In a Belgrade elevator
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
A doctor's office in Rome
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a Rome laundry
Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good time.
On a menu of a Polish hotel
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire
If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
Ad for donkey rides in Thailand
Would you like to ride your own ass?
In a Czech tourist agency
Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.
Car rental brochure in Tokyo
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
A temple in Bangkok.
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
In a Bangkok cleaners
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a hotel in Yugoslavia
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Paris hotel elevator
Please leave your values at the front desk.
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a h**l of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.