Texas judge issues double-entendre-filled ruling in strip club case

Yahoo! News ^ | 5/2/13 | Mike Krumboltz

[Slings and Arrows]

U.S. District Judge Fred Biery has spoken. The Texas judge issued a ruling in the case he called "The Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v. the (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pastie."

Yes, indeed. At issue was a strip club's request for a preliminary injunction that would block enforcement of a San Antonio ordinance requiring its dancers to wear bikini tops while entertaining. The club had asked that its employees be allowed to wear nipple-covering "pasties" instead.

The fact that this case went to court is strange enough. But that seems downright pedestrian when compared with Judge Biery's hilarious ruling that was so full of double-entendres we could barely keep up.

The 29-page document starts off with a bang. "An ordinance dealing with semi-nude dancers has once again fallen into the city's lap," he writes.

He continues:

The City of San Antonio ("City") wants exotic dancers employed by Plantiffs to wear larger pieces of fabric to cover more of the female breast. Thus, the age old question before the Court, now with constitutional implications, is: Does size matter?

And that's just the first paragraph. All through the ruling, Biery doesn't miss an opportunity to drop a one-liner poking fun at the inherent ridiculousness of the case.

[Slings and Arrows]

I'll be keeping abreast of this important case.

[Slings and Arrows]

They're real!

[The quotes, of course. What did you think I meant?]

[fieldmarshaldj]

Biery is an appointee of Bubba’s. (I’m shocked)

[null and void]

[wastedyears]

LOL!

[Charles Henrickson]

I direct your attention to Exhibit DD. . . .

[B4Ranch]

ping

[Veggie Todd]

Thanks for the mammaries!

[adingdangdoo]

It may not be the judge’s areola of expertise, but he’s milking it for all it’s worth...

[MHGinTN]

I must applaud this judge’s creative and humorous spirit. May this judge live long and prosper. God Blessed Texas with His own Hand ...

[MHGinTN]

Page eight, the denial of injunction is quite amusing. Obviously the judge was having too much fun with the case.

[Nik Naym]

“Should the parties choose to string this case out to trial on the merits, the Court encourages reasonable discovery intercourse as they navigate the peaks and valleys of litigation, perhaps to reach a happy ending.”

[Celtic Conservative]

OMG! you turned one of my posts into your tagline! I'm honored and just a little... choked up ( i promised myself I wouldn't cry)

sniff, sniff.

CC

[Revolting cat!]

[null and void]

[Revolting cat!]

[Celtic Conservative]

LoL! (and thank you)

CC

[Windflier]

I've always loved your tagline:

"Tease not the dragon, for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup."

I saw variations on it years before, but none as well worded as yours.

[Celtic Conservative]

I credit my college English lit. professor who made me slog through middle and Elizabethan English writers in their original unaltered texts. The quote itself isn't mine as you said, but I've ginned it up a bit to sound more "period correct".

CC

[Slings and Arrows]

No tittering!