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WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK!!!
carlbob | carlbob/rowdee

Posted on 12/31/2001 9:36:55 PM PST by Rowdee

REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

LET'S FACE IT--ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE!!!

1)There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
2) English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
3) Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

AND CONSIDER THIS......

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

Marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
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I really wasn't sure where to post this. It could have been put in Vanities, though I believe it deserves a great amount of coverage.

And while I believe it could have easily fit on the Breaking News or Front Page as something to do with Politics or International Affairs or War, I finally opted for Culture and Society.

One may ask why would she consider this as anything to do with International or Foreign Affairs, and that is a legitimate question.

My answer, plain and simple: Down deep, I believe I've discovered the reason the rest of the world 'hates' us!

Please feel free to add to the lunacy that helps define we Americans!

1 posted on 12/31/2001 9:36:59 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
while I believe it could have easily fit on the Breaking News or Front Page

Thank you for NOT putting this in "Breaking News"

2 posted on 12/31/2001 9:45:46 PM PST by xm177e2
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To: Rowdee
Someone who didn't speak english natively asked me those two questions. Most languages have a lot more rules than English. Here's is question, and see if they make sense:

1. Difference between "on" and "in". We get "on the bus" but "in the car." Why? What's the rule for "on" vs. "in?"

2. Why do we say our alarm "goes off" when in reality it turns on?

3 posted on 12/31/2001 9:46:00 PM PST by tbeatty
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To: Benighted, malador, tex-oma, carenot,editor-surveyor,Clinton's a Liar, rdf, Demidog, Keyes For Pr
A walk on the lighter side??? Happy New Year's to all.
4 posted on 12/31/2001 9:46:06 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
When I was into German, I had this sentence about some Viennese wash-women that gave me conniptions... Die Wiener Waschweiber wollen weisse waeshche waschen or something like that. Krauts eat Nutella because peanut butter strikes them dumb.

Then there's the Russkies, with Clara stealing Carl's Clarinet Klara u Karla ukrala klarnet... yo-moyo, all the languages are screwed up! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! S NOVYM GODOM!! FROHES NEU JAHR!! WOOP WOOP WOOP!!

5 posted on 12/31/2001 9:47:38 PM PST by struwwelpeter
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To: Rowdee
We drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.

Ginger, finger, and singer don't rhyme.

6 posted on 12/31/2001 9:48:22 PM PST by Doctor Stochastic
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To: Rowdee
How much have you had to drink tonight? You're even more incoherent than usual.
7 posted on 12/31/2001 9:48:39 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: xm177e2
You do realize that was 'tongue in cheek', though my tongue is in my mouth! :)
8 posted on 12/31/2001 9:50:03 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
Maybe I'm wrong, but I could have sworn that George Carlin did this first.
9 posted on 12/31/2001 9:50:41 PM PST by RichInOC
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To: Rowdee
Another way of looking at that first list of 21 sentences is how easy English is, since most of the words in all of the sentences are not the least bit confusing. Consider this sentence from the list: Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

In that sentence only the word spelled 'present' could cause confusion. But 14 of the 17 words in that sentence would cause no problem. That's a pretty high ratio.

10 posted on 12/31/2001 9:51:49 PM PST by Jay W
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To: Rowdee
Actually, I didn't realize that :-)

People put the darndest things in "Breaking News"

Because I don't FReep every hour of the day, I miss some of the real breaking news, it gets pushed off the list to make room for stupid stuff.

11 posted on 12/31/2001 9:52:30 PM PST by xm177e2
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To: VA Advogado
Sourpuss!!

I have taken myself off cold water and cookies and returned to lukewarm water and cookiesbecause of spelling kicking with an 'l' instead of the 'k'.

Did you play Scrooge?

12 posted on 12/31/2001 9:53:17 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: VA Advogado
With all its flaws, Enlish still beats Japanease, hell they have like 2500 letters in their alphabet. I wonder what their keyboards look like.
13 posted on 12/31/2001 9:55:38 PM PST by Husker24
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To: Husker24
English.....sorry folks.
14 posted on 12/31/2001 9:56:04 PM PST by Husker24
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To: Rowdee
And then there's the big issue of why ships carry cargo while trucks carry shipping!
15 posted on 12/31/2001 9:56:11 PM PST by Cultural Jihad
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To: tbeatty
I don't know if there are rules to cover these examples! I surely don't remember covering any of them in English Comp or Business Language classes.

When I was in Junior High, I took a multi-languages class...something like 6 weeks on Spanish, 6 on French, 6 on Latin, and 6 or 8 on German. I took to Spanish like a duck to water, I liked Latin but given my goals in life, it would have been quite impractical, wasn't crazy about French, and found the gutteral German too much. The class was offered to students who were unsure of what language class they wanted to take.

16 posted on 12/31/2001 9:57:50 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: struwwelpeter
I didn't like German. Figured Russian wouldn't be easy to learn, nor would Hebrew, I guess.

I'm doing some Greek classes over the computer.

17 posted on 12/31/2001 9:59:46 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
Generals sleep in private quarters, but privates sleep in general quarters.

If conductors conduct, what do ambassadors do?

18 posted on 12/31/2001 10:00:18 PM PST by coloradan
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To: Rowdee
I once looked at my friends German book while I was in highschool and I was amazed that they have a word for about every concievable situation. I dont remember what the word was but it was one word that meant...." Im sorry, youll have to use another phone, this line is busy"....one damn word for that!...geesh!
19 posted on 12/31/2001 10:01:02 PM PST by Husker24
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To: Rowdee
I took spanish in H.S. and luckily didn't need it for college. "en" meant on and in. No rules. I don't know how you explain why you get on the bus and in the car. It's all be sound. Or why the following makes sense: "I turned the alarm off after it went off."
20 posted on 12/31/2001 10:01:33 PM PST by tbeatty
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To: xm177e2
I agree with you...even on the best days, it seems like there is too much 'junk' going there!

Have a nice New Year...

21 posted on 12/31/2001 10:03:38 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
A couple of years ago someone sent the bottom part of this article, and I posted it and got flamed for it. By the pros at that time. That was the first time I was flamed. But others came to the rescue.
22 posted on 12/31/2001 10:03:43 PM PST by RJayneJ
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To: tbeatty
It seems like if you get on something its usually something large, like a bus, but when you get in something its usually something small, like a car.
23 posted on 12/31/2001 10:04:12 PM PST by Husker24
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To: Husker24
If Eskimos have 23 different words for snow and/or ice, do the English have 23 different words to express how the lift (elevator) is out of order? At least the French have hundreds and hundreds of words for cheese.
24 posted on 12/31/2001 10:04:26 PM PST by coloradan
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To: Cultural Jihad
Already covered in the article. Do try to keep up.
25 posted on 12/31/2001 10:05:22 PM PST by coloradan
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To: coloradan
Im confused about the elevator comment.
26 posted on 12/31/2001 10:06:22 PM PST by Husker24
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To: struwwelpeter
Die Wiener Waschweiber wollen weisse waeshche waschen
Isn't that what the witch doctor said?
27 posted on 12/31/2001 10:07:12 PM PST by Tony in Hawaii
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To: Husker24
With all its flaws, Enlish still beats Japanease, hell they have like 2500 letters in their alphabet. I wonder what their keyboards look like.

They look the same:

Err, like this:

Lots of chording, I guess ;)

28 posted on 12/31/2001 10:07:22 PM PST by general_re
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To: Rowdee
English is a great language - OTOH somehow we only have one word for love. Then again, we also only have one word for "you." And Mark Twain said "I'd rather decline two free meals than one German (forgot what goes here).
29 posted on 12/31/2001 10:07:25 PM PST by 185JHP
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To: RichInOC
Actually, Rich, I have several of these sorts of lists stashed on discs in anticipation of getting a new computer. My old boss (part of the carlbob source)sent most of this to me in emails. I've been debating what to do with it....and when the 3 different uses of the word "present" in a sentence hit me, I figured out that the way our language has been bastardized coupled with these examples, is it any wonder that a world in which English has become the international language there would be people that hate us--might as well be this as whatever the President said or because of foreign policy.

And, of course, it was done with a look at a little gayness to celebrate the New Year. :)

30 posted on 12/31/2001 10:08:50 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: coloradan
Hey....good ones!
31 posted on 12/31/2001 10:09:33 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
Calling a person who sews a "sewer" is just stupid, and it's a by-product of our PC age. The correct term is "seamstress".

And a male seamstress is just sad. :)

32 posted on 12/31/2001 10:09:40 PM PST by Tony in Hawaii
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To: Husker24
With all its flaws, Enlish still beats Japanease, hell they have like 2500 letters in their alphabet.

Its not the words, its the spelling you have to worry about. :)

33 posted on 12/31/2001 10:09:59 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: general_re
Maybe they use some type of Japanease shorthand while typing.
34 posted on 12/31/2001 10:12:55 PM PST by Husker24
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To: Rowdee
English is easy. You don't know s**t about s**t!
35 posted on 12/31/2001 10:13:25 PM PST by america76
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To: 185JHP
"I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective."

- Mark Twain, from "The Awful German Language"

One of my favorites ;)

36 posted on 12/31/2001 10:13:56 PM PST by general_re
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To: Rowdee
Since pro is the opposite of con the opposite of progress must be congress! ( See, it's not so hard sometimes! )
37 posted on 12/31/2001 10:15:58 PM PST by Nateman
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To: america76
Yes!....sh*t is an almost universal Enlish word you can put it in front or behind almost any word and it will make since. dumb sh*t, sh*t load, sh*t hole, piece of sh*t, sh*t head.
38 posted on 12/31/2001 10:16:16 PM PST by Husker24
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To: Tony in Hawaii
And a male seamstress is just sad

Would a male seamstress be a "seamster"? Could a woman truck-driver be a "Teamstress"?

39 posted on 12/31/2001 10:19:21 PM PST by general_re
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To: Rowdee
Flammable and inflammable are synonyms.

When's the last time you heard of anyone being gruntled, couth or combobulated?

There are a number of words like 'dust' 'moot' and 'with' that can mean exactly opposite things. (e.g., We fought with (alongside) the British in WWII; we fought with (against) the Germans in WWII.)

BTW, I agree with the earlier post thanking you for not posting this in "Breaking News" -- two clues: it's not news, and it's not breaking.

40 posted on 12/31/2001 10:21:11 PM PST by Sloth
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To: Husker24
Knowing what we know now, and with the advantages of instant contact with linguists and entomologyists (I think thats the word), how would you like to develop a new language.....take a single word and have it stand for a complete sentence?

I had a brother-in-law who was deaf-mute. What a hoot! Fastest writer alive he was....only it wasn't complete sentences....if he was going to the store, he wrote "store" and left!

He came to live with us at our ranch in Montana. I was busy learning the new role of Super Suzie HomeMaker--canning, baking, churning butter, making cheese, the whole 9 yards. Sometimes when my daughters came in from school I'd be in the middle of making a batch of something and trying to get dinner going...and they would invariably ask a question or make comments and I'd come back with "yeah, well , uh, oh wait a minute...." sort of response and the girls always laughed and carried on that Momma stuttered or she couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time.

Anyhow, we had a rule that at dinner time, hubby, Clarence, the deaf-mute, my 2 teenage daughters and I would all use sign language--to develop our skills and to really make Clarence feel that we wanted him in our family. Daughters and I had to carry the little sign language cards. One evening I had cooked porkchops, biscuits, mashed taters and gravy, and he was antimated as he was describing how he felt about the meal.

To respond to him, I didn't want to just say, "thank you", so I had my little card and was forming the letters, screwed up, started over--this happened a couple of times as I was all flustered. My 14 year old daughter very quietly said, "Oh, God! Now she's stuttering in sign language".

41 posted on 12/31/2001 10:23:27 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: general_re
Thanks, the version I heard was garbled.
42 posted on 12/31/2001 10:28:17 PM PST by 185JHP
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To: Rowdee
Great list of sentences. I think people tend to forget how tricky our language really is -- but I get remindeded every time I have to explain to my little niece why something is so -- and I realize that there really is no explanation and that the correct answer makes no sense.
43 posted on 12/31/2001 10:28:28 PM PST by Amore
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To: america76
Speaking of s**t....I heard someone describing all sorts of it without actually using the word! Funny.
44 posted on 12/31/2001 10:28:57 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Nateman
Shucks!! There's always some serious person that just wants to talk politics, politics, politics!!! Thanks...
45 posted on 12/31/2001 10:31:09 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Husker24
The use of the word "Since"......how is this one:

Since I don't have any cents to spend, there is no sense in going shopping.

46 posted on 12/31/2001 10:33:05 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: general_re
Very good!
47 posted on 12/31/2001 10:33:53 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: Sloth
Did you read my comment about that being 'tongue in cheek'. :)
48 posted on 12/31/2001 10:36:04 PM PST by Rowdee
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To: tbeatty
There was a guy on ESPN who kept saying "El Fuego!" when a particular player was on a hitting tear - later he said he meant to say "En Fuego!" Hard to tell, with those guys...
49 posted on 12/31/2001 10:36:28 PM PST by 185JHP
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To: Rowdee
....So one moose, 2 meese?.....

I hate to do this, but it's the law:

So the plural of choose is cheese.

"He took minutes to choose a choose from the plate of cheese, sheez"

50 posted on 12/31/2001 10:40:12 PM PST by HighWheeler
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