Posted on 05/15/2013 9:12:43 AM PDT by redreno
CARSON, NV - Thelma Kessler is 86, her husband Stanley, 87. They've been married for 36 years, but now in the sunset of their lives they are allowed to see each other for just one hour a week and a court order gives others the power to file for their divorce.
Thelma no longer has control of her husband's life. That's responsibility now rests with Carson City Public Guardian Debi Marzoline.
After a series of court hearings, Stanley was removed from their home and put in a nursing home. There was an allegation Thelma was starving him and she was labeled a neglectful spouse, a charge she calls ridiculous.
(Excerpt) Read more at kolotv.com ...
My mother used to call me for help because “there’s a strange man in my bedroom claiming that we’ve been married for 53 years”. My poor dad.
It can be really sad.
So would I.
If they thought he was starving before, wait until he tries nursing home food.
They need to send him home and put him on Megase to increase his appetite.
If they thought he was starving before, wait until he tries nursing home food.
They need to send him home and put him on Megase to increase his appetite.
They’ll just feed him intravenously. Wife presumably can’t do that.
But protections need to be in place, an ombudsman, attorneys, whatever, to makes sure that a little old lady isn’t being blamed just because her husband doesn’t want to eat very much.
Also no one should be grabbing hold of her assets.
When Dad was in Rehab and I complained about his weight loss. That was the first thing they recommended was surgical implantation of a feeding tube. After reading up on the survival rates of elderly with feeding tubes (not good), I rejected that idea.
Dad kept saying if I took him home, he would eat more. And insurance for the rehab was about to run out anyway. So I took him home, but he didn’t eat more. And then I was talking to the pharmacist about him and he recommended Megase. It worked for him. I think it should always be tried prior to feeding tubes.
When Dad was in Rehab and I complained about his weight loss. That was the first thing they recommended was surgical implantation of a feeding tube. After reading up on the survival rates of elderly with feeding tubes (not good), I rejected that idea.
Dad kept saying if I took him home, he would eat more. And insurance for the rehab was about to run out anyway. So I took him home, but he didn’t eat more. And then I was talking to the pharmacist about him and he recommended Megase. It worked for him. I think it should always be tried prior to feeding tubes.
Some states allow it (Michigan, Massachusetts, Tennessee), others do not (Vermont, California). It’s a controversial and complicated topic.
Prayers for you and your father. I called my mom on Sunday, and when I told her my 59th birthday was last week, she asked, "how old am I?" In her Mother's Day card, I included several recent pictures of our gang. A couple were confusing, as my daughter included pictures taken last Father's Day, before I lost 30 lbs.
I refer to the "Before" picture as the "Pillsbury Dough Boy's Evil Father".
My dad died from a brain tumor. My mom asked if he knew her and he said “Yeah, you are a friend of my wife.” Close enough.
Marijuana
Cook Ramen
Fixed.
Thank you. Both my parents have passed on now. When my mother was still going in and out of reality, she would call and ask me if it was true that her mom and dad were dead. Then she would tell me how scary it was not to remember her life and she hoped it would never happen to me. My dad was fine mentally until the end and my sister and I think maybe that was harder. Our fvorite movie is “the notebook”, reminds us of mom and dad.
and a court order gives others the power to file for their divorce.
Absolutely. We are in a legal battle with a couple of my wife's siblings. They were and are trying to take control of my wife's mother's assets. We have the upper hand, because my 89-year-old m-i-l specified my wife as trustee and health surrogate in a trust and several other documents going back 20 years. We've been taking care of her the last few years, the last year in our home. They were trying to deem her incapacitated and attempted to sieze her assets. She has mild dementia, but knows what is going on and is otherwise healthy and can still make decisions. My wife's siblings are near broke and greedy and don't care about my m-i-l. So far, our lawyer is winning the fight.
Create a power-of-attorney that takes effect only if you are incapacitated. Make sure it's someone you trust to do the right thing. Create a revocable trust, and periodically make sure it's up to date. The health surrogate directive is important. Because the wrong person caring for you will steal not only your money but your life as well, by deeming you incapable. We've seen that happen to others.
I wonder if Debi (note, only one “b”) ever drew a little heart for the dot on the “i.”
Believe it or not, the “springing” power of attorney you describe was removed as an option in Florida a couple of years ago, which is unfortunate. But good on you for getting the family to stick with the plan. That is over half the battle.
Sometimes they force a divorce to get one of the spouses on medicaid.
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