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Sex Finally Explained!
Fred Redd ^

Posted on 11/11/2001 3:51:44 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs

I'm trying to figure out sex, and why people get in an uproar about it, and run around waving their arms and hollering, and everybody's mad at everybody else.

It's because men can't tell sex from tennis. We can't help it. It's a character defect built into us, like tail fins on a fifty-seven T-Bird.

Yep. That's it. I've just solved the question of the ages. Right here. Contributions welcome.

Best I can tell, ninety-eight percent of women are mad because all men want is sex. (Actually we want other things too, like big-block engines, dogs, and really bad movies with lots of gratuitous violence.) On the other hand, men are ready to become monks. It's because they can't talk to a woman for five minutes on a bus before she wants commitment. To a woman commitment seems so obviously good that she can't see why he'd rather have pellagra. Which is what men think about sex. So the two glare at each other like two possums with only one garbage can.

It's too bad. A lot of people end up being unhappy because of it.

The problem, it says here, is that to men sex is a primal drive that doesn't have much emotional content. It's just sex. It's like when you have athlete's foot, you scratch it, but you don't have an emotional bond to it. Sure, a guy can commit to a woman, as evidenced by innumerable marriages that happen despite experience and common sense. Sex can have emotional importance to him with a woman he wants to keep. But he doesn't have a hard-wired connection between sex and commitment. To him they're separate things, like jackhammers and Vienna sausages. You can have both at the same time, but you don't have to.

By contrast, for women, sex seems epoxied to a lot of emotional freight. A woman sees sex as a step toward commitment, as fifty years ago a man saw commitment as a step toward sex. When the man doesn't see the connection, she thinks he's just plain wrong-headed, and mean spirited, and a nickel-plated sumbitch.

Which brings us to tennis. (Bet you didn't see that coming.)

Men think of sex the way they think of tennis. Suppose I want to work off some energy. I call my buddy Ralph, and we meet at the courts, and have a good time for a few sets -- sweat and grunt, twist our ankles, fall down and break things, and end up in a mild coma.

When we're through, he doesn't want me to marry him. When in fact I don't, he doesn't feel exploited. In fact, he feels deeply relieved.

That's how men look at sex. A man genuinely doesn't understand why he can't say to the young lady in the next cubicle, "Hey, Jane, what say we go to my place at lunch for a roll in the hay?" ("Fred -- you've got hay at your place?") He may like Jane, think she's bright and fun, have no slight desire to exploit, use, or degrade her. They may have been friends for years. But if he made what would seem to him a perfectly reasonable suggestion, she would explode and file at least a dozen lawsuits.

Yet he knows that she isn't opposed to sex, and isn't opposed to him. If he took her to three movies, so that the whiff of commitment hung heavy in the air, like methane over a summer swamp, she'd be worried if he didn't make the suggestion. So why not . . . ?

He doesn't get it.

The woman's lack of the tennis instinct, or the man's possession of it, complicates life for everyone. It ain't her fault. It ain't his fault. It's how we are.

To aggravate things, we're timed all wrong, like streetlights in New Jersey. After a certain age, somewhere around thirty, a woman's interest in commitment rises, while a man's declines -- just as a man's sex drive declines as hers rises. (Actually, sex may be a vast practical joke. If there's a better explanation, I haven't heard it.) Guys who are single in their mid-thirties are frequently comfortable with bachelorhood or, having been raped in the divorce courts, attached to it as tenaciously as panicked barnacles. And so guys, not looking for marriage, go into relationships knowing that they are going to end miserably. Three months, and the Marriage Monster raises is fanged head. It's as predictable as morning.

Somehow having a mate seems much more crucial to women than to men. A guy with a girlfriend may figure she's peaches, better than a competition yo-yo with extra strings. He may be proud of her and proud of himself for having her. If the Red Army attacked her, he'd leap in front of her like a spring-wound damned fool and die a pointless but gaudy death. (That too is built in.) But she will still be only a part of his world, along with motorcycles, the job, great software, rock climbing, or drinking beer and talking dirty with other guys.

Maybe this is why men are happier than women with intermediate degrees of commitment. If Willie Bob starts dating Maggie Lou, and she's fun, he'll just naturally keep on doing it. Left to himself, two years later or twenty, he would still be dating her, and be perfectly happy. His attitude is that if it works, why meddle with it? He doesn't see dating as having to Go Somewhere like an evicted tenant. Depending on how much company he really wants, he may figure seeing her three times a week, and being left alone the rest of the time, is just right. He isn't exploiting her. He's just happy as things are.

She won't see it this way, or at least not for long. It's not because there's anything wrong with her, or with women, or for that matter with men. We've just got different operating systems. What she sees as God's intended result of dating, so clearly right as not to be examined, he sees as at best an unnecessary complication, at worst as giving up title to his house. He asks the, to him, reasonable questions: "Gee, Maggie, what would be better if we got married? Would sex be better? Food? What's your point?" He's genuinely puzzled. She thinks he's being exploitative, that she has been had again, another five years wasted, men, the bastards.

There's got to be a better way. I just don't know what it is. www.fredoneverything.net

<


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: michaeldobbs; students
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1 posted on 11/11/2001 3:51:44 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs
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Comment #2 Removed by Moderator

To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
I remember sex,I think.

Some kind of auto-compulsive behaviour from my youth?

3 posted on 11/11/2001 4:03:20 PM PST by tet68
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Sex Finally Explained!

Ugh. Me stupid man. Me need someone to draw me pictures. Ugh.

4 posted on 11/11/2001 4:06:18 PM PST by lowbridge
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Sex=Committment.
5 posted on 11/11/2001 4:07:46 PM PST by Sungirl
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To: Diogenesis
LOL Somehow I can almost believe that your graphic happened.
6 posted on 11/11/2001 4:08:11 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Funny funny stuff!
7 posted on 11/11/2001 4:09:43 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Diogenesis
ought to have a 'caption this picture' contest
8 posted on 11/11/2001 4:13:21 PM PST by mlocher
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs; carlo3b; LadyX; Billie; ofMagog; COB1; Scuttlebutt; parsifal; Fred Mertz...
We've just got different operating systems.

Thanks, now I understand, I am using a Mac in a PC sex world.

9 posted on 11/11/2001 4:14:24 PM PST by razorback-bert
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To: mlocher
good minds think alike :-)
10 posted on 11/11/2001 4:15:36 PM PST by Diogenesis
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To: Sungirl
Bump
11 posted on 11/11/2001 4:17:27 PM PST by muggs
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Fred Reed, though Fred Redd is a nice rhyme.
12 posted on 11/11/2001 4:18:07 PM PST by dighton
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
We've just got different operating systems.

The world would be a much better place if women could just get that through their thick skulls.

13 posted on 11/11/2001 4:18:12 PM PST by riley1992
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To: mlocher
Oooops. The Caption the Pic thread was deleted.

Sometimes sarcasm is too close to the truth.

14 posted on 11/11/2001 4:20:27 PM PST by Diogenesis
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs





15 posted on 11/11/2001 4:20:55 PM PST by Fintan
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Comment #16 Removed by Moderator

To: Diogenesis
pardon me while i go back and re-read the second posting.
17 posted on 11/11/2001 4:22:49 PM PST by mlocher
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
I don't need to understand sex, I just need to engage in sex. Love is what needs explanation.
18 posted on 11/11/2001 4:23:50 PM PST by gunshy
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To: innocentbystander
. And if you are exceptional, we may just marry you anyway!

L O S E R

19 posted on 11/11/2001 4:24:38 PM PST by Sungirl
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Only a damm fool would post any kind of comment to this essay.
Well, maybe the half dozen guys who have been told they have less than a week left..
20 posted on 11/11/2001 4:25:28 PM PST by Publius6961
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To: razorback-bert; Hillary's Lovely Legs
This is so silly. This writter is funny but way wrong,and way off base. hahahahahahahahaha

I am a woman and I love sex. This writter must have only met the N.O.W. type of women or something, hahahaahahaha

Very funny article.

21 posted on 11/11/2001 4:26:05 PM PST by Snow Bunny
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To: razorback-bert
Don't knock Macs.
332 people can't be wrong.
22 posted on 11/11/2001 4:26:48 PM PST by ofMagog
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Comment #23 Removed by Moderator

To: innocentbystander
Sex Haiku

I start this haiku
not knowing where it will go
uh oh, time is up

24 posted on 11/11/2001 4:28:35 PM PST by CheneyChick
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To: ofMagog
Don't knock Macs. 332 people can't be wrong.

Ahem. 333....

25 posted on 11/11/2001 4:29:44 PM PST by CheneyChick
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Life is a sexually transmitted fatal disease.
26 posted on 11/11/2001 4:32:02 PM PST by It'salmosttolate
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Comment #27 Removed by Moderator

To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
What a Sunday night FR thread ;-)

Thanks, HLL

28 posted on 11/11/2001 4:33:06 PM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: innocentbystander; .30Carbine
I want those long nights of cuddling, backrubs and stuff. (really) I want to wake up in the morning with my arm numb holding my ladies' head, with her morning slobber running down my chest. I WANT IT ALL!!

I know what you mean, Bro! And then there are women who are wired just the opposite too. ; )

29 posted on 11/11/2001 4:35:07 PM PST by TigersEye
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To: xsmommy; RikaStrom; SeaDragon; hobbes1; Constitution Day; maxwell; Silly
Ok, I may have found it first, but I know some of you have been lurking
30 posted on 11/11/2001 4:36:59 PM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: gunshy
Try reading "Anatomy of Love" by Helen Fisher, it is quite enlightening on both subjects and includes descriptions of many different cultures around the world....
31 posted on 11/11/2001 4:37:03 PM PST by rolling_stone
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Whoever wrote this piece has a Very Clear Vision of current, American Male-Female relations.

I believe the "piece" is mostly right!--Human "Males & Females" are "Hard-wired" for different goals!

How Sad!

So Much of what we (men & Women) enjoy is "mutual," & REQUIRES us to participate together--but our "Goals" are nearly ALWAYS at "Cross-Purposes!"

But Then, our existence would be bland & purposeless if these "Intra-Species Tensions" were NOT before us!

"Cherchez la Femme!!," or involute, & slowly expire!

Doc

32 posted on 11/11/2001 4:37:52 PM PST by Doc On The Bay
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To: innocentbystander
Do they sell a Haiku Macintosh?

CheneyChick Googled
and her search has yielded this:
haiku in a mac

33 posted on 11/11/2001 4:40:00 PM PST by CheneyChick
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To: dubyaismypresident
you just beat me to pinging you, sweetheart....
34 posted on 11/11/2001 4:40:41 PM PST by xsmommy
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To: razorback-bert; Hillary's Lovely Legs; carlo3b; Billie; ofMagog; COB1; Scuttlebutt; michigander...
"We've just got different operating systems.
Thanks, now I understand, I am using a Mac in a PC sex world."

LOLOL!!!
I refuse to touch this topic!

35 posted on 11/11/2001 4:41:12 PM PST by LadyX
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To: xsmommy
you just beat me to pinging you, sweetheart....

I was sure of that...LOL

36 posted on 11/11/2001 4:41:56 PM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
,,, "I'm not into that one night stand kind of thing. I think you should get to know a person and even be in love before you use and degrade them." - Steve Martin
37 posted on 11/11/2001 4:42:09 PM PST by shaggy eel
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Comment #38 Removed by Moderator

To: one_particular_harbour; doubled; Argh
Ping, for the study of natural tendencies
39 posted on 11/11/2001 4:48:52 PM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: Snow Bunny
You crack me up SB! I love your laugh! CC :)
40 posted on 11/11/2001 4:53:24 PM PST by CheneyChick
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To: CheneyChick
You were in the original count, along with my daughter.
41 posted on 11/11/2001 4:54:30 PM PST by ofMagog
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To: dubyaismypresident; RikaStrom
please note dubya's studiousness, teach.... always an eager scholar.
42 posted on 11/11/2001 4:57:24 PM PST by xsmommy
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To: CheneyChick
rotfl....so funny....
43 posted on 11/11/2001 4:58:15 PM PST by Snow Bunny
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To: ofMagog
Your daughter is a wise woman. Cheers, CC :)
44 posted on 11/11/2001 4:58:55 PM PST by CheneyChick
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To: riley1992
The world would be a much better place if women could just get that through their thick skulls.

The main thing that they need to get through their thick skulls is that there are some things that just are never going to get through our thick skulls.

45 posted on 11/11/2001 5:01:06 PM PST by AndyJackson
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To: xsmommy; RikaStrom
always an eager scholar.

Research is my life ;-)

46 posted on 11/11/2001 5:02:20 PM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: Sungirl
Sex=Committment

Your wrong. The order of an equality sign matters. This should read.

Committment=Sex

If you had read the article you would know that.

47 posted on 11/11/2001 5:03:37 PM PST by AndyJackson
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To: shaggy eel
,,, "I'm not into that one night stand kind of thing. I think you should get to know a person and even be in love before you use and degrade them." - Steve Martin Bwhahaha.
48 posted on 11/11/2001 5:11:17 PM PST by Dan from Michigan
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To: CheneyChick
The solution here is for men to only date women who are at least twenty years younger than themselves. The women aren't desperate for commitment yet and the men are shy of it after being burned, so both sides are happy.
49 posted on 11/11/2001 5:13:20 PM PST by WackyKat
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
This article explains a lot. Wish I'd read it years ago - it explains quite a few men I have known!
50 posted on 11/11/2001 5:16:59 PM PST by Moonmad27
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