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Car Wash "Penis" was an "Udder" Thing Instead (whew)
Reuters ^

Posted on 02/28/2002 7:36:11 AM PST by Dallas

HASTINGS, Neb. (Reuters) - A lingering mystery involving what appeared to be a severed human penis found in a Nebraska car wash has been solved, police said on Wednesday, with tests showing the organ was a cow's teat.

"I've learned more about cow parts and human parts in the past two weeks than I cared to," said Police Chief Larry Thoren.

Police launched a possible homicide investigation after the part was found near a vacuum cleaner at a car wash in Hastings on Feb. 12. Local medical officials said they thought it resembled a human penis and it was sent off to a state crime laboratory for further tests.

Thoren said test results showed it to be a cow's teat, nothing udder.


TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: spg

1 posted on 02/28/2002 7:36:12 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
This is simple. Just look for a dairy farmer with a broken milking machine. He probably used the vacuum till his machine was fixed.
2 posted on 02/28/2002 7:53:56 AM PST by duckman
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To: Dallas
Police launched a possible homicide investigation

Shouldn't that be "bovicide investigation "? '

3 posted on 02/28/2002 7:55:36 AM PST by chainsaw
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To: chainsaw
no kidding---how hard could it be to find a three teated cow.
4 posted on 02/28/2002 7:58:08 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
I guess now it's PETAs problem.
5 posted on 02/28/2002 8:03:09 AM PST by HEY4QDEMS
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To: Dallas
These medical experts better go back to school to take a few more anatomy classes. Anybody ought to be able to tell the difference between a teat and a talliwacker.
6 posted on 02/28/2002 8:10:49 AM PST by Rifleman
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To: Rifleman
...the difference between a teat and a talliwacker.

About 4"?

7 posted on 02/28/2002 8:22:09 AM PST by doctor noe
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To: Rifleman
Some folks don't get out much...there are just too many ways to go with this. I'll stop.
8 posted on 02/28/2002 8:22:29 AM PST by Jaded
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To: Rifleman
He'd learn the difference if he ever tried to milk a cow and then to try milking a bull.

The bull will get angry at him mistaking it for a cow!

9 posted on 02/28/2002 8:22:54 AM PST by weegee
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To: Dallas
no kidding---how hard could it be to find a three teated cow.

What's the IQ of a Nebraska cop?

10 posted on 02/28/2002 10:03:05 AM PST by chainsaw
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To: doctor noe
slept through anatomy class--did ya ?---LOL
11 posted on 02/28/2002 10:06:47 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
This reminds me of the movie the Jerk. This is $hit. This is shinola.
12 posted on 02/28/2002 10:08:56 AM PST by VRWC_minion
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To: Dallas
Holy Cow, I bet that cow was rather attached to that....
13 posted on 02/28/2002 10:09:24 AM PST by CheneyChick
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To: Dallas
Was the teat circumcised?
14 posted on 02/28/2002 10:10:47 AM PST by freebilly
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To: Dallas
I have to admit, it *is* pretty hard to tell them apart. Confuses me all the time. Sometimes when I'm in the bathroom I just freak out when I, well, you know, right before I, well, you know. And driving by a herd of cows is enough to drive a lot of people totally out of their minds, especially if they're of the, shall we say, desirous female persuasion?
15 posted on 02/28/2002 10:12:37 AM PST by Jefferson Adams
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To: CheneyChick
this story is udderly ridiculous...
16 posted on 02/28/2002 10:19:57 AM PST by Dallas
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To: freebilly
Yes, but it's no skin of my nose.
17 posted on 02/28/2002 10:21:18 AM PST by deadrock
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To: Dallas
This would make a great south park episode.
18 posted on 02/28/2002 10:23:04 AM PST by NC_Libertarian
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To: DEADROCK
This story sounds like a bunch of bull, but the media will milk it for all it's worth.
19 posted on 02/28/2002 10:24:15 AM PST by freebilly
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To: Dallas
Lorraina Boooooo-bit?
20 posted on 02/28/2002 10:24:41 AM PST by midwestmidnight
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Comment #21 Removed by Moderator

To: freebilly
I cannot top that.
22 posted on 02/28/2002 10:26:57 AM PST by deadrock
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To: Dallas
This story should be posted under Breaking Moos.
23 posted on 02/28/2002 10:27:50 AM PST by freebilly
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To: duckman
Do a DNA test on this stuff! *L*


24 posted on 02/28/2002 10:30:40 AM PST by Happygal
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To: Dallas
I am just really, really curious how the cow lost this thing and what the hell was it doing driving around in a car!?
25 posted on 02/28/2002 10:32:07 AM PST by TeknoBeck
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To: freebilly
titilating story....eh ?
26 posted on 02/28/2002 10:32:16 AM PST by Dallas
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To: TeknoBeck
They should put out a dragnet for an over-zealous dairy farmer..
27 posted on 02/28/2002 10:37:23 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
As usual the cream of corny posters has risen to the top once again.
28 posted on 02/28/2002 10:39:20 AM PST by Rebelbase
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To: Rebelbase
the thread needs to be homogenized ?
29 posted on 02/28/2002 10:49:18 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
Yes, Homogenize the thread before it sours.
30 posted on 02/28/2002 10:55:02 AM PST by Rebelbase
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To: Dallas;chainsaw;Rifleman;Jefferson Adams
Oh come on y'all....should you really be making fun of a guy who thought a cow teat was a penis. Poor guy was probably anatomically shortchanged and doesn't even relieve himself publicly!
31 posted on 02/28/2002 11:02:44 AM PST by sweetliberty
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To: Dallas
"Its a clean machine." The Beatles.
32 posted on 02/28/2002 11:02:47 AM PST by colorado tanker
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To: sweetliberty
I guess it's safe to say he wasn't breastfeed as a child---or he would have known the difference ?
33 posted on 02/28/2002 11:09:45 AM PST by Dallas
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whoops I meant "breastfed"
34 posted on 02/28/2002 11:10:33 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
"whoops I meant "breastfed"

You sure you didn't mean "beastfed?"

35 posted on 02/28/2002 11:13:23 AM PST by sweetliberty
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To: Dallas
Regroup here....it wasn't a cop that thought it was a penis...it was the "local medical officials!!" Note to self: "never, ever go to the doctor in Nebraska!!"
36 posted on 02/28/2002 11:15:40 AM PST by sweetliberty
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To: TeknoBeck
"I am just really, really curious how the cow lost this thing and what the hell was it doing driving around in a car!?"

I have a theory about that. I live north of Hastings and there are several meat packing plants well within commuting distance of Hastings. My guess is that someone who works at one of the plants has a sick sense of humor and just wanted to see what might come of such a "prank".

This is just my theory, however. Conspiracy theorists should feel free to renounce or expound in greater detail. This could really get funny.

37 posted on 02/28/2002 11:19:09 AM PST by Pablo64
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To: sweetliberty
Note to self: "never, ever go to the doctor in Nebraska!!"

or for a nipple-piercing.

38 posted on 02/28/2002 11:22:47 AM PST by Dallas
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To: Rebelbase
"As usual the cream of corny posters has risen to the top once again."

Grin when you say that! ROTFL!

39 posted on 02/28/2002 11:32:08 AM PST by sweetliberty
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To: Dallas
I herd they found it around teatime.
40 posted on 02/28/2002 1:38:26 PM PST by freebilly
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To: freebilly
Yup, they found it on the teatable.
41 posted on 02/28/2002 1:45:19 PM PST by freebilly
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To: freebilly
You're full of bull.
42 posted on 03/01/2002 11:57:36 AM PST by JAWs
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To: Dallas
please, no pictures.
43 posted on 03/01/2002 12:02:48 PM PST by TC Rider
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Comment #44 Removed by Moderator

To: TC Rider
com'on TC.....some of us are text impaired...therefore we need the visuals...LOL.
45 posted on 03/01/2002 12:32:35 PM PST by Dallas
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To: Dallas
Somewhere under the prairie sky there's a forlorn cow mooing for, uh, never mind.
46 posted on 03/01/2002 12:40:55 PM PST by ThreeOfSeven
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To: Dallas
com'on TC.....some of us are text impaired...therefore we need the visuals...LOL.

Before going out on a limb begging for pictures of detached cow udders, I'll hold out for something a bit more humanoid and attached.

47 posted on 03/01/2002 12:43:53 PM PST by TC Rider
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To: Dallas
  Hey, I've had some fun in carwashs (and pictures to prove it), but...holy cow.

48 posted on 03/22/2002 4:00:26 PM PST by Fintan
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To: Fintan
I'll give ya ten bucks in unmarked bills if you'll post your pics...
49 posted on 03/22/2002 5:55:07 PM PST by Dallas
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