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KJV-Only Church Requires Clear Bible Covers To Verify No One Concealing NIV
Babylon Bee ^ | April 3, 2018 | B. Bee

Posted on 04/04/2018 9:48:03 AM PDT by fishtank

KJV-Only Church Requires Clear Bible Covers To Verify No One Concealing NIV

April 3, 2018

MOORE, OK—In a new security measure designed to increase congregational safety, Ye Olde Baptist Church AV 1611 has begun requiring congregants to utilize clear Bible covers while attending services in order to verify no one is concealing a different translation like the “extremely dangerous” NIV.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: belongsinchat; chat; feminism; homoactivism; kjv; religion; satire
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Always remember - "it's a parody site, people"!!!

1 posted on 04/04/2018 9:48:03 AM PDT by fishtank
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To: fishtank

PS.

Full disclosure.

For me, the NIV has become a joke after it’s revision, and “The Message” has ALWAYS been a joke.

IMHO.


2 posted on 04/04/2018 9:49:31 AM PDT by fishtank (The denial of original sin is the root of liberalism.)
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Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: fishtank

I know someone who likes to call the NIV the “Nearly Inspired Version.”


4 posted on 04/04/2018 9:52:38 AM PDT by Disambiguator (Keepin' it analog.)
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To: Jeff Chandler

I like your sense of humor.


5 posted on 04/04/2018 9:52:45 AM PDT by Pollster1 ("Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed")
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To: fishtank

This site is really tearing it up these days.

BTW, on a somewhat serious note, I’ve been watching a lot of “KJVO” debate videos. I had no idea what a thing this was. James white really skewers the whole KJVO thing.

There seem to be two camps:
1. KJVO
2. Most versions have value, EVEN the KJV.

I’ve had a few discussions with members of the former and most of them are quite bigoted in their viewpoints. By “bigoted”, what I mean is they have a VERY strong opinion, yet they can’t actually support it. Kinda like gun control nuts are bigoted in their beliefs about guns.


6 posted on 04/04/2018 9:54:23 AM PDT by robroys woman (So you're not confused, I'm using my wife's account.)
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To: fishtank

I bring my tablet and access biblegateway which allows me to access about 150 different versions as well as numerous commentary instantly while the pastor is preaching.


7 posted on 04/04/2018 9:55:18 AM PDT by Raycpa
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This.

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

This is the only Bible I use.

kaythanksbai.


8 posted on 04/04/2018 9:56:05 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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To: fishtank
I have been down on the NIV for quite a while but recently heard a pastor/teacher who I greatly admire actually recommend it. I'm a little torn as a result.

There is also the steady drumbeat, even among several evangelical sources, of disrepute of the KJV, saying that more modern discoveries dispute the interpretation methods available at that time.

It would think that God took all of this into account.

9 posted on 04/04/2018 9:58:17 AM PDT by fwdude (History has no 'sides;' you're thinking of geometry.)
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To: fishtank

LOL! I looked at some other articles at that site. What a hoot!


10 posted on 04/04/2018 9:58:29 AM PDT by Southside_Chicago_Republican (If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.)
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To: Pollster1; Jeff Chandler

Apparently the moderator didn’t appreciate it.

Wonder why? It was not offensive in the least!


11 posted on 04/04/2018 9:58:55 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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To: Responsibility2nd; Pollster1

I asked the mod to delete it. I had second thoughts about using “Jesus” in a joke.


12 posted on 04/04/2018 10:02:09 AM PDT by Jeff Chandler (President Trump divides Americans . . . from anti-Americans.)
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To: Jeff Chandler

Heh. I’d bet Jesus himself would find it funny.


13 posted on 04/04/2018 10:03:38 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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To: Jeff Chandler

I saw you got deleted and hoped it was because you used the term “Christ on a cracker”.

That term always reminds me of Wheat Thins.


14 posted on 04/04/2018 10:05:15 AM PDT by T-Bone Texan
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To: fishtank

Parody, yes. But what makes parody great is when it’s believeable.


15 posted on 04/04/2018 10:05:28 AM PDT by joesbucks
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To: Responsibility2nd

Someone has a lot of spare time on their hands.


16 posted on 04/04/2018 10:05:29 AM PDT by caver
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To: Responsibility2nd

I LOVE the Lolcat Bible!

John 1:8
Teh lite iz pwns teh darks, but teh darks iz liek “Wtf.”


17 posted on 04/04/2018 10:08:58 AM PDT by PlateOfShrimp
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To: fishtank

This is funny, but even better was their earlier “KJVO pastor tests positive for NIV”


18 posted on 04/04/2018 10:09:38 AM PDT by PlateOfShrimp
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To: robroys woman

Scratch the surface of anyone mocking “KJV Onlyism” and you’ll find they’re shilling their own “onlyism.” The KJV to me is beautiful, sheer poetry. If there are those who struggle with the ornate and sometimes difficult language that’s verging upon archaic, well, there are other perfectly fine translations in more modern English. But, to me they fall flat.


19 posted on 04/04/2018 10:12:19 AM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: fishtank
I have the 1588 Welsh translation of the bible that preceded the KJV. It is the version used by the Welsh to preserve their language and Christian faith via "Sunday School".
20 posted on 04/04/2018 10:14:02 AM PDT by Myrddin
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