19 AM PDT by NappyOne
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To: lurk

” the Egyptian men are going to squeal like little girls.”

Happens frequently when Muslim men ‘get together’.


28 posted on 04/11/2013 10:43:02 AM PDT by GladesGuru (In a society predicated upon freedom, it is necessary to examine principles."..)
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To: wildbill

LOL, it’s too funny how that movie was so timeless!


29 posted on 04/11/2013 11:11:44 AM PDT by Dogbert41
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To: Impala64ssa

His meds must be unavailable again.


30 posted on 04/11/2013 11:14:49 AM PDT by MarMema
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To: Impala64ssa
But seriously, Jews are capable of causing this level of mayhem, and NOBODY TOLD ME??!? Who knew?

Tell them to change their process and put birth control pills in the drinking water, and limit the distribution to Iran, Syria, Afghanistan,Gaza,Pakistan and any other place where hatred is festered. Then, shortly there would be no more militant muslims being born, trained in hatred for Christians,Jews,Hindus (anyone other than muslims).

Thinking about it, if Israel and the US were as evil as they keep portraying us,We would have taken over the world a long time ago.

31 posted on 04/11/2013 11:48:37 AM PDT by Yulee (Village of Albion)
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To: Impala64ssa
The bigotery, hatred, & racism is quite revealing in an Islamic Republic country such as shia Iran who operates under the Koran
32 posted on 04/11/2013 1:27:13 PM PDT by SIRTRIS
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To: Impala64ssa; ExTexasRedhead

Bump for later read .............................................................................................. FRegards


33 posted on 04/11/2013 1:33:23 PM PDT by gonzo ( Buy more ammo, dammit! You should already have the firearms ... FRegards)
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To: beethovenfan

As a rule of thumb the bigger the p**ck the small the d**k.


34 posted on 04/11/2013 2:09:04 PM PDT by Louis Foxwell (Better the devil we can destroy than the Judas we must tolerate.)
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