Skip to comments.Climate Change Mass Hysteria Grips the U.S. (satire)
Posted on 05/06/2014 10:36:21 AM PDT by RightGeek
WASHINGTON (AP) In what many experts are calling one of the most serious cases of mass hysteria in modern times, the U.S. government today released its National Climate Assessment, a sobering 840 page summary of a wide variety of normal climate occurrences which are leading to physical symptoms such as adolescent psychiatric problems, great wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
The report is gripping the nation like a global warming polar vortex trapped in place by the swirling toxic vapors emitted by a swarm of possessed SUVs.
The report contains claims of U.S. floods, droughts, severe weather, and heat waves, all of which are not unprecedented compared to centuries past, but are nevertheless known to be the fault of humans.
Ronald Wobbles, the reports lead author, was quoted as saying (I am not making this up), Were already seeing extreme weather and its happening now. This finding stands in stark contrast to 100 years ago, when we saw extreme weather that was happening then.
Climate deniers, known to be the same paid shills who once worked for the tobacco industry, were quick to pounce on the reports findings, claiming that there is no evidence supporting either the view that U.S. climate has gotten worse, or that Elvis Presley had finally returned to Earth with a great new diet plan.
The report received a warm welcome from many politicians, lobbyists, government-funded scientists, insurance companies, media personalities, and Hollywood. I can even see climate change in my back yard! was a common refrain voiced by astute observers, presumably relying upon many decades of precise temperature measurements capturing the fraction of a degree temperature rise around their back patio on a NIST-calibrated Wal Mart thermometer.
Experts familiar with the mass hysteria outbreak have little hope that an antidote would be forthcoming any time soon. Said one psychologist who declined to be identified, All we can hope is that the hysteria will run its course in the next several years as higher energy prices, brownouts, and blackouts set in.
“Climate is merely a bunch of weathers chained together”. — Captain Compassion
Am I the only American to have observed that the AGW zealots have not adduced so much as one word of explanation, based upon application of scientific knowledge and reasoning, as to why they believe carbon dioxide is responsible for such warming of the atmosphere as MAY have occurred?
I thought we were a people of curiosity, and inclined to favor rational explanations based upon, in a case such as this, the best available knowledge obtained through scientific inquiry.
Global Atmospheric Temperature Plateau now for 17 years 9 months
Funny how they always do this stuff around this time of the year. Where are their Global Warming articles during the winter?
Given the record setting cold of last winter in just about every part of the US, I doubt that many people will believe that earth scorching global warming is just around the corner. Global warming is a religious cult with an absolute man caused climate change dogma. There is no better proof of global warming as a cult religion than the labeling of anyone disagreeing or questioning the global warming dogma to be a “denier” This is no different than the Inquisition seeking to root out heretics.
Global warming during the day, global cooling at night. Well, it's not global when half the globe is warmed! They need to call it Solar warming. The rest is nonsense. Man is a flea on the back of the world. A volcano will do more to change the weather, and there are quite a few active volcanoes. We know this. Just wish the idiots who believe in nonsense wouldn't foist this global warming nonsense on all of us, especially when our tax dollars are wasted.
It’s all about government controlling the populace and this is just another avenue of attack.
Fueled by $100 million from a very wealthy crony capitalist.
Chicken Little, meet Chicken Zero.
It was like all clear and sunny this morning!
Now it's extremely dark & cloudy, very windy and water is falling from the sky!
I'm witnessing the climate change before my eyes!! ...oh, the horror, the horror!
A legitimate LOL...and at work!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.