Skip to comments.5 Ways Disavowing Masculinity Changed My Life
Posted on 01/19/2014 10:01:51 AM PST by dead
Robert Reece has found that ignoring the Man Code has improved his life enormously.
Not only does traditional masculinity oppress women but it also severely restricts the agency of men (a topic, Ive written about in the past in the context of straight man love and hip-hop), often in simple, taken-for-granted ways. Straight men go to extreme lengths to perform masculinity. They avoid a wide variety of activities that they arbitrarily deem feminine or gay without analyzing the detrimental effects of this type of gender policing. Often mundane, seemingly inconsequential activities are heavily policed, inhibiting mens ability to live freely day-to-day. While its also important to show men the macro level benefits of feminism and disavowing traditional masculinity, I thought it would be fun to reveal the little ways that my life changed when I stopped trying to perform traditional, patriarchal masculinity. So here it is: the 5 MOST Mundane Ways Disavowing Masculinity Changed My Life.
5) I Admit When Im Sad
Sadness is weak; its feminine. Men rarely admit when theyre sad or depressed because men are supposed to be strong and unemotional. Deciding not to avoid traditional masculinity allows me to admit when Im sad and seek support and help. Im not left to deal with my problems alone. I also recognize the healing properties of crying so I even cry occasionally (and not just about sports or death).
4) I Can Touch Other Men
The ways straight men are allowed to touch other men are very limited, often only to handshakes, man-hugs (which are already restrained), and violent expressions (eg. sports, wrestling, etc). Inadvertently touching another man is strictly forbidden so measures must be taken to avoid this: men must be careful when handing a man something lest their hands touch, skip a seat in the movie theater to avoid touching knees, and scrunch up in the back seat of a car so they dont accidentally rub against one another. Its all so unnecessarily stressful and homophobic, and Id rather avoid the whole performance. If we happen to touch, so be it.
3) I Wear Womens Clothing Accessories
Mens fashion can be narrow, especially when on a budget, and as someone who enjoys fashion, Ive found that one way to push the boundaries of color and patterns is to shop in the womens section for accessories. Womens scarves and pins are infinitely more diverse than mens which often only come in black, greys, browns, and dark blues. To find an orange or blue that pops or a nice green and black pattern, the womens section is the place to be. Unfortunately, my feet are too big to wear womens shoes because I could certainly go for some inexpensive colorful loafers as well.
2) I Can Admit Another Man Is Attractive
I cant count the times Ive heard a man defiantly declare All men are ugly to me! in response to being asked whether he thought another man was attractive. Liar. Apparently, straight men think that finding another man attractive is akin to a desire to have sex with him, i.e. admitting that a man looks nice is gay. But we all find a wide variety of people (of any sex or gender) to be attractive and sometimes we seek to express it so Ive noticed men use an assortment of semantic moves to maintain their masculine performance while complimenting the looks of another man: 1) theyll compliment his clothes and focus on his clothes, carefully avoiding his general attractiveness, e.g. I like that suit as opposed to You look nice tonight; 2) theyll give a backhanded compliment, e.g. So you think you clean today, huh? or pair a compliment with a feigned insult such as, I like that suit, but youre still ugly; 3) they simply preface or conclude their compliment with a reminder that they are straight, e.g. I dont wanna f#ck him or nothing but Johnny Depp looks good in Pirates of the Caribbean or the infamous and endlessly homophobic No homo. I lack the time for this. If I think Im an attractive man and expect to be told so, I see no reason to deny other men a similar compliment.
1) I Sit Down to Pee
Honestly, I suspect that many more do this than will admit it. Perhaps since it can be done privately, actually performing the act isnt as important as admitting it, which few men do. But outside of public restrooms and urgent situations, Ive never seen the allure of standing to pee. The appeal of it seems to be primarily based on its association with masculinity, but Id much rather sit. Sitting is more comfortable and much neater, no risk of peeing on the seat or floor or dropping something in the toilet.
Discarding these seemingly small things also create healthier men who arent as stressed by the daily minutia of masculine performance. And though I call these things mundane, they are part of the gendering process that maintains our system of patriarchal stratification, and adopting these simple acts of subversion can go a long way towards dismantling the notion of real manhood and with it the idea that men should dominate women.
That “person” needs to Man Up.
Excuse me while I puke.
Actually,(looks around to ensure nobody is looking) I sit down to pee as I’m the guy who cleans the d*mned bathroom. It’s just that there are two streams and only one of them is going into the bowl. (Hides head in shame. Runs hand over concealed carry piece. Calls hunting buddy and arranges to go kill something.)
“I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.” the Man’s Prayer
This idiot needs to get lost.
I know what this guy uses for a coin purse.
Pathetic at best.. transgender in the making.
This guy will be dead within minutes when society collapses.
This weenie is never going to get laid again. Ever.
Why is this posted here??
I would think it would go well in some gay forum...
A pajama boy is born.....
take his man card away and hand him a mini pad
“This idiot needs to get lost.”
This idiot needs to get saved. By Jesus.
This is what happens when you hang around too many
He certainly has a twisted view of what most men I know consider masculinity to be. We’ve never had the “problems” that he has purportedly “overcome”.
never wrote his name in the snow