[Lou L]

Keeping decklogs on this ship will be difficult...

Yes, but every couple of years or so, huge boxes of them will appear in apparently obvious places: the quarterdeck, the bridge, the messdecks, the ship's store, etc. Capt. Hillary, will of course, have no idea how they got there.

[HoweverComma]

And, finally, there will be the newest fast attack submarine, the USS Monica Lewinsky. It will be about 750 tons overweight, be able to stay down FOREVER without air, but will otherwise really suck.

[Dick Bachert]

Shown below is a prototype of the Clinton Class Utility Attack Boat. Originally proposed by the Clinton administration as a way to save money for diversion to the Special White House Kleenex and Dry Cleaning Fund, only one boat was built. Unfortunately, sea trials disclosed that the propulsion system could not overcome the recoil of the deck gun. If more than 5 rounds were fired, the craft achieved speeds approaching 40 knots astern. Estimated cost per boat was approximately $800.00 without the deck gun and motor and $4,000.00 WITH gun and motor. Necessary flotation and safety equipment for the crewman added another $2,000.00.

[Diamond]

[tracer]

Yes, and this ship will be "exported" to the Red Chinese during its commissioning ceremony. Bon apetit'...........

[HighWheeler]

Some USS Clinton Rules & Specifications:

- Deck shall be covered with Astroturf.

- Black churches not permitted on board due to perceived fire risk

- Mess crew is staffed by Ronald McDonald.

- Boarding the ship permitted only at 3 am.

- Female crew members to be only addressed as "p***y".

- On board guns are bent to the left and kept exposed through unzipped tarpaulins.

- All medical records will be kept private, but FBI files will be strewn about the bridge.

- Bibles or other implements used for making vows shall not be brought on board.

- Captain's haircuts will be done while ship is stopped in the middle of the Panama Canal, St. Lawrence Seaway, or other ports while holding up all other shipping traffic.

[CathyRyan]

I saw the headline and though "please let this be a joke" and thank g*d it was.