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Something happened today!
My dementia | 02/08/2002 | Lazamataz

Posted on 02/08/2002 7:26:11 AM PST by Lazamataz

Washington D.C. (UPA) -- In a stunning report, something is going on, reports a government agency Thursday. This happened over three times in three weeks, someone in this agency was quoted as saying.

“You’d be surprised what happens,” said this employee, “sometimes, things happen and I am not even made aware of it.” The employee would neither confirm nor deny that something went on, despite a Congressional Inquiry into the sequence of events.

Something happens on a regular basis somewhere in the globe, confirmed the Center for Responsive Stuff. Rates of things occurring have been rising worldwide ever since the government began keeping track of things, with a sharp dip in things not happening in February, bringing the total of stuff going on to an all time high. The incidence of foreign activity has sharply increased, as well, bringing the activity deficit to a relative parity with some other place somewhere. >{? “Surprisingly, things happen in foreign countries too,” said the Chief Counsel of Affairs of the United Nations, “and it is very difficult to keep track of it all – even in this highly computerized information age we are in.”

The quantity of things going on elsewhere has greatly concerned the Pentagon, who tries to keep strict controls on the various things going on. Said General Ween: “If things are allowed to get out of hand, there is just no telling, I mean, who knows where it will go or how bad it can get.” The President has budgeted for a sharp increase in monitoring capability for the US military in response to the threat of various things happening.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: allyourbase; dementia; hugh; series
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Hey.

It could happen.

1 posted on 02/08/2002 7:26:11 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Shit happens, then you die. Or is that, "Life's a bitch, then shit happens?"
2 posted on 02/08/2002 7:28:48 AM PST by VadeRetro
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To: Registered
I tried getting this into Breaking News.
3 posted on 02/08/2002 7:31:14 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz; SirG a Wain; DoG
Shouldn't this be posted as "BREAKING NEWS?"
4 posted on 02/08/2002 7:32:44 AM PST by RonDog
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To: Lazamataz
"It can't happen here"

F.Z.

5 posted on 02/08/2002 7:32:57 AM PST by KeepUSfree
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To: Lazamataz
There was no Breaking News today, as the few things that did happen, didn't happen fast enough.
6 posted on 02/08/2002 7:35:50 AM PST by 1 FELLOW FREEPER
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To: Lazamataz
What happen?
7 posted on 02/08/2002 7:36:24 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Lazamataz
LOL!
8 posted on 02/08/2002 7:36:26 AM PST by Registered
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To: Lazamataz
Wake me up when somethin' happens. Thanks

But, if nothin' happens, I think I should be informed.

9 posted on 02/08/2002 7:36:35 AM PST by JoeSixPack1
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To: Lazamataz
D@rn those Moderators!!! They're trying to squash this story!!!
10 posted on 02/08/2002 7:37:24 AM PST by RonDog
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To: Lazamataz
I'm glad it happened today and not next Tuesday!!!
11 posted on 02/08/2002 7:41:32 AM PST by sinclair
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To: Lazamataz
Usually when things happen in the mid-west, they are not happening on the East and West coasts and vice-versa. But sometimes this is reversed.
12 posted on 02/08/2002 7:42:15 AM PST by KC_for_Freedom
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To: Lazamataz
This just in ...

General Francisco Franco is still dead.

13 posted on 02/08/2002 7:43:01 AM PST by BlueLancer
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To: RonDog
""D@rn those Moderators!!! They're trying to squash this story!!!""

Yeah. Next the moderators are gonna want to know EXACTLY what happened, then, of course, all hell will break loose!!
14 posted on 02/08/2002 7:43:36 AM PST by 1 FELLOW FREEPER
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To: sinclair
I'm glad it happened today and not next Tuesday!!!

There's rumors it will be happening again soon, unless swift action is taken!

15 posted on 02/08/2002 7:46:40 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: KC_for_Freedom; Registered; RedBloodedAmerican
My only complaint is, why is this not all over Fox News? I mean, I understand about CNN and ABC/CBS/NBC -- they always try to keep up in the dark -- but Fox?

Et tu, Fox???

16 posted on 02/08/2002 7:48:33 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Schnitt Happens. We actually have billboards down here in Florida proclaiming that. The billboards are ads for Mike Schnitt, a local talk radio host. When you have a name like that, you either change it or make it work for you. Apparently Schnitt chose the latter course.

Schnitt Happens.

17 posted on 02/08/2002 7:49:25 AM PST by PJ-Comix
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To: Squantos; Poohbah; Travis McGee; harpseal
Keeping you in the loop...
18 posted on 02/08/2002 7:51:08 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: PJ-Comix
Pure happenstance.
19 posted on 02/08/2002 7:51:20 AM PST by txhurl
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To: Jim Robinson; John Robinson;
Of all the people on this forum, you two should know about this.
20 posted on 02/08/2002 7:53:42 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
I got my supplies ready. Enough tin foil for six months. Ammunition and provisions strategically placed around the perimeter. I'm ready for whatever might happen. Just hope it holds off till after Mardi Gras.
21 posted on 02/08/2002 7:54:14 AM PST by sinclair
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To: Lazamataz
Que pasa
22 posted on 02/08/2002 7:54:42 AM PST by Life of Brian
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To: Cyber Liberty; Slip18; Rikastrom; Senator Pardek; Oneidam
Stay frosty out there. It could happen again!
23 posted on 02/08/2002 7:55:42 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
I can't believe this is happening! Why, the government promised me it would protect me from stuff happening, yet there are things happening all over the place. I demand a full investigation into this matter, so that those making things happen pay the price.
24 posted on 02/08/2002 7:58:22 AM PST by Major Matt Mason
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To: Lazamataz
I think we're beyond the question of something happening - the question is how we keep it from happening again? Personally, I want Alec Baldwin's small intestine tied in a bow around his neck. Not that that would prevent something from happening, but I'd sure feel better about it when it does.
25 posted on 02/08/2002 7:59:20 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: PJ-Comix
The lineage revealed: Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schnitt". Soon you will be able to handle this situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schnitt and O. Schnitt. Awe Schnitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schnitt, a partner in the law firm, Knee, Deep & Schnitt. In turn, Jack Schnitt married Noe Schnitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, the twins Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull Schnitt.

Against his parent's strong objections, Deep Schnitt married Dumb Schnitt, a high school drop out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schnitt married Mr. Scherlock and, because her kids were living with them, decided to keep her previous name, hence, she became known as Noe Schnitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schnitt moved south and married Loda Schnitt and they produced a cowardly son and named him Chick Noe (after his grandmother,) Schnitt. He became known as Chick N. Schnitt for short.

Fulla Schnitt and Giva Schnitt were inseparable thought childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse Schnitt.

Bull Schnitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa. Their only son, Tough Schnitt, became a professional wrestler and later moved to Minnesota to purse a career in politics.

Now when someone says "you don't know Jack Schnitt," you can correct them.

26 posted on 02/08/2002 7:59:35 AM PST by Cyber Liberty
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To: Major Matt Mason; 1 Old Pro; Howlin; Miss Marple
I can't believe this is happening!

My thoughts exactly.

27 posted on 02/08/2002 8:01:19 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
It is a tragedy that the Congress failed to act due to partisan gridlock before it happened. This could have been averted...
28 posted on 02/08/2002 8:01:39 AM PST by MileHi
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To: summer; M. Thatcher
I can't believe this is happening!

My thoughts exactly.

29 posted on 02/08/2002 8:01:44 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
There's something happening, here.
What it is, ain't exactly clear.
30 posted on 02/08/2002 8:02:39 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: Lazamataz
I sumbit that nothing actually happens like this. The world is more the same than ever.
31 posted on 02/08/2002 8:02:50 AM PST by Mr. Bungle
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To: Life of Brian
Hey! Where'd you get the cool screen name?!
32 posted on 02/08/2002 8:03:43 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: Mr. Bungle
I sumbit

WHO YOU CALLIN' A SUM-BIT?!?!?

33 posted on 02/08/2002 8:03:49 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
LOL! Thanks for the flag. :)!
34 posted on 02/08/2002 8:04:05 AM PST by summer
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To: Lazamataz
HATT- Happens!!
35 posted on 02/08/2002 8:04:05 AM PST by RMDupree
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
Hey! Where'd you get the cool screen name?!

That's not how you do that. Watch:

36 posted on 02/08/2002 8:04:57 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Life of Brian
Life of Brian

How come everybody's got a cool screen name but me? :o(

37 posted on 02/08/2002 8:05:01 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Mr. Bungle
I don't know what all the fuss is about. Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.
38 posted on 02/08/2002 8:06:44 AM PST by Mugwump
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To: Lazamataz
"I'm not worthy!"

But, I think the News guys are covering other items.

39 posted on 02/08/2002 8:06:53 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: Lazamataz
It started on Clinton's watch.
40 posted on 02/08/2002 8:06:53 AM PST by Madame Dufarge
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To: Lazamataz
Whatever it is, it's going down RIGHT NOW! As I typed this, it IS happening.
41 posted on 02/08/2002 8:07:32 AM PST by Howlin
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To: Lazamataz
Que Pasa?
42 posted on 02/08/2002 8:08:36 AM PST by Cyber Liberty
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To: Madame Dufarge
It started on Clinton's watch

Yeah, but it's still the Republicans' fault.

43 posted on 02/08/2002 8:09:19 AM PST by Mugwump
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To: Howlin
I have it on good authority that cheese happens to good moose and squirrel.
44 posted on 02/08/2002 8:09:57 AM PST by Cyber Liberty
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To: Madame Dufarge
It started on Clinton's watch.

I take it one step further: I personally blame the Clintons, outright!

If it weren't for them, it never would have happened....

45 posted on 02/08/2002 8:10:14 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Mugwump
"I don't know what all the fuss is about. Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before."

I'd say that every other thing is even more like is now than it ever has been before, but hey, to each his own.

46 posted on 02/08/2002 8:10:38 AM PST by Mr. Bungle
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To: Lazamataz

The obvious pre-cursor to - WHHAAAZZZUUUPPP !!!

47 posted on 02/08/2002 8:11:11 AM PST by MassExodus
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To: Cyber Liberty
Que Pasa?

Read the article. It will explain everything. There are government officials and quotes and everything!

48 posted on 02/08/2002 8:11:11 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: dead; Cool Guy
I can't believe this happened!
49 posted on 02/08/2002 8:11:56 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: MassExodus

WHO-DAAAAAATTT ???

50 posted on 02/08/2002 8:12:17 AM PST by MassExodus
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