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Have Some Fun With Progressives This Independence Day
Townhall.com ^ | July 3, 2014 | Derek Hunter

Posted on 07/03/2014 6:20:03 AM PDT by Kaslin

As you prepare to celebrate Independence Day, I thought I’d take this opportunity, while it still exists, to mock our progressive friends. You can spot them at your barbecue. They’re the ones who brought the tofu hockey pucks they call veggie-burgers, the 6-pack of micro-brew beer they keep in a small cooler that never leaves their side so no one can grab one – as if anyone would – and smoking American Spirit cigarettes. They also haven’t showered in a while, so the flies are a dead giveaway.

When you come across these tolerant people gleefully judging everyone to be their intellectual inferior, here’s some fun things to throw their way.

1). Bring your barbecue/beer supplies in a Hobby Lobby bag. They will think you’re worse than Hitler, then set about telling you what the president should do, which will boil down to bypassing the “do-nothing Congress.” Mention the literally hundreds of bills passed by the House currently sitting on Harry Reid’s desk gathering dust and watch their face. It will be like watching a puppy trying to figure out what a remote-control car is. They won’t be able to comprehend reality since it’s never represented on MSNBC. Their face will go blank. Their head tilt to the side, and they’ll revert to talking points. When that 25 seconds is up, they’ll call you a racist and a bully and storm away, explaining how they can’t even talk to someone so ignorant.

2). Bring up the Founding Fathers. Nothing gets a progressive more upset than talk of the men who founded our amazing nation. Their view of our Founding Fathers is split into two camps: 1) Those exemplified by a line in the great movie Dazed and Confused, when a teacher says “OK guys, one more thing: This summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.” And 2) Those who claim the Founding Fathers were progressives and loyalists were conservatives.

Both claims express an elementary school-level understanding of history, if that. But we’re dealing with progressives here, so I repeat myself.

Dealing with either claim is fruitless. They’ve made it this far in life repelling reality. Your best efforts, no matter how well reasoned, won’t make a dent in their ignorance armor. But much like a firecracker becomes fun once you light the wick, a progressive is a carnival ride when you bring up the Founding Fathers. Light the fuse, step back a safe distance and enjoy the show. There are few things more fun than inciting progressives to expose themselves in front of smart but otherwise unengaged people. The faces of others will be priceless. Then you will all be called racists and the progressive will storm away.

3). Mention you support the Second Amendment. You could sleep with a progressive’s girlfriend while kicking his dog and pouring sugar in the gas tank of his Prius and he wouldn’t be as upset as he will be when confronted by someone who supports the right to keep and bear arms. When they go off, and they will go off, and mention “assault weapons,” ask them what that means. They won’t understand the question because they’ve never been challenged to explain this, so they’ll probably blurt out something about machine guns or automatic weapons. But what they really mean is guns that look like the ones Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone used in a movie once.

From there it’s up to you. The options are limitless. Cajole them into saying how the right to bear arms applies only to guns available at the time so you can counter with how that logic means freedom of speech applies only to the spoken word, quill and printing press, since that’s what was available at the time. Or steer them into a discussion of self-defense, which drives them crazy. Light the fuse, then enjoy the show. At least until they call everyone a racist and storm out of the party.

Those are just three possibilities for fun with progressives this Independence Day, but the possibilities are endless. Don’t have a lighter to start the charcoal? Use gender specific pronouns and watch the sparks fly. Need to put out those smoldering coals? Wait for them to take a drink and say “God bless Ronald Reagan” and the resulting spit-take would extinguish a forest fire. Want to see a human being spontaneously combust? Mention how you don’t believe in manmade global warming, and that the “hottest” month on record has been switched back to July 1936 – AKA “the year of the SUV” – and cover your plate.

If none of that is your cup of meat, but you still want to find an easy and fun way to mess with a progressive and let them know their agenda has failed, simply mention that you love the United States of America. Their tears may become a bit much after the first hour, but it will make the subsequent accusation of racism that much funnier.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: 4thofjuly; holidays; progressives

1 posted on 07/03/2014 6:20:03 AM PDT by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin

“assault weapons,” ask them what that means


I’ve done this, much to the embarrassment of a libinlaw. His actual catch phrase was “but not semi-automatics”. I asked him what he thought “semi-automatic” meant.

To his credit, he looked at me and admitted he didn’t know.


2 posted on 07/03/2014 6:24:11 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Kaslin
EXCELLENT input

Happy Birthday, Patriot

3 posted on 07/03/2014 6:27:36 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true .. I have no proof .. but they're true.)
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To: Kaslin

Actually, this year, Independence Day falling on a Friday will make progressives harder spot. We Orthodox Christians (and the rest of the Christian East, Copts, Jacobites, Armenians, Assyrians and any Uniates who haven’t latinized their fasting typicon) will be off animal products and might be bringing “tofu hockey pucks” to barbeques tomorrow.

[:-)=====

(Orthodox monastic smiley)


4 posted on 07/03/2014 6:27:59 AM PDT by The_Reader_David (And when they behead your own people in the wars which are to come, then you will know...)
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To: Kaslin
I had libs at my house this weekend. Their heads exploded at my new NRA sticker on my front door. So I would list this as a way to create indigestion.
5 posted on 07/03/2014 6:29:35 AM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
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To: Kaslin

You can spot them at your barbecue. They’re the ones blabbing on and on about something called “the world cup”.


6 posted on 07/03/2014 6:30:17 AM PDT by DManA
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To: MrB

I once had a libtard tell me that all one had to do to make a “semi-auto assault weapon” go full rock and roll was to file down some internal parts. I told him that was also the best way to make it a non-firing replica. There was that dumb look again...


7 posted on 07/03/2014 6:30:37 AM PDT by 43north (BHO: 50% black, 50% white, 100% RED.)
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To: Kaslin

What’s wrong with American Spirit cigarettes?


8 posted on 07/03/2014 6:31:55 AM PDT by Rusty0604
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To: Kaslin

I would add: Serve Two If By Tea.


9 posted on 07/03/2014 6:32:52 AM PDT by defconw (LUTFA!)
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To: knarf

My flag will be flying upside down this year, again.


10 posted on 07/03/2014 6:33:00 AM PDT by MHGinTN
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To: Kaslin

I went to see the new movie “America” yesterday. It is a very good movie and I recommend it to everyone this 4th of July weekend, except hardcore lefties because it will make their heads explode. The poor theater attendants have enough on their hands already cleaning up after spilled soda and popcorn.


11 posted on 07/03/2014 6:33:03 AM PDT by HotHunt
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To: Kaslin

I’m a weekend musician, so I’m always among the liberal camp, with one or two exceptions among them. I lost a girlfriend because my Facebook postings on politics were “offending” her grown children.


12 posted on 07/03/2014 6:33:30 AM PDT by NRA1995 (I'd rather be a living "gun culture" member than a dead anti-gun candy-ass.)
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To: Kaslin

I got a better idea. Ignore them. They hate that even more.


13 posted on 07/03/2014 6:33:31 AM PDT by MNnice
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To: The_Reader_David

Oh, come on! Good Catholics who keep a meat-free Friday should be eating flounder with ketchup! That’s what we got every Friday and as bad as it was it MUST be better than tofu hockey pucks.

Happy 4th to you!


14 posted on 07/03/2014 6:34:09 AM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
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To: 43north

And why would someone be stupid enough to make their rifle fire full auto all the time?

Also, “there are already laws against that - are you saying that laws don’t keep people from doing things?”


15 posted on 07/03/2014 6:34:38 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: HotHunt

That is on my to do list. We went to see 2016 a few years back, nice to sit with the like minded!


16 posted on 07/03/2014 6:35:29 AM PDT by defconw (LUTFA!)
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To: NRA1995

Don’t you love the delicate souls who have to “unfriend” you because you dared to utter a political opinion different from the vast herd?


17 posted on 07/03/2014 6:35:33 AM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
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To: miss marmelstein

Nope ... it ust’a be swordfish ... HUGE steaks and tasty.


18 posted on 07/03/2014 6:36:01 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true .. I have no proof .. but they're true.)
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To: MrB

Scare the hell out of them by asking if they want to shoot your “assault weapon”.


19 posted on 07/03/2014 6:38:20 AM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Haven't you lost enough freedoms? Support an end to the WOD now.)
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To: knarf

Oh, a rich kid, lol!


20 posted on 07/03/2014 6:38:44 AM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
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To: 43north

Libtards know a lot. Unfortunately, most of what they know is wrong.


21 posted on 07/03/2014 6:42:20 AM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Haven't you lost enough freedoms? Support an end to the WOD now.)
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To: Kaslin

Ask them...”If queers are born that way, how is the gene passed on?”

“Does it show up in DNA?”


22 posted on 07/03/2014 6:45:57 AM PDT by Beagle8U (Unions are an Affirmative Action program for Slackers! .)
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To: Kaslin

Agree except the micro-brewed beer part...it’s about all I drink anymore. It’s the real thing, like all beer was before mass production/mass marketing watered it down. No offense to the Bud drinkers, that’s fine for the ball game or cutting the grass.


23 posted on 07/03/2014 6:47:16 AM PDT by Mich Patriot (Pitch black is the new "transparent.")
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To: Kaslin

I will be talking about how great “America” movie was and how it exposes the lies our children and young adults learn about our founding. I also will talk about the award winning Rush Revere books my kids have enjoyed reading!


24 posted on 07/03/2014 6:47:44 AM PDT by Phillyred
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To: Kaslin
I just had this conversation with a liberal acquaintance last week. She was going on and on about how evil Ted Cruz was. I asked her to name one bad thing he has said or done. Her response was the typical liberal response, "But there are so many." I said, "Then it shouldn't be difficult. Name just one." She remained silent from that moment on.

The sad part is that her fear of Ted Cruz is now even stronger. Because she knows that somewhere deep inside of her mind, 'Truth' exposed a flaw in her emotional make-up. And the only fix for that is to turn up the volume on that emotion in order to drown out that 'truth'.

25 posted on 07/03/2014 7:13:11 AM PDT by Hoodat (Proverbs 29:2)
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To: miss marmelstein

Some I regret losing as friends, such as the keyboard player who did the Hammond organ parts on Jimi Hendrix’s “Rainy Day, Dream Away.” Mostly I just laugh at the hypocrisy of the liberal mindset, asking us conservative types to be more open-minded while THEIR minds are pretty much welded shut.


26 posted on 07/03/2014 7:14:13 AM PDT by NRA1995 (I'd rather be a living "gun culture" member than a dead anti-gun candy-ass.)
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To: NRA1995

“asking us conservative types to be more open-minded while THEIR minds are pretty much welded shut.”

In my younger years of computer dating, I very early on learned that a girl using the term “open minded” unanimously meant “must agree fully with each and every one of my ridiculous opinions and no dissent will be tolerated”

One of these days I think I will write a book full of real definitions to terms people use in computer dating ads.


27 posted on 07/03/2014 7:34:50 AM PDT by dsrtsage (One half of all people have below average IQ. In the US the number is 54%i)
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To: MNnice; Mich Patriot

1. NPD’s FEAR the most - ABANDONMENT (echoes early trauma of false persona #1)

2. NPD’s HATE the most - RIDICULE (when false persona #2 is unmasked)

Every leftist SHOULD BE abandoned, IGNORED, and ridiculed.

Mich - no offense to Bud drinkers either, but no InBev product will ever knowingly pass my lips. A few years ago, they strong-armed their way in to a St. Louis craft beer festival & muscled-out all the competition.
Bud is DEAD to me. (as are all of its brands)...


28 posted on 07/03/2014 7:34:56 AM PDT by spankalib ("I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.")
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To: Kaslin

As for the “racist” accusations, feel free to point out:

“It is RACIST to impose SLAVE wages on LEGAL Immigrants and minorities, by flooding the labor market with ILLEGAL Immigrants.”


29 posted on 07/03/2014 7:44:22 AM PDT by G Larry (Which of Obama's policies do you think I'd support if he were white?)
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To: DManA

Do you suppose that they think that the “world cup” is the same as the “Holy Grail”?


30 posted on 07/03/2014 7:49:40 AM PDT by Will we know the moment (e are no longer a republi)
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To: dsrtsage

Computer dating? Are you more likely to go out with a Mac or a Windows PC? (chuckling)


31 posted on 07/03/2014 7:56:47 AM PDT by NRA1995 (I'd rather be a living "gun culture" member than a dead anti-gun candy-ass.)
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To: NRA1995

Mac and PC were prudes and teases...Now the commodore 64...wowsa wowsa wowsa


32 posted on 07/03/2014 8:00:03 AM PDT by dsrtsage (One half of all people have below average IQ. In the US the number is 54%i)
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To: spankalib
1. NPD’s FEAR the most - ABANDONMENT... 2. NPD’s HATE the most - RIDICULE ...

I have seen a NPD up close and personal. You are spot on. I would only add that Ridicule is a form of abandonment, that is, rejection. Also, second to ridicule is criticism. The NPD's hate criticism.

33 posted on 07/03/2014 8:21:15 AM PDT by VRW Conspirator (Global Warming is caused by illegal immigrants!)
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To: Kaslin

I don’t have any liberal friends.

The liberal relatives are never invited.

I value my time, and will not suffer fools, gladly or otherwise.


34 posted on 07/03/2014 8:26:42 AM PDT by Peter W. Kessler
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To: Kaslin

There won’t be any progressives at our Barbeque. However there will be stars and bars, don’t tread on me and my favorite conservative long necked Bud. :-)


35 posted on 07/03/2014 8:33:43 AM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose o f a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: Kaslin

Funny...and spot-on!


36 posted on 07/03/2014 8:43:36 AM PDT by gimme1ibertee (When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty.)
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To: Rusty0604

Progs only smoke reefer. It comes from Gaia and is pure and natural unlike Evil Big Tobacco.


37 posted on 07/03/2014 8:44:44 AM PDT by TurboZamboni (Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.-JFK)
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To: VRW Conspirator

They hate it, and they reject it - they cannot accept it.
“Criticism” furthermore, FEEDS THEM EGO KIBBLES, as in: You’re serious, and seriously involved in their clownery, taking their insanity seriously...
NO DOUBT the damage they do is serious indeed, but it all arises from how important they must make themselves and others fell about themselves...you’re “feeding in” to that toxic dynamic.
Another reason criticism doesn’t work - it “involves you” in their toxic orbit. You know the saying about arguing with fools...

That’s why ridicule works.
When you think about it,
ridicule is criticism wrapped in irony - as the author of this article so brilliantly (imo) demonstrates - it’s funny!
At least if we should ever have to engage these idiot children monsters we should make it fun for ourselves and anyone watching on, right?

Side note: this is also why leftist humor descends to crudity to try to be funny, and is mostly UNfunny - because it is NOT based on truth -
which is irony’s root.
It is based in sarcasm! The mean-spirited attempts at humor most of us GREW OUT OF by 7th grade...
Sarcasm is thinly-veiled jealousy, contempt, and hate.

We should all learn to be as funny, piercing the leftist’s hollow balloons with such flair as this writer.

(did I break teh internets with the length of this? Yikes!)


38 posted on 07/03/2014 9:16:46 AM PDT by spankalib ("I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.")
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To: NRA1995

“I lost a girlfriend because my Facebook postings on politics were “offending” her grown children.”

I’d say you didn’t lose much. ;-)


39 posted on 07/03/2014 9:20:28 AM PDT by TexasRepublic (Socialism is the gospel of envy and the religion of thieves)
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To: Kaslin
Nobody brings it up much anymore. I do carry a pocket copy of the Constitution for the "white male property owners" lie - "show me where it says that." Works every time.

Mostly the folks who propound that sort of nonsense aren't looking for a debate, they're looking for sheep-like agreement. Which is why they don't bring it up anymore.

40 posted on 07/03/2014 9:32:40 AM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: G Larry

You said it


41 posted on 07/03/2014 10:23:09 AM PDT by Kaslin (He needed the ignorant to reelect him, and he got them. Now we all have to pay the consequenses)
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To: miss marmelstein

“I had libs at my house this weekend.”

Did you serve them Chick-Fil-A take-out?


42 posted on 07/03/2014 10:50:26 AM PDT by beelzepug (You can't fix a broken washing machine by washing more expensive clothes in it.)
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To: miss marmelstein

Ah, but you Latins went soft and started allowing fish and dairy products on fast days. In the East fish is what we put back on the menu to whoop it up when a major feast day falls in a major fast or a Wednesday or Friday, as Annunciation and Palm Sunday always do. (And to think back in the day when we were all in communion you used to be more strict — no katalysis on Saturdays.)


43 posted on 07/03/2014 11:03:28 AM PDT by The_Reader_David (And when they behead your own people in the wars which are to come, then you will know...)
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To: The_Reader_David

The medieval Catholic church had so many meat-free days. Something like 180! That’s why no archeologist or scientist was surprised when they found that King Richard III mostly ate fish!


44 posted on 07/03/2014 11:25:28 AM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
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To: miss marmelstein

The few LIBs in our neighborhood of about 100 houses are less than 10%. The idiots know to keep their crap to each other here. Their ignorance and attitudes aren’t tolerated well...and they know it.


45 posted on 07/03/2014 7:23:28 PM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp?)
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To: hal ogen

Really? I always hear this. I don’t believe it.


46 posted on 07/04/2014 3:44:20 AM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
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To: miss marmelstein

It’s like that in Utah. Thank God.


47 posted on 07/04/2014 9:18:27 AM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp?)
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