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Argentina’s Javier Mascherano says he tore his anus playing against the Netherlands
O Canada.com ^ | July 11, 2014 | Ishmael N. Daro

Posted on 07/11/2014 9:08:00 AM PDT by Loyalist

Javier Mascherano’s game-saving slide tackle in Wednesday’s World Cup semifinal match came at a heavy price.

The Argentine player, who likely suffered a concussion earlier in the game, says he later tore his anus when he stopped Netherlands forward Arjen Robben’s attack late in extra time.

He shared the unfortunate news in a post-match press conference.

A rough translation of his remarks: “I do not want to be rude … I tore the anus that play. That’s why I felt so much pain””

It’s not clear whether Mascherano can (or should) play in Sunday’s final against Germany, but his stellar performance against the Dutch did not go unnoticed. The Guardian’s Michael Cox hailed the Barcelona midfielder as the “man of the match by some distance,” although the official honour went to the Argentine goalkeeper Sergio Romero for his superb performance during the penalty shootout that secured Argentina’s win.

(Excerpt) Read more at o.canada.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: anus; argentina; napl; worldcup
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TMI.

But seriously folks, this should put to rest all the claims that soccer is somehow a sissy sport. When did you ever see someone go on the DL or be questionable for this reason?

1 posted on 07/11/2014 9:08:01 AM PDT by Loyalist
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To: Loyalist

Maybe it’s not a sissy sport, but admitting you tore your anus is questionable.


2 posted on 07/11/2014 9:09:46 AM PDT by stevio (God, guns, guts.)
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To: Loyalist

An anus injury? That sound very gay. This proves that soccer is a sport for homosexuals. Football players from other heterosexual sports never have injuries like that.


3 posted on 07/11/2014 9:09:49 AM PDT by Greetings_Puny_Humans (I mostly come out at night... mostly.)
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To: Loyalist

There are worse ways to have your anus torn.


4 posted on 07/11/2014 9:11:03 AM PDT by twhitak
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To: Loyalist

This guy should join the new State Department under Obama!

They are always flying the rainbow flag and tearing up each other’s anus’s.


5 posted on 07/11/2014 9:11:38 AM PDT by LucianOfSamasota (Tanstaafl - its not just for breakfast anymore...)
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To: Loyalist

Gives new meaning to the term “butt hurt.”


6 posted on 07/11/2014 9:12:48 AM PDT by mojito (Zero, our Nero.)
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To: Loyalist

But seriously folks, this should put to rest all the claims that soccer is somehow a sissy sport

...not really...


7 posted on 07/11/2014 9:13:54 AM PDT by IrishBrigade (')
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To: Loyalist
says he later tore his anus

He will be flown to San Francisco where the world's leading anus repair experts can be found.

8 posted on 07/11/2014 9:15:19 AM PDT by Cementjungle
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To: Loyalist

There’s a title I though I’d never see.


9 posted on 07/11/2014 9:15:21 AM PDT by Moonman62 (The US has become a government with a country, rather than a country with a government.)
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To: Loyalist
I would like to hear from a proctologist.
10 posted on 07/11/2014 9:16:00 AM PDT by immadashell (The inmates are running the asylum.)
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To: Loyalist

Talk about playing your ass off...


11 posted on 07/11/2014 9:17:36 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: martin_fierro; Slings and Arrows

Torn Anus Ping.


12 posted on 07/11/2014 9:18:34 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: Loyalist
Paraphrasing Nathan Hale (ducking):

I am so satisfied with the cause in which I have engaged that my only regret is that I have not more anuses than one to offer in its service.

13 posted on 07/11/2014 9:19:55 AM PDT by Zhang Fei (Let us pray that peace be now restored to the world and that God will preserve it always.)
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To: Loyalist

Mash your ano?


14 posted on 07/11/2014 9:20:54 AM PDT by radioactivereb ("I'm tryin' to think but nothin' happens!"-Curly Howard)
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To: Loyalist

Good God...if that ever happened to me I’d never announce it publicly.I probably wouldn’t even tell my doctor.


15 posted on 07/11/2014 9:21:21 AM PDT by SayNoToDems (Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We're only seeing singing Hitlers.)
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To: Loyalist

Is he blaming this on the guys backing him up or the rear guard???


16 posted on 07/11/2014 9:21:26 AM PDT by Uncle Chip
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To: Loyalist

He brought his A-nus game.


17 posted on 07/11/2014 9:25:32 AM PDT by tflabo (Truth or tryranny)
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To: Loyalist

Well, that’s ONE way to explain it........................


18 posted on 07/11/2014 9:27:23 AM PDT by Red Badger (I've posted a total of 2,759 threads and 85,158 replies...............)
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To: Red Badger

Did he mean in the showers?


19 posted on 07/11/2014 9:30:16 AM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp?)
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To: Loyalist
Gayest.
Injury.
Ever.
20 posted on 07/11/2014 9:31:24 AM PDT by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: Loyalist

Well in general it’s the coach who tears you a new ahole. Unfortunately they took that literally at Penn State.


21 posted on 07/11/2014 9:31:49 AM PDT by jwalsh07
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To: Loyalist

That’s not a headline you read every day.


22 posted on 07/11/2014 9:31:50 AM PDT by PGR88
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To: Moonman62

LOL!


23 posted on 07/11/2014 9:31:56 AM PDT by SgtHooper (This is not my tag!)
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To: Loyalist

Don’t say ‘anus’. Say ‘rectum’ . . . ‘Rectum’ . . .


24 posted on 07/11/2014 9:33:21 AM PDT by Hoodat (Proverbs 29:2)
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To: Hoodat

“Rectum?”

Darned near killed him! LOL


25 posted on 07/11/2014 9:37:29 AM PDT by headsonpikes (Mass murder and cannibalism are the twin sacraments of socialism - "Who-whom?"-Lenin)
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To: immadashell

No comment! Click on my name.


26 posted on 07/11/2014 9:37:40 AM PDT by Dr. Bogus Pachysandra ( Ya can't pick up a turd by the clean end!)
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To: Loyalist

1st response; Exactly how does one tear ones own anus during a soccer game? 2nd response: I don’t really wanna know. 3rd response; Your Obamacare style policy is most likely to call the incident “A Pre-existing Condition. Not Covered.


27 posted on 07/11/2014 9:37:43 AM PDT by lee martell
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To: stevio

And the whole world needed to know this because? Good grief.


28 posted on 07/11/2014 9:41:19 AM PDT by Grams A (The Sun will rise in the East in the morning and God is still on his throne.)
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To: Loyalist

Excuse me, what???


29 posted on 07/11/2014 9:44:16 AM PDT by siamesecats (God closes one door, and opens another, to protect us.)
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To: Loyalist

If it’s an anal fissure, he is in severe pain. They make hemorrhoids feel like you’re being tickled.


30 posted on 07/11/2014 9:47:17 AM PDT by dainbramaged (Get out of my country now)
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To: twhitak
There are worse ways to have your anus torn.

Please don't tell me about any ways that would be better, okay?

31 posted on 07/11/2014 9:49:30 AM PDT by Quality_Not_Quantity (Liars use facts when the truth doesn't suit their purposes.)
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To: Dr. Bogus Pachysandra
No comment! Click on my name.

Very deep anal-ysis!

32 posted on 07/11/2014 9:52:21 AM PDT by immadashell (The inmates are running the asylum.)
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To: Loyalist
How many Brazilian players have this injury after the butt-whupping Germany gave them?
33 posted on 07/11/2014 9:52:32 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (The IRS: either criminally irresponsible in backup procedures or criminally responsible of coverup.)
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To: Loyalist

Oh nos not Uranus!


34 posted on 07/11/2014 9:54:34 AM PDT by Empireoftheatom48 (God help the Republic but will he?)
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To: Loyalist

I think this proves soccer is a sissy sport, for sure.

And, we all know he tore his anus in another way...

That’s what the World Cup is all about.


35 posted on 07/11/2014 9:56:51 AM PDT by ifinnegan
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To: hal ogen

36 posted on 07/11/2014 9:58:35 AM PDT by Red Badger (I've posted a total of 2,759 threads and 85,158 replies...............)
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To: Loyalist

So in other words the Netherlands team tore him a new assh...no, I’m not going to go there.


37 posted on 07/11/2014 9:59:03 AM PDT by DoodleDawg
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To: hal ogen

38 posted on 07/11/2014 9:59:47 AM PDT by Red Badger (I've posted a total of 2,759 threads and 85,158 replies...............)
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To: Loyalist
"Argentina’s Javier Mascherano says he tore his anus playing against the Netherlands"

No worries! We have lots of replacements running around in DC.

39 posted on 07/11/2014 10:01:49 AM PDT by MV=PY (The Magic Question: Who's paying for it?)
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To: Loyalist

DOCTOR: “Mr. Mascherano, you have a torn anus.”

MR. MASCHERANO: “But I’m not homosexual. How did I tear my anus?”

DOCTOR: “Yes. I’m sure you’re not.”


40 posted on 07/11/2014 10:06:21 AM PDT by rlmorel ("A nation, despicable by it"s weakness, forfeits even the privilege of being neutral." A. Hamilton)
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To: Loyalist
The World Cup medical staff should be experienced with this type of injury.

They've already dealt with the entire Brazilian team getting their anuses torn by Germany.

41 posted on 07/11/2014 10:18:10 AM PDT by AAABEST (Et lux in tenebris lucet: et tenebrae eam non comprehenderunt)
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To: Loyalist

“I tore the anus that play.”

Of course you did.


42 posted on 07/11/2014 10:20:34 AM PDT by AppyPappy
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To: Greetings_Puny_Humans

You forgot your sarcasm tag.


43 posted on 07/11/2014 10:21:27 AM PDT by autumnraine
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To: Loyalist

Note to self: never slide over a sprinkler head.


44 posted on 07/11/2014 10:26:20 AM PDT by Sergio (An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
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To: Loyalist; All
Was not feeling so good this morning.

All of your posts are *snicker*, *chortle*, and *guffaw"!

Feeling better now! At least MY anus has never been torn - not even on the worst of my days.

Poor fella'......

45 posted on 07/11/2014 10:29:14 AM PDT by hummingbird (Mark Levin and Article 5. Period.)
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To: autumnraine

I’m never sarcastic about the gay sport of soccer. It is a part of the communist plot and is a threat to all mankind.


46 posted on 07/11/2014 10:29:27 AM PDT by Greetings_Puny_Humans (I mostly come out at night... mostly.)
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To: Loyalist
"I tore the anus that play."

--------------------------------->

"GOAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!"

47 posted on 07/11/2014 10:31:44 AM PDT by hummingbird (Mark Levin and Article 5. Period.)
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To: Loyalist

Why was his anus in such a weak condition in the first place? Sissy sport played by rump rangers? Football is much tougher and no one tears their butt.


48 posted on 07/11/2014 10:32:46 AM PDT by CodeToad (Arm Up! They Are!)
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To: Greetings_Puny_Humans

Kinda confirms it for me that soccer is a queer game!


49 posted on 07/11/2014 10:39:13 AM PDT by biff (WAS)
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To: Loyalist

Ouch! didn’t even know such a thing was possible...


50 posted on 07/11/2014 10:40:01 AM PDT by uncitizen (Buckle up! We're on the Facism Fast Track!)
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