Skip to comments.THE SOUTH - LIKE IT OR WE'LL KICK YOUR A$$!
Posted on 01/12/2002 3:55:44 PM PST by jslade
The South......Like it or we will kick your ass!
Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ass.
Don't order a bottle of pop of a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
We know out heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.
Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.
Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.
Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Chicage, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked.
Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us like in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fund of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.
Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Questions our sacred BBQ, and you'll go home in a pine box -minus your ass.
Y'all have a nice day!
All that other stuff may be Coke, but the original is pronounced "Co-Cola."
I liked the part best about Lee. It's true. If Lee had listened to good advice, then the south probably would've continued it's string of victories and could've prevailed in that war.
But god had his hand on us then, that day and determined that the south would lose that day. I honor those in traversed that field under General Pickett. I have no respect for those Americans who don't. I feel the same way about Lee.
I am descendent from those who fought on both sides, although mostly from those who fought for the north. Regardless, real americans honor both sides.
Some people believe that because the south allowed slavery think that they were somehow bad guys. The north allowed slavery until 1820. They're not bad guys.
George Washington, Lincon and MLK counseled us as a people to work hard at binding ourselves together. Lincoln's wife was a southerner and he counseled immediate forgiveness. Real Americans follow his advice.
Some sour people in the northeast wish the south weren't even in the US, that's how bigoted they are. I much prefer living in the south. I live in AZ and very much like the fact that some NE elite consider it a redneck state even though we weren't even in the US at the time of war. US Army that was in AZ served for union side, they call us a redneck state because some southerners live here. It is a big compliment that we made redneck status in their minds.
If you hear some Good Old Boy yell "Hey Y'all, watch me do this!" get out of his way.
Those will probably be his last words and you don't want to go with him. :)
I once called a Texan girl Sissy (her family nickname).
She was pissed.
Yankhater, glad you finally joined up. You will get a kick out of this. Remember when Feldspar ordered rye bread at "The Dixie?" And we all held our breath waiting for Mary the waitress to rap his knuckles?