Skip to comments.Clever Article Poking Fun at Libertarians
Posted on 04/26/2014 8:01:06 AM PDT by Kaslin
Whenever I find clever political humor, I like to share with readers.
And because Im confident in the superiority of liberty over statism, Im even amused when I find jokes that target my libertarian philosophy. After all, only dour people are unable to laugh at themselves.
Indeed, Im actually disappointed that I rarely find any good jokes about advocates of small government. I havent found any good anti-libertarian humor since this cartoon last January.
I can gladly report, though, that the drought has ended.
Writing for The New Yorker, Tom ODonnell has some fun at the expense of libertarians.
He has an article on the adventures of a Libertarian Police Department, told from the perspective of a patrolman.
I was shooting heroin and reading The Fountainhead in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it.
It seems that some bitcoins (much loved by libertarians) were stolen!
Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars worth of bitcoins. The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?
The patrolman rushes to the scene, seeing if someone will pay to solve the crime.
Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside. Now, which one of you punks is going topay me to investigate this crime? No one spoke up. Come on, I said. Dont you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty? It didnt seem like they did.
But our private sector libertarian cop eventually finds a suspect and tries to catch him while dealing with the daunting challenge of government-owned sidewalks!
Stop right there! I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
The suspect eventually is caught and confesses that he is part of the Ben Bernank club.
the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins. Whyd you do it? I asked Because I was afraid Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers, he said. Im a central banker. I shook my head. Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street, I said. No matter how many bitcoins you steal, youll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom. He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
I suggest you read the entire article. Its not very long, and it delivers some good jabs. Sort of like this collage about the 24 different types of libertarians.
But I suppose I should make a serious point at this stage.
The author is really mocking anarcho-capitalists (just like this Somalia video), yet I suspect that the vast majority of libertarians are in the small-government camp rather than the no-government camp. In other words, they wouldnt mind a very small government that focused on matters such as life, liberty, and property.
So tracking down bitcoin thieves would be a legitimate function of government!
More specifically, the goal of libertarianism is to make government small and focused so it can effectively carry out its legitimate responsibilities.
P.S. For more libertarian humor, heres a cartoon on libertarian ice fishing and another showing libertarian lifeguards.
And the think I do montage is a classic, as well as this post about libertarian problems.
P.P.S. To see if youre an anarcho-capitalist rather than a small-government libertarian, take this online quiz.
P.P.P.S. Heres another photo with the PotL. Were outside of the Royal Palace and looking over Monacos yacht harbor.
Monaco is a very rich place and there is no income tax (just like the system that used to exist someplace else). One wonders whether our leftist friends will ever see the connection.
We should develop and fund a Bureau of Lake Management (BLM) to prevent this happening to anyone (one death is too many).
Can't trust the people to determine ice safety. Do it for the children!
If I pole fun at a Democrat/liberal/progressive I am a racist. This must also be racism.
Hans-Hermann Hoppe is not amused (but I am :> )
Ah yes, Some good mourning humor on less government
Ok I’ve clicked many of the links and looked at many of the jokes and cartoons. They are not funny. Kinda stupid really.
Just like libertarian ideas.
The author is a libertarian himself, so he is actually poking fun at himself. Nothing wrong with that
Excellent typo...! Apropos....
Yep..., that stupid Libertarian idea that we should have less government interference in our lives and more personal freedom....
And dope. Lots more dope.
But getting to the heart of the argument, I doubt there's many conservatives or libertarians arguing for no government. Government is simply the org. that enforces the rules the citizenry agrees on. Government should not go beyond its carefully delineated provisions. What really irritates me is conservative candidates who do not rebut Dem/leftists when they say we want to eliminate all government.
Keep your dope. I want more guns and land enough to shoot them on.
And a car I actually want to drive.
And medicines that actually work.
And laws that adhere to the Constitutions limits.
And real free speech.
You get the idea... Or, maybe you don’t approve of “that” kind of libertarianism.
Porn. Pro abortion.
Don’t forget these relevant lib agendas.
While you libs try vainly to wrap yourself in the constitution and your small government rhetoric, your real concerns are always evident.
So. How’s Ron, er I mean Rand Paul doing lately? Blindly calling Bundy a racist? All Righty Then.
Thanks for providing the entire context of Reagan’s remarks here. Often many libs excerpt this interview and falsely claim Mr Reagan was a libertarian.
But as we know, he was certainly not.
Funny..of course the statist version doesn’t change someone falling through the ice..they just pick some one to toss out there..
And in the smart capitalist version the guy choosing to walking on thin ice was smart enough to tie a rope around his waist and have his buddy on shore hold it
.see when its YOUR ass on the line you always have a backup plan
..or you say screw the rope it cost to much and its just cheaper to pay a libertarian to walk out there for you
the libertarian lifeguard is a HOOT
Libertarians are for small government... but also pot shrunk small testicles.
I’m not a pot smoker, but when you realize that America has 5% of the world’s population and 25% of the world’s prisoners maybe it’s time to put the War on Drugs to bed....
One mans porn is another mans punch line. Don’t like it? Don’t look...
And yeah, Rand’s cowardice, along with Hannity and Beck, have burnt the last bridge with me...
So many straw men, so little time...
What percentage of America’s prisoners are serving felony time for smoking pot?
Nearly half (48%) of inmates in federal prison were serving time for drug offenses in 2011.... US Dep’t of Justice:
What percentage of Americas prisoners are serving felony time for smoking pot?
I followed the link to the libertarian quiz (near the bottom of the article), and scored 54 out of 160:
51-90 points: You are a medium-core libertarian, probably self-consciously so. Your friends probably encourage you to quit talking about your views so much.
That is probably because the private sector has never spontaneously devised a mechanism to do some things that it seems only government does efficiently, like oversee drug approval and regulation. Government is the tool for making sure things get done that the citizenry decides need to be done.
Libertarian Party Platform:
Throw open the borders completely; only a rare individual (terrorist, disease carrier etc.) can be kept from freedom of movement through political boundaries.
Homosexuals; total freedom in the military, gay marriage, adoption, child custody and everything else.
Abortion; zero restrictions or impediments.
Pornography; no restraint, no restrictions.
Drugs; Meth, Heroin, Crack, and anything new that science can come up with, zero restrictions.
Advertising those drugs, prostitution, and pornography; zero restrictions.
Military Strength; minimal capabilities.
What am I, F@&king Wikipedia. Look it up yourself....
You were making an attempt to mislead people, unless you want to eliminate all crimes that involve all drugs.
I wasn’t trying to mislead anyone. Many of the people in jail for drug possessions were charged with intent to distribute because they had more than an ounce of pot and in possession of $200 when they were arrested. Far too many people are in jail for drug crimes....
Most people who get convicted of federal drug crimes are big time criminals, regardless of whether it was a drug conviction that the one that got them into federal prison.
Thanks for the article. Here’s another one from the same author on the history of the income tax:
I think it can be appreciated by conservatives and libertarians alike.
Sure..., keep believing that....
Thank you, I will believe the truth over what you are trying to spread.
Sure, you’re a statist and believe the truth of statism. I’m not surprised. They need to create a website for you call Slaverepublic....
That’s heavy dude.
Your other posts prove your a statist and a bootlicker. The truth ain’t heavy, dude, it’s just the truth....
That is really deep stuff man, deep.
Own it, dude....
Like I said, it ain’t deep. It’s just who you are. Embrace your inner fascist....
Care to explain which post brought out all this childish and unexplained passion?
There your posts. Look them up....
No, it is your childish and emotional passion on display, which of my posts so messed with your life that you have gone off like this?
I’m supposed to go back and look at your posts now and tell you which ones upset me...?! You think about yourself a bit too much, and you must think I G.A.S. about you. I’d rather not go back and review your posts. I don’t have that much time on your hands. Let’s just agree to part as civilly or uncivilly as you’d like. Neither of us has anything of importance to say to each other....
If you can’t remember what made you behave so childishly then it couldn’t have been worth all your anger.
I can tell you though that it wasn’t one of my posts to you, it was merely your reaction to someone who disagrees with libertarianism.
Libertarians tend to react emotionally and angrily to someone who sees through the game, it frustrates them.
You know what? I’ve decided to go back and review your posts for today, 4/29/2013. I’ve listed them below. In 11-1/2 hours you’ve posted 61 times. That’s 5.3 times/hour or once every 11.32 minutes.
Let’s extrapolate— You’re either unemployed or you’re or very little value to your employer. You’re either not married or of very little value to your spouse. You have no children or of of no value to them. You spend your time attacking libertarians, but you should spend your time getting a life.
I’ve a wife and 6 children. I have no time for people who post on Freerepublic once every 11.32 minutes.
You, sir, need to step away from the computer, pick up a hobby, and maybe invite a nice woman out to dinner....
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Yeah, that is typical for a libertarian, they can’t find answers, so they get very, very, angry, and emotional, I seem to have become quite important in your life.
Libertarians tend behave in that manner.
Yet you can’t find the post on this little thread, that set you off and made you so angry and child like, and increasingly creepy?