Skip to comments.I helped so many women abort their babies. Now how do I live with that?
Posted on 08/01/2014 10:40:37 AM PDT by wagglebee
I have many memories of my time with Planned Parenthood. I spent eight years of my life there. Some memories are good, some are not. But they are contained in my mind. Its easy to forget them. I have forgotten so much about my time there in just four and a half short years.
I found my old business card the other day. That is a tangible memory for me. It made me think of the day that I heard I had been promoted to direct the clinic. I was so happy...hugging and jumping up and down with my supervisor. She was so proud of me.
I thought about the day I moved everything into my new, big office. I put pro-choice stickers all over my file cabinet. I called my parents to share the news. They were, of course, proud of me, but hated my work. I cant imagine how conflicted they were in their minds and hearts. Human resources sent me my new paperwork. There was my new title, my new and amazing salary.
A few days later, my new business cards came. I remember putting them in my new business card holder on my desk. I filled up the business card holder that I kept in my purse. I had already become used to hearing myself say my new title.
I was proud of myself. I was proud of the hard work I had put in to earn that new title. I worked so many hours, sacrificed so much time from my family. But I knew it would be worth it. And now I had the job title to prove it.
I remember proudly passing out my new business cards to anyone that would take one. Being pro-choice was not just a movement to me; it was a lifestyle. I wholeheartedly embraced that lifestyle and loved being a part of it.
These tangible reminders that I occasionally find are sometimes hard to work through. I remember receiving the records from my medication abortion. That tangible reminder of my past was difficult to manage. I look at my Employee of the Year award that I received from Planned Parenthood and think back to the night I received it. I ended up putting that old award on my desk as a reminder of where I came from and how much my life has changed. Seeing that plaque no longer brings back those tangible memories.
One of the reasons I was so taken aback when finding my old business card was not just because it was a reminder of how proud I had been to run an abortion clinic...something I find deplorable now. It was because of the things I took part in while I had that big title.
The memories of handing women small monetary checks in order to pay for their silence after we had left them with a serious infection after their abortion. The memories of watching women bleed out on our abortion table and being instructed not to call the ambulance because we didnt want to let the pro-lifers know that we had a medical emergency. The memories I have of joking about the babies that died in our facility by abortion. The memories I have of training our abortion facility employees on the normalcy of abortion and how to convince women that abortion is the best choice for them.
Part of being a former abortion clinic worker is learning how to deal with your past sin. It may be the lady who came to your clinic for an abortion that you bump into at the store. It could be standing in front of your former abortion facility and remembering all of the damage your words and actions did to so many women. It could be finding that old business card that reminds you of the pride you felt when you became the director of an abortion facility.
People ask me all the time, How do you live with your past? My answer is silly, but it is a true story.
One day I was watching the kids movie Kung Fu Panda with my daughter. In the film there is a wise, old tortoise named Oogway. He is talking to one of his students who is frustrated with his current situation. Oogway asks his student, Do you know why today is called the present? Because it is a gift.
That little line by an animated tortoise hit me like a ton of bricks. Today is a gift. There is absolutely nothing we can do with our past. And there is very little we can do to control our future. We live NOW. We serve NOW. We choose to move on from our past NOW.
I dont know what your past sins are. And I dont know how frequently you are reminded of them. But as someone who has to face their past sins on pretty much a daily basis, I can tell you that you can be free from their burden. Being reminded of your past doesnt mean that you have to live with constant grief. It simply means that you have been given the opportunity to transform your past into something positive maybe you can help others make different choices than you did, maybe you can help others heal from the same struggles that you lived through. I dont know what you are being called to do, but as the saying goes, God can turn our mess into a message.
Carrying around past burdens doesnt help us in any way. Know that you can be forgiven. Accept that forgiveness. Use your life to help others. The present is indeed a gift.
Big Murder is truly the culture of death.
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Know Jesus, know peace...
No Jesus, no peace...
He is the only thing I can offer to anyone who has been a participant in the slaughter of innocence, and who now is tortured with the reality of what they have done...
I’m glad that she shared her story.
No one said you had to live with that...
I got nothin'... unless you want to hear about my Lord. He's your answer if you're interested, lady...
Unfortunately she leaves out the only way she can live with what she did. The covering blood of Jesus Christ to erase her sin..... Same way any of us can live with the things we have done.
Do you know why today is called the present? Because it is a gift.
Reminds me of some advice that Bob from the movie “What About Bob?” would be greatly inspired by.
He’ll forgive you, even if you won’t.
The consequences will still exist.
The Apostle Paul sure had some baggage.
The demons rejoice when innocents are killed, but they coil in fear when their former recruits kick them to the curb.
Like mugged liberals who see the light, these repentant souls can go on to do much more damage to the dark side than anything they did to support it.
a doctor’s prescription for a break from his problems. :)
I love that movie. :)
[Leo has a rifle pointed at Bob]
Bob Wiley: What are we doing?
Dr. Leo Marvin: Death Therapy, Bob. It’s a guaranteed cure.
What About Bob (1991)
If you help someone murder their baby then you are an accessory to murder. I hope you feel guilty until your are finally sent to hell.
I am glad Jesus doesn’t see it that way.
Burn in H*ll—but, its not up to me—Someday you will go before a higher judge than any on this earth. He will judge you. I hope you like heat!
I’m not the one killing babies
I can only accept that
because God is big and
we are so small.
“Who will bring a charge
against God’s elect? God
is the one who justifies;
who is the one who condemns?
Christ Jesus is He who died,
yes, rather who was raised,
who is at the right hand of
God, who also intercedes for us.