Top 13 wittiest remarks from a Florida judge

Tampa Bay Times ^ | Friday, June 27, 2014 11:58am | Curtis Krueger, Times Staff Writer

[WhiskeyX]

If you want proof that Caddell had a unique personality and slightly skewed sense of humor, consider this: Many of those robes also carried stickers showing a winged pig.

[....]

McGrady warned the other judges not to get any ideas from the following examples, but then he read the top 13 "Caddellisms":

[Opinionated Blowhard]

"Move on and make someone else's life a living hell." To a particularly contentious couple appearing before him in court.

LOL. I know the feeling. Oh, do I know that feeling.

[Yaelle]

Sounds awesome.

I live very near the great judge wapner. Still kickin’.

[Loud Mime]

Clever man, he was.

[ErnBatavia]

“You couldn’t get a date even if you were the only man in a women’s prison with a fistful of pardons in your hand.” To a friend who said he was going cruising in a convertible.

[Moleman]

Ata boy Judge!

[Boogieman]

“So we have a situation here where if we put you both in a barrel (and) rolled it down the hill, there would always be a liar on top.” To a husband and wife testifying in a domestic case.

---

Gotta remember that one. Should come in handy describing quite a few electoral contests.

[60Gunner]

I'm damn good when it comes to spontaneous, barbed wit. But I have met my better, the proof of which is this:

"You couldn't get a date even if you were the only man in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons in your hand."

Fare thee well, sir.

[V_TWIN]

“10. “You can tie a ribbon around cheap, but it doesn’t make it expensive.” To a lawyer using flowery language to make a weak argument.”

I was on a jury here in NE Fla. a couple of years ago and the judge took the time to rip the lawyers on both sides a new one on several occasions, it’s all I could do to not bust out laughing in the jury box. It “almost” made jury duty worth it.............almost.

[Red Badger]

8. “Even a fish wouldn’t get caught if it kept its mouth shut.” A frequent Caddellism.

[Leaning Right]

I live very near the great judge wapner

Wapner is a World War II vet, where he got the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star. A member of the well-named Greatest Generation.

[Albion Wilde]

"So we have a situation here where if we put you both in a barrel (and) rolled it down the hill, there would always be a liar on top." To a husband and wife testifying in a domestic case.

Slayed me!

[V_TWIN]

“5. “Well, that’s the only way I’m going to see it.” To a lawyer who asked permission to approach the bench to show the judge a document.”

Now thats just bein’ a smartazz rhgt there. lol

[Cementjungle]

My favorite was when I was foreman on a civil trial at the Federal courthouse in Philadelphia.

A widow's suit against an insurance company had been winding its way through the appeal courts for about 10 years. The insurance company refused to pay the $50K life insurance policy after her husband's fatal car crash. His accident was a week after he bought the policy, which triggered a review by the insurance company. On the application where it had asked if he had been hospitalized in the past 10 years, he failed to mention his routine colonoscopy 9 years and 11 months prior.

Throughout the 3 day trial, the judge intently read a book... but never missed a beat. He would respond quickly whenever needed, but rarely looked up from the book. At one point the defendant's attorney asked the coroner "What condition was Mr. XXXX in when you first saw him?"

The judge, without looking up from his novel, snapped "You know darned well what condition he was in, this is the coroner for God's sake... he was dead. Ask something that makes sense!"

Needless to say, we found for the widow. After legal fees, interest, etc. we wound up awarding her around $250K. Poor woman... the look on her face after reading that award was priceless... she was so relieved after all those years.

[martin_fierro]

Regards to Hizzoner if you happen to chat with him.

[Battle Hymn of the Republic]

Bump for Pat Caddell. He was one of the good guys in pinellas...

you know he is related to the pat caddell commentator?

[notdownwidems]

I heard a similar story where the lawyer kept asking the witness (an M.D.) along the lines of ‘are you sure he’s dead?’ type questions...finally the doc said ‘well, it’s possible he’s still alive and practicing law somewhere’!

[Cementjungle]

lol

[Yaelle]

His honor is up and about but I don’t know how well he is. Looks great. Has his American flag flying every day.

[gitmo]

I was in a jury pool and they were interviewing potential jurors for a trial. They called juror # 14 and the prosecutor immediately jumped up and asked to approach the bench. He and the defense attorney went and talked to the judge.

The judge, apparently displeased, told the attractive lady juror she was dismissed.

After she left the court room he asked, "Are any other jurors in this room sleeping with either of these two lawyers?"