Skip to comments.The Progressive Glossary
Posted on 05/21/2013 11:23:58 AM PDT by NotYourAverageDhimmi
Ive recently been made aware of a strange new tribe who refer to themselves collectivelythey do everything collectivelyas progressives. I think they used to call themselves liberals until it became clear that they dont care much for liberty. Males and females in this tribe both tend to wear beards and gather in urban coastal areas, where they pay too much for apartments, water, coffee, and bean sprouts.
They speak a strange and exotic tongue unfamiliar to my ears. But they repeat certain terms so frequently, I feel as if Ive begun to get a handle on what theyre driving at. To the best of my ability, I will try to decipher what these buzzwords mean.
ACTIVISTA person who isnt actively performing activities at an actual job.
ANTI-RACISTA person who makes everything about race.
BLAMING THE VICTIMDaring to suggest that conflicts between humans are often complicated and that its therefore childishly naïve to believe that one person is always entirely guilty and the other is always entirely innocent.
BULLIESPeople who must be bullied into silence.
CHOICEThe act of forcing people to pay for a womans one-night stands.
CORPORATIONSMalevolent yet generally non-coercive superorganisms that must be combated with a malevolent and entirely coercive superorganism known as government.
CRITICAL THINKINGThe act of swallowing the laughably implausible tenets of blank-slate equality without asking a single question.
CULTURAL IMPERIALISMAn antiquated system that must be destroyed in order to pave the way for the newer, more global form of cultural imperialism.
CULTURAL OTHERWhite heterosexual Christian males.
DEBUNKED/DISCREDITEDA topic or idea that we dont really want to address, because we havent actually debunked or discredited it.
DISADVANTAGEDDumb and unskilled.
DISENFRANCHISEDPeople whove received a free public education yet still cant spell disenfranchised.
DIVERSITYA magical incantation used to divert your attention from the fact that it is strikingly similar to the words divide and division.
DOG WHISTLEA high-pitched screech from the enemy that only progressives are able to hear. Lately this term has been deemed offensive to canines and should therefore be replaced with coded speech wherever possible.
ELITESWealthy people on the political right. This term is never used to describe wealthy people on the left who control much of the media, government, and academia.
EMPOWEREDLoud and annoying.
EQUALITYA concept that nearly everyone believes but no one has bothered to prove.
EVOLUTIONAn indisputably true biological process that stopped occurring roughly 100,000 years ago when everyone became equal. Only Christians dont believe its real, and only racists believe it didnt stop 100,000 years ago.
EXTREMISTSomeone whose beliefs make us extremely uncomfortable.
FAIRNESSA political strategy requiring that winners be treated unfairly.
FALSE EQUIVALENCYA real equivalency that suggests our beliefs are false.
FASCISTOne who must not be tolerated under any circumstances and should instead be either lynched, sent to a gas chamber, or stomped under our boots.
FAUX NEWSA biased news channel that presents an alternative to our preferred version of biased and false news.
FIGHTING THE POWERAllowing oneself to be used as the unwitting tool of global power elites.
FORWARDThe direction one moves when headed toward a cliff.
FLYOVER STATESWhere the bad people live.
GLOBAL VILLAGEA concentration camp from which there is no escape.
GLOBAL WARMINGA fashion trend that replaced the global-cooling fashion trend of the 1970s.
GOVERNMENT AIDMoney the government takes from taxpayers and then partially redistributes to non-taxpayers after taking a cut for itself.
GRASS-ROOTSElite-orchestrated protests that occur in places where there is usually no grass and plenty of cement.
GREENNaïve and inexperienced.
GUN NUTAnyone who owns a gun yet doesnt belong to the group that actually commits the majority of American gun violence.
HATREDAnything that we hate.
HERSTORYThe part of history that is usually ignored because not much really happened.
HIERARCHICALAnything that posits there is true diversity among human individuals and groups when it comes to skills and intelligence.
HOMOPHOBESomeone with a distaste for sex that involves feces and AIDS.
HONEST CONVERSATION ABOUT RACECondescending lecture about race.
INDIGENOUSAnyone too stupid to figure out how to defend ones own land.
INSTITUTIONAL RACISMA persistent hallucination of ubiquitous racism that is so deranged, anyone who experiences such hallucinations should be institutionalized.
ISLAMOPHOBESomeone so terrified of Islamic retribution, theyre afraid to say anything bad about Islam.
LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELDSeverely tilting the playing field to achieve unnaturally equal results.
LOOKISMA term used by ugly people to explain why beautiful people wont fuck them.
LOW-INFORMATION VOTERA voter who refuses to accept our brand of low information.
MARRIAGE EQUALITYThe act of pretending that two people of the same sex who cant produce children are equivalent to opposite-sex couples who can produce children.
MISOGYNISTOne who believes that women are human beings who are fully capable of intentionally harming others.
NEANDERTHALA term that became acceptable to apply to those of European ancestry shortly after it no longer became acceptable to refer to those of African ancestry as apes.
NEGATIVITYAnything that negates our naïve worldview. NONPROFITA tax-exempt organization that pays its staff members handsome salaries.
OBJECTIFICATIONThe act of noticing that women possess an object called a vagina.
OCCUPIERSomeone who eagerly flouts the law and will eagerly threaten lawsuits if you challenge them.
OFFENSIVEThings that hurt our feelings and thus make us go on the offensive, whether through litigation or mob action, in order to counter them.
ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORYSomeone who actually understands history and thus can see where all this is going.
OPEN-MINDEDSomeone whose mind is closed to anyone who questions modern culture and modern authoritarian structures.
OUT OF TOUCHUnresponsive to our relentless propaganda.
PARANOIDJustifiably skeptical of human nature and the manmade power organisms through which it operates.
PATRIARCHYThe group who invents everything, does most of the work, fights the wars, is at a legal disadvantage in gender disputes, and dies younger.
PSEUDOSCIENCEActual science that makes us pseudo-crazy.
PROGRESSIVESomeone who sees no contradiction in using the almighty states blunt force to help Fight the Power.
PROGRESSIVE POLITICSPolitics that favor a government that is progressively intrusive.
PROGRESSIVISMThe idea that progress can only be achieved by transforming the First World into the Third World.
RACISTA word used by anyone, white or not, who hates white people.
RACISMA derogatory scare word to describe a natural tribal instinct that is currently forbidden to only one tribe.
RAPE CULTUREA fantasy society dreamed of by women who fantasize about being raped.
REDNECKA racial slur used to describe people we assume are always using racial slurs.
RIGHTSThings we wish to take away from the political right.
SEX-POSITIVEA term almost exclusively used by someone with whom you would positively never want to have sex.
SOCIAL CONSTRUCTA term used frequently by people who have never constructed anything of social value.
SOCIAL CONTRACTA nonexistent legal document that no one in society has ever signed yet which binds everyone under threat of force.
SOCIAL JUSTICEA fairy-tale belief system positing that the winners are solely responsible for the losers plight.
STARTING A DIALOGUEStarting a monologue.
SUSTAINABILITYA term that applies strictly to agriculture and the environment and is never to be used in economic, demographic, or cultural contexts.
TRANSFORMATIVESomething in the process of accelerated change, as in when a normal cell mutates into a cancer cell.
TRIVIALIZETo weigh mitigating circumstances and/or place into a proper historical context.
TRUTH TO POWERThe act of speaking obvious untruths in a quest to gain political power.
UPRISINGA violent riot characterized by looting, arson, rape, murder, and random acts of cannibalism.
WHITEThe color of evil.
WHITE PRIVILEGEThe honor of being constantly blamed for everything bad throughout world history.
WHITE SUPREMACISTAny white person who isnt constantly apologizing for their skin color.
WORKING CLASSA heroic tribe of simple-yet-noble people weve never met but have read about in books.
Actually they have reclaimed the têrm “progressive” from the Roosevelt/wilson ERA.
‘Communist’ is more accurate.
I would add a few words for clarity.
Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.
An Ineptocracy (in-ep-tocra-cy) is a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.
I believe Ineptocracy refines and replaces the word kakistocracy, which is government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.
Fantastic additions. Thanks.