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Texas judge issues double-entendre-filled ruling in strip club case
Yahoo! News ^ | 5/2/13 | Mike Krumboltz

Posted on 05/02/2013 9:25:12 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows

U.S. District Judge Fred Biery has spoken. The Texas judge issued a ruling in the case he called "The Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v. the (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pastie."

Yes, indeed. At issue was a strip club's request for a preliminary injunction that would block enforcement of a San Antonio ordinance requiring its dancers to wear bikini tops while entertaining. The club had asked that its employees be allowed to wear nipple-covering "pasties" instead.

The fact that this case went to court is strange enough. But that seems downright pedestrian when compared with Judge Biery's hilarious ruling that was so full of double-entendres we could barely keep up.

The 29-page document starts off with a bang. "An ordinance dealing with semi-nude dancers has once again fallen into the city's lap," he writes.

He continues:

The City of San Antonio ("City") wants exotic dancers employed by Plantiffs to wear larger pieces of fabric to cover more of the female breast. Thus, the age old question before the Court, now with constitutional implications, is: Does size matter?

And that's just the first paragraph. All through the ruling, Biery doesn't miss an opportunity to drop a one-liner poking fun at the inherent ridiculousness of the case.

(Excerpt) Read more at news.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Extended News; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: dancers; napl; pastie; seminude
I'll be keeping abreast of this important case.
1 posted on 05/02/2013 9:25:12 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
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To: Slings and Arrows; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
They're real!

[The quotes, of course. What did you think I meant?]


2 posted on 05/02/2013 9:26:13 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Biery is an appointee of Bubba’s. (I’m shocked)


3 posted on 05/02/2013 9:34:23 PM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (Resist We Much)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Erection in Progress photo Erection.png
4 posted on 05/02/2013 9:34:41 PM PDT by null and void ("Och, aye 'twas a huge beastie the shape of a haggis but the size o' the football pitch at Dunkeld!")
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To: null and void

LOL!


5 posted on 05/02/2013 9:35:42 PM PDT by wastedyears (I'm a gamer not because I choose to have no life, but because I choose to have many.)
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To: Slings and Arrows; mikrofon; martin_fierro

I direct your attention to Exhibit DD. . . .


6 posted on 05/02/2013 9:36:07 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (TTIUWP.)
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To: Clump

ping


7 posted on 05/02/2013 9:37:10 PM PDT by B4Ranch ( There's Two Choices. Stand Up and Be Counted ... Or Line Up and Be Numbered.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Thanks for the mammaries!


8 posted on 05/02/2013 9:38:50 PM PDT by Veggie Todd (Hey, Idiot Kid - pull up your pants!!!!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

It may not be the judge’s areola of expertise, but he’s milking it for all it’s worth...


9 posted on 05/02/2013 9:39:27 PM PDT by adingdangdoo
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To: Slings and Arrows

I must applaud this judge’s creative and humorous spirit. May this judge live long and prosper. God Blessed Texas with His own Hand ...


10 posted on 05/02/2013 9:39:31 PM PDT by MHGinTN (Being deceived can be cured.)
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To: adingdangdoo

Page eight, the denial of injunction is quite amusing. Obviously the judge was having too much fun with the case.


11 posted on 05/02/2013 9:48:05 PM PDT by MHGinTN (Being deceived can be cured.)
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To: MHGinTN

“Should the parties choose to string this case out to trial on the merits, the Court encourages reasonable discovery intercourse as they navigate the peaks and valleys of litigation, perhaps to reach a happy ending.”


12 posted on 05/02/2013 9:52:08 PM PDT by Nik Naym (It's not my fault... I have compulsive smartass disorder.)
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To: null and void
OMG! you turned one of my posts into your tagline! I'm honored and just a little... choked up ( i promised myself I wouldn't cry)

sniff, sniff.

CC

13 posted on 05/02/2013 9:52:53 PM PDT by Celtic Conservative (tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
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To: Slings and Arrows

14 posted on 05/02/2013 9:57:06 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: Celtic Conservative

15 posted on 05/02/2013 10:00:17 PM PDT by null and void ("Och, aye 'twas a huge beastie the shape of a haggis but the size o' the football pitch at Dunkeld!")
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To: Slings and Arrows

16 posted on 05/02/2013 10:01:40 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: null and void
LoL! (and thank you)

CC

17 posted on 05/02/2013 10:03:09 PM PDT by Celtic Conservative (tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
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To: Celtic Conservative
I've always loved your tagline:

"Tease not the dragon, for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup."

I saw variations on it years before, but none as well worded as yours.

18 posted on 05/02/2013 10:24:36 PM PDT by Windflier (To anger a conservative, tell him a lie. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth.)
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To: Windflier
I credit my college English lit. professor who made me slog through middle and Elizabethan English writers in their original unaltered texts. The quote itself isn't mine as you said, but I've ginned it up a bit to sound more "period correct".

CC

19 posted on 05/02/2013 10:35:26 PM PDT by Celtic Conservative (tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
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To: Charles Henrickson

No tittering!


20 posted on 05/02/2013 11:03:14 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

this case must have been very hard on the judge.


21 posted on 05/03/2013 12:10:38 AM PDT by GOP Poet
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To: GOP Poet

He rose to the occasion.


22 posted on 05/03/2013 12:32:46 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Did his opinion take more than four hours to read?

(If so, did he seek medical attention?)


23 posted on 05/03/2013 1:57:55 AM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

And they’re spectacular!


24 posted on 05/03/2013 6:27:07 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Some people take there grammar way to seriously.)
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To: shibumi

Use alcohol in moderation when reading this opinion.


25 posted on 05/03/2013 6:29:05 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Some people take there grammar way to seriously.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Plaintiffs, and by extension their customers, seek an erection of a constitutional wall separating themselves from the regulatory power of City government.

LOL Don't we all?

26 posted on 05/03/2013 6:44:19 AM PDT by OrangeHoof (Our economy won't heal until one particular black man is unemployed.)
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To: Celtic Conservative
The quote itself isn't mine as you said, but I've ginned it up a bit to sound more "period correct".

Good job. I appreciate that sort of thing. English was always my favorite subject in school.

27 posted on 05/03/2013 8:10:16 AM PDT by Windflier (To anger a conservative, tell him a lie. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth.)
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To: OrangeHoof

The problem is having it last longer than two minutes.


28 posted on 05/03/2013 8:31:47 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

You can see more at the beach or in a gay pride parade than in a hetro-strip club these days, so I hear.


29 posted on 05/03/2013 12:11:09 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
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To: Charles Henrickson; martin_fierro; Slings and Arrows
Thorough consideration of the corpus delicti resulted in the issuance of habeas corpus cavernosum ...
30 posted on 05/03/2013 1:39:14 PM PDT by mikrofon (San Antonio - not Corpus Christi)
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To: adingdangdoo

Would it be tit for tat?


31 posted on 05/03/2013 7:00:43 PM PDT by chooseascreennamepat (Democrats are experts at redefining words.)
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