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Colonel Goes To the Doctor
5-7-13 | Col. George E Jones

Posted on 05/09/2013 6:12:24 AM PDT by artichokegrower

My VA Medical Appointment I visited a VA physician last week who was quite enthusiastic. It was a “new” doctor in the practice, a young lady (at MY age, EVERYBODY is “young”! When I was born, the Dead Sea wasn‘t even sick!) She was obviously a liberal by her dress and manner. I was thinking of hitting on her, but I don’t like the phrase she used, “You remind me of my grandfather.” She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, “I have a cut on my leg; and I think it may be getting infected.” She said, “Before we start, I have to ask you a few questions. Are you allergic to any medications?” I replied, “No.”

She said, “Do you have any guns in the house?”

I said,“HUH??”

She replied, “Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?”

I asked,“Why?”

She said, “I’ve got to ask this question. It is required under the Affordable Care Act.”

I asked,“What are you going to do with the data?” She said, “We compile it, amalgamate it, and submit it to the government.”

I said,“Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play with it.”

She said, “What’s a Tommy Gun? I don‘t think that is the kind of gun they are concerned with.”

With THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, “It’s similar to a B.A.R., but a little heavier and shorter. I have a B.A.R. also.”

She said,“A B.A.R.?”

I said,“Yes.”

She looked puzzled. Then she brightened up and asked, “Do you have any assault rifles?”

I attempted to look puzzled, and said, “I don’t know. What is an assault rifle?”

She said, “That’s a gun that is used in wars.”

I said,“As a matter of fact, I do I have a replica of a Revolutionary War musket.”

She began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended not to notice and kept up the appearance of trying to be helpful.

She said, “Do you have anything more modern than that?”

I replied,“Well, yes I do. I have a replica muzzle loader from the Civil War. Do you know the difference between a musket and a muzzle loader?”

She rather peevishly said, “No, I don’t; and I don’t want to. What else do you have?”

I said, “I have an M-1.”

She asked, “What’s that?”

I said,“A rifle.”

She asked, “What kind?” I replied,“It is called a Garand.” She rather loudly said, “I don’t care if it is a grand rifle or not. Is it an assault rifle?” To which I replied,“I don’t know. I don’t know what an assault rifle is. You say it’s a rifle used in war, yet you say that my musket and muzzle loader are not assault rifles.”

She calmed down (a bit) and asked, “Anything else?”

I said,“I have an MG-.30, and an MG-.50. I‘m also part owner of an Apache. But they are not rifles.”

She stated, “Well, then, I’m not interested in them. Anything else.”

I replied,“Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge and a 20-gauge pump. They are not rifled though.”

She said, “I’m not interested in pumps; I’m interested in guns.”

I replied,“Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, a Glock, a bazooka, a Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, a Henry, an Uzi, a Llama, and a Beretta--but they are not rifles.”

She then said, “I’ve had enough of this. I think you’re toying with me. Let me see your leg.”

I then said,“Excuse me, but before you look at my leg, I have a few questions to ask of you.”

She replied, “Of course. What are they?”

I said, “I have given you a lot of information about my guns. I am somewhat concerned about your knowledge and ability to assimilate, make coherent sense of that information, and report it correctly. Do you know the difference between a .22 caliber and a .223 caliber? It’s a rather fundamental difference.”

She replied, “Actually, I don’t.”

I said,“I see. Let me ask some more relevant questions. “How much money do you make?”

She said, “That’s personal, why do you ask?”

I said,“Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, my president cautioned the population about doctors that would amputate a leg rather than treat a cut because they make more money that way. Consequently, I wish to know if you are financially troubled. What kind of car do you drive? What are your house payments? How much is your mortgage? How much credit card debt do you have? Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?”

She said, “I’m not going to answer those questions. You have no right to ask them.”

I then asked,“Do you have training and education in homeopathic techniques? Do you know the benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, Creatine, BCAA, and other such herbal treatments?” Do you know the difference between Panax ginseng, American ginseng, and Siberian ginseng?”

She replied, “Well, No!”

I then asked, ”Well, have you studied it at all?”

She replied rather defensively,“NO; it’s all a bunch of hogwash anyway!”

I said,“Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you read?”

She then said, “I don’t waste my time reading such things. Why are you asking me these questions?”

I said, “Well, if I’m going to turn my body over to you for treatment, I believe it is reasonable for me to know something about your motivation, training, experience, and competence. Do you know anything about the practice of holistic medicine?”

She said, rather angrily “No, I don’t!” I said, “Oh. O.K. How much experience do you have in practicing medicine?”

She replied, “Well, not very much.” To which I said,“Well, we all have to start somewhere. What medical school did you go to; what is its rank in terms of other medical schools; where did you intern; and where did you do your residency? What is the rank of the hospital where you did your internship and residency?”

She rather peevishly said, “All my credentials are posted in the waiting room.”

To which I said,“Really? The rank of your medical school is posted in the waiting room? Do you have any experience with leg injuries? If so, how much?”

I guess that was too much for her. She rather crossly said, “I think it would be best if you saw a different doctor.” ...and started to leave the room.

I said,“You know, doctor. You asked me irrelevant questions about my guns, and I answered them. Whether or not I own guns is really none of your business and has absolutely nothing to do with any treatment you might prescribe. On the other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant to my situation, and you refuse to answer them. Isn’t that somewhat backwards?”

She said, “But I HAVE to ask those questions. It’s the law.”

To which I replied,“Actually, it is NOT the law. Here is what the law says--taken directly from the Affordable Care Act:” (1) WELLNESS AND PREVENTION PROGRAMS.—A wellness and health promotion activity implemented under subsection (a) (1) (D) may not require the disclosure or collection of any information elating to: (A) the presence or storage of a lawfully-possessed firearm or ammunition in the residence or on theproperty of an individual; or (B) the lawful use, possession, or storage of a firearm or ammunition by an individual. (2) LIMITATION ON DATA COLLECTION.—None of the authorities provided to the Secretary under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act or an amendment made by that act shall be construed to authorize or may be used for the collection of any information relating to- (A) the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition; (B) the lawful use of a firearm or ammunition; or (C) the lawful storage of a firearm or ammunition. You may verify this at, : ... orbid-gun- and-ammo-registration/.” “As you can see, you have broken federal law TWICE--once by asking, and once by collecting data. It is perfectly legal for me to own guns; it is NOTlegal for you to ask and/or collect such data.

YOU are breaking the law, and yet YOU are the one that is angry. Not only that, but you erroneously stated that you must ask such questions, and you did it in a very authoritative and convincing manner. You gave me false information, which I then acted upon by answering your questions. On that basis, how can I be expected to trust your medical judgment? When I attempted to ascertain your medical competency, you became defensive and hostile.”

“There is really no need for me to see another doctor in this practice. I‘ll go somewhere else, where my privacy is respected, and I can trust the information I receive.” Semper Fidelis, George E. Jones Colonel , U. S. Marine Corps, Retired

TOPICS: Culture/Society; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: chat; humor; vanity

1 posted on 05/09/2013 6:12:24 AM PDT by artichokegrower
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To: artichokegrower

Nice story.

$5 says it’s fiction, but well-written.

2 posted on 05/09/2013 6:22:22 AM PDT by Jim Noble (When strong, avoid them. Attack their weaknesses. Emerge to their surprise.)
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To: artichokegrower

I’d probably describe a frightening array of full-auto military weapons to her and then watch the fun unfold as 75 SWAT teams descend upon my small rural hunting cabin, only to find a transistor radio and some empty beer cans inside.

3 posted on 05/09/2013 6:22:42 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog
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To: artichokegrower

Nice scenario, fun to read.

4 posted on 05/09/2013 6:25:41 AM PDT by Venturer
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To: artichokegrower

Well done! Ask questions of a liberal.. they are usually too dumb to debate with knowledge..and don’t argue with a fool...

5 posted on 05/09/2013 6:28:01 AM PDT by rusureitflies?
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To: artichokegrower

In truth, as a vet I use the VA and 3 questions always asked during my visits are as follows:

Do you use tobacco?

Are you in a safe environment?

Are there any guns in the home?

Then a get a letter that they moved me down 3 priority for care levels based on an audit done durning the Obama administration. Of course I appealed the decision.

They are systematically taking all or lowering my benefits- I am 55, unemployed for 15 months and served in the military in the 70s.

Never thought I would be in this position!

6 posted on 05/09/2013 6:33:37 AM PDT by seeker41 (Take back your country before it is too late-STOP islamic expansion in the USA)
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To: artichokegrower; vette6387; flat; unkus; gonzo; MamaDearest; Doogle; Foolsgold; SkyPilot; onyx; ...

Whether or not this story is true or false, physicians are asking a lot of personal questions and typing them into a laptop. IMO, Big Bro and Big Sis is compiling data of all of us. I’ve seen my doctor doing just that. I’ve talked to friends who have experienced the same thing. The consensus is to not tell your doctor anything personal; absolutely no comments. I have friends who are not following that advise. Our doctors have become “agents” of the Regime. Those who are not have left their practices or are planning to.

7 posted on 05/09/2013 6:35:00 AM PDT by ExTexasRedhead
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To: Jim Noble

It is fiction. Been around before under different “authors.”

8 posted on 05/09/2013 6:40:29 AM PDT by pabianice
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To: artichokegrower

I am going to plead the 5th or “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” if I am asked that question! I hate drs anyway. They are the only profession that gets paid regardless of whether they help you or not!

9 posted on 05/09/2013 6:50:48 AM PDT by Cricket24 (Sick of spineless Republicans!)
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To: Cricket24
Lawyers get paid even if they make the situation worse, ditto CPAs.
10 posted on 05/09/2013 7:00:55 AM PDT by ricmc2175
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To: ExTexasRedhead

My naturapath doesnt ask personal stuff

11 posted on 05/09/2013 7:09:31 AM PDT by goodnesswins (R.I.P. Doherty, Smith, Stevens, Woods.)
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To: artichokegrower


12 posted on 05/09/2013 7:38:40 AM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously, you won't live through it anyway)
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To: Cricket24

Just say “No”.

13 posted on 05/09/2013 7:48:01 AM PDT by ataDude (Its like 1933, mixed with the Carter 70s, plus the books 1984 and Animal Farm, all at the same time.)
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To: artichokegrower

Oohrah, Colonel. I’m going to avoid the VA system as well.

Colonel, USAFR

14 posted on 05/09/2013 8:02:35 AM PDT by jagusafr (the American Trinity (Liberty, In G0D We Trust, E Pluribus Unum))
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To: artichokegrower

Neither my wife nor I have ever been asked about guns by any of our doctors.

15 posted on 05/09/2013 8:22:15 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
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To: stuartcr

I’ve used the VA in several “Southern” States for several years and have never been asked if I have guns in the home or any question pertaining to guns. My private doctors have never asked either.

16 posted on 05/09/2013 9:05:50 AM PDT by WesternPacific (The herded sheep have finally arrived at the slaughter house.)
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To: WesternPacific

Same here

17 posted on 05/09/2013 9:13:31 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
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To: pabianice

I know I’m coming into this somewhat delayed. You’re probably right that the story is fictional. However, the piece of the ACA that was quoted, and the supporting links are completely factual. So, in essence, we get useful information in an amusing story that makes the information easy to remember.

18 posted on 01/09/2015 1:04:10 PM PST by stephenjazz
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To: artichokegrower
A left wing, gun ignorant acquaintance once asked what I had purchased at a recent gun show.

I told her I had bought a 120 Rheinmetall ... but not to worry: It's a smoothbore, not an assault weapon.

The cranial explosion when she finally figured out what that is ... and that I was messing with her ... and that she had "bought it" for a time ... was EPIC.

19 posted on 01/09/2015 1:10:47 PM PST by NorthMountain (No longer TEA Party ... I'm the TAF Party)
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