Posted on 12/08/2001 12:45:28 PM PST by LS
So that no one is offended in this day and age, I propose the ultimate PC greeting:
Happy KwanzaRamaHaniMas!
if it was truly PC, it would be Happy KwanzaRamaHani!
sadly.
So we ran around saying "happy happy!"
Come to think of it, things aren't much better this year either...
I thought "Ba Humbug" was reserved for those people.
From the Euphorian section of the Garage Logic website.
Chanaramakwanzmas:-the all-inclusive Euphorian holiday-
Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, stress-less, non-addictive, gender neutral winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasions of your choice, but with the respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice no religion at all.
A personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2002, but not without due respect for calendar choices of others-without regard to race, creed or sexual persuasion.
This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement the wishes wished-and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not participating in said holiday.
Wellness and Equity!
Morghanne Q.E. Wolfe-Slattery, Euphorian
Happy Illerate, Ignorance Celebration Season...
PC Ignorance to you all, and to all a blistfully ignorant night!
LS, I hope you don't operate anything like a Nuclear powerplant.
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The B!tch from Hell
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
Happy KwanzaRamaHaniMas!
What's wrong with Happy "Festivus"?
How about....
Down with the man!
"Happy to be a clueless, liberal, moronic malcontent in DUHcember?"
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