I hate the suburbs (and all those white people who live there)

[Note: Mr. Niman is an African-American, progressive (he voted for Nader), and an adjuct teacher at the State University of New York at Buffalo. This man teaches your children. Mr. Nimans' columns can be divided into three catagories: White people are evil. Republicans are evil. Paranoia about both. This is typical of his weekly column; lots of words but little substance or content (he mostly tries to be clever). If he would stick to a topic, in this case, the cost and purpose of new signage, he might make sense. Unfortunately, his hatred of people unlike himselve colors everything he writes. If you want to contact ArtVoice and let them know what you think of Mr. Niman, here is the address: editorial@artvoice.com

The winter’s just about over. We’ve survived seven feet of snow just fine. It’s been six months since 9/11, and folks are taking to the skies again. There’s hardly a twinge of concern these days when we hear planes pass overhead. It’s been over almost a year and a half since the coup, and so far, no marshal law. It’s been two years since the dreaded Y2K, and my computer is still chugging along. Spring is in the air. Considering all the doomsday scenarios, we’re doing OK. But just when you thought it was safe to go outside, the Masiello administration started erecting “EVACUATION ROUTE” signs all over Buffalo.

I first saw them as I headed north on Delaware Avenue. Big blue signs emblazoned with white letters spelling out the words, “evacuation route.” Evacuation from what, I wondered. Hmmm.

Buffalo has a bizarre relationship with Florida. Every major town in Florida serves what they call “Buffalo Style” foods. It started out with wings, but now includes a host of supposed Buffalo favorites such as “Buffalo Style Alligator Bits.” In Florida you can deep fry anything, dip it in Franks Hot Sauce, serve it with Kraft Blue Cheese dressing, and call it “Buffalo Style.” Hence, you have Buffalo’s impact on Florida’s culture and obesity rates. But what do we get? What little piece of Florida have all the sunbirds in city hall brought back for us?

I think the answer lies with these new “evacuation routes.” They’re omnipresent in Florida. Much of Florida’s population lives on precarious sand spits jutting out into the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico. This being hurricane territory, they all have evacuation routes, designated streets upon which they are all supposed to pile their SUVs and, without panicking, calmly drive away from the impending tidal wave.

Now we have evacuation routes, too. Just like Florida. A little piece of the Sunshine State right here on Delaware Avenue. But as I started passing sign after sign, I couldn’t help but think about what I possibly might be evacuating myself from? A hurricane or typhoon-driven tidal wave coming in off of Lake Erie? No. There’s not enough water left in Lake Erie to do any damage.

Maybe we’re evacuating from an earthquake. But if that’s the case, why are we heading north, up toward all the chemical plants? That seems stupid. Ditto if we’re running from terrorists. We wouldn’t be heading up toward the toxic tank farms. So I swung my car around and headed back toward downtown to see if maybe the signs ran in both directions. But they didn’t. They just head out of the city.

Maybe the two snowflakes on the sign are supposed to offer a clue. But this is Buffalo. Maybe they’re meant to simply offer a holiday greeting piggybacked on our doomsday signage. Hmmm. Could this be a snow evacuation route? If so, why? Why evacuate from the snow? Evacuation is the last thing I want to do when it’s cold and miserable outside. I’d prefer to simply go home, not evacuate. We’re pretty safe indoors during a snow emergency, albeit a little bit bored. Not even seven feet of snow caused anything to collapse outside of a handful of carports, picnic shelters, and substandard buildings (such as a big awning passing itself off as a boat storage building on Grand Island). No need for evacuation here.

So I swung my car around again and continued heading north. I wanted to see to where I was being evacuated. The signs in Florida lead you to solid ground. They designate routes leading off of exposed peninsulas and onto the mainland. But Buffalo’s already on the mainland. Where are we going?

Finally, the signs ended and I was in Kenmore. Now I’m really confused. What possible emergency would necessitate my removal to Kenmore? Not snow. It snows in Kenmore, too. And even if it didn’t, the people in Kenmore aren’t likely to welcome me or take me in just because my hood has snow. Snow emergencies require that traffic move in two directions, not one. So I’m still clueless. Why am I supposed to flee to Kenmore? Is it a volcano? A tornado? Perhaps a biblical plague?

Then it hit me. Buffalonians have been evacuating to the suburbs for two generations now. Since 1960, this migration has claimed over half of our city’s population. These signs must simply be historic markers.

But seriously, this is the problem. This head-to-the-hills mentality is so ingrained in the local culture that it has wormed its way into the psyches of our top government leaders. I called City Hall. The Mayor’s office offered no comment or explanation for the new signs. But, given their recent history of comments and explanations for things, this is probably the brightest move they’ve made in weeks. The Traffic Engineering Division actually erected the signs. When I asked a spokesperson there what the signs were about, she impatiently asked if I noticed the snowflakes. Yeah. Well, “the signs designate our new snow evacuation routes—these are the first streets to be plowed and kept clear.”

I’ve got nothing against clearing major streets, but we already do that. We call them “Bus Routes,” not “Evacuation routes.” There’s something calmer and less hysterical about a bus route. Local law says you can’t park on them at night in the winter so plows can keep them clear. We can even call a few of the more central streets “Snow Emergency Routes”—a better, clearer description that doesn’t ring of terror and doom. We ain’t evacuating, we’re just plowing some snow. “Evacuate” means “to remove the contents of,” “To excrete or discharge waste matter from,” or “to withdraw, especially from a threatened area.”

Delaware Avenue is not alone in earning this designation. Similar signs are going up on routes all over the city. They all have one thing in common, however. They all lead out of the city. No signage leads into the city, and no routes are designated for cross-town traffic. Yet, there is no reason why we would want to leave the city in a storm unless we lived in the ‘burbs. But, with most area jobs now existing outside of Buffalo, our rush hour runs both ways. Yet no one is evacuating Buffalonians out of Cheektowaga. In fact, many suburbanites left without power after this year’s ice storm evacuated into the city for warmth and shelter.

These signs make no sense. They serve no purpose other than to cause stress by posting the word “evacuation” all over our city. We’re not living on a spit of sand in a hurricane-wracked region, nor are we living in the shadow of a nuclear plant. We’re living in Buffalo, the “City of Good Neighbors.” I can’t think of a better place to be during an emergency and I certainly have no interest in evacuating.

These signs also offer a subconscious message. They perpetuate the long held local myth that suburban life is safe, saner and less threatening. This is also the underlying message in most of our local media. It’s why people, driven by their fears, give up Victorian homes for the architectural squalor of ticky-tacky, particleboard cookie cutter domiciles.

Maybe I’m reading too much into simple traffic signs. But then, in a city that is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, why am I reading these signs at all? They don’t have a clear message or purpose. The folks at City Hall wouldn’t tell me how much they cost—“that’s not public information.” Suffice to say, however, we can’t afford such nonsense. Nor can we afford any further evacuation. There’s nothing here to run from but ourselves.

"...Does this Klansman with a Tan have an email?"

Klansman with a Tan? I'm sorry, that sounds like one of the worst verbal constructions I've ever heard. On a par with those Muslims who keep calling Israelis "nazis".

What's the crime? I've lived in Minnesota and Wisconsin and all I've ever seen are "SNOW EMERGENCY ROUTE" signs. You guys are reading way too much into this.

realize that "stupider" is not a word. Hah!!

Pfft. Stupid is as stupid does, I s'pose. I am just as much a graduate of our failed education industry as the next guy. I must've missed that one in my haste to make a point. (I'll go buy Marshall Law a drink to make up for it.)

;) ttt

realize that "stupider" is not a word. Hah!!

;) ttt

So, whatcher trying to say is, he's a Black Communist? Not terribly surprising - There're a lot of them out there. There are also plenty of school administrators too afraid to fire 'em.

Then maybe we should fire the administrators. Either way, the tenure system should be abolished and there should be a loyalty litmus test for all faculty in the humanities and liberal arts.

The author is too dense to realize the multiple possible meanings of "evacuate." He assumes it means "people leaving their homes" but in this case it means "snow trapped people leaving the city and heading home."

I work in Buffalo 4 days a week and just visited the International Institute on Delaware Ave yesterday. Funny, I felt like a foreigner...

Are there THAT many people still living in METRO (city and suburbs) Buffalo? Are there any non-government jobs there, aside from the HSBC operations center?

There are A LOT of government jobs in Buffalo...IRS, Federal Reserve, and DEC to name a few, but there are plenty of regular jobs too. I just learned the national phone center for Citibank is located in Amherst.

If you want to contact ArtVoice and let them know what you think of Mr. Niman, here is the address:....

May I recommend not contacting this guy?
There really wouldn't be any point to it, and he might suddenly get an inflated sense of importance if he got a half dozen emails. Let the guy just bumble his life away in relative anonymity.

I looked at the classes he taught. All "journalism" classes. (I pulled up the listing for all UB student's and faculty's website accounts, and clicked to his "mediastudy.com" website (http://mediastudy.com/syllabi.html)

Here's what he teaches:

Comn 251 - Mass Communication and Society - Syllabus
Com 210 - Writing for the Media - Syllabus
Comn 261 - Radio and TV Writing - Syllabus
Comn 301 - Topics in Journalism: Investigative Reporting/Ethnographic Fieldwork
Comn 362 - International Mass Communication - Syllabus
Comn 364 - Issues and Problems in Broadcasting - Syllabus
Comn 368 - Critical Studies in Mass Media
AMS 162 - New World Imaginations - Syllabus
AMS 459 - Mass Media & Social Roles - Syllabus

Judge for yourselves....

Actually, about the signs, maybe he has stumbled onto something. It seems that here in PA signs are popping up like weeds on highways and byways. It seems that the bureaucrats have way too much money to spend on the most trivial garbage.

Like the Burma Shave placards (methinks proven to be uneconomic for advertising the product), we now have series of "informative" brief messages along the roads; telling us things like "Beware of Aggressive Drivers", or "Don't tailgate", or "Turn on Headlights for Safety", or some other nostrum that passes as a brief (gag) amusement for the bored driver or passenger.

I wonder how much those signs cost, or who's brother-in-law pushed the funding bill through the legislature, or whatever bureaucratic cesspool of corruption having the authority to dispense with taxpayer's money for such a waste of words.

I hate the suburbs (and all those white people who live there)
Works for me, how about you?

It would work for me if people like him didn't have a bug up their behind about coming out and "messin' with" all the people in all the places they hate so much and so loudly, like those WTC attackers Mohammed Atta and Marwan Shehi. I'd have given anything if those two had kept their hatred for America in their mosques on the other side of the world. But no---they got a hankerin' for houris that they thought they could only satisfy by barbecuing themselves over here.

Same way with people like this guy who wax rhapsodic about those picturesque Victorian crack-houses in the inner city that folks have abandoned for sterilely safe suburban homes and neighborhoods---don't take any comfort from his posturing. I sure don't.

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