Skip to comments.A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to a Ham Sandwich
Posted on 03/28/2014 4:08:30 PM PDT by Kaslin
I was in the mood for a ham sandwich the other day so I walked around the corner to my neighborhood market to pick up some provisions.
I snagged a shopping cart with three workable wheels and maneuvered my way through the store humming along to a Muzak menagerie of Mr. Mister and Lionel Richie songs. I stopped for a brief moment in the produce aisle to admire a pair of hipsters as they harmonized to Say You, Say Me.
Anyway, after selecting a deli ham, I dropped by condiments aisle to get a jar of spicy mustard along with some bread & butter pickles.
I was about check out when I suddenly remembered that I needed some cheese.
So I made a beeline for the dairy aisle and thats when I made a startling discovery. I brought my three-wheeled shopping cart to a screeching halt. I came face to face with a massive sign bearing giant letters.
It read: HISPANIC CHEESE.
I stared at the display for quite some time. I found myself drifting into an imaginary conversation with a store clerk...
Do you need some help, sir?
Yes. Could you tell me where you keep the Caucasian cheese?
Im sorry, sir but we dont carry Caucasian cheese although, we do have a rather nice selection of white cheddars.
I was tempted to purchase some Hispanic cheese, but I feared retribution at the checkout counter. What if the clerk confronted me about trying to purchase a cheese that was contrary to my ethnicity?
Sir, Im afraid youve violated our tolerance and diversity regulations, I imagined the clerk saying. Its apparent that Hispanic cheese is nacho cheese.
So to be safe, I decided to purchase American cheese (which is allowed provided you have at least two forms of government identification).
I found the entire episode a bit disconcerting. When did they start segregating the dairy products?
Seeing how President Obama ushered the nation into a post-racial age, youd think grocery stores would be a bit more sensitive to that kind of thing.
Why single out the Hispanic cheeses?
What about the Italians or the French?
Whats next? Will grocery stores separate American cabbage from Bok Choy? Will Basmati rice be allowed to share shelf space with Uncle Bens?
Oh, how my taste buds weep for the less fortunate cheese among us.
I recall that delightful song from church days gone by. Jesus loves the little cheeses, all the cheeses of the world. Swiss and Cheddar, stinky, too. If He loved them, so should you. Jesus loves the little cheeses of the world.
I hold this truth to be self evident that all curds are created equal, that they are endowed by their cheese maker with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of a Ritz cracker.
I dream of a day when cheese is not judged by its country of origin but by the content of its butterfat be it Gouda or Velveeta.
Intolerance is bad for business no matter how you bag it. And in my estimation the only thing worse than intolerance is lactose intolerance.
DO they sell French dressing?
Or Chinese mustard?
Or Italian bread?
Markets around here have both the “Mexican” and “Asian” aisles.
Or Russian rye?
Mexican aisle for salsa. Asian aisle for noodles, soy sauce, oyster sauce and sesame seed oil.
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
Everyone knows a ham sandwich requires swiss cheese.
Amen, brother, amen! ;-)
The meek don’t want it..
How does one survive without Salsa Victoria, Soy and 5 Spice?
It would certainly be boring.
If you're extremely lucky, you'll find a pack with an embassy obtained Matrícula Consular card as documentation. Some stores in the U.S. won't recognize it as such tough.
Not to worry, you don't have to be a very big cheese to get one...
"Broken Wings" was one of them and I remember that song, here are some of the lyrics:
So take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
And then a whole bunch of Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahs...
Not yeah-yeahs in a Beatles kind of way, but yeah-yeahs in a Reagan era kind of way.
I miss the 1980s.
Lactose intolerance? I think he’s milking the joke.
Step away from the squeeze cheese, lol
Czech sheep's milk?
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Not -today-, sir, no.
Big kosher area where I shop.
Filet Mignon became tenderloin. But the price didn’t change.
Here in Jersey we have a big India aisle. Wegman’s also carries an int’l aisle with French, English, Scottish and German products. I love browsing. Hispanic cheese does sound stupid, though. Mexican cheese, not so.
Could they have meant quemado or queso fresco? (I think these are both white cheeses) Beyond that, there’s a big difference between regular cheddar cheese & “Mexican cheese” (which became popular/ common in the mid 80s) “Mexican cheese”, so called because it’s made in Mexico, is very stringy & rubbery. If you grew up on Tex Mex food & loved it, it’s a hard transition to make- hard to chew & harder to swallow. The original cheese used in Mexican food was creamy & had just enough body- not Velveeta & not cheddar.
(Did it I mention that the earth revolves around the “perfect” enchilada? It just about does, here)
I’ve seen Mexican cheeses for a while, and a lot of gringos like it, but a Hispanic cheese is something to muse at.
I used to live in “Spanish” Harlem, yet, all of the residents were Puerto Ricans and Blacks.
I’ve also been known to eat Italian food, and Chinese food, and Cuban food, and Puerto Rican food, and even American food.
I don’t discriminate, and I’ll eat what’s closest to me, when I get hungry.
You’re right, I’ve not seen “Hispanic cheese” before. Sounds like marketing that is too clever by half.
“Josie’s on a va-ca-tion far away, call her in to talk over...so many things that I’ve got to say, ....”
They do have Cubano bread at Wally-World...
Wegmans is one of the few places I can find authentic Gjetost, a Norwegian cheese : ),
Hispanic cheese does sound stupid, though. Mexican cheese, not so.
Thats probably because Mexican cheese would be classified as a Hispanic food but not all Hispanic foods are Mexican.
I understand that but Hispanic cheese is funny. Damn it, it should be Chicano Cheese!
The article, I agree, is dumb.
My local A&P is massively stocked up for Passover. I love looking at the items. Unfortunately, most of it is mass-produced and so is not really very good. You have to go to a Kosher deli (we have them where I live) to really see the beautiful items produced.
Agreed. That is one of the things I miss about living in Baltimore. If I wanted really good Kosher deli, I could drive over to Pikesville. There was also a good Jewish Kosher grocery store over there, closed of course from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday but open all day on Sunday. I had on a few occasions gone to a restaurant over there, the Suburban House. Great place for breakfast. The original place burned down a few years ago but I see theyve reopened.
As you can see from the menu, it isnt strictly kosher as you can get bacon and ham and even crab cakes (it is Baltimore after all Hon). IIRC though they have separate kitchens for kosher and non-kosher.
And I used to go to an authentic Italian deli/grocery not too far from where I lived and if I had a hankering for Greek, there were those too as well as Indian and Asian and Hispanic stores of many varieties.
Around here in central PA, there is a lot of PA Dutch food
.most of it pretty bland
Oy! What I call Kosher-style to the max! I hope they use separate plates - and putting milk in with meat products - a major no-no! Where I am, it is mostly Sephardic Jews so the food is middle-eastern. Let me put it this way, the only Eastern European Jewish deli we have is called “Richard’s” not “Murray’s” or “Irv’s.” They actually serve Boar’s Head pastrami! And the neighbors think they’re eating good.
Pennsylvania Dutch food could be good - but the restaurants simply don’t take the time to prepare it with any real care. I guess the tourists get them down.
Thank you for the menu. I collect menus of diners I been to around the country.