Skip to comments.Alcoholic Friend, Mental judo and worried all night if he's okay.
Posted on 07/24/2014 6:18:53 AM PDT by Vendome
Having ream trouble supporting an alcoholic Friend.
He's been in Hollywood business for years and literally screwed up his life.
He's spent most of the last twenty years in jail for his stupid behavior.
Likes to promise people a good time, dinner and drinks but, consistently leaves people hanging with the check.
If he's not doing that, then he's walking into restaurants, bars and hotels, then getting busted for defrauding an inn keeper.
There are drunks, lousy drunks and terrible drunks. Of course, he has to be a terrible drunk. Alters his mind and he gets verbally combative, aggressive or outright loses his mind and decides assault is going to be his nirvana.
Hell, he's been busted for so many stupid things I can't recall.
His life is not informed by rules that guide, rather it is a life of constant manipulation, scheming and adolescent thought that borders, no it is, lunacy.
Brought him to Hollywood to work on three of his film projects and it was suppose to be work but, I'm his safety.
He got a life talk today by an actress friend of ours and she put it to him. "You need to work some day job to ease your stress, while you pursue your passion". She got real with him and I thought it took.
Problem is, this guy came to Hollywood during the "Brat Pack" days and got sidetracked by the drinking.
He's pissed away every opportunity and friends, who are now famous, to the point even they won't slide him some work or just give a little help.
Sad really. These people are the same ones we go to see their movies or concerts.
So I took him dinner and listened to his plaintive cry that he's just gotta be in Hollywood.
Well, how can you go to Hollywood and not have an income. Something predictable, so you can be successful at supporting yourself with the basics we all have to take care of each month beginning with the 1st of each month?
He has all these delusions of grandeur that something could happen and he's got a few things working but, who knows if any will ever make any money, much less take care of his monthly needs.
You gotta have a job but, he wants to keep his schtick up of manipulating people into letting him stay on their couch for a while.
Makes all these promises of what he's going to do to contribute and never does.
"I'll help with food, cleaning, etc if ""you could help a bruthuh out"" you know what it's like...to be an artist".
It's 430 in the morning and this jack ass is just now coming back to the hotel. We provided a hotel, paid for food, driving. We want to get his head and spirit right, so he can at least take care of himself.
So, now it's 530am and he brings this guy back to the hotel and they try to talk me into going out with them and do some target shooting, at some place that is crazy but, lot's of girls.
" you'll have a great time and you kill with the chicks" they tell me.
Well, yeah but, I'm not twenty anymore and their swarre would normally appeal to me but, not with two guys who serious issues. "No thanks. I'll just cancel my subscription"....besides, it's going on 6am and I've been worried about him all night. (I swear, I'll never have kids)
So, got more money for his shirt film, that isn't about making money. It's a film festival type project and it's for show casing a concept. Don't know what he said to trick this "Trust Funder" into giving him extra loot.
It's quite a bit of money, particularly for something that isn't about making money.
This dude is blitzed and I think my friend is too. He's acting odd and trying very hard to present "normal functioning".
He's now got a "room to kick it" while he gets it together. Fk me.
He's gonna fail again, like so many idiots do in this business and all he is going to be able to do is go to premiers and industry parties, where he will get blitzed and forget the purpose of these things, which is to network, raise awareness for projects and to parts in film or on the production side.
I could go into great detail about this idiot but, bottom line is he is violating the two principle rules:
1. Never take advantage of someone
2. Don't waste anyone's time.
It's those two things we must always be on guard not to do, so we are someone who is a valuable resource, dependable and therfore bankable.
I really don't get how after 20+ years of this stupid behavior and the feedback life consistently gives him that there is another saner and healthier path.
He's dated some very well known gals and all his past friends have private jet money.
However, his reputation is well know down here and they won't just give him an opportunity to earn a little coin.
Don't know what I'm going to do with him but, I don't want to concentrate on his behavior, so much as I want him to understand I don't like being taken advantage of, I don't allow anyone to waste my time and "Late" is a four letter word and he's been late for three days, besides the other stuff.
Chasing girls at 6 in the morning. I'm 50 and I don't do that anymore.
Then again, in 6 years he'll be 50, lost all of his (told him hiw to keep it, but having that "losing/lost my hair look" and now being a complete loser...who's going to want to hang out with a 50 year old moron.
Like I told him today, when our friend put it to him straight "Even addicts can't stand hanging out with other addicts".
So bottom line is:
He's hell bent and desperately wants to be back in Hollywood, to the point that reason and doing this with a good foundation and with support from his family is going to way safer and less stressful.
He doesn't care who he manipulates to get his way
Every person he meets is "his friend"
He isn't going to get a job, even though almost every Hollyweirdo I know had a lot of things going on, outside the Hollywood gig, to pay their bills and a good many had other businesses way before they got famous and several were already millionaires by the time they "arrived".
This fool has never felt like he had to work. Only wants to do what he wants to do but, not work. Why, that's beneath him and not necessary.
I'm thinking I'm just gonna kick him to the curb.
He wants to be a butterfly but, wants a whole heap of help to get out of his cocoon.
Crash and burn baby.
My chief job in life is helping people get what they want or need, as a matter of business and sometimes making someone's day or a dream come true.
I'm just a helper and I get paid in return, most times and occasionally I end up working for free. Sow a seed and see if it grows.
I think we are going to have to acknowledge he wants to wear big boy jeans but, if the butterfly doesn't exert itself to get out of the cocoon, then you'll beautiful for a few minutes and then you crash and burn, all because you want everyone else to do the heavy lifting.
I'm going Alcoholics Anonymous tomorrow. Haven't been in three weeks but, I need my head cleared.
I don't want to catch his ultimate diseases of hardening of the attitude, jealousy, envy and abject regret.
If anyone reads this, great. But, not really looking for anything.
I feel better sometimes with a little rant, about a peeve, with the best group of people I have never met and quite few whom I have.
Have a great day y'all. Gonna be a long drive home here in a few hours but, I'm down with this and I'd rather be back home.
Funny. He desperately "feels" he has to be here. There's no where else on earth he could ever be.
Me? Can't stand L.A. like to come here, love leaving.
Only place I can't stand more is Vegas. Ughhhh!
He sounds like he might be manic/depressive. I don’t know I’m not a doctor.
until he hits his bottom there is nothing that can be done.
You need help, maybe al-anon.
He is best left to his own devices
Give him a plastic cup and a cardboard sign, drop him on a busy corner, that’s where he is headed anyway.
It sounds like all his ‘enablers’ have jumped ship except you.
Cut your losses and write a movie about his life. People love to watch train wrecks in slow motion.
Do him one final favor and tell him why, but after that- there is nothing you can do to stop self-destructive behavior. He needs to be in a mental institution
One more thought- you hear it over and over- alcoholics never face help until they hit rock bottom, because it’s true. I’ve seen it in my own family.
You are helping to keep him from hitting that bottom.
Wow! Of course it sounds like you need to stop enabling him.
But I get it—I have friends that are self-destructive (maybe not that bad, but same idea).
You can’t bring yourself to let them go, because you think you’re the only one standing between them and catastrophe. But in this case you might have to.
Tell him to meet me at the Hollywood Strip Group
Meets at 10 AM every Saturday. Melrose and La Brea - Korean church upstairs. Tell him to STFU and listen - or else.
As long as his manipulations keep working, he’ll keep manipulating. And from what I can see, they’re still working. Why expect him to change?
In some small way, I’ve been in your shoes, with my own flesh and blood no less. Until I was ready to accept that I might one day get a phone call from a complete stranger telling me that my loved one had committed suicide, I enabled him just like you are doing. You think you are helping him. You think you are being loving and caring. You are not. You are preventing him from hitting bottom, which is where he needs to hit before he will ever get true help. Pray for him to hit bottom, so that the real Lifesaver can help him. You must stop enabling him. He is drowning, and he’s taking you down with him. I will add you and your friend to my prayer list. God bless you!
I am sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult to make the appropriate choices related to manipulative alcoholics. Possibly the best thing you can do for him is to let him hit rock bottom, then he’ll be forced to pick a path, which will be his choice.
Alcoholhics rarely make the committment to quit untill they’ve hit rock bottom.
This story is so sad.
Robert Downey Jr., straight out of the ‘brat pack’ days had troubles too. He hit his rock bottom when he ended up doing time in prison. He said that is what changed his life and boy is he doing really well today.
I agree with the everyone else. He will not change until he hits rock bottom. Only he can save himself.
My grandfather was an alcoholic and it killed him. His liver turned into mush. My grandmother refused to see the truth and she was his crutch. If she had been a stronger woman, my grandfather may have turned around. We’ll never know.
Good luck. Save yourself. It’s all you can do.
Yep. We know.
We felt he had reached bottom in December when he was homeless (very much a self imposed situation)
But, only he knows what that bottom is and usually they don’t know that was their bottom.
He’s known Robert for 30 years and even won’t help him.
Time to get back to cutting bait...
This guy is an idiot.
Clocks ticking and one day, he’ll be 70.
I stopped drinking in November, after we took back in, to demonstrate “you can decide”.
Never wanted to stop as if to prove my love for this dork but, took the I initiative.
Oh well. Snowboarding season’s coming up and I’m pretty sure he’ll be back in his gated community.
Past is prologue. Doesn’t have to be but, you have to decide there’s a better life without this hindrance.
Thought he had.
One to grow on but, we never know if they are getting the feedback and interpreting it correctlt, for their inner power.
He does seem to be bi-polar/manic-depressive. My youngest fits this bill and sounds much like this guy. Hard to deal with.
We’ve been doing the “Hard Love” for 15 years.
Thought he was ready.
It’s a great life if you don’t weaken.
It even harder if you’re not tough and life’s not for tough people