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5 Ways Disavowing Masculinity Changed My Life
http://goodmenproject.com/the-good-life/5-ways-disavowing-masculinity-changed-my-life/ ^ | 12/2/13 | Robert Reece

Posted on 01/19/2014 10:01:51 AM PST by dead

Robert Reece has found that ignoring the Man Code has improved his life enormously.

Not only does traditional masculinity oppress women but it also severely restricts the agency of men (a topic, I’ve written about in the past in the context of straight man love and hip-hop), often in simple, taken-for-granted ways. Straight men go to extreme lengths to perform masculinity. They avoid a wide variety of activities that they arbitrarily deem feminine or “gay” without analyzing the detrimental effects of this type of gender policing. Often mundane, seemingly inconsequential activities are heavily policed, inhibiting men’s ability to live freely day-to-day. While it’s also important to show men the macro level benefits of feminism and disavowing traditional masculinity, I thought it would be fun to reveal the little ways that my life changed when I stopped trying to perform traditional, patriarchal masculinity. So here it is: the 5 MOST Mundane Ways Disavowing Masculinity Changed My Life.

5) I Admit When I’m Sad

Sadness is weak; it’s feminine. Men rarely admit when they’re sad or depressed because men are supposed to be strong and unemotional. Deciding not to avoid traditional masculinity allows me to admit when I’m sad and seek support and help. I’m not left to deal with my problems alone. I also recognize the healing properties of crying so I even cry occasionally (and not just about sports or death).

4) I Can Touch Other Men

The ways straight men are allowed to touch other men are very limited, often only to handshakes, man-hugs (which are already restrained), and violent expressions (eg. sports, wrestling, etc). Inadvertently touching another man is strictly forbidden so measures must be taken to avoid this: men must be careful when handing a man something lest their hands touch, skip a seat in the movie theater to avoid touching knees, and scrunch up in the back seat of a car so they don’t accidentally rub against one another. It’s all so unnecessarily stressful and homophobic, and I’d rather avoid the whole performance. If we happen to touch, so be it.

3) I Wear Women’s Clothing Accessories

Men’s fashion can be narrow, especially when on a budget, and as someone who enjoys fashion, I’ve found that one way to push the boundaries of color and patterns is to shop in the women’s section for accessories. Women’s scarves and pins are infinitely more diverse than men’s which often only come in black, greys, browns, and dark blues. To find an orange or blue that pops or a nice green and black pattern, the women’s section is the place to be. Unfortunately, my feet are too big to wear women’s shoes because I could certainly go for some inexpensive colorful loafers as well.

2) I Can Admit Another Man Is Attractive

I can’t count the times I’ve heard a man defiantly declare “All men are ugly to me!” in response to being asked whether he thought another man was attractive. Liar. Apparently, straight men think that finding another man attractive is akin to a desire to have sex with him, i.e. admitting that a man looks nice is gay. But we all find a wide variety of people (of any sex or gender) to be attractive and sometimes we seek to express it so I’ve noticed men use an assortment of semantic moves to maintain their masculine performance while complimenting the looks of another man: 1) they’ll compliment his clothes and focus on his clothes, carefully avoiding his general attractiveness, e.g. “I like that suit” as opposed to “You look nice tonight;” 2) they’ll give a backhanded compliment, e.g. “So you think you clean today, huh?” or pair a compliment with a feigned insult such as, “I like that suit, but you’re still ugly;” 3) they simply preface or conclude their compliment with a reminder that they are straight, e.g. “I don’t wanna f#ck him or nothing but Johnny Depp looks good in Pirates of the Caribbean” or the infamous and endlessly homophobic “No homo.” I lack the time for this. If I think I’m an attractive man and expect to be told so, I see no reason to deny other men a similar compliment.

1) I Sit Down to Pee

Honestly, I suspect that many more do this than will admit it. Perhaps since it can be done privately, actually performing the act isn’t as important as admitting it, which few men do. But outside of public restrooms and urgent situations, I’ve never seen the allure of standing to pee. The appeal of it seems to be primarily based on its association with masculinity, but I’d much rather sit. Sitting is more comfortable and much neater, no risk of peeing on the seat or floor or dropping something in the toilet.

♦◊♦

Discarding these seemingly small things also create healthier men who aren’t as stressed by the daily minutia of masculine performance. And though I call these things mundane, they are part of the gendering process that maintains our system of patriarchal stratification, and adopting these simple acts of subversion can go a long way towards dismantling the notion of “real manhood” and with it the idea that men should dominate women.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: academicbias; communistgoals; crossdresser; feminazism; feminism; goodlife; goodmen; goodmensproject; heterophobia; homosexualagenda; identitypolitics; juthtthtop; lavendermafia; liberalelites; liberalmedia; maninaskirt; metrosexuals; napl; pinkjournalism; radicalfeminists; reeducationcenters; robertreece; savethemales; sexpositiveagenda; sitzpinkler; socialistnetworks; thilly; trends
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Somebody posted this on Facebook. I had to share in case any guys are feeling too manly and need to chick it up a bit.
1 posted on 01/19/2014 10:01:52 AM PST by dead
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To: dead

That “person” needs to Man Up.


2 posted on 01/19/2014 10:04:06 AM PST by Paladin2
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To: dead

3 posted on 01/19/2014 10:04:16 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: dead

Excuse me while I puke.


4 posted on 01/19/2014 10:05:04 AM PST by ReaganÜberAlles
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To: dead

Actually,(looks around to ensure nobody is looking) I sit down to pee as I’m the guy who cleans the d*mned bathroom. It’s just that there are two streams and only one of them is going into the bowl. (Hides head in shame. Runs hand over concealed carry piece. Calls hunting buddy and arranges to go kill something.)


5 posted on 01/19/2014 10:06:07 AM PST by Gen.Blather
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To: dead

“I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.” the Man’s Prayer


6 posted on 01/19/2014 10:06:40 AM PST by DManA
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To: dead

This idiot needs to get lost.


7 posted on 01/19/2014 10:06:53 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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To: dead

I know what this guy uses for a coin purse.


8 posted on 01/19/2014 10:06:59 AM PST by Organic Panic
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To: dead

Pathetic at best.. transgender in the making.


9 posted on 01/19/2014 10:07:01 AM PST by maddog55
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To: dead

This guy will be dead within minutes when society collapses.


10 posted on 01/19/2014 10:07:43 AM PST by Viennacon
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To: dead

This weenie is never going to get laid again. Ever.


11 posted on 01/19/2014 10:07:51 AM PST by Lurker (Violence is rarely the answer. But when it is it is the only answer.)
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To: dead

Why is this posted here??
I would think it would go well in some gay forum...


12 posted on 01/19/2014 10:08:02 AM PST by bill1952 (Choice is an illusion created between those with power - and those without)
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To: dead
6 should be: I no longer engage in sexual activities with females. It is just too stressful.
13 posted on 01/19/2014 10:09:07 AM PST by mosaicwolf (Strength and Honor)
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To: dead

A pajama boy is born.....

take his man card away and hand him a mini pad


14 posted on 01/19/2014 10:09:48 AM PST by 12th_Monkey (In an alternate universe Obama still dips ice cream)
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To: onyx

“This idiot needs to get lost.”

This idiot needs to get saved. By Jesus.


15 posted on 01/19/2014 10:10:42 AM PST by PastorBooks
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To: maddog55

This is what happens when you hang around too many
feminists. Sad.


16 posted on 01/19/2014 10:11:38 AM PST by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: dead

He certainly has a twisted view of what most men I know consider masculinity to be. We’ve never had the “problems” that he has purportedly “overcome”.


17 posted on 01/19/2014 10:11:43 AM PST by Bob
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To: dead

never wrote his name in the snow


18 posted on 01/19/2014 10:11:48 AM PST by NonValueAdded (It's not the penalty, it's the lack of coverage on 1 Jan. Think about it.)
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To: dead

Hahahahhahhaa!


19 posted on 01/19/2014 10:13:17 AM PST by Ray76 (How modern liberals think: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaE98w1KZ-c)
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To: dead

gay


20 posted on 01/19/2014 10:13:31 AM PST by jtal (Runnin' a World in Need with White Folks' Greed - since 1492)
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To: dead
A response from a male Freeper:

5) I Admit When I’m Sad

Bull Obama. Nobody wants to hear your whining. If you're clinically depressed, see a doc or self-medicate. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

4) I Can Touch Other Men

Why would you want to?

3) I Wear Women’s Clothing Accessories

My gaydar just jumped up to "Homo".

2) I Can Admit Another Man Is Attractive

Nobody said you couldn't.

1) I Sit Down to Pee

Standing is quicker and easier, but there's nothing wrong with sitting if you're tired or exceedingly drunk. The bottom line is: who cares?

21 posted on 01/19/2014 10:14:57 AM PST by Jeff Chandler (Obamacare: You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.)
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To: dead

This was a parody, right?


22 posted on 01/19/2014 10:15:08 AM PST by mhx
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To: bill1952

For laughs.


23 posted on 01/19/2014 10:15:48 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: dead

ROFL.


24 posted on 01/19/2014 10:16:16 AM PST by Alberta's Child ("I've never seen such a conclave of minstrels in my life.")
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To: dead

5) Since when can men not admit when they are sad? They can admit it. Nobody is going to care, but they can admit it. Semi-homo, because he really wants to cry like a woman, which is not their greatest quality.

4) Homo.

3) Homo.

2) Homo.

1) Homo. I’ll admit to sitting down to pee in the middle of the night. That’s not what he means, so ... homo.

That’s one semi-legitimate point, and four very clear homo-markers. Maybe he should cruise his local rest stops tonight.


25 posted on 01/19/2014 10:16:17 AM PST by cdcdawg (Be seeing you...)
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To: dead

If the author wrote this in order to get laid, then I will grant him then I will grant him a mulligan.

In truth women don’t actually like men with effeminate ways.


26 posted on 01/19/2014 10:16:53 AM PST by gaijin
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To: dead

There’s not enough chocolate-covered Midol for this wuss.


27 posted on 01/19/2014 10:17:09 AM PST by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: dead; Lazamataz
5) Eh.

4)Ah!

3)GAH!

2)Gay!

1)It's Good that you do because YOU ARE A LADY!


28 posted on 01/19/2014 10:17:48 AM PST by KC_Lion (Build the America you want to live in at your address, and keep looking up.- Sarah Palin)
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To: DManA

Boy do I miss the RED-GREEN show.


29 posted on 01/19/2014 10:18:01 AM PST by huldah1776
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To: PastorBooks

OKay!


30 posted on 01/19/2014 10:18:01 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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To: Bob
We’ve never had the “problems” that he has purportedly “overcome”.

Yeah. I didn't even know I wasn't allowed to be sad or acknowledge that a guy can be good looking.

And I sit down to pee when I want somewhere quiet to read.

31 posted on 01/19/2014 10:18:05 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: Gen.Blather
"Medical research reported in Sweden’s Folket newspaper said that sitting might mean reduced prostate cancer risk and be better for you in the bedroom. That’s because the bladder empties more efficiently when men take a seat while urinating, and this improved bladder release supposedly decreases prostate problems and allows for a longer and healthier sex life."
32 posted on 01/19/2014 10:18:17 AM PST by Maceman
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To: dead

I don’t know why, but between that photo and your tagline I think that’s one of the funniest posts I’ve ever seen on FreeRepublic. ROFL.


33 posted on 01/19/2014 10:18:20 AM PST by Alberta's Child ("I've never seen such a conclave of minstrels in my life.")
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To: dead

Isn’t a barf alert mandatory for a post of this nature? Just sayin’...


34 posted on 01/19/2014 10:18:40 AM PST by pluvmantelo (The thing of it is, we must live with the living- Michel de Montaigne)
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To: Lurker
This weenie is never going to get laid again. Ever.

Ever been to a university lately? Examine the earrings-adorned, skin-tight jeaned, pink-shoes-wearing males walking about with their posse of females around them.

35 posted on 01/19/2014 10:19:07 AM PST by James C. Bennett (An Australian.)
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To: dead

1) I Sit Down to Pee

That’s convenient!

Let’s get this right out in the open. This guy is a fag! Even if he doesn’t want to have sex with a man he is a fag!


36 posted on 01/19/2014 10:19:11 AM PST by Jim from C-Town (The government is rarely benevolent, often malevolent and never benign!)
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To: Alberta's Child

Thank you! The image is relatively new. The tagline is old as dirt.


37 posted on 01/19/2014 10:20:47 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: dead
And I sit down to pee when I want somewhere quiet to read.

Shhhhhh! Don't give away the secret. When a man is married with children, the john is usually the only place he can read undisturbed. At one time I would go through the entire Sunday newspaper there, back when I read newspapers.

38 posted on 01/19/2014 10:20:59 AM PST by Jeff Chandler (Obamacare: You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.)
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To: dead

0). Oh and panties. I forgot to tell you I like to wear women’s panties. Pink ones. With lace.


39 posted on 01/19/2014 10:21:24 AM PST by DManA
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To: dead
Satire, right?

5) Sadness is NOT feminine. It's a natural human feeling. Associating it only with women demeans both men and women.

4)"allowed to touch each other"? Real men decide for themselves what is and is not appropriate. Real men don't let others decide for them. If you want to touch another man in ways that most men have decided are inappropriate, you will have a problem.

3)If you want to wear clothes that are made for women, I think you're the one with the problem. I like fashion, too - men's fashions. Nothing more masculine than a well-made, good fitting suit. Maybe the women's clothing wearer doesn't want to feel like a man.....

2) Why? Real men don't care if another guy is "attractive". It's more like, "is he friend or foe?" How a man looks is of no consequence to real men, we just want to know if he can be counted on to get the job done.

1) Pee sitting down? Why?

Right or wrong, I get the strong idea the author would rather be female. He wants to pee sitting down, he wants touch men in more ways than shaking hands or a pat on the back, and he likes to wear women's clothes.

40 posted on 01/19/2014 10:21:36 AM PST by jeffc (The U.S. media are our enemy)
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To: James C. Bennett

In common parlance those women are known as “fag hags”. They hang out with these emasculated eunuchs precisely because they pose no sexual threat of any kind.

This prissy boy probably couldn’t get it up if an NFL cheerleader fell out of the sky naked, landed on his face, and started to wiggle.


41 posted on 01/19/2014 10:23:22 AM PST by Lurker (Violence is rarely the answer. But when it is it is the only answer.)
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To: dead

I would, though, describe another man as “handsome” rather than “attractive”. This guy’s screed just screams “metrosexual”.


42 posted on 01/19/2014 10:23:42 AM PST by Bob
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To: dead
men must be careful when handing a man something lest their hands touch, skip a seat in the movie theater to avoid touching knees, and scrunch up in the back seat of a car so they don’t accidentally rub against one another.

This is just dumb. If space is tight, I don't know any man who obsesses about incidental contact with another man, or woman for that matter.

If space isn't tight, it is only polite not to intrude into another man's (or FTM woman's) personal space.

skip a seat in the movie theater to avoid touching knees

I would actually be a good deal more concerned about this with a woman, as she might think I'm trying to get close unnecessarily.

Recently had a woman in the checkout at the grocery accuse me (loudly) of standing too close behind her. Shocked the bejeebers out of me, as I was paying no attention whatsoever to her. After she left, the checkout lady and others in line reassured me I'd not accidentally done something wrong. She was just nuts.

For a graphic representation of unconcious conventions about how close to stand to a stranger, it is possible to precisely diagram where Americans will stand in an elevator. With each additional person that gets on, all shift to their designated location.

43 posted on 01/19/2014 10:24:13 AM PST by Sherman Logan
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To: dead

Funny, given your nom de juer...


44 posted on 01/19/2014 10:24:41 AM PST by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: dead

Sitting down to pee has changed his life enormously? He must not have much of a life. But seriously, most of the things he refers to are just stereotypes which do not even apply to most traditional men. Regarding “women’s clothing,” historically, men have worn kilts (Scots), feathered headdresses (some Native American groups), jewelry (Celtic), and so on. People like this guy equate traditional masculinity with a very narrow and very stereotypical view of the reality of male behavior and attire. But libs do love their stereotypes.


45 posted on 01/19/2014 10:25:03 AM PST by Steve_Seattle
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To: James C. Bennett

True. . .but that is only because the females don’t view them as a threat. . .you know, they can hang out with a ‘man’ like that (homo/metro) and not worry about all that sex stuff. . .


46 posted on 01/19/2014 10:25:16 AM PST by Hulka
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To: Jeff Chandler
2) I Can Admit Another Man Is Attractive

Nobody said you couldn't.

There is a fairly sizable distance between identifying a man as a handsome man, and saying he's attractive. Don't you think? I think the former identifies a characteristic, and the latter a feeling.

47 posted on 01/19/2014 10:25:47 AM PST by Ouderkirk (To the left, everything must evidence that this or that strand of leftist theory is true)
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To: mosaicwolf

Fer sure it ain’t too hard...


48 posted on 01/19/2014 10:25:50 AM PST by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: dead
What a girly man...listen to him have a hissy fit.

I bet he wouldn't watch Lone Survivor, too manly for him


49 posted on 01/19/2014 10:26:25 AM PST by darkwing104 (Forgive but don't forget)
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To: dead; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...


50 posted on 01/19/2014 10:26:31 AM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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