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Eating Cheerios With Forks, and Other War Analogies (Syria Analogies)
New York Magazine ^ | 9/6 | Dan Amira

Posted on 09/09/2013 1:21:10 PM PDT by nickcarraway

As it seeks to communicate what exactly it hopes to do in Syria, and why it hopes to do that, the Obama administration has begun relying on colorful analogies to get its message across. USA Today, for example, relays a senior administration official explaining things thusly: "If Assad is eating Cheerios, we're going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to eat Cheerios."

In order to reach America's non-Cheerio-eating population in language it can readily understand, the White House has asked Daily Intelligencer to produce even more analogies about the scope and scale of a potential future bombing effort. And we have complied, for patriotism.

For the Youths:

If Assad is filming a twerk video, we're going to take away his iPhone and replace it with a Super 8 camera. Will that degrade his ability to film a twerk video? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to film a twerk video.

For the Olds:

If Assad is watching The Mentalist, we're going to take away his remote control and give him a long stick. Will that degrade his ability to watch The Mentalist? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to watch The Mentalist.

For the Men:

If Assad is flirting with a woman, we're going to take away his sunglasses and replace them with Google Glasses. Will that degrade his ability to flirt with a woman? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to flirt with a woman.

For the Ladies:

If Assad is trying to walk away from a conversation with a guy wearing Google Glasses, we're going to take away his shoes and replace them with roller skates. Will that degrade his ability to walk away from a conversation with a guy wearing Google Glasses? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to walk away from a conversation with a guy wearing Google Glasses. For Tea-Partiers:

If Assad is writing an unhinged e-mail to the local newspaper, we're going to take away his caps-lock key and give him an extra space bar. Will that degrade his ability to write an unhinged e-mail to the local newspaper? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to write an unhinged e-mail to the local newspaper.

For Floridians:

If Assad is driving drunk with an alligator who is also a prostitute, we're going to take away his brakes and give him a pile of dirty overalls. Will that degrade his ability to drive drunk with an alligator who is also a prostitute? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to drive drunk with an alligator who is also a prostitute.

For Members of Congress:

If Assad is taking part in the weekly Eyes Wide Shut orgy in the basement of the Capitol, we're going to take away his creepy Venetian mask and give him a Hello Kitty mask. Will that degrade his ability to take part in the weekly Eyes Wide Shut orgy in the basement of the Capitol? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to take part in the weekly Eyes Wide Shut orgy in the basement of the Capitol. And that's everybody.


TOPICS: Extended News; Foreign Affairs; Israel; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections; Russia; United Kingdom; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: israel; russia; unitedkingdom; waronterror

1 posted on 09/09/2013 1:21:10 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

2 posted on 09/09/2013 1:25:22 PM PDT by Slyfox (Without the Right to Life, all other rights are meaningless.)
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To: nickcarraway

If Ben Bernanke is trying to pursue a dangerous monetary policy. We are going to take his FOMC members away from him and give him FOMC members who can think for themselves, and have common sense and a basic understanding of economics. Will that degrade his ability to pursue a dangerous monetary policy? Yes. Will it deter him? Probably not. But he will still have the ability to pursue a dangerous economic policy.


3 posted on 09/09/2013 1:28:17 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway
"If Assad is eating Cheerios, we're going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to eat Cheerios."

Why to I get the feeling that someone came up with this profundity after indulging in a blunt or two?

4 posted on 09/09/2013 1:29:57 PM PDT by Paine in the Neck (Is John's moustache long enough YET?)
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To: Joe Brower; MinuteGal; SoFloFreeper; left that other site; Joe Boucher; SeminoleCounty; ...

Let’s see which Floridians smile or spit...


5 posted on 09/09/2013 1:31:44 PM PDT by Old Sarge (Opinions are like orgasms: only mine count, and I couldn't care less if you have one...)
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To: Old Sarge

That’s Floriduh.


6 posted on 09/09/2013 1:34:34 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

For Californians:

If Assad is smoking medicinal cannabis, we’re going to take away his bong and give him a short length of PVC pipe. Will that degrade his ability to smoke medicinal cannabis? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he will still be able to smoke medicinal cannabis.


7 posted on 09/09/2013 1:35:36 PM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (My sweet talk is also savory and creamy.)
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To: nickcarraway

America - Designed by Geniuses

Now being run by overpaid Idiots

Someone should do a video series about the federal government similar to Girls Gone Wild.

They could call it:

HAPLESS GOVERNMENT IDIOTS RUNNING WILD

They could start at the White House, then do the State Department, the Justice Department and then on to all the cabinet departments.

There is enough material there for hundreds of episodes - maybe thousands.


8 posted on 09/09/2013 1:36:05 PM PDT by Iron Munro ("You bring me the man, I'll find you the crime" - Lavrentiy Beria [and Eric Holder])
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

Hey, that should be directed at Coloradans or Washingtonians, not Californians.


9 posted on 09/09/2013 1:38:06 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: Iron Munro

“”If Assad is eating Cheerios, we’re going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he’ll still be able to eat Cheerios.””

And now the reality:

If Assad is killing Syrians, we’re going to take away his WMD and leave him with conventional weaponry. Will that degrade his ability to kill Syrians en masse Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he’ll still be able to kill Syrians.


10 posted on 09/09/2013 1:40:05 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Make today a great day. Insult a liberal.)
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To: Slyfox

You’ve got really weird bodily functions.


11 posted on 09/09/2013 1:41:42 PM PDT by lbryce (The 22nd Amendment Lives:1142 Days Until America's Greatest Nemesis Gets the Heave "Ho")
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To: nickcarraway

Yeah, that would have been easier. I wouldn’t have had to specify that it was medicinal. :)


12 posted on 09/09/2013 1:41:51 PM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (My sweet talk is also savory and creamy.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz; Chode

For Formula One enthusiasts:

If Assad is racing, we’re going to take away his slick tires and replace them with grooved tires. Will that degrade his ability to race? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he’ll still be able to race.


13 posted on 09/09/2013 1:44:53 PM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (My sweet talk is also savory and creamy.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz
But he’ll still be able to kill Syrians.

I'd like to see an objective accounting of what percentage of the rebels are actually Syrians. I suspect a lot of the people he's killing aren't.

14 posted on 09/09/2013 1:45:09 PM PDT by tacticalogic ("Oh, bother!" said Pooh, as he chambered his last round.)
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To: nickcarraway
As it seeks to communicate what exactly it hopes to do in Syria, and why it hopes to do that, the Obama administration has begun relying on colorful analogies to get its message across. USA Today, for example, relays a senior administration official explaining things thusly: "If Assad is eating Cheerios, we're going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to eat Cheerios."

Frankly...I've heard the ramblings of drunken, homeless derelicts with profound psychiatric issues that make more sense than this statement.
15 posted on 09/09/2013 1:48:38 PM PDT by Milton Miteybad (I am Jim Thompson. {Really.})
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To: Milton Miteybad

“If Assad was going to eat gazpacho soup, we are going to heat it up and give him a knife...”


16 posted on 09/09/2013 1:55:35 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: Old Sarge
I'll never be able to look at a bowl of Cheerios again.

I'll just stick with my morning bowl of instant Farina with prune juice poured over it, thank you.

Leni

17 posted on 09/09/2013 2:09:24 PM PDT by MinuteGal
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To: nickcarraway

Syria policy is a mess.

Whose fault is that?

0bama backed himself into this stupid corner.

0bama’s humiliation, despair and political defeat must serve as an example so that no president ever so stupidly puts our credibility on the line.

No bombing for Al Qaeda!


18 posted on 09/09/2013 2:12:49 PM PDT by Uncle Miltie (Are Marines required to salute Al Qaeda yet?)
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To: MinuteGal

19 posted on 09/09/2013 2:20:21 PM PDT by Old Sarge (Opinions are like orgasms: only mine count, and I couldn't care less if you have one...)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers
100%!
20 posted on 09/09/2013 3:27:53 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -vvv- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: EQAndyBuzz

It’s all very simple and straightforward:

Obama is upset with Syrian muslims on one side for using unconventional weapons to kill Syrian muslims on the other side.

He wants them to stop it and go back to killing each other with conventional weapons.

As punishment for using unconventional weapons to kill each other, Obama plans on killing Syrian muslims with conventional bombs and missles to teach them a lesson.

Then, if they go back to killing each other with conventional weapons, Obama will let them be.

But, if they use unconventional weapons against each other again, Obama will kill more of them as punishment for straying outside the guidelines he has set for them.


21 posted on 09/09/2013 3:57:04 PM PDT by Iron Munro ("You bring me the man, I'll find you the crime" - Lavrentiy Beria [and Eric Holder])
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