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Why dads donít belong in the delivery room, and other lessons of childbirth learned by a father
National Post / The Telegraph ^ | July 3, 2014 | Neil Lyndon

Posted on 07/04/2014 8:42:07 PM PDT by canuck_conservative

... But then there’s a lot about labour that nobody puts in so many words. Nobody ever told me that after the birth, I would feel as shaken as if I’d been in a car crash. That was how I felt for about two days after my oldest son was born, 32 years ago.

I now see it as my fatherly, comradely duty to pass on that kind of information, sparing no gory detail, to young men about to see service in that war zone for the first time. Nobody else — certainly not those fluffy prenatal classes — will fill them in.

“You do know about the afterbirth?” I murmur solicitously, watching them go green with a certain satisfaction. Nobody told me. When it appeared — about five minutes after the main event — I was already cooing over my first-born son. “Dear God!” I exclaimed. “There’s another one arriving!”

New fathers also need to be told that, when they enter that room, they might not see daylight again for a long time; and also that, in the endless night to come, they are likely to witness sights no civilized man should ever see except in gruesome hand-to-hand combat with axe and pike.

My older daughter was born after 30 hours of labour in hospital, culminating in an emergency Caesarean with 18 medical staff in the operating theatre (plus my irrelevant self). The next day, I asked the Registrar: “How is it that we can calculate the weight and circumference of a planet 10 billion light years away, but we can’t know the weight of a baby before it’s born?” (He answered: “That’s an interesting question and I wish I could give you an answer, but what I can tell you is that, if this mother had been ....

(Excerpt) Read more at life.nationalpost.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: afterbirth; caesarian; childbirth; fathers
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1 posted on 07/04/2014 8:42:07 PM PDT by canuck_conservative
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To: canuck_conservative

I watched every, wanting to implant the moments when my children entered the world. Nothing gory about it. It was wonderful.


2 posted on 07/04/2014 8:50:11 PM PDT by dinoparty
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To: canuck_conservative

“Surely no sensible woman would expect her husband to be anywhere else but a big cricket match”

Gotta love the Brits!

Most men today can’t imagine NOT being there for their kids’ births. But that wasn’t the case a few short decades ago. There shouldn’t be the pressure to be there, tho the husband’s role is to be an emotional support and strength to his wife.


3 posted on 07/04/2014 8:51:51 PM PDT by EDINVA
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To: canuck_conservative
as a woman, and a mother, I don't understand why fathers need to be in the delivery room,except as an assurance to the mother, who is in a scary situation among strangers prodding and poking her, hands restrained most often....

here are the facts......women carry babies inside, women give birth, women lose lots of blood doing it, and its very painful, and there is no sharing the pain.....

and to put the myth to bed about doctors "delivering" babies....MOTHERS give birth, the doc is there to catch the baby but he does not do the delivering....moms do that all by themselves....

I think it would be good to get back to male/female roles and stop thinking one sex can do it all OR needs to take part in every single thing..

4 posted on 07/04/2014 8:52:21 PM PDT by cherry
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To: dinoparty

Agreed. Course, the doc didn’t appreciate it none too much when I about took his finger off when I snipped the umbilical cord.... :)


5 posted on 07/04/2014 8:52:31 PM PDT by wolf24
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To: canuck_conservative
as a woman, and a mother, I don't understand why fathers need to be in the delivery room,except as an assurance to the mother, who is in a scary situation among strangers prodding and poking her, hands restrained most often....

here are the facts......women carry babies inside, women give birth, women lose lots of blood doing it, and its very painful, and there is no sharing the pain.....

and to put the myth to bed about doctors "delivering" babies....MOTHERS give birth, the doc is there to catch the baby but he does not do the delivering....moms do that all by themselves....

I think it would be good to get back to male/female roles and stop thinking one sex can do it all OR needs to take part in every single thing..

6 posted on 07/04/2014 8:52:46 PM PDT by cherry
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To: canuck_conservative

Fathers should not be forced or otherwise in the delivery room. I never allowed my husband anywhere near the delivery room. I felt this was a private moment between me and my babies.


7 posted on 07/04/2014 8:54:21 PM PDT by waxer1 (A Republic if you can keep it--Benjamin Franklin. Well we lost it.)
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To: cherry

how about it be left up to the wishes of the couple...


8 posted on 07/04/2014 8:57:01 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: cherry

In 99% of births that’s true; however in an emergency the doc sure does deliver the baby. It’s called a caesarean section. A doctor or nurse has got to monitor the baby’s and mother’s condition which can change in an instant, as it did with me. Absent that monitoring both the baby and I would have been goners.


9 posted on 07/04/2014 8:58:12 PM PDT by EDINVA
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To: dinoparty
My feelings as well. We had our first in 1985, a beautiful little daughter who has grown up to be a fine young lady. At the time, I really didn't want to be in the delivery room and was only there because my wife insisted and I didn't want to disappoint her.

It was a little gory because she had a C-Section. But when I was handed that beautiful little girl and rocked and sang to her until my wife awoke, I did a complete 180 on my initial inclination to avoid the delivery room.

You couldn't have kept me out for the next two.

10 posted on 07/04/2014 9:05:34 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
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To: canuck_conservative

The father of mine went through classes, took me to hospital, promised to be with me and did not show up while I was in labor or for delivery and left hospital before I woke up. Explain that guys


11 posted on 07/04/2014 9:19:25 PM PDT by amihow
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To: amihow

I feel like we are missing the rest of the story.


12 posted on 07/04/2014 9:25:36 PM PDT by garyb
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To: canuck_conservative

I have 4 kids, all adults now. The first was born in a hospital after a really long labor. The next 3 came so quick, I actually delivered all 3 at home. The wife was so quick, she just had no time to get to the hospital. I am listed on their birth docs as father and physician.


13 posted on 07/04/2014 9:27:49 PM PDT by umgud (I couldn't understand why the ball kept getting bigger......... then it hit me.)
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To: waxer1
Fathers should not be forced or otherwise in the delivery room. I never allowed my husband anywhere near the delivery room. I felt this was a private moment between me and my babies.

I find that a remarkable sentiment. (I am a father of two.). My wife wanted me there, and had she not there would have been trouble between us, the babies being our blessing and our responsibility jointly. My life would be much poorer had I not been there.

14 posted on 07/04/2014 9:29:02 PM PDT by untenured
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To: canuck_conservative

It is quite obvious this guy did not grow up on a farm nor did he ever have a female pet. Surprised by the afterbirth? Really?


15 posted on 07/04/2014 9:38:25 PM PDT by HapaxLegamenon
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To: canuck_conservative

He was there at conception, he should be there at delivery.

Seriously, I cannot imagine a father who would not welcome being on the scene when his child takes his/her first breathe.

Of course, I know that many men these days couldn’t care less about the impending birth of their child.

And I am not a feminist. I am a realist.


16 posted on 07/04/2014 9:39:35 PM PDT by Reddy (B.O. stinks)
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To: canuck_conservative

I was very glad that my hubby was there for our two boys’ births. He provided moral support, comfort, and a clear head. Our older son went into distress and I ended up with emergency surgery. While I’m confident the medical team would have taken care of everything without his presence, I was more at ease knowing he was there and that he thinking clearly on our behalf. It was exhausting for him, and it’s a wonder I didn’t break any of his fingers during labor, but I know he wouldn’t have missed it for the world.


17 posted on 07/04/2014 9:43:40 PM PDT by Think free or die
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To: EDINVA

“...In 99% of births...”

Most places have C-section rates higher than twenty percent.

I saw five of my six children come into this world via rather uncomplicated deliveries and I wouldn’t have missed it. This writer must be on the wimpy side.

What gets me is that modern feminists can describe cold hospital delivery rooms as such a mean male conspiracy and give those MDs no credit for bringing death in childbirth for the mother to be extremely rare.


18 posted on 07/04/2014 9:44:44 PM PDT by Monterrosa-24 (...even more American than a French bikini and a Russian AK-47.)
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To: canuck_conservative

Watching my daughters being born were the most profound and beautiful experiences of my life. But I don’t think I’d ever want to see anybody else’s kids being born.


19 posted on 07/04/2014 9:46:36 PM PDT by baltiless
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To: canuck_conservative

I’ve been present at the births of all ten of my children, six of them at home.

Wouldn’t miss this most important of occasions for anything. It’s part of my job as a husband and father.


20 posted on 07/04/2014 9:46:53 PM PDT by EternalVigilance
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To: canuck_conservative

April 28, 1980 I delivered my daughter at home. We, myself, mom and 11 year old step daughter all went to our doctor of choice’s meetings, with other like minded parents to be, over the course of pregnancy. We were given specific instructions that had to be followed or be discharged from the program. Any possible complications with the pregnancy or and a hospital delivery was the only option.

Wife broke water and went into labor. A midwife arrived some time later and finally the doctor. He had a seat and after some observation said to me “why don’t you deliver the baby”. Surprised and after some simple works of instruction from him, I guided our daughter out and placed her on her moms chest. She immediately crawled to her moms breast and began nursing. We waited for the pulse in the cord to cease and our now 12 year old daughter calmly and firmly stated that she should be allowed to cut the cord. I handed her the scissors.

Bonding at it’s best!


21 posted on 07/04/2014 9:49:29 PM PDT by Bobibutu
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To: cherry

Men need to be at his wife’s shoulders, there is no need to ‘catch’ the baby. There’s some normal but unappetizing stuff going on.

And a lot of healing after. If the dad needs to be the first holder, fine, but let the doctor/nurse hand the baby right over the mother’s right thigh.

Men tend to view their wive’s parts as their own, and the temporary dislocation of that ‘part’ is not helpful to their view. Not only that, birthing mothers may yearn for Mother’s and Sister’s help... who will have no sexual impact on the delivery for the mom and dad later.


22 posted on 07/04/2014 9:57:47 PM PDT by txhurl (2014: Stunned Voters do Stunning Things!)
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To: canuck_conservative
... But then there’s a lot about labour that nobody puts in so many words. Nobody ever told me that after the birth, I would feel as shaken as if I’d been in a car crash. That was how I felt for about two days after my oldest son was born, 32 years ago.

Wuss! Don't forget your catcher's mitt and you'll be fine.

23 posted on 07/04/2014 10:00:04 PM PDT by Still Thinking (Freedom is NOT a loophole!)
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To: Bobibutu
Bonding at it’s best!

Fir me it was exactly that.... I was shedding big time tears of joy as my wife and I welcomed my son into this world

I really pity those who missed such a great opportunity. There is nothing like it in the whole world.

24 posted on 07/04/2014 10:02:27 PM PDT by capt. norm
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To: canuck_conservative

IMO the father should be OUTSIDE, handing out cigars.


25 posted on 07/04/2014 10:03:23 PM PDT by Edward Teach
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To: Monterrosa-24

yeah, on the %, docs often opt for C-sections to prevent ANY liability issues, but a large portion of those are decided/scheduled beforehand. The big emergency is when you’re in the labor room and have a problem requiring instant medical attention. Those are probably higher than 1% but still only a fraction of C-sections.

I can’t think of any friends who had C-sections when they weren’t pre-scheduled or at least pre-determined that they’d be C-sections. And, generally, once a woman’s had a C-section, her subsequent deliveries are C-sections. After an emergency C-section with my first, my next was sure gonna be a C. Its being twins sorta sealed that deal.

I never will understand the militants who insist on home births being safer than in a hospital with an MD in the wings. I guess again 99% would work out with a healthy, young mother. I wouldn’t take the chance.


26 posted on 07/04/2014 10:04:12 PM PDT by EDINVA
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To: canuck_conservative

I’ve never been fortunate enough to have a baby, so I can’t speak from personal experience. But I understand there is often a point during labor where the mother begins screaming at the dad, (”Look what you did to me, this is your fault,” etc.,) and the sweetest little lady will begin using the most awful swear words. Dads-to-be are warned about that in Lamaze class. I wonder if that isn’t Mother Nature’s way of saying that men aren’t supposed to be there. (Please don’t flame!)

Also, isn’t it true that some men, after watching their wives give birth, have trouble feeling attracted to them after that? That could be another sign.

Perhaps things were better in the days when the dad paced in the waiting room, a nurse came out and told him whether it was a boy or a girl, and then he passed out cigars!


27 posted on 07/04/2014 10:06:25 PM PDT by Nea Wood (When people get used to preferential treatment, equal treatment seems like discrimination.-Sowell)
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To: cherry
and to put the myth to bed about doctors "delivering" babies....MOTHERS give birth, the doc is there to catch the baby but he does not do the delivering....moms do that all by themselves....

My first daughter was presenting occiput transverse. The obstetrician had to perform a mid-forceps procedure or both she and the baby (FReeper NattieShea) would have died.

28 posted on 07/04/2014 10:10:48 PM PDT by Carry_Okie (ObamaCare IS Medicaid: They'll pull a sheet over your head and send you the bill.)
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To: canuck_conservative

Many years ago, 39 and 38 to be exact, my children were born.

I cared a great deal about my wife and was just as excited as she was that we were going to be parents.

At the time, it wasn’t very common for fathers to request to be in the delivery room. There was no way I was going to take a pass on it.

I helped my wife get in that position, and I was going to be there at her shoulder during the process. I was there to comfort her any way I could.

Today, those two births are probably the most memorable moments in my life. I wouldn’t trade them for any other experience.

Ladies, yes you carry the children. You have my respect for doing so. IT IS NOT your moment alone with the child. It is your husband’s moment too.

If you don’t want him by your side for your comfort, at least have the class to allow him to be there for the experience.

Men, you will decide for yourself how much you do. I didn’t catch the baby or take possession, or anything else. The mother should hold the baby first as long as she is capable. I wasn’t there to rain on her parade at all. I will tell you, being there during the birth and the moments just after, were amazing moments.

Don’t miss out on this dads. Don’t let some wimp ass nincompoop scare you into thinking this will be a terrible ordeal for you. It won’t be. I can’t remember one bad memory from it.

Ladies, it’s okay for you to think you can do this all by yourself. In many instances you can. In many instances you can’t. Physicians are there to assist you. They are there to make sure your body is capable of returning to a healthy situation as soon as possible after birth.

Now, while you can deliver by yourself, mortality rates are low, because there is a team there to assist you. These doctors and nurses have seen just about everything, and any complications become non important because they handle them calmly and efficiently, so much so that parents don’t even know there was a problem most of the time.

Anyone who thinks they are just catchers, really needs to study up on the subject.


29 posted on 07/04/2014 10:18:51 PM PDT by DoughtyOne
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To: EternalVigilance

Absolutely! Here’s to you bud!


30 posted on 07/04/2014 10:19:24 PM PDT by DoughtyOne
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To: baltiless

Funny you should mention that. We had some people we knew who took videos of their children being born. Then they proceeded to try to show them to everyone when they got the chance. I’m not just talking about shots from the mother’s perspective looking down at the physician. No, they had the full video of the children emerging.

Wow..., no thanks. And if you think it’s easy to tell these happy parents you don’t want to see it, think again.

They’re so proud they think you should be happy to see the wife spread-eagled with kid exciting. They get insulted if you don’t jump at the chance. Ah no thanks!


31 posted on 07/04/2014 10:24:07 PM PDT by DoughtyOne
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To: capt. norm

Bingo bud!


32 posted on 07/04/2014 10:26:43 PM PDT by DoughtyOne
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To: cherry
and to put the myth to bed about doctors "delivering" babies....MOTHERS give birth, the doc is there to catch the baby but he does not do the delivering....moms do that all by themselves….

One of my daughters gave birth to a beautiful baby girl three days ago. A couple days before, her two-year-old daughter was asking her "Mommy, when is my baby sister going to pop out?". She told her babies don't just pop out. Well, she got contractions, went to the hospital, and shortly thereafter the baby indeed popped out, the doctor barely turning around in time to catch the baby. Mom didn't need to push or be told to push, this kid flew out. The two-year-old was right and all the family had a laugh about it. Thirty-five years ago when the new mom (my daughter) was born, I helped deliver her beside a midwife, and cut the cord with a scissors. Wonderful experience and I recommend it to any dad.

33 posted on 07/04/2014 10:32:09 PM PDT by roadcat
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To: canuck_conservative

Pretty funny article!

My husband and I were never blessed with living children.

But had we been, I would have wanted him with me. This is a life we created together. I wouldn’t have wanted my Mom or sister. Since the poor guy couldn’t even say “pregnant” without blushing...it would probably have been a hard task for him.

But he would have done it. Even if he passed out later, lol. He loved me and would have loved our child and in his heart he would know that if I desired his presence he would be there.

Heck, if I had said “Honey, I have to walk thru hell and I need you to go with me” he wouldn’t have said Yippee. But he would darn sure have gone. And I for him.


34 posted on 07/04/2014 10:37:01 PM PDT by berdie
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To: canuck_conservative

I delivered my last four children, at home.


35 posted on 07/04/2014 10:44:32 PM PDT by Big Giant Head
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To: Nea Wood

I fear you have been grossly misinformed about the proceedings.


36 posted on 07/04/2014 10:45:15 PM PDT by JimSp
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To: canuck_conservative

Afterbirth is a sure sign we’re descended from aliens. Cthulu, probably.


37 posted on 07/04/2014 10:46:28 PM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: wolf24

Never forget when my son was born. The doctor asked my if I wanted to snip the umbilical cord. I was pretty shook up and didn’t want to be there, thinking I ought to be handing out seegars instead...so I looked at the doctor and said, “look doc, I don’t want you coming around my work and telling me how to do my job, so I don’t think that I should be here, trying to do your job...”


38 posted on 07/04/2014 10:48:10 PM PDT by Crapgame (What should be taught in our schools? American Exceptionalism, not cultural Marxism...)
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To: waxer1
I felt this was a private moment between me and my babies.

Fascinating that you do not think they are his babies as well.

39 posted on 07/04/2014 10:48:16 PM PDT by Teacher317 (We have now sunk to a depth at which restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men)
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To: cherry

no sharing of the pain....?

try the rest of the marriage from that point on.


40 posted on 07/04/2014 11:17:55 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man ( Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: EternalVigilance

Our latest two were at home. I wish we’d conceived the idea sooner.


41 posted on 07/05/2014 12:38:01 AM PDT by Theophilus (Be as prolific as you are pro-life.)
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To: dinoparty

Saw all three of mine born. What metrosexual crap this article is.


42 posted on 07/05/2014 12:43:12 AM PDT by Luke21
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To: cherry

You are also pretty darn liberal and feminist. How about you keep the men in your life wherever you want them and let the rest of us negotiate with our own wives.


43 posted on 07/05/2014 12:45:20 AM PDT by Luke21
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To: HapaxLegamenon
.......It is quite obvious this guy did not grow up on a farm nor did he ever have a female pet. Surprised by the afterbirth? Really........

He's lucky she didn't have to eat the afterbirth like animals do immediately after birth..

44 posted on 07/05/2014 12:46:29 AM PDT by goat granny
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To: garyb

Could you please be more specific?


45 posted on 07/05/2014 1:33:47 AM PDT by amihow
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To: canuck_conservative
My husband was there for the birth of all of our children. One was born with a fairly serious heart problem. One was born not breathing and had to be rushed to the neonatal intensive care unit for treatment.

Any male who would abandon their spouse at a time when the stakes are so high cannot call himself a man. And the stakes are always high. It is a frightening, painful process.

If you think you're man enough to be there during the fun part, be man enough to be there for the scary part unless your wife somehow insists you not be there, or you just can't - deployed, for example.

It isn't about the husband - it is about the wife.

46 posted on 07/05/2014 1:34:00 AM PDT by mountainbunny (Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens ~ J.R.R. Tolkien)
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To: canuck_conservative

Guy sounds a bit weak


47 posted on 07/05/2014 1:36:03 AM PDT by xzins ( Retired Army Chaplain and Proud of It! Those who truly support our troops pray for victory!)
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To: amihow

He’s a jerk who doesn’t keep his word?


48 posted on 07/05/2014 1:42:26 AM PDT by Sherman Logan (Perception wins all the battles. Reality wins all the wars.)
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To: cherry
as a woman, and a mother, I don't understand why fathers need to be in the delivery room,except as an assurance to the mother, who is in a scary situation among strangers prodding and poking her, hands restrained most often....

Why in the world would anyone restrain your hands? I've logged a lot of hours in the delivery room, and not once was I restrained.

here are the facts......women carry babies inside, women give birth, women lose lots of blood doing it, and its very painful, and there is no sharing the pain.....

Husbands can do a lot in the delivery room. They can shut down bossy nurses who want to do it their way instead of the way the doctor agreed to do it. They can demand a second opinion if things go wrong. They can advocate for their child if need be - the mother can't follow the baby to the intensive care unit if needed.

Years ago, when friends of ours lost their daughter during delivery, the husband insisted that they be allowed to hold the baby over the protests of the nurse, who said it wasn't done. This was back when it was standard practice to whisk the baby away to the morgue right away.

I think it would be good to get back to male/female roles and stop thinking one sex can do it all OR needs to take part in every single thing..

A man who would abandon his wife to the most frightening experience she's possibly ever going to have is no man at all. There is a vast difference between not sharing hobbies and not being there during a major medical event.

My husband and I have a very traditional marriage. We each have plenty of interests the other doesn't share. He would never abandon me due to a little blood (or even a lot).

49 posted on 07/05/2014 1:49:31 AM PDT by mountainbunny (Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens ~ J.R.R. Tolkien)
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To: canuck_conservative

Oh bullshit

I’ve seen 3 vaginals and 2 caesarean*

Women worry it’ll ruin the mystique of the coochie for hubby to see the tearing and blood and poop and afterbirth

Lol....did not reduce my desire for my woman by even one molecule to this very day

Silly girls.

Women...sex...kids....looking back ...everything else is crumbs

And I led that big life frustrated folks write about.....pales next to what a super hot southern belle who loves being a woman...a wife and a mom brings to the table

So hell yes...get yer sorry horndog ass in there.....yes...you really did do this to her......she will remind you trust me.....hold her hand....support her ....insist they keep her block well dosed....tell her you love her....but don’t drone on obnoxiously

And joke about frying the placenta like hippies with the OB...while mommy is screaming and pushing...lol

* I never knew livers looked like big flat eggplants
.helluva man...

Southern girls of a certain station actually wear makeup to delivery and have their hair done....and take fashionable PJs and gowns...lol...when I protested as Wifey prepared before heading to hospital she and my mom hissed at meike I was crazy to question such customs


50 posted on 07/05/2014 1:58:41 AM PDT by wardaddy (we will not take back our way of life through peaceful means.....i have 5 kids....i fear for them)
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