Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Couple Married For 36 Years Allowed Limited, Supervised Visits
www.kolotv.com ^ | 05/15/2013 | Ed Pearce

Posted on 05/15/2013 9:12:43 AM PDT by redreno

CARSON, NV - Thelma Kessler is 86, her husband Stanley, 87. They've been married for 36 years, but now in the sunset of their lives they are allowed to see each other for just one hour a week and a court order gives others the power to file for their divorce.

Thelma no longer has control of her husband's life. That's responsibility now rests with Carson City Public Guardian Debi Marzoline.

After a series of court hearings, Stanley was removed from their home and put in a nursing home. There was an allegation Thelma was starving him and she was labeled a neglectful spouse, a charge she calls ridiculous.

(Excerpt) Read more at kolotv.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; US: Nevada
KEYWORDS: abuse; carsoncity; divorce; elderly; marriage; nevada

1 posted on 05/15/2013 9:12:43 AM PDT by redreno
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: redreno

Does this give the “Public Guardian” power of attorney over Mr. Kessler’s bank accounts? I’ve read stories of this happening and the “guardian” wiping out her charge’s accounts.

I wonder if there are any family members.


2 posted on 05/15/2013 9:18:02 AM PDT by Bon of Babble (It was ME. I Let the Dogs Out.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Bon of Babble

It’s wise to take preemptive action for one’s sunset years. While a will is important, a power of attorney and health care surrogate are more so. If this couple had planned for someone specific to take care of them, the chances are good that this would not happen.


3 posted on 05/15/2013 9:21:49 AM PDT by esquirette ("Our hearts are restless until they find rest in Thee." ~ Augustine)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: redreno

allegations she was starving him? Did they ASK HIM?

Why not send someone to his home with a sandwich every day at noon? Wouldnt that be cheaper?


4 posted on 05/15/2013 9:24:19 AM PDT by Mr. K (There are lies, damned lies, statistics, and democrat talking points.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redreno

Personally, I’d far rather be dead than have my life put in charge of any Debby who spells her name wiith an “i”.

In fact, it’s clear, on the basis of her name only, that Debby - with an “i” - should be placed in the hands of a public custodian.


5 posted on 05/15/2013 9:27:26 AM PDT by Jack Hammer (American)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redreno

Maybe she has dementia also, and just thinks she feeds him?


6 posted on 05/15/2013 9:30:29 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redreno

Good grief! Many of the elderly lose their appetites and have to be forced to eat, even when they don’t have dementia!


7 posted on 05/15/2013 9:34:00 AM PDT by GSD Lover
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: stuartcr

Allegations are just allegations. Have any facts been established? ie anything proven?


8 posted on 05/15/2013 9:36:42 AM PDT by Ray76 (Do you reject Obama? And all his works? And all his empty promises?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: redreno

It’s a shame, but there’s no perfect solution to these situations. She might not have been feeding him. Asking him would probably elicit an answer about all the great meals she prepared for him ..... 30 years ago. Having had some professional and personal experience with these issues, I can say with some certainty that a news reporter is at least as likely as a judge to get this wrong. I had to participate in separating a couple that had been together for 56 years. He couldn’t move his legs much anymore. She thought he was faking it, so she would kick him. They had cute, old people pictures, too. Maybe local news should do a story on it, so some idiots with very little information can show their righteous indignation. Again, no perfect or even good solution.


9 posted on 05/15/2013 9:41:23 AM PDT by cdcdawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Ray76

That is something I cannot answer.


10 posted on 05/15/2013 9:41:46 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: stuartcr

When my brother’s in-laws moved in with him and his wife, they were alarmed to discover that Mom’s short term memory amd focus had really declined. She started to fix her husband lunch, and was talking and moving around the kitchen doing this and that. An hour and a half later, there was still no lunch, and she was not remotely aware that so much time had passed. He was still hungry, needed to take medication with food, and had been sitting right in front of her the whole time.

The wife in this story may well think she is doing fine, and she really isn’t.


11 posted on 05/15/2013 9:41:47 AM PDT by married21
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: redreno

Good grief.


12 posted on 05/15/2013 9:42:45 AM PDT by TBP (Obama lies, Granny dies.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: stuartcr

Well I meant it rhetorically. No worries


13 posted on 05/15/2013 9:44:52 AM PDT by Ray76 (Do you reject Obama? And all his works? And all his empty promises?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: married21

Like #9 said, it’s a tough situation. I’m wondering what my wife or I would do in a similar situation, by the time it happens, you don’t even know it.


14 posted on 05/15/2013 9:44:59 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Ray76

OK, one never knows on FR.


15 posted on 05/15/2013 9:45:44 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: stuartcr

Poor folks!

Maybe he ‘won’t’ eat?? Lately my husband has no appetite. There but for the Grace of God go I.

They should check the medications he is receiving. Many of them have side effects that suppress appetite. Of course they will do nothing sensible. Heavy handedness abounds.


16 posted on 05/15/2013 9:45:56 AM PDT by Tomato lover (God is in control)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: redreno

Watched the video at the link. Part 2, and it sounds like something fishy’s going on there.


17 posted on 05/15/2013 9:46:38 AM PDT by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: cdcdawg

I understand. But a 3rd party forcing divorce? Seems a bit much. In fact it’s sickening.


18 posted on 05/15/2013 9:47:00 AM PDT by Ray76 (Do you reject Obama? And all his works? And all his empty promises?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Jack Hammer
Personally, I’d far rather be dead than have my life put in charge of any Debby who spells her name wiith an “i”.

Those "i's" are a pet peeve of mine, too.

It would appear that the name would have to be pronounced "Deb-eye". Could hardly be pronounced "Debby" because that version has been vacated.

19 posted on 05/15/2013 9:52:59 AM PDT by Ole Okie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Mr. K
allegations she was starving him? Did they ASK HIM?

According to the story he's suffering from dementia so he may not be able to answer coherently. But they should be able to tell from a simple examination if he's being starved. And even then that's no guarantee. I've got a mother-in-law in assisted living. She's about the same age as these two and suffering from dementia as well. And I can tell you that she doesn't eat much to begin with, and she and virtually every other resident all hate the food. So he may not be eating because he's old and the food sucks.

20 posted on 05/15/2013 9:58:15 AM PDT by 0.E.O
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: stuartcr

My mother used to call me for help because “there’s a strange man in my bedroom claiming that we’ve been married for 53 years”. My poor dad.


21 posted on 05/15/2013 10:06:10 AM PDT by Rusty0604
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Rusty0604

It can be really sad.


22 posted on 05/15/2013 10:19:34 AM PDT by stuartcr ("I have habits that are older than the people telling me they're bad for me.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: Jack Hammer

So would I.


23 posted on 05/15/2013 10:22:13 AM PDT by sport
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Mr. K

If they thought he was starving before, wait until he tries nursing home food.

They need to send him home and put him on Megase to increase his appetite.


24 posted on 05/15/2013 10:24:20 AM PDT by DannyTN
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Mr. K

If they thought he was starving before, wait until he tries nursing home food.

They need to send him home and put him on Megase to increase his appetite.


25 posted on 05/15/2013 10:24:20 AM PDT by DannyTN
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: DannyTN

They’ll just feed him intravenously. Wife presumably can’t do that.

But protections need to be in place, an ombudsman, attorneys, whatever, to makes sure that a little old lady isn’t being blamed just because her husband doesn’t want to eat very much.

Also no one should be grabbing hold of her assets.


26 posted on 05/15/2013 10:30:55 AM PDT by Persevero (Homeschooling for Excellence since 1992)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: Persevero

When Dad was in Rehab and I complained about his weight loss. That was the first thing they recommended was surgical implantation of a feeding tube. After reading up on the survival rates of elderly with feeding tubes (not good), I rejected that idea.

Dad kept saying if I took him home, he would eat more. And insurance for the rehab was about to run out anyway. So I took him home, but he didn’t eat more. And then I was talking to the pharmacist about him and he recommended Megase. It worked for him. I think it should always be tried prior to feeding tubes.


27 posted on 05/15/2013 10:36:32 AM PDT by DannyTN
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: Persevero

When Dad was in Rehab and I complained about his weight loss. That was the first thing they recommended was surgical implantation of a feeding tube. After reading up on the survival rates of elderly with feeding tubes (not good), I rejected that idea.

Dad kept saying if I took him home, he would eat more. And insurance for the rehab was about to run out anyway. So I took him home, but he didn’t eat more. And then I was talking to the pharmacist about him and he recommended Megase. It worked for him. I think it should always be tried prior to feeding tubes.


28 posted on 05/15/2013 10:36:32 AM PDT by DannyTN
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. James Madison

Click The Pic


29 posted on 05/15/2013 10:38:14 AM PDT by DJ MacWoW (My faith and politics cannot be separated)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Ray76

Some states allow it (Michigan, Massachusetts, Tennessee), others do not (Vermont, California). It’s a controversial and complicated topic.


30 posted on 05/15/2013 10:39:48 AM PDT by cdcdawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Rusty0604
My mother used to call me for help because “there’s a strange man in my bedroom claiming that we’ve been married for 53 years”. My poor dad.

Prayers for you and your father. I called my mom on Sunday, and when I told her my 59th birthday was last week, she asked, "how old am I?" In her Mother's Day card, I included several recent pictures of our gang. A couple were confusing, as my daughter included pictures taken last Father's Day, before I lost 30 lbs.

I refer to the "Before" picture as the "Pillsbury Dough Boy's Evil Father".

31 posted on 05/15/2013 11:01:37 AM PDT by Night Hides Not (The Tea Party was the earthquake, and Chick Fil A the tsunami...100's of aftershocks to come.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: Rusty0604

My dad died from a brain tumor. My mom asked if he knew her and he said “Yeah, you are a friend of my wife.” Close enough.


32 posted on 05/15/2013 11:05:44 AM PDT by AppyPappy (You never see a massacre at a gun show.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: DannyTN

Marijuana
Cook Ramen
Fixed.


33 posted on 05/15/2013 11:06:11 AM PDT by AppyPappy (You never see a massacre at a gun show.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: Night Hides Not

Thank you. Both my parents have passed on now. When my mother was still going in and out of reality, she would call and ask me if it was true that her mom and dad were dead. Then she would tell me how scary it was not to remember her life and she hoped it would never happen to me. My dad was fine mentally until the end and my sister and I think maybe that was harder. Our fvorite movie is “the notebook”, reminds us of mom and dad.


34 posted on 05/15/2013 11:11:45 AM PDT by Rusty0604
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: Ray76
It happens more than you think. My G-ma’s husband had dementia and his kids accused her of not taking care of him. They sued for guardianship and got it. They were just smelling money, thinking Dad was going to die. Made a big show of how they were going to take care of him and kept taking stuff out of the house. The problem was, like the lady in the article, the money and property was all G-ma’s before they got married. She had receipts for everything. She had to file for divorce to protect herself but didn't want to. Had to liquidate and give them a lump sum but it was cheaper and got them out of her life. As soon as the money was paid, they dumped their dad in a home at govt. expense. He died about 6 months later. G-ma is doing well but lonely.
35 posted on 05/15/2013 11:16:03 AM PDT by AZHSer
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: redreno

and a court order gives others the power to file for their divorce.


So once you have them separated, big assumption this is needed, why would there be a need for divorce?


36 posted on 05/15/2013 11:20:13 AM PDT by PeterPrinciple
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: esquirette
It’s wise to take preemptive action for one’s sunset years. While a will is important, a power of attorney and health care surrogate are more so.

Absolutely. We are in a legal battle with a couple of my wife's siblings. They were and are trying to take control of my wife's mother's assets. We have the upper hand, because my 89-year-old m-i-l specified my wife as trustee and health surrogate in a trust and several other documents going back 20 years. We've been taking care of her the last few years, the last year in our home. They were trying to deem her incapacitated and attempted to sieze her assets. She has mild dementia, but knows what is going on and is otherwise healthy and can still make decisions. My wife's siblings are near broke and greedy and don't care about my m-i-l. So far, our lawyer is winning the fight.

Create a power-of-attorney that takes effect only if you are incapacitated. Make sure it's someone you trust to do the right thing. Create a revocable trust, and periodically make sure it's up to date. The health surrogate directive is important. Because the wrong person caring for you will steal not only your money but your life as well, by deeming you incapable. We've seen that happen to others.

37 posted on 05/15/2013 11:26:40 AM PDT by roadcat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Jack Hammer

I wonder if Debi (note, only one “b”) ever drew a little heart for the dot on the “i.”


38 posted on 05/15/2013 11:28:00 AM PDT by Cyber Liberty (I am a dissident. Will you join me? My name is John....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: roadcat

Believe it or not, the “springing” power of attorney you describe was removed as an option in Florida a couple of years ago, which is unfortunate. But good on you for getting the family to stick with the plan. That is over half the battle.


39 posted on 05/15/2013 12:00:37 PM PDT by esquirette ("Our hearts are restless until they find rest in Thee." ~ Augustine)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: Ole Okie

Sometimes they force a divorce to get one of the spouses on medicaid.


40 posted on 05/15/2013 12:01:53 PM PDT by esquirette ("Our hearts are restless until they find rest in Thee." ~ Augustine)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: esquirette
Wonder why it was removed in Florida? You never know what is going to happen, which is why a power of attorney is useful to spring into action. The other siblings took m-i-l out of her home and tried to get a quack doctor to deem her incapacitated, incapable of taking care of her own life. They had only seen her once or twice a year, while we had been helping her weekly for years. They didn't want to care for her, only wanted to shove her into a facility. They made up a litany of ills, like Alzheimer's, detached retinas, ulcers, liver problems etc. All lies. We found out their plan was to take her house and bank accounts.

We got her back in a week, and over the last year she's been with us. Our doctors say she is fine, just mild dementia. Our lawyer provided them copies of multiple documents which stated my wife as trustee and caregiver, several times since 1992. We are well off, while one sibling is in bankruptcy and the other has no money. For us, it's not the money but preserving mom's independence. I wouldn't want my freedom taken from me. Make sure evil relatives don't to it to you.

41 posted on 05/15/2013 1:35:34 PM PDT by roadcat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 39 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson