Skip to comments.Hello. This is Verizon Customer Service. Press #1 for English, #2 for Spanish and #3 for Obama.
Posted on 06/09/2013 5:15:13 AM PDT by Kaslin
I just got back from hunting buffalo in Zimbabwe for the last two weeks. Its always a pleasure for me to go beyond the pavement, where the cell phones dont work, and I cant go online and there isnt a television that functions within a sixty-mile radius.
Yep, when Im hunting out in the African bush, or in an Alaskan swamp, or Im out of cell phone range crushing some mahi in the Atlantic, I truly enjoy the technological fast from my Mac book, my iPhone and my TV.
That said, while Im disconnected from the digital crap I cannot help but wonder
- How my kids and friends are doing?
- Whats going on with my new, three-headed wolf-puppy I named Cerberus?
- How are my various businesses are faring?
- And (of course) what new crimes will come to light that the Obama administration has been covering up for the last five-plus years?
Before my wife and I split for Zim to celebrate our 25th anniversary, Benghazi-gate was growing deeper and uglier, the IRS had just been exposed putting the thumbscrews to Conservative non-profits and the DOJ was busted for having tapped the phones of its journalistic bedfellow, the AP.
What could be next I wondered like a jaded stepchild waiting for my drunk step-dad to come home from Hooters?
Would it be a cell phone pic of Obama smoking a giant doobie rolled up in a miniature copy of the Constitution?
Would it be a video of Michelle Obama yelling at a lesbian to shut the $#@% up during one of her speeches?
I didnt know. The possibilities seemed almost endless which left me torn betwixt the enjoyment of my down time with my lady and the jonesing to get back to civilization to see what impeachable offenses had been committed and were currently being disregarded by the lame stream media. It was as if I was torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, because loving them both was breaking all the rules.
As you all know, all good things must come to an end and we had to depart our lovely camp in the Matetsi and head back to reality. Upon arrival into Jbergs Tabo International Airport I found some wifi at a bar, opened up my laptop, ordered a beer, jumped online and lo and behold nothing much happened while we were away.
Except of course it was revealed that, not only had the DOJ been spying on AP reporters, but they had also been reconnoitering Fox News journalist James Rosens data for the last few years. Oh, and they also seized James parents phone data as well. No biggee. As Pete Townsend would say, its just another tricky day in the Obama administration.
I felt both relieved and disappointed. I thought for a sec that, Perhaps Obama and his boys have turned an integrity corner and this would be the end of their tomfoolery of the American people.
And then I supposed, Nah. Who the hell am I kidding? Lets give em a week because this leopard cant (or wont) change its spots.
And, voilà! Just a few days stateside and it was revealed that the National Security Agency has seized and has had under surveillance virtually all of Verizons phone customers.
Which now kind of makes sense to me because just the other day when I called Verizons customer service, the automated system said: Thank you for calling Verizon customer service.
- For English, press one.
- Para Español oprima dos.
- To speak with a chick from India who barely speaky English, press three.
- To talk with Obama, press four.
- And to have one of Holders goons rock up to your house, simply praise the Tea Party or our nations founding documents.
Tapping into all of Verizon customers phones? Really? Does that mean the White House now has my cell phone videos of my yodeling in the shower? Geez, thats embarrassing.
Look, I get snooping on some folks, translation: Muslims. And it would have been great if the DOJ wouldve bugged the Boston bombers phone, or the Ft. Hood Terrorists bat crap crazy conferences, or the laptop of the Pakistani cat who attempted to light up Times Square or the underwear bombers crotch phone; but alas, those escaped these Keystone cops notice.
Which makes me wonder if theyre truly looking out for terror suspects or patriots who do not like what theyre doing to our country and who would like to vote them out of office and indict them for their astounding assault of our Constitution.
This new egregious breach of our civil liberties has not only rattled the rights cage but dudes like Beckel, Al Gore and even the New York Times are now crying, What the ?!?
I wonder, I really, really wonder, what its going to take before our nation looks at this bloated, drunk on power, paranoid administration and yells, no mas, senoritas.
You, Sir, or Madam, whichever the case may be, are 100% correct. On a correctness scale from 1 to 10, you are a 25. Of the 535 members of Congress, I wouls say that no more than 5 of them actually care. Those 5 would comprise of Trey Gowdy and 4 others yet to be named. Unfortunately, for the Nation, the electorate are in even worse condition. The single theme among them is, how can I get out of paying this debt I knowingly and willing made, how can I get more “freebies”, and last but not least, who can I vote for that will give me the “freebies”?
Trey Gowdy may save this country.
Politics is crazy even in backwards racist rightwing South Carolina /s.
Flimsey Tinkerbelle is our senior senator when that title used to belong to the much missed Strom Thurmond. Our former philandering governor is newly elected to the House. The 6th district of the execrable James Clyburn is amoebalike and recently engulfed my house so I am no longer represented in Congress.
Trey Gowdy for Senator.... Trey Gowdy for President! All hope is not yet extinguished.
second, "Survivor elenteen",
What is GAGA wearing
These are ALL pressing issues the gummint should appoint a committee and address.
I hope all is well. The sad part is that people with other cell phone companies think they are safe. I have Verizon but have friends with AT&T and they are saying they are glad not to have Verizon. I said well you are not safe either but they did not believe me. Go figure.
Hope you have a great Sunday!
But if you have a free phone from Obummer then they didn’t listen and take you phone records. You were not a taxpaying enemy of the President.
Will somebody check out the Obama phones.
“But if you have a free phone from Obummer then they didnt listen and take you phone records. You were not a taxpaying enemy of the President.”
Is this any way for Verizon to treat their PAYING customers? Sarcasm.!