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Soccer: Part Deux
Ann Coulter - OP/ED Weekly Column ^ | 7-2-2014 | Ann Coulter

Posted on 07/03/2014 9:41:41 AM PDT by smoothsailing

SOCCER: PART DEUX

ANN COULTER July 2, 2014

PARIS -- Soccer fans have decided to prove me wrong about soccer being a fruity sport by spending the last week throwing hissy fits. This, in defense of a "sport" where the losing players cry on camera.


The massive and hysterical response to my jovial sports piece proves how right I was. Nothing explains the uniform, Borg-like caterwauling, but that soccer is a game for beret-wearers. Most of the articles attacking me are verbless strings of obscenities, their subject matter identified only in the title.


Consequently, I've decided to emulate The New York Times, which runs the exact same column, year after year, "Soccer Catches On, Take 27," by re-running mine on how excruciatingly boring soccer is.


This past week has allowed me to add several new items to my list of grievances.


Further proof that soccer is a game for girls: Since my column came out, a guy from the Paraguay team (Uruguay? Who cares?) was caught biting an opponent in a match. Not punching. Not a cross-body block. BITING! How long can it be until we see hair-pulling in soccer?


I was in Paris the night Algeria played Russia, prompting hordes of drunken Algerians to riot on the Champs Elysees, hanging out of cars, yelling and honking all night. V-Day was not celebrated with as much enthusiasm.


This was for a game that ended in a tie. Yes, a TIE -- an exhilarating 1-1 final score. I don't speak Arabic, but I assume they were shouting something like, "WE TIED! WE TIED! WE TIED!"


So in a 100-minute game, something happened two times and nothing happened 98 times.


As with Algeria's glorious 1-1 tie game against Russia, Team USA tied Portugal and lost to Germany -- and then advanced. How did the U.S. fail to win in two straight games, but advance in this apparently interminable tournament? I believe we are witnessing the implementation of that favorite rule of soccer moms: "Everybody's a winner!!!"



The reason there are so many fights among spectators at soccer games is to compensate for the tedium. Fans feel like they're watching a sport, so there ought to be excitement someplace. Even the players would rather watch the action in the stands than what's happening on the field.


Being in France does expose me to a way of life that illustrates why foreigners like soccer so much. The BBC News network proves that Europeans are incapable of being bored.


You can never tell how much time is left in soccer, which only adds to the agony. The refs keep extending the game like snippy hall monitors with their little red cards and yellow cards.


Another crucial role of the refs is to stop the games for a "heat rest." Tell that to NFL players in New Orleans or Miami, where regular-season games have reached temperatures of over 100 degrees. Two Super Bowls hit temperatures above 80 degrees -- and football players are wearing about 100 pounds of gear, not the airy frocks of soccer players.


NFL players have died of heat stroke. The only risk of death in a soccer game is when some Third World peasant goes on a murderous rampage after a bad call.


Among the least obscenity-laced attacks on my soccer column was one written by two twits who work for the Huffington Post, Nick Wing and Paige Lavender. They denounce me for my ignorance of soccer, after scouring Wikipedia for several amazing facts about the game.


I say that soccer is mind-numbing because all they do is run up and down the field? Why, Wing and Lavender are just chock-full of little statistics: Did you know that all players on a team run an average of 62 miles per game?


Now that really makes soccer interesting! Watching people run 62 miles by circumnavigating a big field all day with no scoring!


Catherine Thompson sniped in Talking Points Memo: "It's worth noting that aside from the Olympics, the World Cup is really the only occasion when an American audience gets a chance to cheer on a national -- rather than a regional -- sports team. But apparently that doesn't jibe with Coulter's vision of patriotism."


Aside from the Olympics? Yes, and aside from ABBA, Fiendens musik is the biggest Swedish rock band. Aside from that gigantic "aside from," it's still not true. Has Thompson ever heard of the Ryder Cup, the Davis Cup or the America's Cup? Apparently, those competitions don't jibe with Thompson's vision of patriotism.


Unless they're trying to impress a boy, most girls don't especially like football. Vice versa for men and ballet. I've never known either sex to care at all -- much less obsessively browbeat the opposite sex about it. Why must soccer fans get in such a snit about people who hate soccer?


Another denunciation of me came from The Washington Post's sports reporter, Mike Wise. To fully appreciate his critique of my soccer column, you must look up his photo right now.


Done? OK, in addition to calling soccer "futbol," Wise writes, "I like to think we are now deeper, more internationally sophisticated" -- which he demonstrates by squealing at me, "Get off my pitch, lady." Why, precisely, is it so vitally important that we join "an international sports community"? Doesn't this guy have something better to do than make-believe he likes soccer? Like practice his hair-pulling?


COPYRIGHT 2014 ANN COULTER

DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK




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1 posted on 07/03/2014 9:41:41 AM PDT by smoothsailing
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To: smoothsailing

I agree...soccer sucks. However, Ms. Coulter still needs to eat more.


2 posted on 07/03/2014 9:44:54 AM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp?)
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To: smoothsailing
Coulter searching for one more bite at the troll buffet.

Shouldn't she be out floating "Romney in 2016" trial balloons at this point?

3 posted on 07/03/2014 9:47:16 AM PDT by gdani (Every day, your Govt surveils you more than the day before)
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To: smoothsailing

She nailed it again!! I’m really tired of being scolded for not being enamored with a game that looks like a mass track meet without a clearly defined finish line.


4 posted on 07/03/2014 9:48:00 AM PDT by pfflier
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To: gdani

She’s been on Hannity quite a bit. She’ll never shed her GOPe cloak with me.


5 posted on 07/03/2014 9:50:19 AM PDT by Night Hides Not (Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad! Remember Mississippi!)
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To: hal ogen

Coulter knows what kind of article pads her bank account. Her soccer schtick is doing wonders in that department.


6 posted on 07/03/2014 9:50:21 AM PDT by BlueStateRightist (Government is best which governs least.)
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To: smoothsailing

I don’t get these articles on soccer.

It could be summed up in one sentence.

“Most Americans don’t like soccer but it is very popular in much of the world.”

Period.

.


7 posted on 07/03/2014 9:50:25 AM PDT by Mears
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To: smoothsailing

Anne really needs to get over. Yes people like this sport. And as such they would like more people to like it. And some of them are jerks about it, because some people are just jerks. Being a jerk back doesn’t fix anything, just shows you to be a shrill nasty person. We get it, she doesn’t like soccer, I really don’t either, so I watch something else. Not terribly difficult.


8 posted on 07/03/2014 9:51:56 AM PDT by discostu (Ladies and gentlemen watch Ruth!)
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To: BlueStateRightist

Milking Click Bait for All It’s Worth: Part Deux


9 posted on 07/03/2014 9:52:58 AM PDT by Cecily
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To: smoothsailing
Another crucial role of the refs is to stop the games for a "heat rest." Tell that to NFL players in New Orleans or Miami, where regular-season games have reached temperatures of over 100 degrees. Two Super Bowls hit temperatures above 80 degrees -- and football players are wearing about 100 pounds of gear, not the airy frocks of soccer players.

This is just ridiculous. This was the first time there has been "heat rest" in soccer. Otherwise the 11 players are out running for 2 45 minutes halves with only 3 possible subs. In football, most players play 40 or so plays at most, with each play being about 10 to 15 seconds, than 25 to 40 seconds of rest, then off the field while the other parts of the team come off the field. Football is a physical brutal game to play, but because of the hits, not because they are out running all the time.

10 posted on 07/03/2014 9:52:59 AM PDT by sharkhawk (Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall.)
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To: gdani

She is not being serious.....she’s poking fun at the hoopla.


11 posted on 07/03/2014 9:54:06 AM PDT by GSWarrior
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To: smoothsailing
Catherine Thompson sniped in Talking Points Memo: "It's worth noting that aside from the Olympics, the World Cup is really the only occasion when an American audience gets a chance to cheer on a national -- rather than a regional -- sports team. But apparently that doesn't jibe with Coulter's vision of patriotism."

Aside from the Olympics? Yes, and aside from ABBA, Fiendens musik is the biggest Swedish rock band. Aside from that gigantic "aside from," it's still not true. Has Thompson ever heard of the Ryder Cup, the Davis Cup or the America's Cup? Apparently, those competitions don't jibe with Thompson's vision of patriotism.

Uh, Ann? Those three sports are "boring," too. You have a fine head on your shoulders, but you didn't use it here.
12 posted on 07/03/2014 9:54:45 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: smoothsailing
Even the players would rather watch the action in the stands than what's happening on the field.
LOL ... she nails it - BORING!!!!
13 posted on 07/03/2014 9:55:23 AM PDT by oh8eleven (RVN '67-'68)
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To: pfflier

LOL!


14 posted on 07/03/2014 9:56:03 AM PDT by smoothsailing
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To: Mears

I’ve noticed a subtle shift this year. Instead of “Most Americans don’t like soccer but it is very popular in much of the world” most of the columns lean toward, “Most Americans don’t like soccer because it is becoming more popular in the United States.”


15 posted on 07/03/2014 9:59:16 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: hal ogen

Nick Wing and Paige Lavender? Really? LOL, parents really need to be more careful.


16 posted on 07/03/2014 9:59:31 AM PDT by defconw (LUTFA!)
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To: pfflier

Did you know that all players on a team run an average of 62 miles per game?

That works out to a 10K run for each player. And it takes them 90 minutes to do it. Granted it done in anaerobic spurts, but I used to run 10K in less than 45 minutes.


17 posted on 07/03/2014 10:00:07 AM PDT by waredbird
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To: smoothsailing
Another crucial role of the refs is to stop the games for a "heat rest." Tell that to NFL players in New Orleans or Miami, where regular-season games have reached temperatures of over 100 degrees. Two Super Bowls hit temperatures above 80 degrees

Football players get FAR more rest than soccer players.

-- and football players are wearing about 100 pounds of gear, not the airy frocks of soccer players.

100 pounds? What a buffoon.

18 posted on 07/03/2014 10:00:18 AM PDT by gdani (Every day, your Govt surveils you more than the day before)
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To: 1rudeboy

:-)


19 posted on 07/03/2014 10:01:36 AM PDT by Mears
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To: Mears
“Most Americans don’t like soccer but it is very popular in much of the world.”

I think her other point is that the left gets in a snit when Americans refuse to go whole hog for soccer. But truthfully, I think the coasty leftists would hate it if America went full in for soccer, because then if wouldn't be exclusively coastal and lefty and "sophisticated" and "international" anymore, but would carry the taint of the flyover states.

20 posted on 07/03/2014 10:04:21 AM PDT by mojito (Zero, our Nero.)
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To: smoothsailing

Hilarious! Shrink the field, block the sides so the ball stays in play, and watch scoring and some enthusiasm rise.
Until then, yawn....
And I played soccer, and enjoyed playing, but not watching.


21 posted on 07/03/2014 10:04:44 AM PDT by vpintheak (I will not comply!)
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To: smoothsailing

Ann nails it this time. The people who love soccer to the point of ranting obscenely against those who don’t are the same ones who moan, “I am embarrassed by what the international community must think concerning America”.

Usually that’s when the subject is gun control.


22 posted on 07/03/2014 10:10:57 AM PDT by elcid1970 ("In the modern world, Muslims are living fossils.")
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To: vpintheak

I always thought that as well, more fun to play than watch. Although there was one place where I went to watch my nephew, it was indoor and it had plexiglass walls surrounding the turf. That was fun!


23 posted on 07/03/2014 10:13:21 AM PDT by defconw (LUTFA!)
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To: elcid1970

Two sides to that coin: on the other are people who feel the need to tell everyone that soccer is boring and wonder why they get pushback from those who believe otherwise. (Hi, Ann!)


24 posted on 07/03/2014 10:13:43 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: smoothsailing

25 posted on 07/03/2014 10:13:59 AM PDT by al_c (Obama's standing in the world has fallen so much that Kenya now claims he was born in America.)
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To: smoothsailing

I soccered, oops - make that’suckered’ when Ann’s article had this: “Another denunciation of me came from The Washington Post’s sports reporter, Mike Wise. To fully appreciate his critique of my soccer column, you must look up his photo right now.”

Having looked that thing up on your advice, I am sending you the bill for the one gallon of brain bleach and the two wire brushes it will take to get that image out of my brain.

Avoid all things having to do with the Grass Fairy crowd, even the “frocked” ones.

Especially them.


26 posted on 07/03/2014 10:14:13 AM PDT by GladesGuru (Islam Delenda Est. Because of what Islam is - and for what Muslims do.)
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To: smoothsailing

27 posted on 07/03/2014 10:15:44 AM PDT by al_c (Obama's standing in the world has fallen so much that Kenya now claims he was born in America.)
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To: smoothsailing

She didn’t even touch on the play acting of injury when a soccer player is supposedly fouled. When the don’t get the call they jump up and walk away. In hockey you don’t play act an injury when your fouled, you get up, punch the other guy in the face and the ref watches the fistacuffs for a bit -that’s a real sport.


28 posted on 07/03/2014 10:16:05 AM PDT by Fitzy_888 ("ownership society")
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To: smoothsailing

29 posted on 07/03/2014 10:17:10 AM PDT by al_c (Obama's standing in the world has fallen so much that Kenya now claims he was born in America.)
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To: Fitzy_888

Unless you play for the Bruins . . . you take your dive first . . . .


30 posted on 07/03/2014 10:17:18 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: smoothsailing

Dear Ann Coulter -

The only thing more tiresome than listening to people tell you why you should care about soccer is listening to people telling why you shouldn’t care about soccer.


31 posted on 07/03/2014 10:19:17 AM PDT by kevkrom (I'm not an unreasonable man... well, actually, I am. But hear me out anyway.)
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To: vpintheak

I gotta better suggestion: impliment an immovable off-side line like they have in hockey - none of this moving line with the last defenseman crap that slows the game and inhibits the scoring - and watch how much more exciting the game becomes. I’ve played this way and its awesome.


32 posted on 07/03/2014 10:22:51 AM PDT by TheTopRead
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To: waredbird

Someone missed a decimal point. That’s 6.2 miles = 10K


33 posted on 07/03/2014 10:24:14 AM PDT by qwertyz
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To: GladesGuru
"Avoid all things having to do with the Grass Fairy crowd, even the “frocked” ones."

Oh goodie, another "keyboard warrior" gonna show us all what a "tough guy" (or maybe that's "tough girl"?) he is with his anti-soccer rant.

You guys would be funny if you weren't so pathetic (and repetitive).

Please, impress us all with your great athletic accomplishments.

34 posted on 07/03/2014 10:24:56 AM PDT by safeasthebanks ("The most rewarding part, was when he gave me my money!" - Dr. Nick)
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To: smoothsailing

In the NHL it’s not uncommon for a guy to be back on the ice a few minutes after being stitched up. I’ve seen guys remove their own tooth on the bench and hand it to the trainer after taking a whack to the face. Soccer players act like they’ve been shot after a minor bump, faking an injury in order to draw a penalty, although some bumps actually result in what little kids commonly call “a boo-boo”.


35 posted on 07/03/2014 10:25:32 AM PDT by wny
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To: Fitzy_888

Go to hockeyfights.com for the very best in American sportsmanship plus unbeatable entertainment! Cut to the chase & see what the fans really want to see!

Should point out that the hockey fight injury rate appears to be quite low, as the combatants skate to the penalty box grinning & joking with the linesmen escorting them


36 posted on 07/03/2014 10:26:05 AM PDT by elcid1970 ("In the modern world, Muslims are living fossils.")
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To: Mears

I don’t get why people who love it care if other people don’t. So what? Even if the non-fans mock it, why do they care so much? They don’t get that riled up when people mock Christianity-oops, if they’re coming from the left, they wouldn’t, though. “Keep your fandom out of my face”, lol. (Not directed to you, it’s the general “you”.)


37 posted on 07/03/2014 10:29:51 AM PDT by mrsmel (One Who Can See)
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To: gdani

The NFL player’s gear weighs no more than 10 lbs. and that’s mostly the helmet. The uniform, pads and shoes are very light.

Coulter was obviously exaggerating to make a point. Football players wear a bunch of gear while soccer players run around in their pajamas. 8^)


38 posted on 07/03/2014 10:30:33 AM PDT by smoothsailing
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To: discostu

I can see where she would enjoy baiting people who take it more seriously than, say, religion or patriotism.


39 posted on 07/03/2014 10:30:50 AM PDT by mrsmel (One Who Can See)
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To: GSWarrior

Correct. Now don’t mess with the rythmic gymnasts, I’ll get really mad, lol.


40 posted on 07/03/2014 10:31:59 AM PDT by mrsmel (One Who Can See)
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To: gdani

It’s hyperbole for effect. It’s effective :)


41 posted on 07/03/2014 10:33:17 AM PDT by mrsmel (One Who Can See)
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To: vpintheak

“...Shrink the field, block the sides...”

In other words, indoor soccer. They have that, you know.


42 posted on 07/03/2014 10:34:00 AM PDT by beelzepug (You can't fix a broken washing machine by washing more expensive clothes in it.)
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To: kevkrom

LOL!


43 posted on 07/03/2014 10:34:09 AM PDT by smoothsailing
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To: smoothsailing
Sure. Then ya throw in the weight off being piled up on after a play. Or pushing and pulling against a equally strong man throughout the entire game.

To each his own on the game.

The US faces the funny problem that we have so many options for our athletes to compete in. Thus we really don't have a pipeline of athletes going into soccer, unlike other countries.

Soccer bodes well in poorer countries where they lack resources and in Europe where they develop their kids in academies from a young age. Unlike here, where kids develop thru such things, but is more a individual pursuit.

44 posted on 07/03/2014 10:35:34 AM PDT by Theoria (End Socialism : No more GOP and Dem candidates)
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To: wny

I’ve already seen a couple of soccer players get “stitched up” (I think it’s more glue and tape, nowadays). And they need to get back on the field, because while they are receiving medical attention, their team is a man down.


45 posted on 07/03/2014 10:35:45 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: beelzepug
In other words, indoor soccer. They have that, you know.

Can't watch it, it's too boring. LOL

46 posted on 07/03/2014 10:36:49 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: mrsmel
It’s hyperbole for effect. It’s effective :)

Given Coulter's enthusiastic support for politicians like Romney & Christie, I'm not so sure it's hyperbole.

Coulter's not the sharpest knife. That much is clear.

47 posted on 07/03/2014 10:37:10 AM PDT by gdani (Every day, your Govt surveils you more than the day before)
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To: 1rudeboy
It looks like some of the mean streets of Greenwich, CT. shows through from Ann's argument here. A little bit of the Ole John “Thurston Howell” Kerry syndrome here. I mean , tennis, golf, and yacht racing are not at the tip of the tongue to the average sports fan.
48 posted on 07/03/2014 10:38:15 AM PDT by gusty
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To: mrsmel

Excellent point, I can imagine Coulter writing the soccer columns for just that reason! And good for her! LOL!


49 posted on 07/03/2014 10:39:13 AM PDT by smoothsailing
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To: wny

http://www.kickette.com/marco-borriello-baby-got-a-boo-boo/

LOL~!

50 posted on 07/03/2014 10:46:06 AM PDT by smoothsailing
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