Walken in L.A. [Christopher Walken on hot dogs]

The Onion ^ | Recently | Christopher Walken

[Silly]

Do you enjoy eating hot dogs? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog. Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

There are two types of people in this world: those who eat hot dogs whenever it is possible to do so, and those who opt to do other things with their free time. Who do the latter think they are kidding? What pastime could be more rewarding than the consumption of hot dogs? I haven't yet found one, and I don't expect to in my lifetime. Unlike other foods, hot dogs can be eaten at any time, in any place, and it is not necessary to cook them. Now, I ask you: Why not eat hot dogs? They are delicious.

I carry a bag of hot dogs with me wherever I go. I eat them from the bag whenever I get the urge, regardless of the circumstances. When I make a movie, my hot dogs are my co-stars. If, in the middle of a scene, I decide I want to consume a hot dog, I do so. I waste the director's time and thousands of dollars in film stock, but in the end, it is all worth it, because I enjoy eating hot dogs more than I enjoy acting. This bothers some people. I was supposed to portray Batman, but when Tim Burton learned of my hot dog cravings, he asked Michael Keaton to wear the cape. To this day, I am peeved about this.

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day. It was necessary. My character needed to come across as intense as possible, and I found the inspiration for that intensity in my intense love for hot dogs. The director, David Cronenberg, said that he would never work with me again. I kept eating hot dogs when the cameras were rolling, and that seemed to bother him. I say [expletive deleted] him. He doesn't even like hot dogs.

I would like to end by emphasizing once again that I really like to eat hot dogs. If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a [expletive deleted] bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs.

Next week: My thoughts on Woody Allen, hot dog hater and [expletive deleted] director.

[Silly]

First, yes, this really was written by Chris Walken.

Second, anyone who can dance as well as he can deserves some credit at FR, creepy or not.

I myself also love hotdogs, but not as much as some FReepers love cheese.

Further, I will try my best to post more of Walken's upcoming columns, because he is one funny dude.

Lastly, I apologize for deleting the expletives, but they were pretty nasty. If you really must read them, click on the link.

Still in NYC and being,

[Silly]

I didn't do a thread search before posting this, because I am absolutely certain that no one on FR but yours truly, Silly, would post such an article.

I DID do a thread search AFTER I posted this, and I am happy to report that my instincts were right on the money.

Hot dogs all around. Enjoy.

[VOA]

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day.

I loved The Dead Zone...great film. Especially with Martin Sheen as a chicken-sh-t President.
And Walken was (and is) great too.

[Silly]

bttt

[Silly]

His dance video rocks. One of the best dance routines captured on film.

He also has an INCREDIBLE dance sequence in "Pennies From Heaven," in which he plays a dirty pimp. He's wearing one of those creepy sleeveless undershirts, and a hat, and does a tap routine on top of the bar. A funny and virtuoso performance. Took him three months to learn it.

[mlo]

I don't eat hot dogs.

But I like cheese.

[Silly]

I just KNEW you cheese people would start showing up.

[wideawake]

Great post, Silly. But can you verify that Walken actually wrote this?

[Bohemund]

You do realize that Christopher Walken didn't write this, don't you? The Onion makes up stuff like this all the time.

[FrankOwens]

Great Post

I'm a big Walken Fan. Yes, he can dance too.

I read the post like it was coming out of his mouth. The way he talks makes it even funnier

[Silly]

Go to The Onion -- evidently his column has been carried in other papers/sites.

[Silly]

Okay, maybe the Onion made it up. It's still funny, and I'm

Still being,

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I adore Christopher Walken. Have you ever seen Kevin Spacey do his Christopher Walken impersonation? It's spooky.

[Timesink]

First, yes, this really was written by Chris Walken.

No it wasn't, and the piece is over two years old.

[Silly]

[DallasDeb]

He can't be all that bad since he dissed Woody Allen.

[RANGERAIRBORNE]

Yes, this is great- but does he really KNOW what they put in hot dogs? If he does, my hat is off to him- what incredible courage!!!

(Can you say "Nasal Mucous Membrane"?? I knew you could!)

[Silly]

But it's Well-Spiced, Tender, Juicy and Delicious Nasal Mucous Membrane.

[That Poppins Woman]

Watch video - Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim here.

[Silly]

thanks for the link!

[Silly]

[lululuvsamerica]

According to the amount of hot dogs he has consumed, he should not need embalming when the time comes.

[KarlInOhio]

(Can you say "Nasal Mucous Membrane"?? I knew you could!)

Hot dog connoisseurs prefer the term "Snoutwurst".

[WhiteGuy]

I love hot dogs....

my favorites are "Sabrette" (not available in cowtown)

and "Nathens" (available in supermarkets)

I don't think I could eat 800 a day, but I'm no Chris Walken

I also love cheese

[Silly]

Nathen's are popular here on the east coast at ritzy parties, where they need to feed the kids as well. You can rent a little Nathen's street-vending cart-type-deal, and serve hot dogs out of it. (Am I crazy, or are Nathen's hot dogs kosher?>

[DallasJ7]

Haha. Yeah...Weapon of Choice is such a cool video. I downloaded it the minute I saw it on MTV. Also, you can guarantee an episode of SNL is going to be great if Christopher Walken is hosting.

[Fiddlstix]

But I like cheese.

I like Hot Dogs and Cheese........
And Cheeseburgers......
and Beer......
And Wine sometimes...(with Cheese & Hot Dogs)...
And Coca Cola, and Pepsi Cola and Dr Pepper and More hot dogs...
And more cheese...
And Onions.... (can't forget Onions, YUM!)

So There!

[balrog666]

What's wrong with you cheese people? Haven't you ever tried the cheese hot dogs?

YUMMY!

[Silly]

Cheese hot dogs are the best, as long as they are the all-beef variety.

[TomServo]

I loved The Dead Zone...great film.

If you haven't read the book, do. It really puts the film to shame.

[TomServo]

First, yes, this really was written by Chris Walken.

And do you believe the column, "I'm an Angel Now" (or something like that) written by Jon Benet Ramsey was really written by her?

[Interesting Times]

Let's not forget the classic "Red Hot Mamas" found at fine convenience stores everywhere -- you know, the soft fleshy things in a plastic sleeve full of acidic juice.

A glance at the ingredients list reveals a fascinating item -- 'Beef Lips'.

Okay, fair enough, but the next item on the list is 'Other Beef Byproducts'.

Now ask yourself what sort of beef parts you'd be reluctant to name after cheerfully admitting you tossed beef lips into that big blender.

Still, cut into little flat discs and tastefully arranged, the Red Hot Mamas do make excellent party favors...

[Silly]

It wasn't? She claimed it was when she visited me in my dreams...

[TomServo]

lol...

[Silly]

I actually like Vienna sausages, and eat them out of the can. Yum! When I'm in the mood to get "fancy" I wrap them in crescent rolls (also out of the can) and bake them.

[WhiteGuy]

Nathens are actually a better value here in cowtown than most of the crappy national brands, and they're natural

Sabrettes are the best, but I can only get them (at consumer friendly prices) when we travel to NY

Cheese on dogs rock, and nothing beats the street vendor onions YUM

[FrankOwens]

Vienna sausages....AKA Hillbilly hotdogs.

My hole family is from the south,(I was born and raised in Cincy though), and we would go down and visit my grand parents. Ate a lot of Vienna sausages down there.

Not dissing the south. It's my heritage.

[Silly]

I've never heard them called Hillbilly Hotdogs. That's pretty funny. They really are great eating, and I don't think I could ever get sick of them. Heck, if there were a cookbook devoted to them, I might consider buying it.

[ThePoetsRaven]

Walken is the greatest. When it comes to hot dogs, he even has Cutris Sliwa beat. BTW..there ain't nuttin like a New York dirty water hot dog.

[Silly]

Oooh, one kind of hot dog I will NOT eat is the variety sold on NYC streets. Icky-poo. You have absolutely no way of knowing where they came from.

[stanz]

How could anyone consume 800 of anything in one day? (Maybe olives...)

[stanz]

Especially the dirty water hot hogs held in the fingers of a vendor wearing an arm cast right down to the knuckles!

[Stultis]

I just KNEW you cheese people would start showing up.

Hotdogs WITH cheese, CHEDDAR, only slightly melted NOT ALL THE WAY 'CAUSE THAT'S FOR BURGERS.

yUMyUM

[Silly]

Oh, that image is burned into my brain! How awful. (Thanks for not mentioning pus, though.)

[Cinnamon Girl]

In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog.

What kind of crack smoker likes boiled hotdogs? Pan fried or grilled, but NO THANKS to rubbery boiled weiners. Gross.

[Silly]

Here in NYC, at Virgil's (the best BBQ place in town), they split their hotdogs down the middle, grill them along with the bun, and serve them open-faced.

[R2]

A purist will love them boiled.

[GraniteStateConservative]

Jay Mohr (formerly of SNL) had a great one, too.

[stanz]

I kid you not!