Posted on 04/07/2002 1:42:11 PM PDT by The Giant Apricots
The husband is usually asked to leave the family home. No reason to disrupt the kids lives too. It is only after the husband becomes aware of the failing job that the mother is doing that the father will attempt to make dramatic changes. Dads are willing to let the moms live their fairytale as long as the kids are doing well.
Just before signing the papers, had an attack of the "guilts" and decided to fight for custody. Father had stable residence, stable job situation, his mother to watch the kid while he worked. She was living with her brother and his family, unregistered car, no insurance, bill collectors calling, needed to put kid in daycare while she tried to hold down a job, not to mention her track record of abusive men after she left her son's father.
Guess who won custody? That poor kid is so screwed up.
Bet you weren't there to see how fair I was about everything, just like the ex who didn't bother to show up at the hearing. And still I was fair, 50-50 all the way down the line. I bet you weren't there to see how my ex-husband didn't send the child support, didn't pay for half the insurance let alone have the cost of Dr.'s bill and meds. How my ex-husband was willing to drag down my credit rating because he didn't feel like paying for the entertainment electronics we bought together but he has custody of.
Oh dear, I could go on and on. My ex paid a whoping $50 a week (that I never raised in 13 years), that barely paid my child care expenses. What am I saying? He didn't pay any of it, he didn't pay anything for almost three years, no ins., no med., no clothing, no extra activities. When I was finally able to get the state to help, the bastard took out his anger about having to pay for the up keep of his child on his child. Sweet huh?
So please gentlemen quit yer bitchin' and realize there are just as many women who are in the no justice boat.
So, why the interest in shutting down the conversation? If you feel that there are multiple areas of the family court system, and indeed, family court law, in need of reform, why not offer an action plan which comprehensively addresses the multiple areas at hand? A plan/prescription which others can then debate.
The point of FreeRepublic is to open conversations up, not to shut them down.
So???
In Contra Costa County, California, every new child support order is given to the DA for enforcement. The first thing that they do is attach wages and file judgments. This happens even if the father is current or ahead on his support payments. The judgments are reported by credit agencies and the "points" are affected when the credit is reviewed. Escrows are delayed and interest rates affected because of the errors made by DA personel when contacted by title companies concerning the judgments. The father's employeer is forced to maintain a seperate account for the payment of the child support. The notation is made in the father's personel file. His job advancement is impeded because of the perception of some who will believe that he must have tried to avoid supprting his children or they would not have garnished his wages. Employeers simply don't believe that the county would do that for no reason.
Some dads are devestated dads not deadbeats. They love their wife and children, are emotianally destroyed, then screwed over in courts. I know many who work construction because I am a contractor and I have to take the money out and write the chech to the DA.
The courts dont care that it was too windy or raining or the job was delayed or he only worked 28 hours instead of 40. Some men try really hard to pay the support and cannot afford to do anything with their kids when they are lucky enough to see them every other week. They sometimes have to live a weekly place and the kids go to a strange place where they have no friends.
The system is screwed up. Whoever asks for the divorce (unless it is for abuse or something simalier should not get custody especially if they have to depend on X amount of dollars from the husband to survive.
Some dads are devestated dads not deadbeats. They love their wife and children, are emotianally destroyed, then screwed over in courts. I know many who work construction because I am a contractor and I have to take the money out and write the chech to the DA.
The courts dont care that it was too windy or raining or the job was delayed or he only worked 28 hours instead of 40. Some men try really hard to pay the support and cannot afford to do anything with their kids when they are lucky enough to see them every other week. They sometimes have to live a weekly place and the kids go to a strange place where they have no friends.
The system is screwed up. Whoever asks for the divorce (unless it is for abuse or something simalier should not get custody especially if they have to depend on X amount of dollars from the husband to survive.
The only reason I got custody of my son back in 1994-95 (the court process was dragged out well over a year) was because his mother was about to marry a convicted child molester! My lawyer warned me that at any time, she could repudiate him, and get my son back. She never did, but before it was all over, I lost a job, had to file bankruptcy, and deal with a huge amount of crap. My lawyer quit on me before the trial, and I had to do six days of my own case. This was against two lawyers, my ex-mother-in-law hired one for herself (she bankrolled my ex's attorney) to get custody of my son, just in case my ex's legal strategy failed. The only reason I won was that I knew my adversaries better than their own lawyers did, and I was able to make them look like the treacherous jackasses they were.
It was sheer luck that I ended up with a judge that my ex could not pull her "poor little me" act on, like she has done since that time, whenever we have wound up in court over some aspect of the custody decree. Men get a lousy shake from the system, no matter how "liberated" women have supposed to have become.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.