Skip to comments.Bernie Almighty - A Snark (Vanity)
Posted on 12/23/2013 2:57:46 PM PST by CovenBuster
Dear Moses and Apostle Paul,
Im sure you are aware of the brouhaha here in the USA regarding some statements made by a Christian man named Phil Robertson. In the midst of this controversy, we have had the good fortune to have been enlightened by Bernard Bernie Goldberg, noted journalist and author. Its that new information imparted by Mr. Goldberg that necessitates this letter.
Please be advised that it has been determined that the lists of sins that the Holy Spirit wrote through you in Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy and Corinthians have been decreed by Mr. Goldberg to be the words of an ignoramus. (My deepest apologies. I don't mean any disrespect to the saints of God, but Mr. Goldberg has made this declaration. My hands are tied.)
In addition, please let the Father and the Son know that Mr. Goldberg has also spoken regarding the age of the earth and that his word is decreed to be the ultimate authority on the matter. He, after all, is quite well read on what men and women of science have concluded about the earths age. If it is determined at any point that the formulas and testing data that mankind used to establish the earths age are found to require reconfiguring, Mr. Goldberg will advise the Father and Son of the new findings.
Finally, he has also determined that there is ignorance in the Bible, so you might want to ask the Holy Spirit to confer with Mr. Goldberg so that an accurate version of the Word of
God Mr. Goldberg can be canonized and distributed to the masses ASAP.
Thank you for your cooperation on this important matter. May Mr. Goldberg abundantly bless you.
Signed: A servant of the Most High
P.S. Perhaps if the Father would turn Lots wife back into a woman and undo the destruction of the fine cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, the wrath so apparent in Mr. Goldbergs rant could be assuaged.
< /sarc >
Bernie! Dude! Get over your arrogant self!!!
Sounds like some O’Reilly is rubbing off on Bernie.
I normally like Goldberg but when it comes to the conservative intellectual elite and homosexuality they all eat at the Waffle House.
I’ve learned a lot about Bernie in these past few months. He is an elitist know-it-all who looks down his nose at the likes of dumb little hicks like many of us. Tea Partiers doing their Tea Party thing annoy him. I’ve bought my last Bernie Goldberg book. I’m done with him.
Either that or birds of a feather flock together. They’re both quite sure of themselves and tend to be condescending toward those they consider to be beneath them intellectually — even God.