Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

How to Avoid Huge Ships
Amazon.com ^ | March 1993 | John W. Trimmer

Posted on 01/02/2014 6:08:36 PM PST by artichokegrower

How to Avoid Huge Ships Paperback by John W. Trimmer (Author) 1,098 customer reviews

(Excerpt) Read more at amazon.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS:
1,098 of the most creative customer reviews ever on Amazon including:

158 of 172 people found the following review helpful 5.0 out of 5 stars Anchors Away!!!, January 17, 2011 By CaptainCarl55 - See all my reviews This review is from: How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback) Have you been walking down the street and been struck by a massive ocean liner or aircraft carrier? Are huge ships following you around,scaring away your friends and family? Have you lost sleep at night due to a ships's whistle? Does the Navy harass you because all the ships at the base follow you home? Don't feel alone or threatened literally billions of people deal with this problem every year and fortunately there is a quick and easy solution. Leading scientists at Pompous Blowhard University have developed this easy-to-read book to help people just like you.

In this comprehensive guide you'll learn the following skills: - How to ship proof your house - How to make a scareship - How to turn your front lawn into a giant reef - How to ward off evil ships with the sign of the anchor - Where to purchase icebergs - Feel like a ship is stalking you? Learn how to hire pirates to kidnap it and sail it far away from you

You'll learn and this and much much more but only if you act now! Operators are standing by

1 posted on 01/02/2014 6:08:36 PM PST by artichokegrower
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Cheez burger?


2 posted on 01/02/2014 6:11:33 PM PST by ifinnegan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ifinnegan

A bunny with a pancake on his head?


3 posted on 01/02/2014 6:12:55 PM PST by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

             

4 posted on 01/02/2014 6:16:37 PM PST by tomkat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Awesome reviews. I don’t want to avoid huge ships, but if I did, this would be book for me.


5 posted on 01/02/2014 6:17:23 PM PST by La Lydia
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

6 posted on 01/02/2014 6:17:48 PM PST by Maceman (Just say "NO" to tyranny.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Clearly a satire. 0.0 Is that really the price?!


7 posted on 01/02/2014 6:18:12 PM PST by KGeorge (Till we're together again, Gypsy girl. May 28, 1998- June 3, 2013)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Oh... SHIPS!


8 posted on 01/02/2014 6:18:23 PM PST by Kirkwood (Zombie Hunter)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Pretty funny stuff!

http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Ships-Other-Implausibly-Titled/dp/1845133218/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_5

“2008 marks the 30th anniversary of the Diagram Prize, the momentous annual contest to determine the oddest book title of the year. Established in 1978 by book packagers the Diagram Group, the prize is a joyous celebration of the barmy side of publishing. Baffling titles such as Bombproof Your Horse, How to Avoid Huge Ships and People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead have all been recipients of this glittering prize. Who could forget classic winners such as Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers or The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories? Who could fail to be inspired by titles such as Highlights in the History of Concrete and Weeds in a Changing World?”


9 posted on 01/02/2014 6:19:40 PM PST by dynachrome (Vertrou in God en die Mauser)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

I wind to get a bunch of those lifesized concrete hippos and place them around in the lake in front of my house.

They probably won’t keep ships away but they should be fine for scaring off savage natives.


10 posted on 01/02/2014 6:19:53 PM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

If huge ships play the Knockout Game they could probably do a real number on you.


11 posted on 01/02/2014 6:23:39 PM PST by kaehurowing
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

What do you have against ships?


12 posted on 01/02/2014 6:25:29 PM PST by Rio (Proud resident of the State of Jefferson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Not certain what he suggests in his book, but I took care of my Huge ship problem by moving to Kansas.


13 posted on 01/02/2014 6:26:04 PM PST by Pete from Shawnee Mission (take a well-made oar carry it until you come to a land where the people have never heard of the sea)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: cripplecreek

Tried once at Easter Island. Didn’t work.


14 posted on 01/02/2014 6:26:27 PM PST by CrazyIvan (Obama phones= Bread and circuits.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

This asshole should be locked in a rubber room!


15 posted on 01/02/2014 6:26:29 PM PST by dalereed
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

There is a companion book with a similar title. The P in the is a T in the companion book. The entire book reads, “Do not associate with Liberals.”


16 posted on 01/02/2014 6:27:17 PM PST by MIchaelTArchangel (Have a wonderful day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Paperback $198.99?????

Amazon.con


17 posted on 01/02/2014 6:29:56 PM PST by Red in Blue PA (When Injustice becomes Law, Resistance Becomes Duty.-Thomas Jefferson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: dynachrome
There really is such a book:


18 posted on 01/02/2014 6:34:17 PM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

lol


19 posted on 01/02/2014 6:34:43 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cicero

lol

You actually looked that up?


20 posted on 01/02/2014 6:36:39 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

This captain didn't read the book!
21 posted on 01/02/2014 6:36:40 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Rio

Might be thalassophobic!


22 posted on 01/02/2014 6:37:47 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

This is the second edition; I’ve gotta put this on my must read list (the first edition was quite informative).


23 posted on 01/02/2014 6:37:54 PM PST by C210N (When people fear government there is tyranny; when government fears people there is liberty)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Haven’t had much trouble, here in ND. (About as far from salt water as you can get in North America).


24 posted on 01/02/2014 6:38:26 PM PST by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cicero

Required reading for Laz!


25 posted on 01/02/2014 6:38:29 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Jack Hydrazine

He should have read the follow on book- “How To Avoid Big Rocks”.


26 posted on 01/02/2014 6:39:33 PM PST by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: TADSLOS

ROFLMAO!


27 posted on 01/02/2014 6:40:59 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Check out the reviews on Amazon for Veet for Men for a good laugh.


28 posted on 01/02/2014 6:42:20 PM PST by bolobaby
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: bolobaby

That’s a good one. Read it last week and was laughing out loud.


29 posted on 01/02/2014 6:45:52 PM PST by 31R1O
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: GeronL
They're on back-order.

I mean, that's what I heard, anyway.

/johnny

30 posted on 01/02/2014 6:48:06 PM PST by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

What you really have to watch out for are land yachts such as the 1973 Mercury Grand Marquis, 1976 Cadillac Sixty Special and the 1973 Chrysler New Yorker Brougham!


31 posted on 01/02/2014 6:50:19 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Jack Hydrazine

Bad things can happen

http://www.shipwrecklog.com/log/category/collision/page/2/#jp-carousel-11514

should have read the book


32 posted on 01/02/2014 6:51:54 PM PST by artichokegrower
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower
How to Avoid Huge Ships

Very easy actually.

Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself.

LOL

33 posted on 01/02/2014 6:52:56 PM PST by cva66snipe ((Two Choices left for U.S. One Nation Under GOD or One Nation Under Judgment? Which one say ye?))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

34 posted on 01/02/2014 6:53:40 PM PST by JoeProBono (SOME IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED;-{)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

In a sailboat you can hear the screw turning from quite a way away. That sound works better than any alarm clock.
A lot of merchant ships are crewed by SE Asians who speak poor English, receive inadequate training, keep poor watches, and have funky, ill maintained equipment. In a small boat, you’d better be aware of them because they damn sure aren’t aware of you.


35 posted on 01/02/2014 6:55:14 PM PST by Edward Teach
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower
A large cruise ship once followed me all the way to Iowa. Just outside Cedar Rapids, I finally decided that resistance was futile and I boarded it. The cabin they gave me was cramped but they always kept it full of fresh fruit and everytime I left, even if it was only for a few minutes, somebody sneaked into it and put mints on my pillow. The midnight buffet was always interesting but I could have done without the Barry Manilow impersonation contest on the Promenade deck that Wednesday night.

They finally allowed me to disembark when we were in Lander, Wyoming but it was a long walk back to Cedar Rapids, I tell you.

36 posted on 01/02/2014 6:56:18 PM PST by SamAdams76
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono; neverdem
No Joe! The book was "How to Avoid Big ShiPs, not "Sh*Ts" ..... (Butt the thought of Big Loose Moose Poops is a bit threatening ....)
37 posted on 01/02/2014 7:04:19 PM PST by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: Edward Teach
How to avoid huge ships while driving:  photo BoatBridge_zps93e36659.jpeg
38 posted on 01/02/2014 7:05:45 PM PST by artichokegrower
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: SamAdams76

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Avoid_Huge_Ships


39 posted on 01/02/2014 7:05:50 PM PST by Fractal Trader
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: Robert A. Cook, PE

40 posted on 01/02/2014 7:09:30 PM PST by JoeProBono (SOME IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED;-{)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: dynachrome

“Bombproofing” your horse is a pretty common term amongst horsey folk.

I am OH so tempted to post a printed picture of the Lesbian Horse Stories in the tack room where the Mickster is stabled though LOL...


41 posted on 01/02/2014 7:37:15 PM PST by Axenolith (Government blows, and that which governs least, blows least...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Jack Hydrazine

I believe it was [made about 1954] the Chrysler Imperial that was banned from some demolition derbies because of its sheer mass.


42 posted on 01/02/2014 7:43:09 PM PST by Axenolith (Government blows, and that which governs least, blows least...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: Axenolith

43 posted on 01/02/2014 7:45:02 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Uh, yeah.... I can’t get into that.


44 posted on 01/02/2014 8:17:10 PM PST by Bullish (America should yank Obama like a rotten tooth before he poisons the entire body)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: artichokegrower

Avoiding big ships is easy. The ship that holds the other vessel on its starboard side, is the burdened vessel and shall maneuver to avoid collision.


45 posted on 01/03/2014 4:31:25 AM PST by X Fretensis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: GeronL; cripplecreek

If only Lieutenant John F. Kennedy had read that book . . .


46 posted on 01/03/2014 5:40:58 AM PST by Scoutmaster (I'd rather be at Philmont)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: Scoutmaster

rofl


47 posted on 01/03/2014 10:03:30 AM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 46 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson