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The Taliban Man (To the tune of "Candy Man")
Self | September 16, 2001 | PJ-Comix

Posted on 09/16/2001 2:56:38 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

Who can take a Nutcase
Make him seem Kewl
Cover Him with Excuses and a Hideout or Two
The Taliban Man
The Taliban Man Can
The Taliban Man Can 'Cause he mixes it with Dough
And Makes the World Blow Up
Who Can take a Woman
And wrap her in a Robe
Cover her face 'til you just see an earlobe
The Taliban Man
The Taliban Man Can
The Taliban Man Can 'Cause he has a real good Scam
And Makes the World Blow Up
And the World Blows Up
'Cause The Taliban Man is very Corrupt.....


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
Taliban Man is sung to the tune of Candy Man, possibly one of the WORST songs ever written. If you think these lyrics are awkward, it is no more awkward than the original Candyman.

Feel free to throw in your own lyrics. Maceman had some good ones.

1 posted on 09/16/2001 2:56:38 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (pj@pjcomix.com)
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To: Maceman
FYI. Add in those lyrics you had before.
2 posted on 09/16/2001 2:57:38 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix
These guys are more than corrupt. They'll cut your head off and play soccer with it. Pure evil.
3 posted on 09/16/2001 3:00:48 PM PDT by VA Advogado
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To: PJ-Comix
A masterpiece.
4 posted on 09/16/2001 3:00:52 PM PDT by caddie
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To: caddie
The only thing good about writing a parody of a truly horrible song like "Candy Man" is that it is hard to be worse than the original.
5 posted on 09/16/2001 3:04:18 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix
Well...you're no George M. Cohen
6 posted on 09/16/2001 3:07:39 PM PDT by The Raven
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To: PJ-Comix
This one is sweeter than candy. Thanks.
7 posted on 09/16/2001 3:07:46 PM PDT by Prodigal Daughter
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To: PJ-Comix
Here's my lame attempt:

Who can take an airplane
a wonderful machine
fill it with fanatics
blow New York to smithereens
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

Who can take a high rise
the USA's crown jewel
collapse it in an instant
with a few guys named Abdul
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

The Taliban makes
everything that's great
terrifying and malicious
brutal and completely vicious
talk about your sons of bitches

Who'll kill these fanatics
send them all to hell
wipe them out till nothing's left
not even their foul smell
The USA can
The USA can
The USA can cause we'll use our righteous rage
to make the world feel good

8 posted on 09/16/2001 3:12:40 PM PDT by Maceman
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To: Maceman
Great lyrics. But the only line I would change is this:

the USA's crown jewel

With this:

America's crown jewel

It seems to work better that way.

9 posted on 09/16/2001 3:28:42 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: Maceman
Great job!
10 posted on 09/16/2001 3:33:20 PM PDT by jonatron
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To: The Raven
Well...you're no George M. Cohen

Or George M. Cohan. However I don't think Cohan wrote the Candy Man lyrics. But who did?

11 posted on 09/16/2001 3:34:06 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix
I agree with your change. Also, I would change the last line to: Save the world for good (instead of make the world feel good)
12 posted on 09/16/2001 3:34:26 PM PDT by Maceman
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To: PJ-Comix
Here's the revised version:

Who can take an airplane
a wonderful machine
fill it with fanatics
blow New York to smithereens
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

Who can take a high rise
America's crown jewel
collapse it in an instant
with a few guys named Abdul
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

The Taliban makes
everything that's great
terrifying and malicious
brutal and completely vicious
talk about your sons of bitches

Who'll kill these fanatics
send them all to hell
wipe them out till nothing's left
not even their foul smell
The USA can
The USA can
The USA can cause we'll use our righteous rage
and save the world for good

13 posted on 09/16/2001 3:37:05 PM PDT by Maceman
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To: Maceman
Funny how strict the Taliban Man & Co. are in their own countries but we find out that the shortly before the terrorists hijacked the planes they got drunk at strip bars and paid for lap dances. Am I missing something here?
14 posted on 09/16/2001 3:37:10 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: Maceman
I just checked and the composer of "Candy Man" was actor/composer, Anthony Newley. He also composed the "Goldfinger" theme song.
15 posted on 09/16/2001 3:49:46 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix
I did not know that.
16 posted on 09/16/2001 3:51:57 PM PDT by Maceman
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To: Maceman
"Goldfinger" was good but "Candy Man" was a really lousy song. However, it seems almost like a theme song of the 70s because I keep thinking of bell bottomed pants and gaudy body jewelry whenever I hear it. Maybe it's because I am thinking of Sammy Davis Jr. who sang it quite a bit.
17 posted on 09/16/2001 4:00:05 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: Maceman
You deserve a grammy for lyrics.
18 posted on 09/16/2001 4:03:45 PM PDT by Gabz
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To: PJ-Comix
Maybe there's a rule in the Koran that when you're about to sacrifice yourself for Allah you can have a roaring good time that would otherwise be forbidden?

As an interesting point, the word "assassin" derives from the term "hashish." Arab assassins of old used to get high on this goo which is derived from marijuana! Which is generally forbidden in Islam IIRC.

19 posted on 09/16/2001 4:05:18 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck
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To: Maceman
You made me smile, thank you! Great lyrics!
20 posted on 09/16/2001 4:09:08 PM PDT by firewalk
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To: Maceman
Candy Man (ignore the music which first starts, scroll about 1/3 the way down the page to Candy Man)
21 posted on 09/16/2001 4:09:54 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck
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To: Maceman
LOL that's a keeper! Bookmarked.
22 posted on 09/16/2001 4:10:58 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck
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To: HiTech RedNeck
LOL!!! Music too!
23 posted on 09/16/2001 4:14:36 PM PDT by firewalk
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To: Maceman
righteous rage

Another pedantism (I hate to do it... but)... how about "righteous wrath." Oh well. Rage'll do just fine to describe how we all feel about this !!!

24 posted on 09/16/2001 4:43:08 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck
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To: doug from upland
FYI
25 posted on 09/16/2001 7:36:16 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix
No, The Candy Man is definitely the worst song ever written.
26 posted on 09/20/2001 10:23:08 PM PDT by pariah
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To: PJ-Comix
I'm still waiting for Jesse Jackson to make his plea for Osama to come settle this with a "talk."

We know you are out there...Osama.
Hiding with yo sista...and yo mama.
We are involved now in a... melodrama.
Because some say that you, my brother, are a bombah.
So please get on yo camel.... or yo llama.
And come to speak peace with us, Osama.
Let us end this terror-rama.
Peace, homina homina homina.

Or something like that.

27 posted on 09/20/2001 10:29:19 PM PDT by Storm Orphan
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To: HiTech RedNeck
I have heard the story of the assassins and their hashish. Speaking as one who in his long ago youth had some slight experience with hash oil one evening, I have a question. How could somebody smoking that stuff find his own arse with both hands and a flashlight, not to mention killing somebody. It made me feel totally passive.
28 posted on 09/26/2001 4:19:47 AM PDT by cpressroll
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