Posted on 02/11/2002 5:06:42 PM PST by Petronski
Luis, you are missing the point with this. I have never discussed intimate details of what goes on with my spouse with my children. My spouse has never discussed it. We have no desire to discuss it with them, and neither would they have any interest in hearing it.
Yet our children KNOW we are monogamous, loyal, faithful and committed to each other. They are very secure in that, and never worry during a heated discussion, that one of us will leave.
Children are extremely observant, and often hear and see things that adults did not mean them to see or hear. They are adept at gauging nuances of behavior, even if they do not fully understand it. It is amazing, how many children realize that a parent is cheating before the other spouse even realizes it.
I think it would be an interesting survey to poll swinging spouses, and ask how many intended to keep the knowledge from their children....and how many were successful at it.
This was not addressed to me, but as I am a part of this discussion, I must reply. This type of questioning is not conducive to any meaningful discussion. In fact, it is a discussion ending type of questioning.
The Van Dam's never once denied spousal swapping, and yet you continue to show them respect, sympathy and the benefit of the doubt. Yet at the same time, you insinuate or imply offensive things to people you are having a discussion with.
Golightly clearly said that children do not need to know details.
That theory is not likely because the Van Dam's were questioned about it on national television. Now imagine, you are on national television to plead for the return of your daughter. Out of the blue comes questions asking if you are both swingers.
If you are NOT swingers, you just deny it and go on. If you ARE swingers, but do not wish to admit to it, but neither do you wish to lie....you deflect the question or chose not to answer the question.
I do not know how typical it is. It is a cruel surgical procedure that eliminates the dog's ability to bark. Some people say they do it to keep the dog from annoying any neighbors.
Excessive barking is a sign of loneliness, isolation and too little stimulation with the dog. Rather than correcting the causes and providing training, they chose the surgical route. The dog may still be isolated, lonely and understimulated...but it will not annoy anyone with it's barking.
Either the intruder knew the dog or perhaps the dog was involved in the Garage Party.
But the van Dams are "bad" for doing the exact same thing you did?
Just because you do not approve of their alleged lifestyle, the rules are different for them?
One last thing, no one is "cheating" in an open marriage.
Luis: But the van Dams are "bad" for doing the exact same thing you did? Just because you do not approve of their alleged lifestyle, the rules are different for them? One last thing, no one is "cheating" in an open marriage.
OK, one more time, from the top. Early in this thread the question was posed, if the swinging lifestyle was so great, why did swingers usually attempt to hide it from their children, family and business associates? Not to mention national and local news. In other words, they do not tell their children, their family or coworkers that they engage in group sex....details is not an aspect..just the fact that it's multiple or group sex.
Now, monogamous, one partner spouses do NOT hide from their children, family and coworkers that they are a monogamous couple. Right???
So far, neither the multiple partner, or the single spouses are telling their children or ANYONE details. Right? Details NEVER need come up. Can you see that?
Last thing...by the definition of marriage in the western world, where polygamy is illegal...there is REALLY no such thing as an "open" marriage. It's one of those cultural catchy words, to try to help the couple forget that they are cheating. It's a construct, not a reality.
While not typical, it is not unheard of. My wife keeps threatening to have it done to our dog...
OK, one last time, real slowly:
Because it is no one's damned business.
Get it?
Not only that, but because they do not need to subject themselves to the kind of name-calling and crap that has gone on this thread at the mere allegation (God help us! Now we deem people guilty simply because the "fail to deny" something)of a=swinging. Why would you WANT top openly discuss your lifestyle?
It still is no one's damned business.
When they find the little girls body somewhere, maybe it might sink into to some of you people supporting this perversion that a little strange tail isn't worth the life of your child.
But it's going to take substantially more than a discjokey, with unnamed sources spreading unsubstantiated rumours, and trhe fact that the van Dams chose not to answer a question that I found demeaning in light of the situation they happen to be in, to convince me that they are guilty of anything.
There is absolutely zero proof to any of the allegations made by this radio jock, and since he's hiding behind the old, "unnamed sources" he's not even liable for his words should they prove to be wrong.
I ask you, in light of the fact that everyone on this threas is forming their opinion on unsubstantiated rumours, who would you rather see sitting in the jury box if you are ever wrongly accused of something. Me, or the rest of the people on this thread?
Here's all that really "known" about the case right now, or at least what the authorities are releasing.
Danielle is missing. Last seen at around 9:00 PM Friday night. Her parents discovered her missing at 10 AM the next morning.
Mrs. van Dam was out of the house until roughly 2 AM Saturday morning having gone out to celebrate a friend's departure.
She met some more friends during the course of the evening, and they went home where they ate pizza late in the night.
Mr. van Dam noticed the alarm light blinking, and found the sliding glass door open (I have read that the garege door was also open).
At the bar where Mrs. van Dam and her friends where partying, she met her neightbor (I forget his name).
According to his story they danced, she denies that. I don't know what her friends have said on the subject.
The neighbor spent part of the day Saturday driving out to the desert, and returned with a vehicle that had obviously detailed.
Those are all the FACTS at hand that I can think of. Everything else is a rumour.
I like to see more than a rumour before we further destroy these people's lives.
Someone posted a few days ago that the parents had the garage set up for sex orgies with locks from the inside so that the kids could not surprise them. And, that the mother had brought her friends back from the bar for her husband to enjoy. They then ordered pizza and retired to the garage, but not before checking to see that the kids' doors were closed. The alarm flashing didn't raise any suspicion because swingers always have people wandering in and out of their homes.
A few days before that, someone posted that the neighbor, who claimed to have danced with the mother, also claims to have heard of the swinging and had invited the mother to host one of the swinging parties at his home.
Oh, I forgot to mention that it was also posted from one of the swinger sites that the mother may have had sex in the parking lot of the bar that very same Friday night. I don't know how reliable this information is, but I have known some swingers, and it sounds about right. They only thing that they left out are the video cameras that the swingers inevitably use.
Anyone could have come in while the parents were partying in the garage and tried to join the party but settled for the child, instead.
LOL Adultery is adultery..treating your wife like you are her pimp..ya should be proud!
LOL..is that what you tell her as she prostitutes herself for your approval? I bet you buy her flowers the next day..
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