Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER (ANN COULTER)
Ann Coulter Webpage ^ | June 25, 2014 | Ann Coulter

Posted on 06/25/2014 8:47:40 PM PDT by fkabuckeyesrule

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

(1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

(2) Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

(3) No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

(4) The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

(5) You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

(7) It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

(8) Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

(9) Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: cup; world
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-160 next last
A nice witty column from Coulter.
1 posted on 06/25/2014 8:47:41 PM PDT by fkabuckeyesrule
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

I’ve been enjoying watching the U.S. games. American pride and nice to see a sport where the players ‘look like America.’

Affirmative Action lawsuit needs to be filed against the NBA. Racis’ y’know to hire people based on excellence.


2 posted on 06/25/2014 8:49:30 PM PDT by TigerClaws
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

lol - I’ve always hated soccer! It was like an invasion by a foreign sport.

Baseball, any day. The only highlight of the World Cup is when the Italians lose.


3 posted on 06/25/2014 8:51:26 PM PDT by JudyinCanada
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

She’s right you know.


4 posted on 06/25/2014 8:53:05 PM PDT by Beowulf9
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

I’ve never watched a soccer game.


5 posted on 06/25/2014 8:54:18 PM PDT by pallis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

A very funny column. I have to disagree with Anne, however, here.

I enjoy women's basketball for two reasons:

  1. Something other than giants dunking baskets.
  2. There are more interesting things which bounce than the ball.

6 posted on 06/25/2014 8:54:26 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JudyinCanada

I’ve never hated it, but never watched it. Like Ann says, no scoring.

It’s like watching paint dry then after two hours, standing up and shouting: DRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Basketball, football, baseball. Those are Yankee sports.


7 posted on 06/25/2014 8:56:48 PM PDT by Rennes Templar (If Obama hated America and wanted to destroy her, what would he do differently?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

I’ve been seeing a few columns here on soccer lately. Is something going on, a tournament or something?


8 posted on 06/25/2014 8:57:09 PM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

I HATE soccer! Miles and miles of aimless running after a ball: NO HANDS ALLOWED!!!! LOL!!


9 posted on 06/25/2014 8:59:34 PM PDT by Obama_Is_Sabotaging_America
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

What about pretending to get hit hard to win fouls?


10 posted on 06/25/2014 9:00:11 PM PDT by Mount Athos (A Giant luxury mega-mansion for Gore, a Government Green EcoShack made of poo for you)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Soccer, sports version of the traffic roundabout.


11 posted on 06/25/2014 9:00:37 PM PDT by Balding_Eagle (Want to keep your doctor? Remove your Democrat Senator.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Actually a great article by Ann Coulter. She articulated every single reason as to why I hate soccer. Most of all it is.... BORRRRRIIINNNGGG! I would love to see liberals and especially liberal soccer moms sputter & fume about Ann putting down their mononotous boring sport! Tied game USA vs Portugal after 3 excruciating boring hours! At least they should put a sudden death tie breaker into the rules!


12 posted on 06/25/2014 9:04:04 PM PDT by rcrngroup
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
(1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks. In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

My feelings exactly.

13 posted on 06/25/2014 9:04:39 PM PDT by SunTzuWu
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: tumblindice

What’s soccer?


14 posted on 06/25/2014 9:05:02 PM PDT by TheTopRead
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: rcrngroup

But then that would be competetive and spoil the reason of the game.


15 posted on 06/25/2014 9:05:22 PM PDT by Crazieman (Are you naive enough to think VOTING will fix this entrenched system?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade

Longer than that Ann. This is really so 1990s.

16 posted on 06/25/2014 9:06:35 PM PDT by hinckley buzzard
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Excellent article!


17 posted on 06/25/2014 9:06:38 PM PDT by fortheDeclaration (Pr 14:34 Righteousness exalteth a nation:but sin is a reproach to any people)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

“(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer.”

A couple of years ago the Seattle Sounders had a record attendance of 67,385. Although I bet lots of people were pissed getting rousted off their couches by the soccer authorities and loaded onto the cattle cars.


18 posted on 06/25/2014 9:06:50 PM PDT by 21twelve (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2185147/posts 2013 is 1933 REBORN)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Vigilanteman

You mean lesbian breasts? ick


19 posted on 06/25/2014 9:06:57 PM PDT by bigdaddy45
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

At one of the World Cup games they forgot to set up the goals. They discovered the oversight the next day when they were reviewing the game film.


20 posted on 06/25/2014 9:07:36 PM PDT by Proud2BeRight
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Soccer would be much more interesting if the players carried swords and spears on the field. That way, they could stab the opposing players instead of having to bite them.


21 posted on 06/25/2014 9:07:45 PM PDT by Milton Miteybad (I am Jim Thompson. {Really.})
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Bravo Ann! Watching soccer is like watching grass grow and how I hate the metric system.


22 posted on 06/25/2014 9:07:45 PM PDT by willk (everyone)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baroness Thatcher did have a way with words.

23 posted on 06/25/2014 9:08:03 PM PDT by aposiopetic
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

“After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.”

I laughed out loud at that one.

And rugby is a real sport.


24 posted on 06/25/2014 9:08:30 PM PDT by Ironfocus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Ann’s right. But.

The first soccer match I ever watched was US vs. Portugal. It was exciting.


25 posted on 06/25/2014 9:08:43 PM PDT by Oldeconomybuyer (The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mount Athos
What about pretending to get hit hard to win fouls?

You mean, like NFL kickers and NBA floppers?

26 posted on 06/25/2014 9:08:56 PM PDT by hinckley buzzard
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: TheTopRead

Looks like it’s time for a soccer pome:

There was a young man from Koblenz,
His balls were really immense.
One day playing soccer
He sprang his left knocker,
Then kicked it right over a fence.


27 posted on 06/25/2014 9:09:19 PM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: Beowulf9
Soccer is baseball by another name. Both are boring, both require a lot of time but that is where it ends. Baseball winners don't usually riot, nor do they have an announcer that says Gooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaal. I pick baseball over soccer any time, any day. Thank you. Yes, I will get in trouble for this. Sorry.
28 posted on 06/25/2014 9:10:18 PM PDT by Fungi
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Funny how Ann is a hero on this website, all of a sudden. Because she wrote a column to generate hits.


29 posted on 06/25/2014 9:11:43 PM PDT by 1rudeboy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Fungi

Actually, growing up watching baseball prepared me just fine to becoming a soccer fan.


30 posted on 06/25/2014 9:12:46 PM PDT by 1rudeboy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
"Soccer is a sport invented by European women to give them something to do while their men cooked." -- Hank Hill.

Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!

31 posted on 06/25/2014 9:13:19 PM PDT by wku man (Veterans, it's up to us to save the Republic...let's roll.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
It's the flopping that drives me nuts. Two guys bump into each other and they go down like they were shot with a deer rifle. thirty seconds later they are running around with no ill effects. If they would red card everyone who faked an injury, games wouldn't last 15 minutes.

Golf is more exciting.

32 posted on 06/25/2014 9:13:47 PM PDT by Doomonyou (Let them eat Lead.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
A classy, incisive and witty piece of writing by Annie Banannie!

Leni

33 posted on 06/25/2014 9:14:37 PM PDT by MinuteGal (Monster BHO uses illegal children for political agenda while accusing Right of doing same.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Ironfocus
Hunting is a real sport.

Scouts out! Cavalry Ho!

34 posted on 06/25/2014 9:14:51 PM PDT by wku man (Veterans, it's up to us to save the Republic...let's roll.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: Crazieman

It’s too hard to score and the opposing teams are too good. Un-American, I say.


35 posted on 06/25/2014 9:15:03 PM PDT by 1rudeboy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: 21twelve

“Seattle” the city of a Lenin statue, Starbucks, 15 dollar minimum wage, and child support for men who might decide to live with a single mom who already had a kid. The region where communists often relocated, and to where Obamas momma grew up in. So yes, I’m certain they were able to attract 67,000 to a soccer game,

,,,,,enough said.


36 posted on 06/25/2014 9:19:43 PM PDT by DesertRhino (I was standing with a rifle, waiting for soviet paratroopers, but communists just ran for office.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Mount Athos
"What about pretending to get hit hard to win fouls?"

So liberal like... "someone hit me while playing a running and kicking game, so give them a penalty!"

So European like for sure.
37 posted on 06/25/2014 9:21:31 PM PDT by JSteff (It was ALL about SCOTUS.. We are DOOMED for several generations. . Who cares? Dem's did and voted!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Soccer is of the devil. Those who watch soccer should be subjected to Old Testament style punishments.


38 posted on 06/25/2014 9:21:43 PM PDT by Greetings_Puny_Humans (I mostly come out at night... mostly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Fungi

I think a lot more Americans might watch if, well let’s say we’re playing a good team, Brazil, Germany?—the American defenders are allowed to use wiffle bats.


39 posted on 06/25/2014 9:23:17 PM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: rcrngroup

There should be a shootout like in hockey if there is a tie.


40 posted on 06/25/2014 9:24:22 PM PDT by Clint N. Suhks ( Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have diarrhea.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Kids like soccer because everyone gets a chance to kick the ball, and it takes very little talent to do so.


41 posted on 06/25/2014 9:26:12 PM PDT by Kirkwood (Zombie Hunter)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: 1rudeboy

Good for you your rudeness. LOL


42 posted on 06/25/2014 9:27:36 PM PDT by Fungi
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: DesertRhino

So it’s communists waving Gadsden flags at the games, and chanting U-S-A? Who knew?


43 posted on 06/25/2014 9:27:36 PM PDT by 1rudeboy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

Ann run out of pro-christy and Romney endorsement pieces? This is huff-poo type content


44 posted on 06/25/2014 9:29:04 PM PDT by HonkyTonkMan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JudyinCanada

The use of the stretcher in soccer so comical...even more funny it is done with a straight face.

The reason they riot at soccer games is because there is nothing more interesting.


45 posted on 06/25/2014 9:29:37 PM PDT by gunsequalfreedom (Conservative is not a label of convenience. It is a guide to your actions.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Ironfocus

Thing I like about ruggers is that they don’t care if there’s an audience or not. They come to play.


46 posted on 06/25/2014 9:30:01 PM PDT by Hillarys Gate Cult (Liberals make unrealistic demands on reality and reality doesn't oblige them.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: 1rudeboy

You should have your mouth washed out with soap for saying such a thang.

Bad boy! Go to your room.


47 posted on 06/25/2014 9:30:22 PM PDT by BuckeyeTexan (There are those that break and bend. I'm the other kind. ~Steve Earle)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run run run kick run run run run run run run kick run run


48 posted on 06/25/2014 9:30:26 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule
Sad that Coulter’s only function now is to draw out ignorant buffoons.
49 posted on 06/25/2014 9:31:21 PM PDT by bramps (Go West America!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: 1rudeboy

Mostly yeah,,, Real Americans don’t like that sissy Euro sport. Only immigrants and liberals.


50 posted on 06/25/2014 9:32:12 PM PDT by DesertRhino (I was standing with a rifle, waiting for soviet paratroopers, but communists just ran for office.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-160 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson