A wife that doesn’t put out or makes the man “earn” it will find these kinds of things happening as well. There’s a reason the bible says a wife is not to hold back except for the unclean time of month, unless by consent.
I agree that women have the responsibility to see to the needs of their husbands as the Bible has explained them. I do take issue with husbands whacking their wives with that scripture without also taking the responsibility to, as Paul put it, ‘love their wives as Christ loved the church’. Christ loved us so much that He died for us, husbands have that example to follow.
Each one of us is only responsible for our own actions. I only answer to Christ and my husband for my treatment of my husband, not his of me. To blame someone else for my actions is childish, it doesn’t matter what the provocation is. We are not told that adultery is ok if your wife isn’t, as you say, “putting out”. We are told it is wrong, it is our fallen nature that wants to put conditions on the command to not commit adultery.